Lacrimosa (3 page)

I’m so innocent in my memories. A blond boy, no older than seventeen. Tormented. In love.

“Run away with me. It’s the only way we can stay together,” I whisper.

“I can’t leave my sister. There has to be another way.”

The sight of her melts me as always. Chestnut hair that reflects the sun and hangs in waves around her face. Her slim build underneath her simple dress. Deep blue eyes that see straight through me.

“Your father will never allow us to be together.” I pull her closer to me.

“We have to try. I can’t leave Lorelei. I won’t.” Tears flood her eyes.

Even then, I knew it was just a fantasy. We could never be together. Why did I let myself fall in love with her?

A sharp pain resonates through me as the memory speeds forward and I remember the day I’ve tried an eternity to forget. The day I’m destined to remember forever…

“Why are you crying?” I watch the tears spill over her cheeks.

“You were right. Papa…he won’t listen. He’s forbidden me to see you. Promised me to another.”

The sadness in her eyes overwhelms me. I take her hands in mine, breathing her in.

The scent of her hair, warm sugar and vanilla, fills every inch of me.

The feel of her skin against mine, so smooth, warms me.

I want to etch her into my soul, to never forget the way she makes me feel, how she fills the very depths of me.

“I know.” I say as I lead her into the forest surrounding her farm. Our forest.

“I won’t marry someone else. I can’t. You were right; the only way we can be together is if we run away. Tonight.” Her words bounce off the trees and echo through my thoughts.

She melts into my arms, shivering. I tighten my grip and pull her into a hungry kiss. “What about Lorelei? Or your mother?”

“My sister will understand. I can’t be with someone else. I won’t.”

“They’ll never forgive you.”

“I don’t care. We have to leave. Now.”

I hesitate. Torn. I have waited for these words, prayed to hear them. But now that she’s mine, I know I can’t condemn her to a life on the run. I won’t.

Her eyes widen as the moments click by.

One.

“Why are you hesitating
?”
She asks. She steps away from me, her face contorted. “You don’t want me now, do you?” Her voice turns cold. Distant. “You said
this was the only way.”

A gasp escapes my lips as I relive every moment.

“We can’t be together. You’ll grow to hate me. I vowed—”

“I can’t believe what you’re saying. You lied to me. This was your idea.” Her voice cracks. Tears stream down her face and she turns away. And runs.

“Elle! No!”

“Go,” I yell to the apparition of myself. “You idiot. Go after her!” I watch myself plunge into the thicket after her, hearing myself beg for help, pleading with the angels to give me this one thing, to let me have a life with her.

Water fills my eyes as I remember how this ends. The angels won’t listen.

They never listen.

I pace the subway platform as my heart slams against my chest and sweat consumes my brow. Rage bubbles through me, feeding the monster I’ve become. Suffocating anything good that still exists.

—
too easy.

A mother and her young child

A priest

The train stops, allowing more souls to enter.

A group of would-be Goths followed by fear-eating dark creatures

A couple of gang-bangers

Still, no one to appease the Beast inside.

I reach the last car, my last chance. Two young men eye an attractive girl clearly on her way home from work. I listen to their thoughts, see their plans to rape and torture her.

“A beautiful woman like you really shouldn’t ride the train so late. It isn’t safe.” I move closer and her body tenses. I look over her shoulder to the two men staring at us. Ramming my thoughts into them, I flood their minds with torturous images. Their anguish stems my hunger, allows me to control my frenzy and take my time with the girl.

“Those men mean to hurt you.” I nod to the boys trapped in a maze of their own torture. “Let me escort you home, keep you safe. Okay?” My voice casts a spell as my thoughts become hers.

Faint pink hues paint her cheeks. “Um, okay. That’s very nice of you.”

“Oh, it’s no problem. No problem at all.” I allow her mind to see a taste of my plans. A not-so-innocent kiss. A brief caress. She smiles at me, flushing with the thoughts I plant.

I lead her from the train, through the deserted streets of the city. My need explodes across my tongue and I can barely control myself.
Slow down
, I remind myself.
Enjoy her
.

I pull her into a dark alley, lean her against the cold brick building. A soft breeze flutters past and I smell the sulfuric scent of the dark creatures waiting to feed.

Almost time.

I press into her. “You really should be more careful with strangers.”

Her body stiffens against mine. I feel her heart pound against her ribs as her breathing grows erratic. A seductive mix of fear and desire colors her features.

Close your eyes. Give into me.

Her eyes roll back as I lean in and tease her neck with my lips. Her jaw, her mouth. A barely-there moan escapes her lips.

I’ve won.

Demonic shapes form from the shadows around me. Tall and short, beaked and clawed, they move invisibly toward their next meal.
Wait. Soon you can feed.
They stop and allow me to finish, their need nearly eclipsing my own.

“Are you sure about this?” I ask my victim, already knowing her answer.

She grabs my waist and pulls me to her until the space between us is gone. “Yes,” she says through trembling lips.

I draw her into a soft kiss. The mix of chaotic emotions—fear, lust, need—send me into a frenzy. I pull her into a hungrier kiss, moving my hands to the small of her back. She wraps her leg around me, her desire matching mine.

I retreat, teasing her. She moans and pulls me back.

I take what I need, gripping her body and ripping apart her soul. The sweet nectar unleashes the monster within. Her eyes spring open, wide and filled with unmitigated fear. The color drains from her skin as every crevice, every line in her face hardens with terror. She tries to close her mouth as her fists pound against my chest. I tighten my hold on her body and force her lips open.

I drop the girl’s lifeless body. Demonic sounds pierce the night as the creatures move in, their beaks snapping around me. They rip at her body, feasting from the discarded torment and flesh.

My anger, my torment, grows with each heartbeat.

Chapter 5 – Transcending Pain

Nesy

There are few things I hate more than feeling weak. Needing help or failing top the list. The worst, however, is knowing that all three just happened.

My soulless human form sleeps without me. I had to get away from her body, her chaotic feelings, if only for a moment. I never wanted to be locked in flesh again. But glamour, illusion, will never fool an UnHoly like Aydan. No, I had no choice but to become human again.

I stare at the human girl, wondering what her life was like. Did she always feel so off balance? So confused? Did she ever feel love and hatred as I do in her body? Or has she always been nothing more than a shell created to serve the Council? I know the answer even before the question is fully formed. She is flesh and bone, memory and emotions. Nothing more. No soul, no higher purpose. A tool to serve the Council when we must interact with the humans we are sworn to protect. A vehicle that allows us to get closer to the UnHoly and the Dark One.

Shards of golden light reflect from my skin and dance around the room as I contemplate the night. My wings, an intricate web of spun gold and translucent feathers, unfurl behind me. Finally released from the confines of humanity I can relax. Think.

Of course he knows.