Last Vampire Standing (6 page)

“Princess, if the panther is threatening you, you and Miss Maggie should slip into the house. I mean, you know I’d protect you with my life from most things, but—”

“Pandora isn’t a thing, Jo-Jo,” I croaked, still staring at the panther. “She’s a shape-shifter. A sentient being.”

Thank you for the support. Tell the odd vampire to get down before he breaks the arbor.

“Jo-Jo, get down from the arbor before you break it.”

“Nuh-unh. Panthers bite.”

I glanced up. “So do you.”

“Not anymore.”

“Come down here and meet Pandora.”

“Pandora?” Maggie echoed.

“With all due respect, Your Royalness, I’m not meeting a wild panther, sentient or not. He interrupted my act.”

Pandora raised her head to stare at Jo-Jo and chuffed low in her throat.

Jo-Jo sniffed. “Everybody’s a critic.”

“Pandora is a she, Jo-Jo, and for heaven’s sake, get down,” I commanded.

Maggie knelt beside me. “Cesca, what’s the problem? We’ve seen the cat—Pandora—before. She helped Saber save us from that killer.”

“Yes, but she didn’t talk then. Or she didn’t talk to me.”

Maggie cut her gaze to Pandora. “She’s talking?”

“Like that horse on TV, Mr. Ed?” Jo-Jo asked, shinnying down an arbor post.

“No, not like the horse. This is telepathy.”

Pandora sighed.
I realize you are surprised, but you must listen. I have a message to deliver.
I gave Pandora a long and probably stupid look. “A message from whom?”

“Is she talking to the panther?” Jo-Jo whispered to Maggie as he drew cautiously nearer. Pandora narrowed her eyes on Jo-Jo and jerked her head toward my cottage.
We will talk in private.
Jo-Jo about climbed into Maggie’s arms as Pandora rose and trotted across the yard into the shadows. Good thing my porch light was off. I didn’t need Hugh Lister spotting her.

I looked at Maggie. “Pandora has a message for me.”

“Fine. Go find out what it is so we can get back to work with Jo-Jo.”

Oh, yeah, Jo-Jo’s act. What with the neighbor who hates us almost catching us with a shape-shifting panther who now talks to me, I’d almost forgotten my priorities. Silly me.

I plopped on one of the tiki barstools facing Pandora. My mother drilled manners into me, but she never covered a formal visit from a shape-shifter. Should I start the conversation?

“Uh, thank you for coming,” I said. Constantly striving to be a gracious hostess, that’s me. “What do you want to tell me?”

The message is from Triton.

My heartbeat faltered. Triton was my first crush, the long-lost friend with whom I’d shared a strong and mutual telepathy. He was the only other soul I’d shared that gift with until now.

Pandora swiped a paw at my foot, forcing me to focus.

“How do you know Triton?”

Pandora simply blinked. Nothing stonewalls like a cat.

I sighed. “What is the message?”

Triton will meet with you soon, but he sends a warning and a talisman.

Aha! Triton
was
nearby, probably in town, just as I’d suspected. After one hundred and fifty-six years of telepathic silence, he’d appeared a few months ago just long enough for me to get a glimpse of him standing on a sand dune. He’d left a golden dolphin charm in the sand, one like he’d worn during our childhood. Then he’d vanished. I’d mentally searched for and found a shadow of him, but he blocked me.

Yes, he is blocking your telepathy, Princess Vampire, for both of your sakes. There is great evil rising. You must beware of
betrayal, of treachery.

I shivered. “Betrayal from whom?”

Triton did not say. You are to be on your guard.

“That’s all? Does Triton need help?”

He needs only for you to be safe.

Okay, I could do that, but questions whirled. “Um, are you Triton’s panther?”

Pandora looked affronted, and I rephrased the question.

“What I mean is, who takes care of you? Do you live with someone?”

Pandora tilted her regal head as if considering whether to answer.
Old Wizard is my closest companion.

“I see.” And I did as I received a vague mental picture of a bearded man from Pandora. “Where is Old Wizard? Does he know you’re here?”

While the Council of Ancients meets, I am charged to watch over you.

I didn’t know what or who the Council of Ancients was, but hearing the phrase gave me goose bumps the size of hives. What did my body know that my brain didn’t? How was Triton involved with this wizard and Pandora? Would Pandora tell me if I offered to pet sit while the wizard was gone?

Pandora read my thoughts and shook her head.
I live wild. I will patrol and keep watch from a distance, but you must be
alert to danger.

“You won’t answer questions about Triton?”

I cannot. It is for him to tell you.

“The way things are going, it’ll be another century before he does that,” I groused. “All right, Pandora, I’ll be careful, and um, thank you for your help.”

You are polite for a vampire.
Pandora rose, padded the few steps to my barstool, and thrust her head into my lap.
You must
remove the chain now.

I hesitated. My nose didn’t itch—my usual reaction to silver—but then a necklace or ring here and there didn’t always set off the reaction. Now the one tourist who’d been draped with enough Native American rings and necklaces and bangles to be a walking jewelry store had worn just the amount to make my allergy go bonkers.

Pandora must’ve read my thoughts again. She nudged me with her nose.
The talisman is pewter and the chain is steel. Neither
will burn you, but there is no clasp on the chain. You must slip it over my head.

“Okay, but no biting if this hurts.”

It will not hurt.

And it didn’t because, as I sank my fingers into Pandora’s richly furred neck, she shrank herself just enough for me to lift the chain off before she returned to full size.

Weird to watch, freakier to be touching her while she changed sizes.

“Cesca, don’t move.”

I flinched at the sound of Saber’s voice. Well, what did he expect when he startled me? Pandora merely backed up, sat, and stared at him.

So did I, but not so much with the usual lust as with concern. He pointed the business end of his matte-black semiautomatic at Pandora.

“It’s okay, Saber,” I said, smiling my assurance. “Pandora is giving me a message.”

“Pandora?” Saber shifted his weight. “Is this the same cat that had our French Bride killer by the neck a few months ago?”

“Yes.”

“And why was his head in your lap?”

“Pandora’s a female, and she was giving me this.” I held up the chain with the charm dangling from it.

“So you’re good here?”

“I’m fine, Saber. Better than fine. I can communicate with Pandora telepathically.”

Saber relaxed but didn’t holster his weapon. He held the Glock at his side, and I couldn’t blame him. He and other slayers had hunted werecreatures until they were extinct. Last time we’d seen Pandora, I’d explained that she was a magical shifter, not a were. Weres, real lycanthropes, had an earthier smell and an energy signature that lacked a spark of magick. I met Pandora’s amber-eyed gaze as she rose.

I will be on guard. Remember to do the same.

With that, Pandora loped across the yard past Saber and sailed over the fence gate. I hopped off the barstool and went to Saber as he holstered his gun.

“How did the stakeout go at Hot Blooded?”

“Slow,” he said, sliding an arm around my waist. He dropped a kiss on my nose, then on my waiting mouth. “Did I hear right? That the cat—”

“Pandora.”

“—brought you a message you heard telepathically?”

“You did. Isn’t that cool?”

“It’s different. What was the message?”

“To beware of betrayal and treachery.”

“That’s succinct. Are the chain and charm part of the message?”

“It’s supposed to be a talisman.”

Saber caught the two-inch pewter charm in his palm and squinted at it. I didn’t have to squint.

“A mermaid sitting on a treasure map?” Saber said. “That’s supposed to ward off evil?”

“Maybe it looks lame, but Pandora said Triton sent it with the message.”

“Triton, as in your old boyfriend? He’s back in town?”

“I don’t know where he is,” I admitted. “Triton is blocking our connection.”

I balled up the charm and chain in my palm to stick them in my shorts pocket, and startled when a strong, white noise buzz vibrated from the pewter. Interesting, and something I’d have to explore later. Like when Saber was asleep. Right now, I needed to deal with a boyfriend who, in spite of his cop look, I could swear was a little jealous.

“You still want to find Triton,” Saber said flatly.

“Well, yeah. I want to smack him upside the head. Repeatedly. With a sledgehammer.”

Saber cracked a smile. “I remember when you wanted to smack me every other minute.”

“And now I want to kiss you just as often. But only you.”

He took the hint and brushed his mouth over mine. The kiss was too short but satisfying.

“So, a mermaid and a treasure map. Do they have special significance to you or Triton?”

“To me, mermaids mean the ocean, and treasure maps mean pirates. I don’t know what they could mean to Triton.”

“Pandora didn’t give you a hint?”

“Nope. She only mentioned a great evil, betrayal, and treachery, and said she’d be watching out for me.”

He shifted to gaze across the yard where Maggie and Jo-Jo sat in deep and earnest conversation. “I suppose she didn’t say who you should beware.”

I sighed. “No, but she would’ve told me if Jo-Jo was the threat. Besides, he’s only dangerous to an innocent joke.”

“He’s that bad?”

“He’s worse. Come on, I can’t leave Maggie stranded any longer.”

Arms around each other, we reached the patio just as Maggie looked ready to implode.

“No, no, no. Don Rickles could do insult comedy. From you, it would scare people stupid.” She spotted Saber and me and twisted to face us. “Tell him I’m right, and take over, Cesca. I have to go to bed.”

“No problem, Maggie, thanks for helping.”

She started off, then paused. “What did Pandora say?”

With Jo-Jo there, instinct kept me mum about Triton. “Nothing critical. I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

Maggie nodded and went into the house. I plopped into the love seat with Saber and eyed Jo-Jo.

“Maggie’s right, you know. You don’t want to copy another comic, especially someone famous. You need to be yourself. Have your own style.”

“But myself isn’t funny anymore,” he grumped, slumping in his chair, “and my style was built on my vaudeville act.”

“Can you adapt that act to stand-up?”

“The bits won’t work without Jemina or another partner,” he said, a sudden gleam in his eyes. I held up a hand. “No. I’ll do what I can to help you find an angle for your comedy act, but I’m not performing with you.”

“Then I’m doomed,” he intoned.

“You will be if you don’t stop moping. Being negative won’t get you anywhere, so let’s look at what’s possible. What kind of

comedy do you want to do?”

“The kind I’ll get paid for.”

I grinned. “Good start. We know you can juggle. You could use that in your act.”

“But not with knives,” Saber warned.

Jo-Jo winced. “Agreed, but is juggling hip enough for a twenty-first century crowd?”

“You won’t know until you try.” I tapped my chin. “You need to relate to both humans and vampires.”

Jo-Jo gave me a double take. “You think vampires would come to see my act?”

“I don’t see why not, but your audiences need to see themselves and their lives in your jokes. In normal stuff like working, family issues, paying taxes, aging.”

“Vampires don’t have old age issues, honey,” Saber said.

“What if we did? What if we had to have—” I thought of the Jag Queens and grinned. “—false teeth. What would we do?”

Jo-Jo looked blank, but Saber grinned.

“Vampire denture cream,” he drawled. “Available in mint, cinnamon, and O positive.”

“Perfect,” I said, squeezing his hand.

“Can I use that?” Jo-Jo asked eagerly.

Saber shrugged. “Sure.”

“Okay, let me try one.” Jo-Jo frowned in concentration. “Taxes. Vampires live long enough to pay more taxes than a small country, but it’s not enough to clear the national debt.”

“Rough, but you’re getting the idea.”

Jo-Jo looked cautiously hopeful. “Do you think this will give me enough material for a whole act?”

“I’m no expert,” Saber warned, “but you could throw in one more thing.”

“What?” Jo-Jo and I asked in unison.

“Poke fun at vampire lore.”

I grinned at my honey. “You mean myths like being repelled by garlic and not having reflections in mirrors?”

“People will think that’s funny?”

“Depending on how you tell it, sure,” I said. “Plus you could defuse some of the fear people have about us by letting them laugh with you.”

“If Vlad hears I’m making fun of vampires, he’ll kill me.”