Last Christmas (4 page)

And although the kids were older now, they seemed to need her more than ever, particularly Mel, who was struggling to make the transition from primary to secondary school, and Ruby who had started her first day at school without her mum holding her hand—that bloody Christmas edition photo shoot had put paid to that. Catherine had always managed to take her children on the first day of school, but in Ruby’s case she’d failed. In fact, she felt she was failing Ruby a great deal. She never had time to read with her (though, thankfully, Paige was a good substitute) and she’d only just scraped into her (admittedly dreadful) Nativity just before Christmas. When she
worked late, she missed Ruby’s bedtime. Her children were growing up and, at the moment, it felt like they were doing it without her.

And in the meantime she lectured others on how to run their homes, bring up their children and generally cope with day-to-day living. How ironic that she couldn’t manage to retain the slightest bit of control over her own situation…

Gabriel held Stephen’s hand as they walked down the frosty lane on a crisp clear January morning.

‘Look, Daddy, a robin!’ said Stephen excitedly. Their breath blew hot and steamy in the cold sharp air. It was a shock to the system to emerge from the warm cocoon of family and friends that Pippa and Dan had been providing him with for the last fortnight. He would have been lost without them. Gabriel’s parents, who were his default support network when trouble brewed with Eve, had set off on a much anticipated round-the-world trip to celebrate their retirement. Ironically their retiring had been what had brought him back to Hope Christmas, to take over the farm and try to expand the business with Dan and Pippa who were setting up a service to provide organic farm produce. And it was coming to live in Hope Christmas that appeared to have triggered Eve’s latest depression.

Gabriel sighed. He still didn’t know how he was going to face the future, but he supposed it was a good thing to be forced back into the real world now that Christmas was finally over. Not that sheep were always that accommodating about the Christmas season. He and Stephen had spent a large proportion of the previous week checking on the pregnant ewes. Luckily Stephen saw going out in the snow as an adventure, and being busy had given Gabriel less time to brood.

Gabriel sincerely hoped that going back to school would be a good thing. Eve hadn’t contacted them now for nearly a fortnight and, though Stephen had stopped mentioning it, he knew by the way that he would sigh sometimes, or wander off in the middle of a game, that his son was hurting deeply. He only wished there was something he could do beyond the practical to make it better.

‘He’s got you,’ Pippa had said. ‘And us. He knows his mother isn’t steady, but he also knows you
are.
So long as you can provide security and love, he’ll be fine.’

Wise, wonderful Pippa, with more than enough troubles of her own to cope with, but always there to catch you when you fell. Gabriel would have cracked under the strain if it hadn’t been for the support of his favourite cousin. Although Pippa was more like a sibling than a cousin, growing up as they had on neighbouring farms, spending a blissful childhood scrumping and fighting and fording streams together. Pippa, a year older, had always been the grown-up, there to bandage his wounds or salve his wounded pride when he’d come off the worse in a playground fight. And she was still doing the same thing. He’d be lost without her.

The robin hopped away and Stephen ran on ahead down the lane, pretending he was an aeroplane. It was good to see him so carefree for once. He was far too solemn usually, and Gabriel continually worried about the effect that events would have on him. Whatever Pippa said, it wasn’t going to be easy for him coping without his mother. Flaky and all as Eve was, she did love Stephen, and it was clear that he missed her badly.

As indeed Gabriel did. He felt a sudden constriction in his throat. If only he could have done more for her. If only she’d let him. If only…But one of the things he was coming to realise with painful clarity was that, however
much he loved her, it wasn’t enough, it was never going to be enough. Eve’s problems were too big for him to mend. Sometimes if you loved someone, you just had to let them go.

The Saturday before school had started, Marianne walked with a heavy heart from the little cottage she rented at the south end of the village, down Hope Christmas High Street. Even passing Diana Carew’s house wasn’t enough to cheer her up. Diana’s garden was filled with a huge plastic Santa and several gnomes, and her house was a blaze of flashing reindeer even during the daytime. Marianne turned the letter in her hand over and over again. It was the means by which she could flee Hope Christmas, go back to her old life. A life that didn’t include Luke. Was that what she wanted? Could she
really
bear that? Once she left, there would be no turning back. But the thought of never seeing him, never touching him, never hearing him laugh or seeing him turn on that dazzling smile that had made her feel like a million dollars. Never to do any of that again. How could she stay here and be reminded every day of what she’d lost?

Part of her wanted to run home to her mum and escape the pain of walking down the High Street every day and risking bumping into Luke or running into his mother on the rare occasions she strayed into Hope Christmas to visit the beauty salon. All Marianne had to do was post this job application to the primary school in Hendon, where a teaching friend from her London days assured her they were crying out for good staff, and then she could look
forward to being back home where she belonged. She had to accept it. Luke had been a mistake. Moving to Hope Christmas an even bigger one.

It was a grey dull day. The clear skies of late December had given way to a glowering gloomy January, with dark snow clouds obscuring the hills for most of the day completely, in keeping with her mood. Marianne had never felt so cold in her life. It was a cold that sapped her strength and seemed to reach somewhere into the core of her being. Even the sight of Miss Woods, the erstwhile head of Hope Christmas primary, whizzing precariously down the High Street on her mobile scooter, flag flapping in the breeze, failed to amuse. Although watching Miss Woods hit a corner too fast and oversteer to compensate, causing the large plastic canopy that covered her mean machine to wobble alarmingly, did draw a small smile. There
would
be things to miss in Hope Christmas, and the eccentricity of characters like Miss Woods was one of them.

Vera Campion at the post office was another. Always there with a ready smile behind the counter, offering hope and cheer to all the inhabitants of the village, especially the elderly, her shy kindly nature—not to mention her short-sightedness—reminded Marianne of a mole. One who was a force of great good for the whole village.

‘Marianne, how lovely to see you,’ Vera greeted her, but her smile didn’t look quite as genuine as normal. ‘What can I do for you today?’

‘A book of first-class stamps, please, Vera.’ Marianne handed over the money and looked at Vera again. She seemed very agitated. Marianne wasn’t normally one to interfere in other people’s lives, but Vera had been immensely kind to her since she’d come to Hope Christmas, and Marianne didn’t like to see her like this. ‘Vera, I hope you don’t mind me prying, but are you okay?’

‘Oh dear,’ said Vera. ‘Is it that obvious? I’ve just heard that they want to close me down. It’s a government initiative, they say. We’re not profitable enough apparently. From the summer all postal services are to be moved to Ludlow.’

‘But that’s terrible!’ exclaimed Marianne. ‘How will all your old folk get their pensions?’

Vera’s ‘old folk’ formed the core of her customers, and she protected their interests with the fierceness of a mother hen.

‘Exactly,’ replied Vera. ‘And what about the village as a whole? Along with the pub, the post office is the centre of our community. Without it we’ll be lost. But they say that with the building of the eco town, which is nearer to Ludlow, people won’t want to come here for their post, they’ll just get in their cars and drive instead.’

‘Very eco friendly,’ remarked Marianne. ‘Isn’t there anything you can do?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Vera. ‘But I do know I’m not going down without a fight. Mr Edwards said I should start a campaign.’

Vera blushed at the mention of Mr Edwards. It was not a very well kept secret in Hope Christmas that she nurtured feelings for the church organist but whether he was the only person in the village not to know, or whether he was too shy to approach her, so far Vera’s passion remained unrequited.

‘That’s a great idea,’ said Marianne.

‘Perhaps you could help?’

‘Oh, I’d love to,’ stammered Marianne. ‘But I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to be here.’

‘Are you leaving us then?’ Vera looked disappointed and Marianne felt a pang that someone actually cared. Despite what had happened with Luke, she had started to put down roots here. Luke hadn’t been the only draw for coming to
the country. From the moment Marianne had first come to Hope Christmas she’d fallen in love. The village, with its quaint high street with pretty little shops full of knickknacks and fabulous old-fashioned bookshop, its square complete with farmers’ market, and its tumbledown workers’ cottages was everything she’d hoped for from living in the country. The friendliness, the warmth of the school she taught in, the kids she taught—and Pippa, she would miss Pippa. And the longer she’d stayed the more she loved it. It
would
be hard to tear herself away.

‘Maybe,’ said Marianne, trying to sound vague. The post office wasn’t just the hub of the village, it was the main source of gossip. She didn’t really want the whole world to be discussing her business.

Making a hurried excuse, Marianne rushed out of the shop, meaning to march straight to the post box and post her well-worn envelope.

‘Oh—’ Someone was coming in as she was coming out. And they got rather entangled.

‘Marianne, my dear, how lovely to see you.’

Oh lord. Did Luke’s grandfather
have
to walk by just now? A reminder that getting out of Hope Christmas was going to be essential for her sanity if she was ever to get over Luke.

‘Er, hello.’ Marianne still hadn’t quite figured out how she should address her erstwhile grandfather-in-law—wasn’t he a lord or something?—and now they weren’t to be related by marriage, she felt even more awkward.

‘How are you, my dear?’ The kindness in Ralph Nicholas’ voice took her by surprise.

‘Not too bad, thanks,’ said Marianne.

‘If it’s any consolation, which I know it won’t be,’ Ralph continued, ‘I think my grandson is an utter fool for letting you go, and I’ve said so.’

‘Erm, thanks.’ Blimey. That was unexpected. Luke’s mum, who had always looked as though she were sucking lemons when she met Marianne, couldn’t have appeared more relieved by the turn of events if she’d tried.

‘I hope the actions of one Nicholas won’t be enough to drive you out of town,’ Ralph was continuing. ‘I think the school would struggle to replace such a talented teacher as you. I thought that you wanted to make a difference.’

Now he’d touched a nerve. Marianne had got so fed up teaching in London schools where the class sizes had seemed impossibly large. Coming to teach in Hope Christmas village school had been a joy. For the first time in her teaching career she really felt she had the time to do the job she loved properly.

‘I did—I do,’ said Marianne. ‘Actually, I
was
thinking of moving on. I’ve got a job application to post.’

‘Pity,’ said Ralph. ‘I think you could do a lot of good in this village. Not least by helping poor Vera out. Still, if you’re determined to leave…’

He looked at her so directly and clearly, she almost felt he was stripping her soul bare. Which was absurd as she barely knew him. But she felt her resolve crumble a little. She did like it here. Maybe she shouldn’t rush off home the minute something went wrong. That’s what her mum always expected her to do.

As if mirroring her thoughts, Ralph added, ‘And don’t you think it would be better to face out the situation, rather than running away from it? After all,
you’re
not the one who’s done anything wrong.’

He smiled at her and doffed his hat, before continuing into the post office and greeting Vera. ‘Ah, Vera, a packet of your finest Werther’s Originals if you please.’

Marianne stared after him open mouthed. Perhaps Ralph
was right. Perhaps she should stay. Help Vera with the campaign. Keep teaching the kids she loved. Pay Pippa back for being such a good friend. Show Luke what he was missing…

She turned the envelope over once more, then crumpled it up and stuffed it back in her pocket. She still hadn’t quite made up her mind, but maybe Hope Christmas deserved another chance. And, maybe, so did she.

‘Cat, are you in?’ Noel walked through the door on Friday night and was met by an eerie silence. The hall light was on, but the rest of the house was dark. Odd. He didn’t recall Cat saying that the kids were doing anything tonight. Mind you, she was always accusing him of not paying any attention to their activities, so perhaps she
had
mentioned it and he’d forgotten.

He went down the stairs to the basement kitchen, turning on lights as he went. The house was as quiet as the grave without the children. Much as the constant noise and chaos grated on him sometimes, it was better than this funereal silence. Where was everyone?

There was a note on the kitchen table in Cat’s writing.

Noel
,

I tried you on your mobile but it was switched off again.
(Funny how such a simple sentence could bristle with so much hidden antagonism. Cat was always on at him to turn his mobile on, but he hated being in constant communication with the world, so turned it off unless forced not to. And, whenever he did ring, Cat always seemed to be engaged so he’d long given up trying.)
Magda cut her finger chopping up vegetables
—Noel’s eye was suddenly drawn to a pool of blood on the floor by the sink—
so I’ve taken her to hospital.

Mel on sleepover, Regina has everyone else. Back as soon as I can get away.

Love Cat

x

Right. So now, instead of settling down with a well earned beer and a rerun of
Top Gear
on Dave, Noel was going to have to drag the kids away from Regina, their saintly and wonderful neighbour, probably feed them, put them to bed, then wait on his tod till Cat and Magda made it back from Homerton, which from their many experiences of family trips to Casualty could be anything up to several hours. He’d been looking forward to curling up with Cat on the sofa. Magda was normally out with her disreputable Russian boyfriend, Sergei, whom Noel darkly suspected was part of the Russian mafia. Bloody Magda. She ruined everything. Her life seemed to be one perpetual crisis—if she wasn’t homesick, she’d had a row with the boyfriend. She had to be the most useless (and sulky) au pair they’d ever had.

Noel left a message on Cat’s mobile and then went next door to round up his children.

‘Noel,’ said Regina warmly, letting him in, ‘do you fancy a drink? The kids are all fed, and Ali’s just come home.’

‘Regina, you are an angel sent from heaven, thank you so much,’ said Noel. ‘It’s been a hell of a week.’

He poked his head into Regina’s playroom where two of his offspring were sharing a sofa with Regina’s two youngest, watching
MI High.

‘James?’ he asked.

‘With Joel on the Wii,’ said Regina.

Satisfied that everyone was quite happy he made his way down to the basement kitchen, which was a mirror image of his own and Cat’s, and sat down with his neighbours, reflecting how lucky he and Cat were to have such good
mates on their doorstep. Life with four children and a working wife would be impossible otherwise.

‘Thanks for this, you two,’ he said, as he sipped his beer. ‘And sorry to dump on you.
Again.
I don’t know what we pay Magda for. It’s certainly not to look after the kids. She’s more of a liability than all of ours put together.’

‘No problem,’ said Regina. ‘Cat’s helped me out more times than I care to mention. It’s what friends are for.’

Noel stayed for one more beer, before regretfully deciding he’d better get his charges home. It took him half an hour to round everyone up, and Ruby was only persuaded to go if he promised piggyback rides, but eventually they were through their own front door. Noel made a unilateral decision to dispense with baths that night, and packed the little ones off to bed while he went to prepare something for Cat, Magda and himself to eat.

Top Gear
was over by the time he’d finished cooking and cleaning up the mess Magda had left behind. He felt a smidgeon of guilt at the thought that she might actually have hurt herself, but quickly put it away. Magda had cried wolf on so many occasions, he doubted very much that it would turn out to be more than a scratch. He chased James up to bed and turned over to
Have I Got News For You.
There was still no word from Cat. How long did it take to stitch up a finger?

He rang Cat’s mobile again but got no reply. In the end, he ate alone in front of the news. He had just dozed off when the phone rang.

‘Sorry, I only just got your message,’said Cat. ‘We’ve been stuck in A&E forever and Magda was so hysterical I couldn’t leave. But she’s being bandaged now, so I hope we won’t be too much longer.’

‘Oh, okay,’ said Noel, feeling somewhat disappointed. ‘Your dinner’s in the oven.’

‘Thanks. I’m really sorry about this.’

‘It’s not your fault,’ said Noel. ‘Bloody Magda.’

‘Very bloody at the moment as it happens,’ said Cat. ‘I’ve never seen so much, in fact.’

‘That’s not fair. Now I feel guilty,’ said Noel. ‘Is she going to be okay?’

‘Don’t,’ said Cat. ‘She’s going to be fine. I, on the other hand, am going completely bonkers. I’ll try not to be too much longer.’

‘I’ll try to stay up without falling asleep,’ said Noel. A depressing feature of his mid forties was his uncanny ability to nod off on the sofa. He barely ever saw the end of films anymore.

‘If I’m not back in half an hour, go to bed,’ said Cat.

‘I’ll keep it warm for you,’ he replied.

‘You’d better,’ she laughed, and the phone went dead.