Laid 2 Rest Two Halves of a Whole (6 page)

“Sure,” I answered him automatically without thinking twice.

“Great, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes or so. I’ll see you soon.”

I hung up the phone in complete shock. I guess that means he has been here before since he sure in the hell didn’t ask me for any directions. Alright, this is getting weird and he’s due to be here in fifteen minutes no less. I had better get a grip on myself and fast.

I started fixing myself up at record speed. You would have thought I was getting ready for my first date with all the butterflies flying around in my belly. My heart was literally trying to climb out of my chest, while my palms sweated like crazy. What was it about this boy (well, man now) that got my juices flowing like this?

I was a married woman for Pete’s sake.

By the time I heard the ding-dong of the doorbell, I was calm, cool and centered.

Yeah right!
You have no sense if you believed that last sentence.

I had called all my massage appointments and had them rescheduled for later in the week, freeing up my entire day. Nervously, I looked thru the peephole before stepping back to open the door.

Jay was leaning his shoulder against the doorway dressed in a lightweight black leather jacket and some dark denim jeans… he looked just like a Christmas present waiting to be unwrapped. “You look beautiful as always,” he said, planting a kiss on my cheek that warmed up instantly to his touch.

Beautiful
. Did he just say I was beautiful? My own husband hadn’t even called me that in forever. What the hell is happening here? I guess I have no choice, but to just roll with it. “You don’t look too bad yourself. Forgive me. Where are my manners? Come on in, silly.”

“Sorry to just drop by out of the blue… but I had to see you. Sooooo, I hopped on the first plane headed in your direction and here I am. I can’t really explain the feeling that came over me. It was almost as if I had woken up all of a sudden after sleep walking for several years. If that makes any sense to you at all. I couldn’t shake the feeling that you needed me. It seemed important for me to be with you today.
Do you have anything to drink
?” he asked quickly, trying to change the subject.

Wow, he was nervous, I could tell. Well, that makes two of us then. Pointing in the direction of the living room, I told him to go ahead and make himself at home on the couch, while I went to grab us a couple of ice-cold bottles of water from the fridge.

I joined him there, but left as much space as humanly possible between us without being rude. “I’m so glad you’re here.” I said to him which was the honest to God’s truth, but I still didn’t want to sit too close to him, afraid of how
my body might respond to his
.

“Is Diego at work?” he questioned.

Diego, Diego who?
Oh my bad
, I was only married to him, right.

Did these two actually know each other? For the first time, I realized that I really didn’t know where my husband was this morning or even cared for that matter. He wasn’t here now, so why waste time thinking about him. There were some things I needed to sort out and I wasn’t about to let Diego interfere with that. I needed to be firing on all cylinders without him dragging me down today.

Refocusing on the current situation at hand. “Yes,” I said, finally answering his question.

“So what’s new? Are you okay? Was I right… did you need me for some reason?”

That’s the question of the year!

What wasn’t new with me this morning? I don’t know if I’m okay. I think so and as far as his last question was concerned, how was I supposed to remotely answer that right now. The only thing I was 100% positive of, was my newfound feelings of being light and free.

I felt amazing, floating on a natural high. This morning, I woke up a brand new woman. Like a lost part of my former self, emerged from out of the darkness and reconnected itself to me. Shaking my head slightly, giggling, I was blown away by just thinking about everything that had occurred the night before.

“You going to let me in on that joke?” he asked as he shifted his body weight to look at me better.

Oh, what the hell!
I don’t have anything to lose. I still cannot believe that he is alive and sitting in my living room next to me. “Do you remember my sixteenth birthday?”

Man
,
it’s like a sauna in here.
The moment those words left my lips, my face felt plump as hot blood collected in my cheeks.

“Remember it. It’s tattooed onto my soul, love. That day will forever be one of the best days of my life. Is that what you were just smiling about? What made you think about that?”

“It was like it
only happened yesterday,
” I replied with the still all too fresh details bouncing around in my mind like a loose ping-pong ball. In truth, it was only yesterday…
for me!

“I know what you mean, that day was wild. Don’t get mad or anything, but it was like you were possessed by some kind of freaky sex goddess.”

All I could do was laugh at that idea. If he only knew how close to the truth, he really was. “I think I might have been,” I replied still laughing at myself. “Can I ask you something then?” Continuing without even waiting for an answer, “What happened to us? I mean, why aren’t we still together?”

It was a good question because I had absolutely no idea what he had been up to over the years. Obviously, he has been here before, I’m still in contact with him, he still seems to care about me or else he wouldn’t be here right now, but I’m drawing a complete and utter blank. How am I supposed to fill in these holes without appearing as if I’m interrogating him?

He rocked his head from side to side slowly as he fought with himself on how best to answer my question. “I’ve asked myself the same thing about a million times already. I’ve always wanted to sweep you away from this hell you’ve been living in with Diego and put back together all the little broken pieces of you. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to make you whole again… but you never let me. You’re too stubborn for your own good and insistent that this shame of a marriage is your punishment for all of your past sins.” Jay blew out a deep huff before continuing.
“Jazz the truth is, I’ve stood by you all these years and have never once regretted it. I’ll take you anyway, I can have you. I’ve been there for you thru the good and the not so good and I will continue to do so for as long as I live, but I always wanted or wished that things could have been different between the two of us. I have to admit that I’ve felt cheated for a long time because I should have been the leading man in your life, not just some co-star. I knew that when I moved away right after your birthday that things would change between us. I wished over and over again that I could have stayed behind somehow…
stayed with you
.”

So he moved away, huh. We didn’t break up on bad terms. That was good. Moreover, I had the distinct impression, that even though we weren’t a couple anymore, he was still a major part of my life.

Shoot, he just confessed his feelings for me. Something I was so not used to hearing. Jay just laid it out there and wasn’t remotely embarrassed by it. He seemed relieved to finally get that off his chest and out into the open.

Man, this is one big jigsaw puzzle. How in the world am I going to fill in these gaps without him thinking that I’ve gone completely bonkers? With limited choices, I decided to go with what I’ve been doing for the past five years of my marriage…
I fake it
of course!

“Let’s not talk about our past regrets today, it’s far too depressing. You’re here with me now, we’re enjoying each other’s company and that’s all that truly matters. Didn’t you say on the phone that you had some pictures for me? Let’s see them co-star,” I suggested, holding my hand out. Please, oh please let there be some clues in here for me.

“These are all for you to keep. I have copies at home.”

I smiled at that, reached in and pulled out a small stack of ten photos or so. The top picture was of him sunbathing by a pool with his muscles glistening with suntan oil.

Nice!

I took a big swallow of water to try to bring my body temperature back down. Yikes. Quickly shuffling that flick to the back of the pile without looking up at him, I pressed on to a picture of him in a professional yellow and purple basketball uniform, standing in the middle of a basketball court, which just happened to be in the middle of the L.A. Sports Arena.

No. Freakin’. Way!

I rewound my memory log. He is probably around six-four or six-five now, check! He showed real promise on the high school basketball team, check! That was all I had I suddenly realized. Everything else was blank. I have no clue what’s been going on in his life for the past nineteen years since I brought him back from the dead.

Are you freakin’ kidding me
… you mean I could have been married to a pro-ball player all of this time? It was beginning to feel like I was trapped in a nightmare again.

“You play professional basketball?” I choked, as water tried to shoot out from my mouth.

“Why are you acting so surprised? Are you alright? You look a little pale.” His big orbs were filled with worry and concern as he reached over and held my hand, stroking his thumb softly against the back of it.

Okay, time out Jay
… physical contact was so not my thing these days.

Just be cool, I told myself. This is no big deal. So what if I don’t like being touched anymore... well at least I thought I didn’t like being touched. Jay must be some kind of exception since my body didn’t instantly recoil from him like it does whenever Diego tries to touch me. In fact, a part of me wanted him to hold on and never let go. I should be able to handle this without pulling away and hurting his feelings. He was still the same person he has always been, right?

How would I bloody know, people?
Stop thinking like that and snap out of it already. He was just concerned about you.
Gees hold it together, woman.

I straightened my back with new determination. I can do this. Yes, I can do this. I think I can, I think I can…. This was a good thing, no a great thing. He was alive, well, and living out his dreams. I am so proud of him for making it this far.

“I’m fine. Thank you for worrying about me though.” I assured him, squeezing his hand before releasing it to return to the stack of photos for more clues.

The next picture was a close up of him and a precious little girl who looked around five in age with super curly jet-black hair and beautiful chestnut colored eyes…. CRAP! Any color that still remained in my face drain out instantly. I tried to play it off as best I could. “This is a cute picture. Where are you guys?” I said, gulping hard.

“That was Jazz’s sixth birthday party. We had a blast… you should have been there. It was very
girly
. My daughter is a big girl now according to her, you know. She hopes that you’ll make it out to see her soon.”

Daughter???
Jay has a daughter. A beautiful six-year-old daughter.

My eyes teared up as my mind spun out of control from processing too much information at once. I was in danger of extreme emotional overload.

WAIT!
What the hell did he just say again?

“
Jazz
… did you just say Jazz?” I was confused. That’s my name. Man, I need a drink… a tall, strong one!

“Yeah, Jazz! You do remember my daughter Jasmine Rain, don’t you? You’re scaring me, love. Now I know something is definitely wrong with you. Tell me what it is!” He demanded, practically shaking me.

Being so out of it, I hadn’t even notice that he wasn’t on the couch beside me anymore. Instead, he was kneeling in front of me with his big hands gripping both of my arms.
Hard!

In that moment, I lost it completely; my mask of calm, shattered as fat tears started spilling from my eyes as I spoke in barely a whisper. “You named your daughter after
me?
”

I don’t know how he even heard me since I had said it so softly. With one long finger under my chin, Jay brought my face up so I had to look him square in the eyes before he brushed my tears off to the side. I absolutely hated to let anyone to see me cry, but today my eyes betrayed me as they took on a life of their own.

Just great!
I didn’t understand what was happening, I was so confused… and had so many mixed emotions swelling up inside of me that I couldn’t rein them all in.

Leaning heavily into him, I buried my face into his jacket, becoming vulnerable for the first time in countless years. His long, strong arms cocooned around me, pulling me closer to him. He just held me tightly without saying a single word. I felt so protected in his arms. The safest I have felt in a very long time.

How could that be?

Trying to pull myself back together, I straightened back up, breaking his hold on me as I wiped my face dry with my hands. It pains me to let anyone see me like this, but Jay managed to break thru all on my defenses, leaving me exposed. Something I wasn’t used to or sure how to handle anymore.

Damn him!

“Talk to me,” he pleaded.

“I don’t know where to even begin.” And I didn’t. What am I supposed to say exactly? You died nineteen years ago, however yesterday, I traveled back in time and saved your life by sexing you up like crazy. That he wasn’t supposed to be alive right now, let alone, playing pro-ball and raising a six-year-old daughter. He would have my ass committed for sure if I said something like that. “You would never believe me anyways!”

“Try me… you can trust me. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know.” I didn’t know how I knew that, but I did… with all my heart.

“Well, what’s wrong with you? It’s almost as if you’ve lost chunks of your memory. Is that it? Were you in an accident recently that I don’t know about? Did you hit your head?”

“You could somewhat say that… uh, I’ve been out of sorts for a couple of days (
that was an understatement for sure
). Maybe I’m working too hard. I’m not feeling like myself. My brain is just overwhelmed. Please don’t make a bigger deal out of this than necessary, alright.” By the look on his face, I could tell that he wasn’t convinced so I added quickly, “Hey, you want to get some fresh air?”