Landlocked (Atlas Link Series Book 2) (46 page)

know this is no chicken parmesan,” I said. “I owe you one when we get back.”

Josh and I worked our way through the mess hall’s dinner line, picking up some random assortment of food as we went.

He laughed. “I’m looking forward to it.”

When we sat down, I couldn’t take it anymore. “It’s okay to be mad at me, you know. I would be. In fact, I
was
angry when Trevor pulled the same exact bullshit I did. I kept vital information from you guys and Truman died because of it.”

Josh winced at the sound of Truman’s name.

That was the first moment I considered myself a gigantic hypocrite for all of this. I
would
be mad if I were Josh. I would end this. Isn’t that what I’d done to Trevor? Realistically, Josh would be stupid to stay. We’d been together for all of a month and he acted like it’d been two years. He either had more understanding and patience than I’d ever be blessed to have in a lifetime, or his bullshit threshold was so high I didn’t deserve him.

His expression showed no hint of anger, but there was a spark of annoyance in his voice when he answered. “You really need to stop making yourself the center of needless anger. We all have secrets, and we all have a job to do. I did shady things overseas that would make you disgusted with me, things that’d pale in comparison to what you’ve done, but I don’t flaunt them around because they don’t matter. They’re behind me, in the past. But if you learned them now, I’d expect you to act however you wanted. I’m acting how
I
want.”

He sighed. “What happened to Truman wasn’t your fault. Even if you disclosed what we were walking into, there’s no way you could have anticipated what would happen. There’s no way you would have been prepared for a… Lemurian with powers when that’s the first of them we’ve run across that had abilities. All of us might have died if you weren’t there. We lost Truman, yeah. It sucks balls. But we didn’t lose everyone.”

Anger flared inside me. The chunk of bread I held in one hand crushed beneath my fingers. Why was I so angry that he understood? That he was willing to set it all side? I should accept it and go. Instead, I
wanted
him to be angry. I wanted him to hold me accountable because no one else ever had.

“Why are you angry?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I snapped.

He reached across the table and enclosed my hand with his. “I’m disappointed, and Truman’s death won’t get easier for a while, but I can’t be angry with you and not be angry with Weyland. He knew as much as you and never told us. There’s no reason to be pissed at you both.”

“Weyland never put the pieces together,” I said and shook my head. I let my expression soften. I was so used to drama in relationships now I guess I didn’t know how to react when they were simple and straightforward, even despite the craziness of the world around me. “I’m sorry.”

“Let’s not keep secrets anymore. Does that sound like an okay path to you?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Besides, Mara’s mad enough at you for the both of us.”

A cringe brushed my lips. I couldn’t make that right, not until I confronted General Allen or found a way to let the team know without endangering them. Then again, after stealing them to help take SeaSat5 back, maybe he wouldn’t be a threat anymore. “I’m going to talk to her today.”

“Might want to wear a helmet and mouth guard.”

“It’s that bad?” But I knew it was. It was more for Josh’s benefit that I asked.

“Oh yeah.”

I couldn’t sleep that night so I wandered the halls of TAO instead and left Josh to our room alone. I’d almost circled back to my quarters when Mara appeared at the other end of the hallway.

“Why are you awake?” I asked her. Awake and wandering around TAO.

“Looking for you, actually,” she said, crossing her arms at her chest. “You’re a hard person to find these days.” Her tone was clipped, eyes narrowed. “You need to tell them. All of them.”

“I will as soon as SeaSat5 is back,” I said. Doing it now, what would that improve? If anything, telling Josh now might break him and jeopardize the mission. But did I have the right to make that choice for him?

She shook her head. “No. Before. They need to know why Truman died.”

“We don’t know General Allen is to blame. I never told Truman anything.”

“But it was obvious from the plane ride to the warehouse that he knew something was up. And dammit Chelsea, that mission was meant to kill one or all of us, not necessarily Truman specifically. The General set us all up.”

Obviously. The warehouse was in the middle of nowhere, and a simple biologics scan would have revealed no one inside. But really that meant nothing when teleportation was involved. They could have teleported in a whole army in the amount of time we were in there. And besides, the only one General Allen wanted to kill was me because I had information he wanted. He just didn’t know that I knew his ultimate plan. But, neither did Mara.

Why would he risk an entire team, though?

The quick answer was there were many more teams out there, all charged with the same mission. The more complex answer was that he knew I’d get most of them out of there, and if someone died, it’d just go farther in making me look like a spy.

Shit.

“I’ll tell them once SeaSat5 is back,” I said. “Now’s not the time. Besides, General Allen isn’t here, is he? He can’t hurt us again.”

Mara’s grip on my forearm tightened. “Exactly why this needs to be brought up now.”

I held firm. “No.”

“Hey, what’s going on?”

Mara and I both looked down the hall. Josh stood there, his forehead wrinkled.

“I woke up and you were gone. What’s up, Chelsea?” I didn’t respond. “Mara?”

She let go of my hand and gestured my way. “Why don’t you tell him, Chelsea? This seems as perfect a time as any.”

I shot her a glare. Two in the morning was
not
a perfect time for this
at all
. “Maybe in the morning. We’ve got a big day ahead of us.”

“And yet you’re awake and wandering around TAO?” Mara asked. More like accused.

“Not everything is about what happened,” I snapped.

“Whoa, okay,” Josh said and came between us.

Mara threw up her hands and backed off. “Tell him, Chelsea. Or I will.” She nodded at Josh then backtracked to her quarters.

I bit my cheek and refused to look back at Josh.

“What’s her problem?” Josh asked.

“Beats me,” I answered without thinking about it. Maybe I could get around telling him until after we went on the mission in the morning. “Can we talk about it another time, after tomorrow?”

Josh shrugged, but his eyes still watched Mara’s path down the hall. “Sure.”

As Josh bent down to kiss me, white-hot anger that wasn’t mine flooded my veins. The thought
SERIOUSLY?
ripped through my mindscape like a cannon ball versus paper, tearing and shredding me. I jerked back from Josh, leaving him confused as hell, and peered past him. Trevor stood there, eyes livid and nostrils flared.

“What the hell is your problem?” I asked him, pushing past Josh, although he kept a hand on me. I didn’t mind.

Trevor shot a finger out, jabbing it at the air. “Him, you—all of it, that’s what.” He shook his head. “You break up with me because I gave a shit about you and you won’t let me do a thing for you, and here’s Prince Charming swooping you off your feet and coddling you when everything’s wrong? When Mara basically hands you the opportunity to let him in on your secret in a non-violent way, you brush it the hell off. You’re a
coward
.”

Literally every word Trevor said pushed me an inch backward, like he was punching me in the gut instead of speaking. Wave after wave of anger lit my veins, and it wasn’t mine. Suddenly Josh’s hand on me felt like a disgusting abomination instead of a needed reassurance. I ripped his hand off my forearm and took another step toward Trevor. I didn’t need anyone to guard me, and if Trevor needed proof of that, he could come at me. Was Trevor seriously still pissed because he wanted to protect me and I wouldn’t let him? Or because I hadn’t told Josh about General Allen attacking me when I’d told Trevor? I didn’t need Trevor’s protection, especially considering how well that’d gone the first time. I didn’t need Josh’s either.

“I don’t know where the
hell
that came from, but back the hell off. You have no idea at all.”

“No idea?” Trevor asked. “Do
you
have any idea how much I’ve done for
you
?” His face contorted into rage, but a sudden pallor overtook his cheeks.

“Trevor—”

“No!” he shouted. “You don’t get to play the damn victim this time. Not when you’ve had every chance to make this situation right.”

“Hey kid, calm down,” Josh said with hand raised before him in a steadying motion.

Trevor, can we please take this elsewhere?
I asked him in my thoughts.

“Speak out loud so Josh can hear you,” Trevor spat. “Stop hiding things from him.”

Josh, bless his soul, didn’t so much as stiffen at those words. It both made this so much worse and made me want to throttle Trevor that much harder.

“You don’t know what’s happened,” I said. Actually, Trevor
did
. But there were still things he couldn’t understand. “I didn’t end it with you because you babysat me. I ended it because it wasn’t freaking working. Two years and we couldn’t move past what happened.”

“No,” Trevor said, swiping his hand through the air. “
You
couldn’t move past it. Until this guy comes along and magically solves all your problems. How well do you really know him anyway? Ever think he’s a little
too
perfect?” His glare shifted to Josh. “‘Cause she sure as hell isn’t. Go ahead, ask her what she’s hiding, what she’s not telling you because she knows you’ll lose your shit.”

I saw red. Bleeding hot, fire engine red. It busted across my vision in streaks of speed and intensity so bright I wasn’t sure whose anger it was. Trevor’s or mine. We were nothing more than a mass of anger and passion and heat and hurt.

I was across the distance between us in seconds. I trusted him with what happened between General Allen and me. I’d
relied
on our old system to tell him those things, to ask for help. He’d gone and betrayed all that for
this
?