Landon's Obsession: An Endless Series: Book 3 (Series 3) (46 page)

     He ran his fingers through his hair in agitation. “I
didn’t even think…” His face was agonized.

     “What are you talking about, Landon?” I pressed my fist
into my stomach trying in some way to push down the fire consuming me. Unfortunately
the fire was a little lower than my stomach, but I couldn’t press there.

     His gaze turned concerned and he stepped forward. “Are
you feeling sick?”

     I held up my hand again and shook my head, confusion
flooding me. “No, Landon, I’m not feeling sick. What are you going on about?”

     “The way you held your stomach; it looked like you were
feeling sick. I thought…” He fisted his hands, his jaw clenching. “What we were
doing…did it raise bad memories?”

     It suddenly hit me. He thought I was having flash backs
to Kris and what he’d done to me. I frowned. Kris hadn’t even entered my
thoughts and that was actually a revelation. I’d always had this splinter of
worry in the back of my mind that Kris’s actions might cause me some hang-ups
with sex, but it appeared it hadn’t. My complete focus had been with Landon.

     Well…something else had caused me some anxiety, just
not Kris.

     I shook my head again, wonderingly. “No, Kris never
entered my thoughts.”

     Jaw tight, he pressed. “Truly?”

     I nodded, grateful to have an answer to that question.
“Truly, and that’s actually good to know. It’s been something I’ve worried
about for a while; that what he did might have damaged me in some way. It
probably helps that I don’t have any memories of what he did to me, because of
the drugs…” Landon’s expression twisted in fury and I rushed forward. “But it
seems I’m okay.”

     He sighed in relief but still looked angry, and then he
grimaced. “Great…then I’m the one that caused the distress on your face. I went
too far. I told you I was only going to kiss you and I ended up molesting you.
Having you in my arms again…touching you…” He gave me a heated but apologetic
look. “You’ve always been the one woman that makes me lose complete control, and
it’s been way too long.”

     My chest pinched at his words and I hugged myself.
“Well, it’s been way longer for me and I was just as bad.” I said hollowly. 

     His gaze seemed to sharpen. “No, Maya, it’s been the
same length of time for me.”

     I gaped at him disbelief and anger flared up inside of
me. “There is no way you haven’t had sex in four years, Landon.” I can’t
believe he was trying to sell that bullshit to me and hurt squeezed my heart
along with the anger.

     Reaching out he seized my hands and pulled me back down
on the couch, next to him this time. I let him since it was the couch and not
his lap. If he’d pulled me into his lap again I wouldn’t have acquiesced so
easily.

     Holding my hands he turned to face me with a poignant,
intent expression. “I’m not going to lie. I’ve fucked other women in the last
four years.”

     I winced at the crudeness and truth of his confession.
I hated hearing it. I knew it was unfair, my anger, but I guess I could only be
so accepting. I tried pulling my hands from his but he wouldn’t let go.

     “But Maya, that’s all I was doing…fucking. I was
getting a physical release, and at the same time trying to bury you deeper into
my subconscious. What we had four years ago doesn’t come close to what I did
with those other females. What you and I had was special. I knew it then, and
I’ve known it these past four years. That’s why I’ve been so bitter. I thought
it had been lost to me.”

     My hands went limp in his and my eyes stung with tears.
Landon’s openness with his feelings staggered me. He hadn’t been like this four
years ago. Back then I could tell that he’d cared for me, but he sounded like
maybe he’d loved me like I’d loved him.

     “Landon, how soon did you wait…after?” I had to hear
it, even though I already I knew the answer.

     His eyes closed, jaw twitching. “Don’t ask me that.”

     I swallowed down the painful lump in my throat. “You
don’t have to. You just gave me the answer.”

     Lids opened displaying unhappy regret, and swirling anger.
Anger was always there whenever Kris, and what he did, was mentioned. “I was so
mad, Maya. At least that’s what I told myself when in fact it was a pain so
deep I was barely functional. I went to a party that night and got so drunk
that I barely remember anything about that night. I stayed an angry drunk for weeks
after, and only sobered up for school, but I remained a raging asshole and any female
who didn’t care how I treated them I used.”

     I sat conflicted at Landon’s declaration. Hearing about
his pain overwhelmed me and squeezed at my heart. Hearing about the other women
squeezed at my heart. It was a variance that was difficult to make sense of.
Maybe I wasn’t supposed to. Maybe it just was.

     Tears overflowed from my eyes and I pulled my hands
from Landon’s so I could wipe them away.

     “Shit Maya, please don’t cry.” And I was back in the
circle of his arms, being rocked in a different way, a comforting way. “I wish
I could go back and change how I handled everything. Come back into your life a
better man rather than a more selfish one.”

     I shook my head against his chest, continuing to mop at
the waterfall of silent tears. Everything was finally crushing down on me,
emotions, memories, regrets…it was too much.

     “You’re not selfish. Don’t say that. I don’t know why
I’m so mad about the women. We hated each other these last four years and you
could do what you wanted.” I breathed in shakily. “I’m just so sad, and angry…at
your brother, you, me…the world. I thought I moved past this, but learning all
this new information…it’s messing with me again.” After saying that I realized
how that might sound to Landon. “I’m glad I learned the truth, and that you’re
here, but I could do without the inundation of past emotions. God, I really hate
your brother. He took so much, and not just from us, but from Nola as well.” A
hiccupy soft sob escaped me.

     Landon’s heart beat madly under my ear, and his muscles
tightened at my emotional outburst, but he was gentle as he soothed me. “Shhh…it’s
okay.” Somehow I ended up back in his lap, cradled this time. Even in my
emotional state I couldn’t believe how he moved me around like I weighed
nothing. I knew I was on the small size, but geesh.

     We remained that way for a few minutes; me crying, him
soothing me, before I reiterate my sincere sentiment. “Please, don’t take my
little break down personal, Landon. I am really glad you’re here. You were a
casualty of what happened as well and I don’t blame you for living your life.”

     He snorted out a small puff of air on the top of my
head. “I wouldn’t call what I’d been doing living. It was more like
floundering. I was faltering in life before I met you. When I was with you I
started to see some light, but then the light was brutally extinguished and I
became worse. Only recently have things started to become clear to me.” 

     My cheek was pressed into Landon’s shirt, but because it
was still undone I could see his naked chest and tattoo. My eye became glued to
the dragons paw covering his pectoral. The words he’d revealed about the dragon
protecting him washed over me; warming and settling me.

     “You are more outspoken with your feelings than you
used to be.” I said tentatively.

     His fingers stroked through me hair. “I’m trying to be.
It’s not something I’m used to, or comfortable with, but I won’t make the same
mistakes I did last time. I was cynical and afraid then, and while I’m still
that way I’m not going to let it hinder me with you this time around.”

     My heart nearly stopped at his admission of being
afraid, and I could feel the barricade I’d built around it fracture in optimism.
He was saying all the right things and it was impossible not to be moved by
them. Just seeing the man had made me realize that he still affected me, and
spending time with him had just illustrated the potency of that affect. I
hadn’t had a chance.

     Gathering my nerve I raised my head to look him in the
eye. He stared down at me with a taut expression and a penetrating gaze. “I
want to try again…you and me.”

     The change the came over his face was instant. The
stiffness dropped away replaced by relief and joy. His hands came up to frame
my face again. “You won’t regret this, Maya.”

     I hoped not. Losing him the first time had scarred me,
if it happened again it was a wound I don’t think would ever scab over.  

Chapter Nine

LANDON

     “Daddy, are we almost there?”

     It was Saturday, a little after ten in the morning, and
I was driving the three of us to the indoor swimming area

     “Almost, baby girl.” I answered Nola for the tenth
time. Maya chortled next to me. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I mumbled
under my breath.

     She threw me a grin. “I can’t deny that having her
badger someone else besides me is rather entertaining.”

     Seeing Maya’s happy countenance after last nights
melancholy warmed my chest. Last night, witnessing her tears and hearing her
talk about the reemergence of past emotions just about killed me. I hated that
my appearance in her life was bringing it all back to the surface. I just hoped
I could help her come to peace with it again.

     Kris had a lot to answer for and my inability to make
him answer for it was gouging at me like...like…dragon claws.

     I’d called my dad this morning and asked him where he
was on finding Kris. He’d explained that while mother had revealed that he was
in Madrid, Spain she said she didn’t know where he was staying, so his private
detective was still in the process of searching. I couldn’t help but question
if mother was keeping some information to herself and I’d relayed that concern
to father. He hadn’t responded right away which had been rather revealing about
his trustfulness of her information. When he’d finally spoken he’d admitted
that he was tracking mother’s calls and money transfers so if she was hiding
something he would find out. It both surprised me and relieved me that he was
taking this seriously.

     For the first time I’d felt guilty about hiding Nola
from him. I was keeping him from his grandchild. No matter how guilty I felt though
I wasn’t going to go against Maya’s wishes, but I would have to discuss it with
her soon.  

     “So, who’s following us, again; your roommate, Seth,
his girlfriend, and who else?” Maya asked.

     “Nadia’s sister, Issy. Nadia’s parents are dead and she
has guardianship over her sister and brother. You guys have a lot in common.
She’s the same age as you and had to step up at a young age to take care of
them. Issy’s ten and Luka, her brother, is fifteen. Luka’s hanging with his
friends today.”

     Maya’s brows rose. “Wow, that’s quite an undertaking.
She sounds remarkable.”

     I had her hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. “Just as remarkable
as you.”

     She blushed and shook her head. “I don’t know about
that. She had to take on two and one’s a teenager. I can’t imagine having to
deal with pubescent and teenage issues right off the starting line. That’s like
being thrown in the deep end.” She shuddered with a smile.

     I grinned too, because yeah, that would be an
undertaking. Issy and Luka were great kids though.

     I had been debating all day on whether to tell Maya
about Nadia and decided it would be better if I told her now rather than her be
surprised by it on accident. “Maya, I should tell you that Nadia knows what
happened to you.” The words burned my throat. They burned every time.

     Her hand went rigid in mine. “You told them?” She
whispered.

     I gave her hand another comforting squeeze. “No.
Nadia’s the only one who knows. She was the one Kris made his drunken
confession to…and then she told me. She’d kept the secret, even from Seth.”

     She sat silently for a moment, wearing a small frown,
immersed in her thoughts. “Does she know about Nola?” She asked under her
breath.

     “No.” I stated emphatically.

     Still looking lost in her thoughts she nodded. “Okay.”

     I gave a tug to her hand to draw her out of whatever she
brooding over. “Should I not have said anything? Nadia’s good at keeping her
mouth shut, but I didn’t want you put in a weird situation in case.”

     “I’m glad you told me.” It wasn’t difficult to see that
she forced a smile for me.

     I debated again about spilling, but knew Nadia wouldn’t
care. “Nadia also had a close call with some guy. She knew some defensive moves
and carried a knife so she was able to get away from him. Out of all my friends
I think she’s the best that can relate to you.”

     She frowned and fell into her thoughts again, looking out
the window. Shit, maybe I shouldn’t have invited Seth and Nadia. I wanted Maya
to get to know my friends but perhaps I should have waited longer to introduce
her to Nadia. I just figured since Nadia had a younger sister it might make it
more fun for Nola. They were both kids even if there were a few years between
them. 

     “Did you and Nadia date?” Maya suddenly asked.

     My hand jerked on the wheel slightly and looked at her
in surprise. “What!? No way. Why would you think that?”

     She stared at me thoughtfully. “I’ve never heard you
refer to a female as a friend before, or with any liking. You barely tolerate
females.”

     I scowled. “Shi…arp. I’m not that bad, am I?”

     Her mouth twisted. “Kind of.”