Lacy (23 page)

She stiffened when she found him on the
doorstep, her blond hair disheveled, around her face in a mass of curls, an old
toweling robe wrapped loosely around the cotton gown that hung loosely over her
too-thin body.

"So it's you," she said petulantly,
"Come to tell me about your fancy lady in San Antonio, have you?"

"You aren't pregnant," Ben said
shortly, glaring at her. "Why did you tell that lie?"

"It wasn't a lie," she said evasively.
"I could have been." She looked up, her full lower lip trembling.
"You know I could have been! You were the first one, the only one!"

Ben felt uncomfortable. She looked small and
helpless, and her big eyes were brimming over with tears. "Look here,
Faye,"he said, without anger. "You don't understand how it is. I
don't want to spend the rest of my life knee-deep in cattle. I want more than
that.

Jessica can give it to me. She's wealthy and
socially secure. It's more a business arrangement than a marriage."

"What will she get out of it?" Faye
demanded.

He smiled insolently. "You know what she'll
get out of it."

Faye went scarlet and looked away.

That shamed him. She loved him. She'd given
herself trustingly, and he'd made light of the gift. "I'm sorry," he
said, taking her gently by the shoulders. "Really, I am." He frowned,
remembering. He'd taken a long time with Jessica, because she was experienced
and demanding. But the times he'd been with Faye, he was tipsy and in a hurry.
"Faye, you didn't enjoy it, did you?" he asked suddenly.

She averted her face. He turned it up to his,
and something in him flinched at her expression. She looked.. .anguished.

"Are you pregnant?" he asked very
gently.

The tears spilled over. "No!" she
choked. "I wanted to be. I prayed to be. But you don't love me, do you...
? So it would have been awful for you. Oh, Ben, I'm sorry!" she whispered
brokenly. She covered her face with her hands and she was trembling terribly.
"I'm sorry! I loved you so much, I thought you just
had
to
care a little about me, but you don't. You never did. I was just easy and I
gave in like a woman of the streets!"

He pulled her close, groaning. She was so damned
fragile. Why did she have to be like this, so sweet and vulnerable? He couldn't
afford to involve himself with her again, not when he was engaged! He was
sitting on top of the world, and all he had to do was sacrifice little Faye to
have everything he'd ever wanted.

"I love you so," she sobbed into his
shirtfront.

He drew in an anguished breath, his hand
absently smoothing her hair. "Don't cry," he whispered. He closed his
eyes. "Faye, my mother's dying," he blurted out.

She drew away a little, wiping at her tears.
"Your mother? Oh, Ben, no!"

"Her heart." He moved her hair back
from her face, his eyes sad, his face contorted by sorrow. "I didn't know.
I'm going to lose her, and what will I do then? My brother and sister and I
have never been close, but Mother and I always were—perhaps because I'm the
youngest. She's going to die!"

"She's a good woman," Faye said
gently. Her hand reached up to his face, her eyes filled with compassion.
"She'll make the sweetest angel, Ben..."

Her voice broke. He clasped her close, shivering
with grief. She held him, soothed him, whispered soft nothings that comforted
him. Little Faye, with her big, generous heart.

"It's all right, Ben," she whispered.
She rubbed her cheek gently against his. "You'll get through it. Doctors
can make mistakes, you know. She might have years left!"

She made him feel whole again, as if he could
conquer the world. He took a deep, slow breath and lifted his head, not at all
embarrassed to let her see the traces of tears on his thick lashes. Faye had
been a part of his life since they were children. He was her first man. He felt
protective about her, safe when he was with her. But he'd taken her for
granted. Even now, he had no right to be with her. It wasn't honorable.

"You're sweet," he said softly. He
smiled and bent to touch her mouth with his. But at the instant of contact, he
knew his mistake.

It was like fire against dry wood. Despite
Jessica's skill and variety of techniques, Faye aroused him until he was
mindless—just by touching him.

He groaned, reached to pull her hips against
his.

She gasped at the quickness of his need for her,
at the hot pressure of him against her belly.

"Faye!" he whispered, shivering.

He ground her mouth open under his and guided
her backward to the long, worn sofa. Oblivious to where they were, who they
were, even to the fact that her father could come back any minute, he lowered
her down. His hands slid gently over her, feeling her small breasts go taut in
his hands, her body shiver responsively.

Seconds later, he divested her of robe and gown
and looked down at her body. He'd never really seen it until now. The times
he'd made love to her, he'd been less than sober and it had been dark. But now
he looked at her, and she was white-skinned and exquisite, even with her
thinness. Her nipples were mauve and hard, rising as if they begged for his
mouth, blushing with the same color that touched her cheeks.

"Pretty little thing,"he whispered. He
lowered his mouth to her breasts and began to suckle them. She cried out her
ecstasy. It was all he needed to send him right over the edge. He pleasured her
with his mouth and his hands in the way he'd first pleasured Jessica, except
that Faye was inexperienced and totally abandoned in her reception to his
caresses. She made him feel like the most male man who'd ever lived, moaning
and trembling and sobbing as he kindled the flames in her body. She'd never
been aroused to this point before, probably because he'd been too selfish to
care. But now he did. He lifted his head long enough to look at her, and pride
blazed in his eyes as he saw the blatant need in her face, the helpless
writhing of her body, the trembling of her long legs.

He couldn't wait long enough to undress. He
unfastened his trousers, lowered himself over her body with a minimum of
movement.

"Easy,"he whispered when she tried to
pull him down. He hesitated, poised so that he was just barely touching her.

She cried out again, a sound he'd never heard
echoed from a woman's throat.

It aroused him feverishly, but still he kept
control. "Lie still "he said huskily. He rested his forearms beside
her head and watched her face while he moved slowly down. She shuddered at the
first taste of penetration. He held there, smiling hungrily. "More?"
he whispered.

"P—please!"

He moved again, his eyes glittering. "This
much?" he asked, feeling her body tremble violently. "Or this
much?" And he pushed down, hard.

She felt him fill her all at once and she
convulsed. It was vaguely terrifying, the hot, black oblivion of fulfillment.
She'd never known it until now, and she was afraid of it. She tried to
struggle, but she couldn't even see. Her body throbbed with each strangled cry
as ecstasy threw her rhythmically against his hips.

Ben watched her, awed by her face, her body. Odd
that Jessica had never looked like that. Of course, Jessica had been with other
men. Faye hadn't. Faye hadn't had anyone except him...

The thought worked its way down his backbone
until it expanded, throbbed, and suddenly burst into splinters of the most
delicious pleasure he'd ever experienced.

His face blazed red with it, his body arched,
and he gasped as it rolled over him, shuddering, exploding like rainbows of
fire.

Faye came back to consciousness just as she felt
him burst, her eyes wide and fascinated as she watched him above her. She'd
never seen him like this, either. She looked down and she saw him as she hadn't
dreamed of seeing him. Seconds later, he pulled back, and she couldn't drag her
eyes from him.

"Ben!" she gasped. "Ben, my
gosh!"

He collapsed beside her, his body shivering in
the aftermath, his heartbeat audible, his breathing strained.

His eyes were closed—then he groaned as he
realized what he'd done. Damn his hormones, and damn Faye's beauty!

She looked down at him, her heart in her eyes.
"You.. .didn't have to.. .do that," she said, faltering as his eyes opened.
"You.. .I mean, you didn't have to make it—make it good for me, too."

"No, I didn't," he said flatly.

"Then, why?"

He looked at her breasts, relaxed now, pretty
and soft, and he felt himself going hard again. He couldn't believe it. He
couldn't!

He lifted her over him, fitting her to his body
with abrupt ease, holding her there. "Again,"he said huskily.
"I'll give you that again."

"But, you're.. .engaged, Ben," she
whimpered.

"She can't give me this,"he ground
out. "Oh, god, Faye. Nobody can give me this but you!"

He held back just long enough to satisfy her
before he gave himself to her one last time and felt the sun explode in his
veins.

It was the most incredible ecstasy. Why couldn't
he feel it with the woman he was pledged to marry?

Later, he rearranged his clothing while Faye
slowly pulled on her things. He didn't look at her. He was too ashamed.

She went to the door, opening it. She didn't
lift her eyes. "Good-bye, Ben," she whispered, her voice wobbly.
"Thank you," she added hesitantly, "for showing me how it could
have been. It was so beautiful."

Her control broke on the last word, but she bit
her lip, hanging on tight to her pride.

Ben paused at the door. He'd never felt quite so
low. Faye had comforted him, and he'd given her nothing except the risk of a
child. He felt suddenly shocked at the thought of Faye carrying his baby.
Shocked and uncertain.

"I'm sorry, Faye," he said
inadequately.

She shook her head. "I wanted to. It's all
right, I won't tell anyone. I shouldn't have let Papa go to see Coleman. He
won't know about this, I promise."

He tilted her face up to his haunted eyes.
"If I gave you a baby, I want to know."

Her heart stopped. "I couldn't do that,
Ben," she said. "You'll be married. It wouldn't be right."

"What in God's name
will
you
do?"

"I'll get rid of it," she whispered,
strangling on the words. "It will be all right."

"Get rid of it?" he burst out,
enraged.

The sudden sound of a car in the distance alerted
him to the possibility of her father's arrival home. He groaned inwardly at his
stupidity. He was getting worse by the day. He looked at Faye and tried to find
words. Surely she wouldn't risk killing herself in one of those filthy clinics!

"I probably won't, anyway," Faye said,
with savaged pride. "I didn't before."

He hadn't been that thorough before, he wanted
to add. But she was right. Perhaps fate would be kind once more. Anyway, he had
to think of his future. Jessica could give him everything he wanted.

"Good-bye, Faye," he said stiffly.

She looked up, her eyes adoring him sadly.
"Do you love her?" He shifted. "She's very well-to-do." I
see.

The two words enraged him. "At least she's
got more pride than to give her body to an engaged man!"

Faye didn't look up again. She looked..
.crushed.

He cursed roundly and went back to the car,
cranking it viciously. He refused to think about anything except his marriage.
Faye was truly in the past—starting now.

Faye watched him drive away with a long sigh. So
long, pal, she thought with bitter humor. I hope you get all the money you
want. But it won't be enough. It never is. She turned and went back inside.

BEN PULLED UP
at
the front door of Spanish Flats with anger smoldering inside him. He'd hurt
Faye, his mother was dying, Cole and Lacy weren't even speaking today, and
somehow he felt responsible for the cares of the whole world. Perhaps he was
growing up, he thought bitterly.