Laugh Lines: Conversations With Comedians (38 page)

I remember first seeing Jonny McGovern cavorting with some mostly-naked dudes in his video for “Soccer Practice.” I had no idea at the time what a brilliant comedian he was, particularly adept at characters, of which he did many in three seasons of Logo’s “Big Gay Sketch Show.”

But he can also sing! Of course, he’s usually singing about smokin’ poles and stuff up the butt, but he has a nice voice nonetheless. His Gay Pimp persona is what he is best known for—and what he keeps slipping into during this conversation.

Corey: What would you normally be doing on a Tuesday night if you weren’t talking to me?

Jonny McGovern: Well, this is Gay Pride week, so your gay, pimp daddy has a lot of things going on. Back and forth to rehearsal. Last night I was the HX Awards at Lincoln Center, and I was able to sing with a gospel choir, ‘Are You Feelin’ Really Faggoty?’ Let me tell you that was quite a joy to do.

Corey: You’ve got a milestone birthday coming up; how do you feel about that?

Jonny: I love my birthday; I celebrate it for several weeks. I’ll have several different parties and go to an amusement park. I like to do all my favorite things on my birthday, eat my favorite things and hang out with my favorite people. That includes a lot of trannies, nude dudes, house music, runway battles and roller coasters.

Corey: That sounds pretty nice.

Jonny: If you have never seen a runway battle at Six Flags Great Adventure, you’re missing out.

Corey: Your video ‘Somethin’ for the Fellas (That Like the Fellas)’ has been No. 1 on ‘The Click List’ for a long time. My boyfriend has to watch it every day, even though it’s been the same videos all week. That’s gotta be exciting for you, though.

Jonny: I love it. I am dominating, 10 weeks at No. 1. That is exactly what I wanted. I’m glad Logo is around so I can at least say I got No. 1 somethin’, baby.

Corey: The version they show is risqué, but you have an even dirtier version for the CD, correct?

Jonny: At least they let us say, ‘Work, Bitch,’ which is very enjoyable. There’s this weird movement of being straight-acting, and somehow that’s better than acting some other kind of way. I’ve spoofed that before. I think it’s nice and important for homos to be able to pull out their inner queen and say, ‘Work, Bitch.’ I’m part of the ‘Work, Bitch’ movement.

Corey: It would have lost something if they had to cut that out.

Jonny: Yeah, we did make a version for them that was, ‘Work it.’ Even Logo who is always worried about advertisers stopping advertising were like, ‘“Work, Bitch” is better.’ I tried to let mussy get in. I said, ‘Mussy’s not even a word! How can you censor it? Nobody knows what it means.’

Corey: It’s a sad day when they start censoring made-up words.

Jonny: I’m slipping in other words. I’m trying to get brink in, as a butt wink. It’s in one of my songs. Like somebody’s butt winking at you, ‘Hey, come here.’ A brink. I don’t think anybody knows what that is, so I’m gonna sneak that in. It will sort of be like when Lil’ Jon had his, ‘Skeet, skeet skeet.’

Corey: You’re a pioneer. I am guessing you really like the hoodie you wear in the video, because it also pops up on the opening credits for ‘Big Gay Sketch Show.’

Jonny: I was in a real bathing ape mania period right when I was doing both of those things. I was having a moment of extreme color the summer and the fall. Looked like a rainbow took a shit. It was the most extreme color. Those hoodies were so amazing. A lot of people in the hip-hop community were wearing those but not a lot of people in the gay community. It’s so colorful and faggoty looking; it was a perfect fit. I figured if I could get it on TV, then people would say, ‘You’re wearing that Jonny McGovern jacket.’

Corey: We’ve also been watching the sketch show. Do you find that the Gay Pimp persona conflicts with the characters you play on there?

Jonny: The ‘Big Gay Sketch Show’ gives me a chance to play a lot of different characters. It’s one of the only times I am not completely in charge. Most of the work I do is self-generated or from my crew. It’s nice to be part of a bigger thing where I don’t have to responsible for every aspect. I can just come in and be in character.

Corey: We like the British character, the little boy who is trying to get his vagina.

Jonny: Me, too; that is one of my favorites. Kate is a really brilliant comedian.

Corey: How much work is it to put together a music video? You’re just about to do another, right?

Jonny: Yeah. The one we did for Logo was a blast. We shot that at Mr. Black, a club where I throw a party Saturday nights in New York. We actually shot some of it during the party so I could have all the go-go boys in it show up at once while they were actually working. We would have them come in bit by bit as we were filming, film stuff and then, ‘Get on the bar! Keep dancin’, kid!’ We did that one real late-night shoot and then came in the following morning and did a lot of set-up stuff. We had all been performing that song and recording for a while, so it gave everybody a chance to look good.

But when you’re working with drag queens, there’s hours to go. There’s hours of preparation. You know what I found out? They’re not really ladies in real life. To make that magic happen, it takes a little bit of time. For the next video, we’re going to do it big for ‘Don’t Fall in Love with a Homo,’ the power ballad off my new record, ‘Gays Gone Wild.’ It is really a retarded, hilarious song with a bunch of different set-ups. We’ll bring in a bunch of my favorite performers. We’ll have the straight girl, and the Gay Pimp sort of appears in her apartment and starts singing to her because obviously she’s fallen in love with a homo, hanging out in gay bars and wondering why she ain’t getting’ no dick. Me, my back-up singers and probably a children’s choir are gonna help her.

Corey: There’s more of a narrative to this one.

Jonny: The other one was more of a celebration of homosexuality in all of its colors—from femme to butch, baby.

Corey: You definitely have a unique-sounding voice. It stood out to me when I saw your first video, ‘Soccer Practice,’ at clubs. How would you describe your performance voice?

Jonny: I don’t know. I’m sort of like a Barry White up the butt, maybe?

Corey: That was huge in the clubs. Did you have to go out incognito for a while, getting mobbed by young, gay guys?

Jonny: It was crazy because I didn’t realize how huge it got until I started going out on tour to some gay bars around the country. They would have me signing their dicks and stuff like that, lining up. People were screaming and knowing all the dance moves. I went to Japan, and they knew the song, because they were playing it on MTV Japan. It was a really fun way for me to pretend to be a pop star for a while. I still get to pretend.

Corey: You have a posse of people who pop up in your videos now.

Jonny: During ‘Soccer Practice,’ I had a lot of people backing me up, but I had all these people, and I wanted to give them a little bit of the spotlight as well. When you have a team victory, it’s kind of more fun. Our video is No. 1 on Logo, not just my video. It’s a lot of artists I was producing in the East Village. Video is my main musical medium where people really see me so it’s hard to show up in a club and go, ‘It’s just me, y’all!’ without 100 dancers. So by doing a group it’s nice, because I got a big black lady, I got some trannies and still got me. It gives you a lot of show. That’s important to have. Otherwise, it’s me singing along to the track, y’all. Hope you like it!

Corey: Does everybody get along? You start getting some trannies, some black divas, some drag queens all in the same room, there could be a little drama. How do you maintain the peace?

Jonny: There’s always drama with homos. A lot of the drag queens were all in club land when they were 18 to 21, and you cannot get any more dramatic than that. Now, they are much more zen and peaceful so we don’t have too much drama going on.

Corey: Do you have any crazy fans?

Jonny: There definitely are crazy people. People come up, ‘Hey, I love you.’ ‘I love you, too. Let’s take a picture. I’m gonna get you a drink. I’m gonna get a go-go boy to give you a lap dance. See ya.’’ That’s how it works. I live in New York and throw parties so I obviously know a lot of crazy people. I know the perfect way to get rid of someone crazy. ‘Here’s a drink ticket. See ya.’’ Drink ticket is the perfect conversation ender.

Corey: Good plan. From the looks of the video, you are constantly surrounded by gorgeous guys. What keeps you grounded? Do you have someone at home that takes care of you when you get tired of the scene?

Jonny: I’ve been going out with the same boy for four years. He keeps me pretty real. ‘I don’t wanna hear any more jokes. What about me? What do you think about me? Aren’t I cute?’

Corey: If someone were to come to you and say, ‘We want you to be more mainstream and tone it down,’ what would your reaction be?

Jonny: How much money do you got for me? I will happily tone it down if you give me, ‘Jonny,’ my own daily, daytime talk show. I’ll do it. I’ll take on Tyra. And I would bring on those old Richard Bey-kind of shows, the tranny shows, the male stripper shows. My Tyra/Ricki-Lake-style talk show. I’m putting it out there now for all the syndicators. Let’s go.

Hearing that trademark cackle of Phyllis Diller was pretty doggone awesome. Spending some time with the still sharp-as-a-tack trailblazer was a highlight of my career as a journalist. Of course, I had to start with my first memory of Diller, when she guest-starred on an episode of “The New Scooby-Doo Movies.”

Corey: First off, let me say, I’ve been a fan since Scooby-Doo when I was a kid.

Phyllis Diller: (laughs) I love that show. I love that dog. If there’s anything I love, it’s a coward dog.

Corey: We’re outside of St. Louis where you performed at the Muny and had some huge crowds.

Phyllis: Oh yes, twice.

Corey: Was that an interesting experience for you, performing in a theater that size outdoors?

Phyllis: It was the highpoint of my career—12,000 people I think it was at one time. I love St. Louis.

Corey: Putting your autobiography, ‘Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse,’ together must have been a task. How did you jump into the project?

Phyllis: I put it off all these years. People were constantly saying—you know how they say—‘You’ve got to write a book. Write a book.’ I had so many offers that I grabbed one of them.

Corey: How did you go about putting it together, writing a little over the years?

Phyllis: No, no, I had a ghost writer, Richard Buskin. It’s one of those things where he and I just sat and talked by the hour.

Corey: Was it bizarre going that far back?

Phyllis: Painful. Painful. Damn, how’d I live through that? (laughs)

Corey: I guess he knew where to dig.

Phyllis: Yes, he was very good. The book he wrote before that was Marilyn Monroe. He has a knack for catching a woman’s voice.

Corey: And blondes at that.

Phyllis: How about that?