Larkrigg Fell (44 page)

Billy came to coo and admire, delighted with his new granddaughter. ‘You’ll fetch her to see me when you start your visits again, won’t you, lass? Weather permitting, of course. We don’t want the bairn to catch cold.’

‘Of course I will.’ Beth visited Billy every week in his new flat, where he seemed to be content. He was always interested to hear about her life, and her new project at Broombank.

Andrew still hadn’t warmed to the idea. Whenever she talked about her plans he would get up and walk away, go off down the pub to spend money they couldn’t afford, or for long walks over the fells. She was almost certain that on these occasions he spent the time checking over the sheep which had once been his and now belonged to others. He couldn’t come to terms with his changed circumstances and she didn’t seem to be making a good job of helping him.

‘You two all right then?’ Billy asked now, as if reading her mind. ‘Andrew settled to his new job?’

‘He’s coping,’ Beth said, dropping a kiss on to the baby’s downy head, so that he couldn’t read the doubt in her eyes. But Billy was no fool. ‘Not farming though, is it?’

‘No. It’s not farming.’

She was up and about in no time, anxious to begin living her life, for all she felt dead on her feet half the time. Emily proved to be a fractious baby, her demanding cries waking Beth at all hours, and for a time she and Andrew did seem to grow closer as he showed great concern for her health.

‘Catch up on your rest in the afternoons,’ he’d tell her, as he watched the dark rings of tiredness form.

‘How can I, with young Will haring about the place?’

Andrew decided action was called for and one afternoon Ellen’s cheerful face appeared around the door, grinning widely, ‘Hello. How’s the wee bairn?’

‘Oh, Ellen. How lovely to see you.’

‘Andrew says you need help. Tell me what needs doing and I’ll do it.’

‘You really didn’t have to give up your afternoon for me.’

‘Glad to,’ she said, jiggling the rim of the cot.

‘Andrew is a fusspot.’

‘I could look after this monster, while you get a bit of rest. Looks like you could do with some.’ Ellen swooped up the squealing toddler and bore him off downstairs.

 
Beth smiled as she drew the curtains and lay down on her bed with a sigh of contentment. She could hear the tiny snuffling noises coming from the cot, which meant Emily was sleeping peacefully for once. Oh, but she was a lucky woman. She really had no right to complain. A good husband, children, and caring friends.

By the time Beth came up for air from the tyranny of night-time feeds to take an interest in such things, she found Tessa already installed in the smaller of the two barns at Broombank, having partitioned off a small area by a window where she could set up an easel and paint to her heart’s content. Jonty went with her on some days to work on the frames.

‘He’s thinking of taking it up full time. Doing it for other people, I mean. He could advertise in the local paper for customers. If it proves successful, he might want to rent space for a workshop too. It would be good for him to have a project of his own.’

‘Absolutely. Why not? And Meg has found a young potter. So with the rent I get, I can buy whatever I need and make a start.’

Andrew wouldn’t hear of her starting work until the baby was at least six months old, and she had to admit he was right. Beth loved these early days of babyhood but that didn’t stop her from making plans. She held Emily’s hand as she suckled at her breast, dreamily studying each tiny pearl-like nail. How tiny it was. How precious. She could fix up a cot for her at the workshop, perhaps a playpen later. There was no reason why Emily couldn’t come with her every day. William too, though she might get him into a play school. It would only be a few mornings a week initially, just something of her own.

‘I’ve had a brilliant idea,’ she told Andrew that evening, the moment he walked in the door. ‘We could make sheepskin mittens as well as the moccasins. Which would make even more money. What d’you think?’

‘I see that’s all you think of these days. Money.’

‘Oh, Andrew, that’s not true.’ But it was. The workshop project had come to obsess her night and day as the way out of their mess. ‘I want to help, that’s all. And I don’t have a farm or animals to care for now.’

‘You don’t have to remind me.’ She bit her lip, hating herself for the tactless remark.

But he wasn’t interested in her dreams, only in what was for tea. ‘I’m tired, Beth. It’s been a long day. Can we talk about this some other time.’

He went to wash at the kitchen sink as he always did, and Beth scurried to move pots and pans out of his way, hearing him curse as he tripped over the nappy bucket, sending water spilling everywhere. The noise woke Emily, who at once started to tune up, and something inside of her snapped.

‘For God’s sake, why can’t you use the bathroom upstairs? No bigger than a matchbox it might be, but at least you’d be out of my way.’

He paused, water dripping from the tight line of his jaw as he held the towel frozen in his hands. ‘The kitchen sink has always been good enough for me in the past. Does my working class background bother you?’

‘Don’t be stupid.’ Tears of tired frustration stung her eyes, feeling a burst of resentment as she mopped up the soapy water. And for the nappies she had to wash every day and find some way of drying since she couldn’t afford to buy disposables as everyone else did these days. She pushed back her hair with a damp, weary hand. ‘It’s just with two children, and all the accompanying paraphernalia, we always seem to be under each other’s feet.’

The moment she saw Andrew’s face she wished she could take the words back.

The meal was eaten in stony silence, and later her heart clenched as she watched him stand at the cottage window, knowing that he itched to be out on those fells helping with the lambing. He could see the sheep that had once been his, hear the familiar sound of their bleating, the high pitched cries of their lambs, and hated not being out amongst them. They were not his responsibility now. Not his problem. He was no longer their shepherd.

Instead he was a store-man, cooped up all day in a factory, and though Beth was glad of the work and the money he brought home, she feared for the way it was tearing him apart.

She went to stand beside him and slipped her hand in his. ‘I’m sorry for my outburst just now. It’s just been one of those days.’

He must have been pleased by the intimacy, because he didn’t move away.

‘I was wondering if an early night might do me good,’ she said, casting him a sideways glance. ‘How about you?’ A long pause, during which she found herself growing tense with anticipation. If he said no, and went off to the pub tonight as usual, she’d feel utterly rejected and unwanted. The need for him to make love to her had grown surprisingly during these last weeks, yet still he hadn’t touched her.

The hand holding hers suddenly clenched very hard, and she laughed out loud.

They made love that night as if they were new lovers again, each greedy for the other. Everything was going to be all right, she told herself on a tide of exultation. Andrew would get used to his new job soon, they had their lovely children and they did get on well, they really did. Everything was going to be fine.
 

Beth’s last waking thought was that at least he still loved her, a fact which warmed her heart, and made her feel deliciously secure.

A weak shaft of early summer sun glinted in the stag’s one remaining eye as the heavy door swung open and the young couple walked into the hall.

‘Poor chap, you’d have thought someone could have mended him by now. Bring the cases in later, I want to explore right the way through first. Coming?’ The woman skipped up the stairs with conscious elegance, hoping he watched and admired. He ignored her, concentrating instead on bringing the suitcases from the car and carrying them upstairs to the master bedroom. He began to unpack and unfold every garment. Seconds later she was back at the door, half teasing, half anxious as she watched him.

‘Why are you doing that? Do stop, there’s plenty of time. Come and see, the house is as beautiful as ever and the garden a blaze of colour. Full of weeds, of course.’ Sarah laughed, feeling the usual wash of uncertainty flood her as he did not even glance in her direction, mingled with a spurt of impatience. ‘Why have we come if you aren’t even interested in the place?’

‘I am interested,’ he said, lifting a suit and hanging it in the great mahogany wardrobe.

As he reached for the next one, she went to him and slid her arms about his shoulders, reaching up to stroke his face, wanting him more in that moment than she ever had. ‘Let’s make love. Now. This very minute as we used to.’ There was excitement in her voice but he only walked away to continue with the unpacking, not troubling to reply.

Annoyance, kindled by fear brought a flush to her lovely face. ‘I won’t let you down, Pietro. I’ve promised to ask her. I’d do anything to please you. Haven’t I told you so a thousand times?’

He looked at her then. A cool, dispassionate gaze across the wide expanse of bed where once she had instructed him in ways to please her. He had learned a good deal more since then, about Sarah, and about himself. ‘I look forward to you putting those promises into effect.’

A small, tight silence, then Sarah giggled, desperate to ease the tension between them. ‘Won’t Beth be surprised when she learns we’re back, that we’re the ones who bought Larkrigg.’

‘I bought Larkrigg.’

She sobered instantly. ‘Of course. But it’s the same thing really, isn’t it?’ A delightful pout and a bewitching smile from violet eyes which would have entranced any other man. Pietro folded a cashmere sweater.
 

For one reckless moment fear raged in her breast, then seeped away, leaving her empty and shaking with insecurity, as it always did.

‘Pietro? Darling?’ She crept to his side, tentatively touched his arm. ‘You do still love me, don’t you? Still want me? It will be all right now, won’t it?’

He hung his Italian silk ties on the rack, smoothing them carefully one by one. ‘That is up to you, wouldn’t you say?’

‘And Beth.’

‘But it is you who must make it come right.’

‘I’m sure she’ll agree. I told you, she always does everything I ask. Simply everything.’ Sarah gave a bright laugh that sounded hollow even to her own ears. ‘Then we’ll be OK, won’t we? As we used to be. As you promised?’ She came to him again and slid her arms about his shoulders, pulling him to her, lifting her lips to be kissed as she pressed her body against his. ‘Show me how you love me, Pietro. I need you to show me.’

His mouth, inches from her own finally smiled and the tip of his tongue slowly licked his lips. ‘It is for you to show me.’

‘I will. I do love you. And I want you. Now.’

‘Do you beg me?’

‘I do. Oh, I do.’ Her eyes were glazed, eyelids drooping, all concern for her stylish suit and elegant coiffure quite forgotten in her hunger and need for him. ‘I’ll prove it.’ She frantically stripped off the expensive garments and tossed them like rags on to the dusty carpet. Then she knelt before him and put her hands together in supplication. ‘Ask of me anything. Anything at all. You know that I will do it. I need you, Pietro. I love you. I’m so desperately sorry that I left you that time. It was only because I was mad with jealousy.’

‘Jealousy is petty.’

‘Yes, Pietro.’

‘Many women would be glad to have me as their lover.’

‘I agree, and I swear that no matter what you do, I will never complain again. All I ask is for you to let me be a good wife to you. For always. Please, I beg of you, say that you love me a little.’

‘You are not crying. Where are your tears? How can I be sure you are sincere, if you do not cry?’

The sulkiness was back in his voice and her body began to tremble and shake, not simply from the cold in the long neglected room but from the terrible yawning desperation that he might turn and walk away from her. She’d almost lost him once, she mustn’t risk it again.

‘Forgive me, I’m excited,’ she explained. ‘Coming back to our old home, looking forward to seeing Beth again. And about us, so soon to be settled, at last.’ She laughed up at him and spread wide her arms, arching her back so that her breasts jiggled delightfully in all their splendour, moving apart her knees in open invitation. ‘No one can make you as happy as I can. Admit it. If I spend my entire life on the mission of your happiness, I ask for no more. I will be content.’

This pleased him. He was the teacher now and had taught her well. Reaching down, he flicked at one nipple with a fingernail and smiled as it sprang to attention at his touch.

His one hope had been to cause as much disruption to this family as they had done to his. He’d been willing to do anything to that end. His first idea had been to court and win either one of the twins to agree to marriage and then let them down at the last minute. Sarah had seemed the free spirit so he’d gone for Beth, but for all she’d been besotted by him, she had baulked at rushing into marriage, because of her past disappointment. Unfortunate.

Then Sarah, rampant for a man, had taken him to her bed and he’d been surprised by the pleasure of the experience. She wasn’t the sort of mistress who required soft talk and pampering. She was inventive and demanding, with few scruples. They’d enjoyed a good time together while the money lasted.