Last Summer (12 page)

Beth had spent days planning out what she was going to say, but when she saw George waiting for her at the sandwich place behind Main Street, the whole plan just sort of disappeared.

She stopped walking and looked at him for a moment. The sandwich shop took over most of the airy little courtyard that sat between the Pebble Beach Inn and the Lighthouse. Before turning into a sandwich shop this year, it had been a private home. The building was an adorable white cottage with a picket fence, and it felt like the perfect place to while away a pretty Maine afternoon.

She had asked George to meet her here, at this brand-new place that they had never been to together and which, she thought, would be completely free of any George-and-Beth
residue. He was early, which made Beth chuckle. Normally, the concept of time was completely foreign to George. He sat under the red-and-blue-striped umbrella, which was wedged in the tabletop at a lopsided angle, and was drawing shapes with his finger against the wood.

When he saw her, his narrow face broke into a wide smile.

“Bethy!” he cried. “Finally! Did you know the sand-wiches at this place are, like, epic?”

“Epic?” she echoed, with an amused smirk on her face. She was unwilling to launch so quickly into what she was afraid would be a tense, horrible conversation.

“We are talking a complete and dazzling array of condiments,” George was saying excitedly. “Different varieties of pickles, like, seventeen different mustards including the vile Dijonnaise that will never again pass these lips—”

“You’re insane.” Beth interrupted his rant by swinging her leg over the bench across from him.

“I like my mustard to be mustard and my mayo to be mayo,” George retorted. “Is that so wrong?”

Beth laughed. He was so funny. He would never stop making her laugh.

But he was also her ex-boyfriend. The first guy she’d ever loved. The only one she’d slept with so far. Their relationship had gone to some dark places and sometimes
that darkness still stirred in her when she looked at him. Being here in Pebble Beach should have reminded her of better times with him. Instead, she shivered, remembering their awful breakup in the freezing-cold November morning with perfect, stomach-lurching clarity.

Beth wondered if maybe they shouldn’t have even tried this friend thing out in the first place. Maybe it would have been better for everyone if they’d just said good-bye and then gone their separate ways. School was starting soon, anyway. They wouldn’t see each other anymore, so what did it matter if they were friends or not?

It was all so complicated.

“Earth to Bethy,” George said quietly, making Beth realize she hadn’t answered him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

The fact was, Beth didn’t want complicated. Her new life was set to begin in a few short weeks, and she didn’t want it to be threaded through with this same regret and history. She wanted to enjoy her last summer and pretend there had never been anything before. She wanted to move on. She really, truly did.

Was that
so
wrong?

“I don’t know how to say this,” she began.

“Already I love this conversation,” he replied. His tone was light but his brown eyes darkened.

“I just don’t think this friends thing is working,” she blurted, throwing it out there. “Jimmy pointed out that maybe we’re kind of kidding ourselves.” Or
she
was, anyway.

“Why?” George demanded. “We’re terrific friends! We’re exactly the way we’ve always been!”

“That’s the problem. You and I don’t know how to
just
be friends anymore,” Beth said gently. “And if you think about it, we never really were.”

George seemed to deflate at that, and looking away, poked at the table.

Beth was aware of how the sun beat down on the pavement beyond their table, and the laughter from a group of people to their left. But all she could see was George.

His eyes were still too dark when he looked back at her, but there was nothing angry in his face.

Beth felt her heart clutch a little bit, because she could see that he understood. He wasn’t going to fight. She felt a swell of something close to disappointment in her chest, but ignored it.

“I guess you’re right,” he said quietly. “If I was Jimmy, I wouldn’t be a big fan of me, either.”

“George, it’s not really that—”

“Bethy. Please.”

“Well, okay. It’s partly that,” she said with a sigh. “He thinks you want me back.”

George just smiled and didn’t answer.

Beth looked down and tried to focus.

“So,” she said.

“How does this work?” he asked. “Are we enemies again?”

“We were enemies?” she asked, startled.

“I wasn’t your biggest fan right after we broke up,” George admitted. “I might have cast you as a Public Enemy of George. Number One, even.”

Beth frowned. “We weren’t enemies, we were broken up,” she told him. “And we’re not enemies now. I think we need some space, that’s all. It’s like we only have two speeds: be together the way we always were, or don’t speak at all. And we can’t be together like we always were, so maybe we should take a step back.”

“A non-talking, non-hanging-out step back,” George said. He shrugged when she glared at him. “I’m just clarifying things.”

“I don’t think it’s good for us to hold on,” Beth said firmly. “I think you should date Larissa. You guys have so much in common, and you’ll both be in Pittsburgh next year.”

George blinked. “What?”

“I’m not saying you stopped dating her because of me, I’m just saying that it seems like maybe you did and if you did, maybe you should—”

“Beth.” He interrupted her and then paused for a
moment, as if trying to calm down. “I get that you’re over me, but you don’t have to give me dating advice,” he said.

And then the problem was what to say next. Beth knew there was nothing else to say, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to just get up and walk away from him.

Not yet.

“Okay,” she said eventually. “I guess I’m surprised that you’re so understanding.”

“Always,” he replied with the ghost of his smile near his mouth. “Or almost always.”

Beth looked at him then and it was like she fell into his eyes the way she used to, and could see their whole history spread out there. She remembered meeting him at that party when they were both freshmen. How he’d started talking to her and never once looked at her boobs, and that was back when Beth thought her boobs had taken over her life. Their marathon television-watching weekends, and numerous debates on who kicked more ass: Buffy or Aeryn Sun. Mini golf tournaments, George’s birthday bonfires on the beach, their Halloween costumes…Even last year’s hooker attire seemed almost funny now that she looked back on it. He was her entire high school experience, all wrapped up in one goofy, maddening, adorable guy.

She loved him, she knew in her heart. But she didn’t want to be
in
love with him again. She didn’t want the history and emotion that swirled all around them.

“Good-bye,” Beth whispered.

“Take care, Bethy,” George replied in a low voice, and he didn’t look away.

She wanted to reach over and touch him, but she didn’t.

Instead, she rose to her feet and tried not to cry as she turned away and marched toward her new life.

Kelsi sat on the front stoop of Bennett’s building and let the hot city night settle all around her.

She wished she hadn’t worn her favorite pair of jeans, because the August night was way too muggy for them. But when she’d made up her mind to head for New York City, it had been the middle of the night. The next morning, the alarm had gone off way too early, and Kelsi knew she should be grateful she’d managed to put her shirt on right side out.

It had been a long, stuffy car ride, and she’d rushed to Bennett’s building filled to the brim with all the things she needed to say. It was a little bit of a letdown to have to wait.

Or maybe it was for the best, because the truth was, she wasn’t sure what she had to say was even coherent.

Either way, she had nothing to do but sit and watch New Yorkers pass back and forth in front of her.

Skinny jeans were still in, if the girls sauntering by were any indication, which made Kelsi smile wryly. She would
never
wear skinny jeans. Her thighs were reasonably sized, which was why she didn’t need to put them in jeans that would make a giraffe look fat.

She was giggling at that mental image when she saw Bennett come around the corner.

Her heart skipped a beat.

She was beginning to realize it always would, no matter what happened.

He looked simultaneously tired and keyed up, walking fast with his head down, his iPod in his ears. She knew the only exercise he got was walking, and he liked to do it to musical accompaniment. Kelsi was secretly glad, because she got to study him as he moved closer.

He was nearly on top of her before he noticed that there was someone sitting on his stoop, and it took a few moments for it to register that the person sitting there was Kelsi.

Bennett’s entire face lit up.

On cue, Kelsi’s heart melted.

“What are you doing? Where did you come from?” He was asking questions and chanting nonsense as he took her into his arms, rocking her back and forth and pressing kisses to her neck and the side of her face.

“Surprise!” She couldn’t help but kiss him back. It was like she could never get enough of him. Kelsi tried to steel herself.

“This is fantastic!” Bennett continued happily, stepping back to look at her. “What’s going on? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were coming down!”

Kelsi’s smile faltered, and she reached over to stroke his jaw. Then she dropped her hand.

“We have to talk,” she said.

Bennett frowned. He eased back a little bit, so he could search her face.

“No conversation that begins with that sentence leads anywhere I want to go,” he said. “What do we have to talk about?”

Kelsi sucked in a breath, and then dove in.

“Your residency,” she said.

Bennett looked at her, and then dropped his eyes.

“Taryn is dead,” he muttered.

Kelsi shook her head. Her hurt feelings threatened to swamp her.

“Why are you keeping secrets from me?” she demanded. “First you didn’t tell me you applied for the internship and now
this
? What’s going on with you?”

Bennett sighed. “I guess I just didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.”

“What relationship are
you
in?” Kelsi asked, suddenly
furious with him. “I thought we talked about everything! I thought that was the
point.
”

“Everyone is so excited for me to be here,” Bennett said after a moment, not meeting Kelsi’s gaze. “But what if I’m not sure that this is the place for me? What if I’m not so sure I like it? How could I tell you that, when I know you think this is the best thing that ever happened to me?”

Kelsi processed that for a minute.

“You’ve changed here,” she said, and it was such a relief to say it that she felt a warmth flood through her. She’d been waiting to say it for far too long.

“What do you mean?” he asked, frowning at her.

“I mean that you’re different,” Kelsi said. She laced her fingers together in front of her and concentrated on them fiercely. “When you started this job, you only pretended to be all snotty about art because that’s what Carlos wanted to hear. But I don’t think you’re pretending anymore—I think part of you really is that New York hipster guy, full of himself and mean to other people.” She looked at him then. “What happened to just loving art? Why do you have to judge everything?”

“I don’t…” But whatever he’d been about to say, he didn’t finish. “This is exactly what I’m talking about,” he said instead. “I’m not so sure I like it here.”

They sat quietly for a moment. Kelsi concentrated on the sound of traffic along the avenues.

“None of this even matters,” Bennett said finally, taking Kelsi’s hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but it’s irrelevant, anyway. I’m not taking the residency. I don’t want to miss you this much.”

“Missing me has nothing to do with it,” Kelsi began.

“It has everything to do with it!” Bennett cried. “I mean, I don’t know about becoming a New York hipster or whatever, but I know I want to be with you. This summer has sucked, Kels.”

“I know,” she said.

“See?” He slid his arms around her. “Settled.” He rested his forehead against hers and breathed in. “How could I give this up, Kelsi? I’d have to be crazy.”

“Bennett,” she said, feeling brave and scared all at once. She took a breath and then let it out. “You have to take the residency. You know you do.”

“It’s too late,” he said stubbornly.

Kelsi gently removed herself from his arms, and stood.

“It’s not too late,” she told him. “You have to think about what’s best for you, Bennett. Take me out of the equation.”

“You’re what’s best for me,” he told her.

Kelsi looked at him, and she knew that she loved him more than she ever thought possible. She wanted nothing more than for the two of them to return to their schools and be together the way they been had last year.

But she also knew that wasn’t the right thing for Bennett.

It was so strange to see things that way. To love him so much that she would prefer to see him doing what he was supposed to do—even if it meant losing him—rather than staying where they were just to hold on to him when it was clearly wrong.

“Kelsi?”

He looked so scared. Kelsi realized he thought she was going to end things, which was almost funny. She smiled at him instead.

“I love you,” she told him. She felt strong and sad all at once.

“I love you, too,” he said, still frozen in place.

“But you have to think about what’s best for you, Bennett,” Kelsi whispered. “We both do.”

Ella let herself out the back door, letting it slap shut behind her. She had a bottle of Jägermeister she’d just liberated from her father’s freezer and no clear idea about the best way to enjoy it.

It was coming up on six P.M. and she was bored. She went over the list of everyone who was off having fun without her: Jeremy was having an Almost End of the Summer event with his lifeguard buddies. Kelsi was still in New York, which was just as well, as thinking about her made Ella’s stomach hurt. Taryn was nowhere to be found, which Ella assumed meant she was off with Peter, which also made Ella feel ill. Ella hadn’t seen Beth all day. A large Tuttle contingent had taken a field trip to Bar Harbor, but Ella hadn’t been able to force herself out of bed early enough to go with them.

That left Ella—and, apparently, one other cousin.

“It’s you and me,” Ella called to Jamie, who she could see lying down on one of the tabletops at the far end of the clearing. “Get ready to have fun, because I need you to amuse me.”

As Ella drew closer, she saw that Jamie was on her cell phone. And that she was acting seventeen kinds of shady, too, whispering and muttering and hanging up before Ella could venture too close.

“Hi!” she cried, scrambling off the table and standing beside it. “I didn’t know you were here!”

“Obviously,” Ella said. She took in Jamie’s flushed cheeks and the crazed look in her green eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing,” Jamie began in a completely over-the-top innocent voice.

“You’re lying to me!” Ella cried, pretending to be shocked. Actually, she was thrilled. Intrigue! Her boredom disappeared at once. She shook her head at Jamie. “I definitely do not approve.”

Ella flounced over and took a seat as if Jamie weren’t behaving like a freak at all. She placed the bottle of Jäger in the middle of the table and waved at it.

“What?” Jamie looked at the bottle. “Oh. No, I don’t want any.”

“You need some,” Ella told her firmly. “And then you
need to sit down and tell me why you’ve been acting so bizarre all summer.”

“I’ve been acting bizarre?” Jamie asked. But she sat down. “You think so?”

“I think I saw more of you last summer when you were in a summer program a zillion miles away,” Ella said mildly, reaching over and taking a swig. She shuddered. “I think you’re hiding something, and you know how I get when I want to know a secret.”

Jamie laughed. “I remember that time you forced me to tell you all about how I had a crush on Jon Tenenbaum, who was on my swim team at day camp,” she said, her eyes lighting up with the memory. “I don’t even know how you did it.”

“I have magic powers,” Ella drawled, pretending to wave an imaginary wand in the air.

“That’s one way of looking at it,” Jamie said with a snort.

“Don’t think you’re going to distract me,” Ella warned Jamie. “All this memory lane stuff is fine, but I have a onetrack mind.”

“You used to,” Jamie agreed. “Now instead of ‘boys, boys, boys’ it’s ‘Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy.’”

“That was a lame line,” Ella told her sadly. “I’m not even a little bit distracted by that. I don’t even think you could call that
trying
to distract me.”

Jamie laughed again, and then reached over to help herself to the bottle of Jäger. Ella waited as Jamie took a healthy pull, and then laughed when Jamie made a disgusted face.

“Good for what ails you,” Ella told her.

“It’s disgusting,” Jamie sputtered. “It tastes like medicine!”

“You stop tasting it after a while,” Ella assured her. “Now stop talking about Jäger and tell me why, for the first time in your entire life, college is like this taboo subject for you.”

Jamie tipped her head back toward the sky for a moment, and then looked over at Ella.

“I could,” she said, “but I’m much more interested in what’s going on with you.”

“With me?” Ella shook her head. “Another pathetic attempt to divert attention away from yourself.
Nothing’s
going on with me.”

“Oh, yeah?” Her cousin’s eyebrows rose. “So you don’t have any issues with Taryn?”

“What?” Ella didn’t like this turn of the conversation at all. “She’s fine,” she said carelessly. “If you like that sort of thing.”

“Uh-huh.” Jamie gave her a knowing look. “And you and Kelsi didn’t have a big fight or anything, right?”

That was when Ella realized that Jamie had no intention of answering any of her questions.

She considered that for a moment, and thought that
really, she wasn’t all that interested in answering Jamie’s questions herself.

The cousins stared at each other for a long moment, with only the sounds of the distant waves between them, and then they both started giggling.

Ella raised the bottle between them in celebration of secrets left untold, and they both took another swig. Then they lay down on their respective sides of the table and waited for the stars to come out.

Looking at the sky, it took a while for them to notice a strange smell in the air.

“Hey,” Jamie said, frowning. “Is that smoke?”

Ella sat up too quickly, and turned around. Smoke was pouring out of Beth’s family’s cottage in thick plumes, dark against the evening sky.

“Oh, my God,” Ella cried, scrambling to her feet. “Is anyone in there?”