Lady of the Star Wind (36 page)

“We’re grateful for your service to us in this matter, and you shall be rewarded.” Rothan’s voice was polite and formal. “It’s not in my power to interfere with the mirror, nor would I second-guess the gods as to who is the rightful owner. My queen will give orders for your care and comfort in all ways this night. You can set out on the journey home in the morning. A suitable escort will be provided.”

Tia took her cue from her husband and motioned to the waiting maids, who supported the old wisewoman on either side as she hobbled from the room. Babsuket paused beside Sandy, shaking her head. She reached out, as if to pat Sandy on the cheek, but the princess jerked back several steps to avoid the crone’s touch. Wringing her hands, murmuring more misgivings to the flustered maids, Babsuket and her escorts disappeared through the curtains. Taking one last look at Sandy, Tia then followed, drawing Rothan from his chair to accompany her.

Mark felt at a loss. “Well, I don’t get it. I guess it’s too bad we can’t use the mirror against Farahna, but if we can’t, we can’t. I was always kinda skeptical—” He set the item on the table, realizing he was talking to himself. Sandy had fled the room, going out to the garden.

“Follow her.” Princess Sharesi came to stand beside him. She gave him a surprisingly forceful shove. “I’ll safeguard the mirror until your Lady wants it again. Now go to her.”

Mark walked outside to find Sandy, but she was nowhere to be seen. Frowning, he walked farther into the elaborate gardens, letting his eyes get used to the blazing sun until he found her by the lily pool, staring over the plateau.

“Are you okay?” he asked, coming up behind her.

She refused to turn, even when he placed gentle hands on her shoulders and tried to draw her closer.

He realized she was crying. “What’s wrong? I know it’s disappointing about the mirror thing, but maybe we won’t even need it as a weapon. Let me help, talk to me.” The depth of her emotion over this odd event worried him. “I know the old witch was pretty rude, but sometimes elderly people can be abrupt. And she believed in you from what I could tell—it was me she managed to insult. Although, clearly she coveted the mirror.”

Sandy swallowed hard. She heard the concern for her in his voice but wasn’t ready to discuss the subject, couldn’t talk about it past the lump in her throat and the pain in her heart. She forced herself to stroll along the edge of the pond and to keep her voice from trembling. “That loathsome woman didn’t hurt my feelings. I could care less about her or her opinions. And I won’t be seeking out another consort just so I can use the mirror, if that part of what she said concerns you. Look, I just want to think in peace and quiet right now. I’ll be in our rooms in plenty of time for dinner, all right?”
 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He sounded dubious, moving closer.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She bent to sniff a flowering bush, wishing he’d take the hint and leave.

He gave her an awkward hug, which she allowed, and then walked toward the house. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, and when she felt sure he wasn’t coming back, she gave in to her vertigo and nausea and collapsed in slow motion to her knees on the soft grassy bank of the pond, hot tears pouring down her cheeks.

Next moment, Mark picked her up effortlessly. “Sandy, what the seven
hells
is the matter?” He carried her to the closest bench, on the far side of the pond under a striped awning.

Unable to speak past her grief, she wept as he carefully sat, adjusting his hold on her. She laid her head on his chest and allowed herself to give in to emotion. Blessedly, Mark didn’t ask questions or try to talk. For the longest time, he held her close and rocked her slightly in his arms, stroking her hair, rubbing her back.

Eventually, she exhausted her tears, drained and tired. Hiccupping, she dried her eyes on her sleeve.

“Talk to me.” His quiet voice was inviting, not demanding. “You know you can trust me,” he said. “You could always trust me, right from the first time we met. I love you.”

Where to begin? She took a deep breath, despite the tightness of emotion like bands of steel constricting her chest. After this disastrous afternoon, she was going to need some meds from her dwindling supply. The thought gave her the logical place to launch into the facts he was entitled to hear. “Why do you think I became a doctor?”

“I’ve no idea,” he said. “When we were together on Throne, you never talked of such ambitions.”

“I wanted to do something worthwhile with my life, to help people, not just spend my days in endless, meaningless court intrigues and social activities. To be brutally honest, I wanted a way to distract myself from my own tragedy and loss. When we came here, all the signs indicated the mirror was meant to be mine, not only as another way that I could help, but also as a task no one else alive could accomplish. After the experience with the visions, I felt it was meant to be, although Nuet did warn I might not be able to use it. We’ve both heard the prophecies, how the mirror is necessary to support Rothan’s bid for regaining the throne. Then to have that harridan Babsuket tell me I’m doomed to failure because of how we began, because of all the years we were ripped apart, because maybe we don’t really love each other enough—” She drew in a deep breath. “She picked at old wounds, I’ll admit. It made me so angry because none of what she said is true. It can’t be.” Staring at him, she threaded her fingers through his hair, caressing his cheek. “I love you.”

“Then what’s all this about?” He seemed at a loss. “You’re a doctor, the most highly trained physician on the entire planet. No one else can do what you do.”

She shook her head. “It’s not
enough
. I settled for being a doctor years ago, because that was my only choice, and I am good at it. Here, after Sherabti’s bite and the visions, I had my heart set on being the Lady of the Star Wind. I wanted to fill the role, to use the mirror, to have my own power the way I never wanted anything before, not even to be Outlier empress. Anyone can learn to be a doctor, but only I can use the mirror. Or so I believed.” She felt an aching pit inside her gut, a longing that was indescribable. She
needed
to be able to partner with the mirror, to use it. The longer she had possession of the artifact, the more the desire grew. The more sure she became that it was hers to command, if she could only find the secret. The mirror called to her, that’s what Mark didn’t understand. The magic wanted her, and she wanted it. But she was reluctant to explain that to him. He already looked askance at her attachment to the idea. But if the choice was between the mirror and Mark, there was no choice to be made, because she loved him with all her heart.

As if sensing her train of thought, Mark said, “I never had any regrets about us, you know, and I won’t start now.”

“Never?” Doubt crept in at the edges of her thoughts, sending traitorous tentacles into the surety of her love for him. “Not even when you regained your memories and realized what Ekatereen had done to you?”

“I tried to hate you. I told you that. I failed. Those months with you on Throne, loving you, were the best part of my entire life.” His low voice vibrated with endless depths of emotion. “I could never make my way to you. Even if I could have infiltrated Throne’s security measures, no possibility existed of getting past the empress’s personal safeguards on her family. Nothing I could say or do would ever change Ekatereen’s mind about my unworthiness to be your husband. I assumed you’d gotten married to someone else in due course.” His voice trailed off. Clearing his throat, Mark finished his thought. “Deep down, where I wouldn’t admit it to myself, I—I hoped you were happy.”

She kissed him. “Not without you.”

Leaning on each other, the couple sat for a few moments, watching the shadows lengthen as the day came to an end.

“So, you became a doctor—”

She sighed. “One of the female physicians showed great sympathy to me, braver than the rest. She spent a lot of time talking me through my grief and depression. In time I wanted to be like her, to help others. Emulating her gave me a purpose and a focus. I hoped and believed if I kept myself busy with medical school and then practicing medicine, I could hold my emotions at bay.”

“How can Babsuket know or guess this about you, about us?” Mark wondered out loud. “She said she saw it when I walked into the room—do you believe that? Are we somehow…broken?”

Sandy pushed her hair from her face. “This place is full of mysteries. I wonder why Haatrin wanted me to have the mirror if I can’t use it. How could someone powerful enough to be regarded as a goddess not know?”

“I don’t give a fuck about the damn mirror,” he said. “I care about you.”

“I’ll be all right.” She wiped her cheeks with the edge of her skirt. “I’m going to go to our room and lie down. I have a terrible headache.”

“I think I’ll sit here a bit. Unless you want company—”

“Not right now.” She gave him a quick kiss to take the edge off her blunt refusal. “Will you make excuses for me at dinner?”

“Of course. I’ll check on you after the meal.”

Feeling curiously lighter now that she’d vented her wrenching disappointment over her inability to command the mirror’s gifts, Sandy was sure he didn’t understand the depth of loss she was feeling. He also probably didn’t grasp the weight of the decision not to renounce him as her partner and go in search of a consort the mirror would accept. Hastening toward the house, Sandy pressed one hand to her forehead, where a migraine throbbed. Thank goodness she had plenty of the medicine for headaches left in her bag. A good night’s sleep, and she’d be fine. She hoped.

Mark stared at the pond without seeing it after she walked away. Summoned by a servant, he endured dinner a while later. The conversation was desultory at best, punctuated by long pauses at the end of which he’d realize the guests were either looking at him or studiously away from him. He escaped to the garden again as soon as he could without offending his hosts. He wanted to be alone in the cool dark night to try to think things through.

Wandering to the bench by the pond, farthest away from the house full of well-meaning people, Mark sat, rubbing his forehead. He had a nagging ache behind the eyes. Sandy had refused dinner after all and had fallen asleep, according to the servant Tia sent to inquire. He’d checked on her himself before going outside to sit. She’d taken something from her stock of sedatives to help and had been snoring lightly.

He wished he’d asked her for headclear. A whole bottle of it.

As he sat under the stars, his mind a jumble of emotion, he realized someone was coming across the path to bear him company.

“Your heart is troubled, warrior.”

Princess Sharesi stood alone in the twilight, with no attendants. He started to rise to bow to her as protocol demanded, but she made a slight motion for him to remain seated. “No need for ceremony.” She sat at the end of the bench. “Old Babsuket shouldn’t have been so blunt today. I think she wishes the mirror had come to her hand. Jealousy colors her speech,” the princess said by way of an apology for her former servant.

“Her remarks were pretty insulting to me,” Mark said. “And Sandy is really upset about not being able to use the mirror.”

The elderly princess shook her head, elaborate golden flower earrings chiming. “Let me say this to you—there are tremendous powers here. Coming as you do from the stars, you’ve little to no comprehension of what we deal with in Nakhtiaar. Of who and what protects and defends us. You’ve faced those who guard the paths to the underworld and the afterlife of Nakhtiaar.” Sharesi made the comment a statement, not a question.

Mark recalled his eerie dream in Hutenen’s tomb. He found he didn’t want to make denials about what had happened. “Yes, I’ve seen them. And Sandy believes she spent time with Haatrin and others after the snake bit her.”

“Did you not feel their power? Did you believe in them at the moment you were judged?”

“The experience was as real as anything else in this world gets.” He stared at her. “So?”

“The oldest tablets say the Exalted Ones guard more than one door to more than one reality. Persuade them of the worth of your quest and a path might be opened for you and your Lady of the Star Wind, allowing you to try to repair the schism of which Babsuket spoke, or at least to establish a proper foundation for the powers to flow to your Lady.” She studied him for a long moment in the moonlight, her expression kindly. “Ask the gods to solve the problem of you being the barrier to what she’s supposed to do. To what she craves, because I assure you, desire to be the keeper of the Mirror of the Mother must be running strong in her blood. The mirror is a thing of much power, and it seeks a vessel.”

“Riddles.” Mark dropped his head and scuffed at a pebble with his sandaled foot. His head ached more than ever. “Begging your pardon, but there are times when riddles are the primary language on this planet.”

“She wouldn’t have been chosen. She never would have seen Sherabti.” Princess Sharesi made a gesture to ward off evil as she uttered the name. “The mirror wouldn’t have come to her if there were some impossible barrier to her use of the weapon. She has to use it to fight on behalf of my son in his quest to take the throne. The prophecies are all clear about the need for the mirror to ensure my son’s ultimate victory and successful rule, if he’s to wear the Crown of Khunarum.” Sharesi studied his face in the moonlight. “She could choose another Warrior, one with whom she lacks the painful history the two of you share. She is the fated one, not you.”