Land of My Heart (43 page)

She’d hoped her brothers would do likewise, but they were both growing restless, itching to leave and seek their own ways.

The breeze whipped at Dianne’s brown felt hat, but she remained fixed on the hill. There was no reason to hurry back. It was moments like these that gave Dianne a sense of purpose and understanding. She’d fallen in love with this land, much like most women fell in love with a man. She loved every ravine, every tree, every twist and turn of the Madison River. There wasn’t a part of the ranch she hadn’t explored or taken into her heart.

Ranching in Montana, as with most places, required changes with each season. Summers were short, though they had more daylight than they’d had in Missouri. Autumn was a strange blend of changing leaves, often mingled with heavy snows. The reverse could be said of spring. While new buds and blooms came to life across the landscape, they were often buried by inches of late snow.

Winter seemed the one thing a Montanan could count on. Varying degrees of cold set in and the days grew dark and oftentimes depressing. Still, Dianne loved winter as much as any other season. She found the cold invigorating, and while the shorter days were sometimes frustrating, Dianne honestly didn’t mind the extra time in the house. Winters allowed for much more reading, sewing, and conversation with Koko. Dianne would also enjoy this winter in particular because there would be hours to play with baby Jamie.

Of course, there were still animals to take care of, but the cattle would soon be moved north to a more open valley where the snows would blow off to leave open range grass for feeding. Uncle Bram said their own valley was much too prone to heavy winter snows for them to run the cattle year round.

Realizing quite a bit of time had passed during her contemplation, Dianne made her way back to the ranch. There was to be a meeting that afternoon on the very topic of moving the herd, and she didn’t want to miss it. It was her hope that Uncle Bram would allow her to help on the drive. It would be the last time she’d get to see Cole for several months, and she wanted the extra time to get to know him better.

It shouldn’t bother me that he’ll go away and be gone for months
. Dianne searched her heart and knew she couldn’t deny, however, that it did affect her. It troubled her a great deal, in fact.

He obviously doesn’t feel anything for me,
she mused.
Not that I feel anything for him—other than friendship. Oh, all right. I feel something more, but it’s silly. He doesn’t even look at me when he’s around, and most of the time he’s not even here to care
.

But he would be at the meeting. Cole had already volunteered to stay with the cattle come winter. Gus and Levi had gone north earlier in September to scout out a site and build a range shack for the boys who would stay to keep an eye on the herd. Cole seemed almost eager to take up the duty, whereas some of the other fellows were just as happy to head back to Virginia City and be done with their jobs for the winter.

“Where have you been?” Zane asked as Dianne rode into the main yard.

“Just giving Dolly a bit of exercise.” Dianne slid down from the horse’s back and offered her brother a smile. “So are you still determined to go through with your plans for the army?”

Zane pushed back his hat, allowing blond hair to fall across his left brow. “It’s all I can think about.” He grinned. “The new fort east of Bozeman will keep me in the area. You’ll be able to come visit me when we aren’t out on maneuvers or fighting the Indians.”

“I wish you wouldn’t go. There’s so much here that needs your attention.”

He frowned. “I’m not a rancher, Dianne. You may love all of this, but I don’t. I’ve only stayed because Uncle Bram made it to my advantage to do so and because I knew it was the right thing to do. Now that problems are heating up with the Sioux and Cheyenne, I’d just as soon be with the army.”

Dianne twisted Dolly’s reins in her hand. “But what if you get killed?”

“We’ve all gotta die sometime,” he offered with a shrug. “Might as well die doing what you love.”

“But you’ve never been a soldier. You have no idea whether you’ll love it or not.”

Zane nodded. “True enough, but I have a good idea. I used to talk at length with Captain Seager. Remember him? He and Pa hit it off so well; he was always coming around talking.”

“I remember him.”

“Well, he told me about army life, and I guess it charmed me. I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind ever since.”

“Well, at least you’ll be close,” Dianne said, realizing she wasn’t going to change Zane’s mind. “I hope you know you’ll always have a place to come back to. I plan to sign up for my homestead land next year. I have to live at least part of the time on the land, and it would be just as nice to live there with you and Morgan.”

“I appreciate that,” Zane replied. “Who knows? You may be right and I’ll get into the army and hate it. But I doubt it.” He reached out and tweaked her earlobe. “Don’t worry about me, baby sister. I’ll be just fine. Besides, by this time next year—you’ll probably be married.”

Stunned by his words, Dianne watched her brother walk away. What did he mean by that comment? She took Dolly to the barn, shaking her head as she went.

“You look perplexed,” Levi said as she entered.

Dianne started at the voice. She found him smiling at her surprise. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” he added quickly. “Here, I’ll take Dolly. I know they’re expecting you for the discussion.”

“Thanks. I’d rather do it myself, but Uncle Bram told me not to be late.” She handed Levi a piece of apple. “Give her this and she’ll love you forever.”

Levi took the apple but refused to let go of Dianne’s hand as he did. “What’s a fella gotta do to get
you
to love him forever?”

Dianne gave a little laugh, trying not to let the matter become serious. “A fella doesn’t have to do much at all, but it has to be a match the good Lord puts together. Otherwise, it doesn’t make sense for either party. Attraction is all well and fine, but God has a purpose in putting folks together for life. I’m not going to try to interfere with that.”

Levi let go and pulled Dolly along. “Well, at least I’ll have
you
lovin’ me, eh, girl?” Dolly gave a whinny as if in protest.

Dianne giggled and headed back to the house. Levi was such a sweet guy. He would make someone a good husband, but not her. She felt toward Levi the same kind of love she felt toward her brothers. Nothing more.

Bram and her brothers were already assembled when Dianne came in. Koko bustled around serving the men coffee while Jamie played on a buffalo hide nearby. Dianne couldn’t help going to her little cousin and picking him up. Jamie cooed and smiled as Dianne talked softly to him.

“Hello, my fine little man. How are you?”

The baby reached out to touch Dianne’s face as she drew him close for a kiss. “I can’t believe how he’s grown.”

“He’s gonna be big like his pa,” Bram said proudly.

Koko nodded, adding, “And his grandpa. My father was no small man.”

“That’s true enough,” Bram admitted.

The front door opened, admitting Gus and Cole. Dianne looked at the men and smiled, while Jamie tucked his head against Dianne’s neck. Cole halted in midstep while Gus began talking of the weather.

Dianne held Cole’s gaze, wishing fervently that she could read his thoughts. Koko came to Dianne and reached out for Jamie. “It’s time for his nap and then I have laundry to do.” She took her son and added, “I’ve made you a pot of tea.”

Dianne lowered her head as if embarrassed by her attention toward Cole. She felt such a growing sensation of confusion, mingled with fascination, and there seemed to be no answers for the questions those feelings brought. “Thank you,” she murmured, then went quickly to take her seat at the table.

“Gus and I both think the winter is going to be a hard one, so we need to get the cattle moved as soon as possible,” Uncle Bram began.

Dianne poured herself a cup of tea and listened as her uncle continued. “There’s good open range to the north. We won’t have any trouble getting the herd through winter—at least that’s my hope.

“Gus also arranged a deal with the man in charge of Fort Ellis. They’re going to buy thirty head from us. They have the opportunity to buy additional beef from some of the men in the area, which is good, because we can’t really afford to send more than thirty off for sale.”

“Who will drive the cattle to Fort Ellis?” Cole asked.

Bram took a long drink of his coffee, then answered. “Zane, Morgan, and Gus will take them east. The hardest part will be dealing with the river. If we keep crossings to a minimum, it shouldn’t be too bad, but otherwise I’m afraid that herd will give you a bad time of it.”

“We can handle it, boss. Don’t you worry none about us,” Gus replied. “While we’re over Bozeman City way, we’ll check out to see if there’s any supplies they’ve got that we could use. Maybe I can pick up some hayseed.”

Bram nodded and pulled a cigar from his vest pocket. “With the problems that seem to be springing up with the Indians, I think we’ll do well to keep the herd guarded through the winter. It’s completely acceptable to trade off one or two to the Indians,” he said, looking to Cole, “especially if it keeps you alive and them from coming back to steal five or six head. But don’t encourage it.”

Cole nodded. “So when do we leave?”

“Day after tomorrow,” Bram replied.

Dianne had held her tongue for as long as she could. She’d been planning for days to interject the idea of going along on the trip to help drive the cattle and to go to Bozeman. Now seemed as good a time as any to make the suggestion. “I want to go along. Would that be all right?”

Everyone at the table turned and looked at her as though she’d just suggested President Lincoln had come back to life. She held her ground, however. “I can ride as well as my brothers—shoot as well, too. I could be good help in driving those cows and I would have a chance to look at the supplies that might interest Koko and me.”

“No, you’d best stay home. Koko is going to need your help with winter preparations,” Bram declared.

“Besides, the trail is no place for a woman,” Cole threw out. He eyed her quite seriously. “Your place is here, in the home.”

Dianne tried not to let his words get her dander up. This was the first time in months Cole had uttered much of anything concerning her. Why did it have to be so negative?

Dianne got up abruptly, afraid that if she didn’t leave she might say something foolish. Storming out of the room, she made her way out the back door, a luxury added only the previous year. Seething, she tried to calm her temper.

“To use one of Bram’s favorite sayings, you look as if you could bite the head right off a rattler,” Koko said, straightening from where she stirred laundry in a huge iron pot.

“I’m mad, that’s for sure. I just wanted to go on the trail with the boys. I wanted to go to Bozeman with my brothers and Gus. Uncle Bram said no, and that was bad enough, but then Cole had to jump in with his opinion.”

“And what was that?”

Dianne plopped down on a stump. “He said the trail was no place for a woman—that my place was here.” She sighed in exasperation. “It’s not that I don’t agree with a woman’s place being in the home—but this isn’t my home. I’m no man’s wife or child’s mother. It seems to me I should be able to come and go at will.”

“Is that truly what you want?” Koko asked softly.

Dianne considered her words for a moment. “No, I suppose it isn’t. But to be honest, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what God wants for me. I have all these feelings inside—feelings for people and places, and I don’t know what to do with them.”

“Have you tried asking God about it?”

Dianne huffed indignantly. “Well, of course I have.”

Koko smiled at her defensive response. “So your prayer life is strong?”

Dianne knew she couldn’t lie. “No … well … I try to pray. I do pray—quite a bit. When I can.”

“You don’t have to convince me,” Koko said with a laugh. “God’s the one who knows the truth of it.”

“Oh, I suppose I don’t pray as much as I should. I get busy, to tell you the truth,” Dianne admitted. “I guess when things are going pretty well, it’s easy to forget about praying.”

“But how will you grow closer to God if you don’t talk to Him?”

“I don’t understand.”

Koko nodded and came to squat beside Dianne. “You have become a dear sister to me. We talk about everything—just like now.”

“That’s true.” Dianne could think of no better friend than Koko.

“If you never talked to me, never asked me about my life, my people, how would you come to understand me? How would I understand you? To be close—to truly love each other—we must get to know each other better. The same is true with God. How can you know Him if you never read His Word—hear His voice to you? How can you grow closer if you never talk, never share your heart?”

“I see what you mean,” Dianne said, her gaze fixed on Koko’s delicate brown face. “I need to open the lines of communication, just like when they strung the telegraph wire from Virginia City to Salt Lake.”

Koko laughed and got to her feet. “Exactly,” she said as she retrieved a few more chunks of wood for the fire. “It’s a marvelous thing to take Jesus as your savior, but don’t stop there. Let Him also be your friend.”

“I will. I’ll start right now.”

Cole Selby came out the door, halting abruptly. He looked to Koko and then to Dianne. “I … uh … I … can we talk a minute?”

Koko smiled. “I need to go check on Jamie. Dianne, would you stir the clothes?”

“Of course.” Dianne got to her feet and took up the long-handled paddle.

Once Koko had gone, Cole came to stand across from Dianne at the fire. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did earlier. You’ve got just as much right to go to Bozeman or any other place. I was just thinking of your safety.”

Dianne looked up and met his dark brown eyes. “You were right too. If I were a wife and a mother, then my place would be at home.”

Cole said nothing for several minutes. They simply stared at each other over the steam of the laundry. Dianne felt her heart give a lurch and butterflies seemed to flitter in her stomach.