Last Exit to Brooklyn - Hubert Selby Jr (31 page)

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Johnny almost drove Lucy crazy in the supermarket.
Robert sat quietly in the shopping cart, but Johnny skipped ahead
looking at the shelves, stopping to stare at people and talk with
other children. It seemed like every few minutes she had to drag him
away from some child and he would skip off as soon as she freed his
hand and when she looked around again he would be with some child,
kneeling and looking under shelves or playing with some kitten or the
Lord knows what. And then, of course, he wanted candy and Lucy
finally had to twist his arm and tell him to behave or she would beat
him. O, how she hated the weekends; having to shop in the crowded
stores (Louis was home for two whole days (sometimes), and he was
always in a hurry to go to bed, but he wouldnt sleep and wanted to
fool around all night), and the laundromat was so crowded. She
finally finished shopping and left the store. She rushed along the
street carrying Robert, dragging her cart and Johnny, who was running
to keep up and turning every few minutes to look in a store window or
to watch kids play. She was doubly irritated by the people who
strolled along leisurely enjoying the warm weather and the bright
sun. Ada smiled at her when she passed her bench but Lucy ignored her
(the filthy jew. Never changes her clothes) and rushed past her. She
had to literally drag Johnny away from the children playing in front
of the building and slapped his arm when he wanted to know why he
couldnt stay down and play. She snarled in his ear and he ran in the
building. Of course the elevator was still messed and she had to
climb the stairs to the apartment. She couldnt understand why someone
didnt clean the mess, after all everyone knew the porter wouldnt be
back until Monday. The least someone could do would be to cover it.

Louis was sitting at the table drinking coffee and
reading. She let the door slam and plopped in a chair. She took the
childrens coats off and they ran yelling to their room and Lucy told
them to play quietly. She poured herself a cup of coffee and plopped
back in the chair. O, Im exhausted. Louis sipped his coffee ( she
usually doesnt pull that until we get to bed), continued reading and
grunted. Im just worn out Ive had to climb the stairs twice today
with that heavy cart. Uh? Yes, twice. Lucy was slightly peeved at
Louis/s lack of interest in her discomfort, but reminded herself that
he had to study. She waited until he looked at her before continuing.
Finally Louis reached the end of a paragraph and turned to her. Whats
that? I had to climb the stairs twice, speaking in an exasperated
tone. Yeah? Yes. She told him about the mess in the elevator. Louis
said he thought it would be easier to wait until you got home than do
that. Then he smiled as he imagined how funny the person must have
looked as he squatted in the elevator, shitting. Lucy said she didnt
think it was so funny, not when you had to climb the stairs, but
Louis continued to smile, wondering what would have happened if
someone else had walked in the elevator just at that time. They sure
wouldve been caught with their pants down. Louis laughed and Lucy
frowned. Johnny came rushing out of the room shouting, Robert
trailing behind, DA DA. Lucy grabbed Johnny and demanded to know what
they were doing. Johnny stared at her and said playing. Well, why
cant you play quietly? why must you always make so much noise—just
playin cowboys. I dont care. Just play quietly. Do you have to run
around like a ragamuffin? Now go in your room and play quietly. The
children went back to their room and Lucy sighed. That boy sure can
be nerve-racking. Hes under my. feet all day long, always
arunnin—running around the house yelling. O, it aint so bad as all
that. Lucy almost corrected his using -all-, but hesitated knowing
Louis would get mad. But I have him all day, everyday. You do not
know how it is. Then why dont you just letim go out an play? Lucy
cringed. Caus—Because I do not want him playing with any patched
pants kids, thats why. Louis squirmed in his chair. He knew what was
coming and he was determined to avoid an argument. If we lived
somewhere else and had a bigger apartment it wouldnt be so bad. Louis
said nothing, but breathed deeply and lit a cigarette—somewheres
where I could let him out or where theres enough room so he wouldnt
be underfoot all day. Four and a half rooms arent enough. And I dont
even have any friends here (you dont have any anywhere). I have no
body to talk to—O, what doya mean? Theres plenty a people to talk
to around here. Why just look out the window, theres people all ovuh.
I do not want to talk with those people (the word is over). Well, ah
dont see anything wrong with living here and its goddamn cheap. And
ah aint gonna move. But you dont know how it is all day. Already
Louis was sorry he had allowed himself to argue, again, with Lucy,
but he couldnt stop. Every weekend she starts a argument about
something. Look, ah says we stay. This place suits me fine an if we
moved we couldnt have no car an ah aint givin up the car. He got up
and poured himself another cup of coffee and Lucy argued on. He sat
back at the table and tried to ignore Lucy and wished there was a
goddamn baseball game on t v. Lucys voice droned on and he sat
smoking and drinking trying not to hear her, not wanting to argue
about the same old shit again and have her get pissed off and turn
her back on him for a month when they went to bed. It was hard enough
as it was to get her in the mood. She always had some kind of excuse
and he was too tired to go out looking tonight. But he was damned if
he was gonna give up the car—the children started yelling at each
other and Lucy ran into their room—and anyway, school was only
another few months. And once he got out hed have it made. And when he
got himself a good job and a few bucks ahead, then maybe theyd move
to a Middle Income Project, but he wasnt going to leave school now
(and he wasnt getting rid of the car. If he didnt have that he might
never get laid), especially after all the money hed paid them. And it
was the best t v/radio repair school in the city —Lucy came back
moaning about the kids always fighting over a toy—and hed get a job
like that, and everybody knew how easy it was to knock down money
repairing radio and t v sets. Lucy continued talking and Louis
refused to argue, thinking, and having thought all day, of tonight,
and wishing to hell there was a ball game on.

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WOMENS CHORUS II

The women were still on the bench, looking at a
couple who had just sat down on a bench across from them. I wonder
how they fuck? The woman was short with braces on both legs, a small
hump on her back and she walked with crutches. Her husband had a
wooden leg and walked with a twisted limp. Maybe he unscrews his leg
and fuckser with the stump. Laughter. I wonder if she hitsim with her
crutches when she comes . . . The cripples looked at them and smiled
and the women nodded and smiled. Maybe he tapser on the hump when he
wants ta get humped. Laughter. They smiled again at the cripples,
then the smiles left all their faces and they groaned as they saw Mr.
Green approach. His wife had had a stroke and was in the hospital and
whenever he came out of the apartment he stopped the first one he saw
and told them the entire story, and whenever he came in sight
everybody ran, but the women were too lethargic to move. It was a
funny thing how the stroke happened. We were just sitting in the
parlor and all of a sudden she looks funny—you know, very pale
like—and she moans and dribbles a little at the mouth and I helped
her to the couch and she kind of passed out— I called her and shook
her, but she didnt move—and I got one of the chairs from the
kitchen and took it over to the couch—I couldnt move a big
chair—and I sat there with her —I wouldnt leave her side for
anything—I guess I sat there for over 4 hours, then I went next
door and asked that nice young girl next door to come in and look at
my wife—I dont know what I would have done without her—and she
looked at her and said right away to call a doctor—such a nice
young girl and smart as a whip too—so I did and they took her to
the hospital. They gave her all kinds of examinations and they told
me she had a stroke. I couldnt even see her until the next day. Shes
been in the hospital 3 weeks now, but shes getting better. She ate
very well yesterday, even had a second helping of the stew—she says
it was very good —(the women continually looked at each other,
giggling and moaning, hoping the old creep would go away and one of
the women started looking through anothers hair, scraping off large
hunks of dandruff, trying to get the dandruff out of the way so she
could look for nits. The large hunks she just flipped away, but the
smaller ones she cracked with her finger nail to see if they were
just dandruff or a nit. If it snapped she showed it to the woman and
told her she got one) she had two helpings of stew and she had a very
good bowel movement this morning. It was soft and very dark. I guess
the pills they give her make it dark like that. If she keeps
improving they may let her come home soon . . . Mr. Green talked on
and the women groaned and squirmed (the hunter completely absorbed in
her work) and finally he finished and left, stopping someone else as
they left the building and telling them the story. The women couldnt
understand why he was so upset, the crazy ol bastard, he couldnt get
it up for 20 years, or maybe more. Yeah. They cut the bone outta that
a long time ago.

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Mike got up from the table
occasionally, taking his glass of beer with him, and looked out the
window. He glanced at the other windows, but not with any real
interest or expectation. It was too late to catch some broad walking
around in an open bathrobe. He just looked out the window. He noticed
the many people walking around and sitting on the benches and
remembered that it was Saturday and that his friend Sal would be
over. Probably with a bottle. Yeah. Sal would be over and they could
get high. Great! He finished his beer then went back to the table and
refilled his glass. There was no need to nurse his beer now. Sal
should be there by the time he finished the beer and a few shots
would set him straight. He turned the radio up and drummed on the
table with his fingers. He felt better already. Yeah. Now there was
something to do. He cleared the dirty dishes from the table and piled
them in the sink. Helen asked again if she could go out and play and
Mike almost said yes, but when he looked at her he realized he would
have to dress her and he was in no mood to go diggin around looking
for shirts, coats and all that shit. No. You can go out tomorrow.
What the hell, it wasnt his fault he didnt know where all the clothes
were. If Irene would put things out for him in the morning it would
be different, but why should he have to go looking around for the
kids clothes? Irene could take her out tomorrow. Thank krist Irene
was off the next two days. At least he wouldnt have to take care of
the kids. And if it was a nice day maybe hed go out somewhere. Take
in a show or somethin. Irene usually broke his balls when she was
home, always asking him to help her with this or that, and she/d go
running around the joint bitchin because she had to wash clothes or
clean the house. What did she think he was, a goddamn house maid or
somethin. Fuck her. Thats her job. Why should I do it? Its not my
fault Im out of work. Maybe he and Sal would go out and pick up some
quiff tonight. Yeah. Maybe we/11 make the rounds of the bars. I could
use a little nookie. Thats what I need, a good piece of ass. He
rubbed his cock with the palm of his hand. Thats what he needed.
Irene had the rag on for a week and he couldnt even get some of the
old stuff. He drank his beer and smiled thinking of picking up a nice
lookin head and takin her home and layiner— Helen asked if she
could have something to eat. Im hungry. O for krists sake. Why do ya
always have ta bother me, trying to still think of the nice head he
would pick up, but the image faded quickly and he couldnt bring it
back to mind as he looked at Helen and listened to her. He buttered
her a piece of bread and slapped some jelly on it and handed it to
her. She walked away licking the jelly and when Arthur saw her eating
he started whining and Mike got mad as hell. Why dontya stay out here
and eat. Why do ya have ta break my balls all the time. Helen stared
at him for a minute then slowly started walking back to the kitchen,
but Arthur continued to whine. O K, O K goddamn it. Mike took the
bottle out of the crib and filled it with milk. Here, goddamn it. Now
shut up. Krist, I/ll be glad when Irene gets home so I can get you
kids off my back.

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Irene didnt bother smiling at the customers when they
asked her questions. She just told them how much it was; no they

didnt have it in green;
and that will be 2cents tax; and she took money, gave change, dropped
articles in bags and handed them over the counter. Saturday was
always so busy. If it wasnt for all the crazy crowds on Saturday she
wouldnt even think of the days off. There was always so much to do at
home. That Mike wouldnt do anything. The bastard. By the time Tuesday
came she was glad to go to work. The job wasnt bad. Especially now
that she was used to it. It was just getting up in the morning. And
she had a few girl friends at work. But Saturdays were terrible. But
the day was more than half gone. And at least her period was over.
She didnt tell Mike, but she was a week late this time. She was sure
she was pregnant. That night the rubber broke. She was really
frightened. She didnt want another kid. Not now, anyway. But if she
did, whatthehell. She supposed Mike would get a job. If he really had
to. But that was a good night. The best they had in a long time.
Maybe theyd have another one like it tonight. She was always so horny
after her period. Mike might be drunk when she got home. He usually
was on Saturday. She hoped he wouldnt drink too much. At least not so
much he couldnt get it up. She wondered if Mike would get a job if
she was pregnant. O well, theyd get by somehow. It didnt make much
difference. Theres always Home Belief. But she didnt want to quit her
job. It was better than staying home. The kids get on your nerves
sometimes. If only she didnt have so much to do at home. She/d talk
to Mike about it again. When they were in bed tonight. She hoped he
wouldnt be too drunk.