Knockout (14 page)

I cringed, looking to see if my mom heard him. "Keep your voice down, but yeah."

His green eyes went saucer wide as he stepped closer, hushing his tone. "Shit, you were serious. Your mom really doesn't want you talking about it?"

"Apparently it's inappropriate for the occasion."

"No way. I just heard Tom Jennings talking about his colonoscopy. Inappropriate left the building three drinks ago."

"You didn't hear a colonoscopy story."

"Not all of it. Why do you think I came over here? I was running away."

"Well, I'm glad to be your refuge."

"Thank you,” he said, hoisting his drink to me. “How many tats do you have?"

"Only a few. You?"

"Two.”

“Are they tribal?”

“Maybe,” he replied cautiously.

“What tribe?”

“What do you mean?”

“If they’re tribal, what tribe are they from? What region? What do they mean?”

“You’re a little ink elite, aren’t you?”

I grinned. “Maybe a little. Sorry. It comes with the job. My boss is anal about making sure people understand the ink they’re getting. He likes to make sure it means something to them. That it’s not just a fad they’re buying into at the moment.”

“Because you used the word ‘anal’ I’ll forgive you. I’d also love to show you my tats to prove I'm legit, but they're on my shoulder and back. I'd have to strip down and I think that'd get us both in trouble."

I smiled. "Another time then."

He smiled as well, his eyes lighting up. "Definitely. Maybe you can do my third."

"Call the shop, make an appointment. Black Ink in Bakersfield."

"I'll look it up. Can I get your number in case I have any questions beforehand?"

I gestured for his phone, feeling my cheeks flush slightly as he handed it over. I was just handing it back to him, realizing I hadn't even learned his name, when I felt someone come to stand beside me.

I knew him from the feel of him. The power of his presence, the scent of him in my nose, the feel of him in my lungs. My blush faded from my cheeks as all of the blood drained from my body in a reaction that shocked me. It felt like dread.

"I see you've met Alexander," Kellen said deeply.

I nodded my head, unable to look at him. I was afraid of the look that might be on my face. I was afraid it was fear.

"We just met," I said, trying to give Alexander a warm smile.

He noticed the tension between Kellen and I. I could see it in his eyes as he looked between us and I hated it. I felt like it told him everything. All of the things I tried to forget but remembered in vivid 3D the second my head hit the pillow.

"Jenna's going to give me some tattoo advice. Has she done any ink on you, Kellen?"

"No. I don't have any."

"I'm surprised. You're a fighter, right?"

"Boxer," I corrected instinctively.

"Oh," Alexander said, giving me a curious look. "Still, though. I would have thought you had something."

"I'm not good with commitment," Kellen replied vaguely.

Alexander laughed. "I would hope that's not true. Aren't you en--"

"Do you mind if I steal Jenna away for a second?" he interrupted, taking my arm at the elbow. His hand felt cold.

Alexander nodded. "Sure, of course. It was good to see you. Jenna, great to meet you."

I managed a smile for him. "You too."

Kellen pulled me gently to the edge of the room until we were nearly tucked in the shadows, hidden from the hustle of the room. It made me nervous being in this secluded area with him, as though everyone would know what we'd done (or almost done) just by us being here like this.

"That guy is a douchebag," Kellen muttered when he let me go.

I shrugged, rubbing my arm where his hand had touched me. My skin felt frozen. "I liked him."

Kellen shook his head, his eyes looking beyond me a little unfocused. I eyed him closely then. To the casual observer, nothing was wrong. But to me, to someone who had known him for years, it was impossible to miss.

“You’re drunk.”

He snorted but he didn't deny it. I noticed a glass of wine in his hand. White wine.

Kellen hated wine.

“Is that vodka?”

His eyes snapped to my face. “What are you? A witch? How could you know that?”

“Because I know you. Why are you drinking like this tonight? Are you okay?”

“I am what I am and that’s all that I am.”

I scowled. “What is that?”

“The words of a brilliant man.”

“I am what I am…” I muttered quietly, trying to recognize the familiar phrase. “I’m Popeye, the Sailor Man?”

“Nailed it,” he said, leaning in closer. “You know everything."

"That's simply not true."

"I could say anything to you and you’d get it, wouldn’t you?”

I stared at him for a moment before answering softly, “Not everything, no. Some things you say stump me.”

He focused up on my face, his eyes growing serious. “I don’t understand it any more than you do. I don’t like it any more either.”

“But you are who you are and that’s all that you are,” I sang quietly.

“I’m the Tin Man, Dorothy,” he agreed, beating his hand over his heart. “I’m running on empty.”

“We’re mixing a lot of genres here.”

He nodded, taking a drink. “Life is messy like that.”

“Can I have some?”

He looked at me in surprise, but then he smiled wickedly. “You’re only seventeen.”

I glared at him, yanking the glass from his hand. “Too soon to be funny.”

I took a quick sip before handing it back to him. Yep, vodka. The good stuff. It went down easy, burning slow and even. It felt good. It felt different than the empty hollow in my stomach that I’d been dealing with for days.

“Are
you
okay?” he asked, taking his glass back.

“I’m great. What time is it?”

He lifted his arm to look at his watch but he struggled to shake it out from under his jacket sleeve. I finally grabbed his hand and spun the watch until I could read it. 8pm. My midnight.

"Pumpkin time," I said victoriously, unbuttoning my cardigan.

Kellen's eyebrows shot up. "Are you stripping?"

"What is it with guys tonight? Porn star? Stripper? I gotta work on my vibe."

"Who called you a porn star? Douchebag back there?" Kellen asked hotly.

"Don't worry about it. I'm off the clock. Mom gave me the okay to leave after eight which means I can get clear of this crowd, ditch the death black clothes and salvage this Saturday night." I gave him a small salute as I went to step around him, heading for the door. "Good luck. Lay off the vodka, you're one drink away from sloppy."

"Wait," he said quickly, grabbing my arm again.

"What?"

“There’s something I need to tell you before you go,” he said, suddenly looking tense.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, frowning with worry.

“Kellen!” Laney called. She waved from across the room, her face all light, laughter and excitement. Mom and dad were standing beside her. Mom was glowing as well.

“Shit,” Kellen groaned.

My heart felt tight. The thin air in my lungs had evaporated. “What’s happening?”

“I wanted to tell you before it happened. I wanted to be the one.”

My eyes went wide. Part of me knew, but I wasn’t ready to
know
. To understand what this party was really about. What was scheduled to happen at eight.

“No,” I breathed, staring at my happy family. My happy family standing there without me.

“Jenna.”

“Oh, Kel, no,” I said sadly. Not sad for myself, but for him. For Laney. This wouldn’t end well. Either that or it would never end and it would be a nightmare of a ride to watch, let alone live.

“Wait, just wait,” he said, taking hold of my shoulders.

His glass sloshed. Vodka soaked the left arm of my sweater. I didn’t care. I could only stare up at him in amazement.

“Kellen!”

“Just wait!” he called back, less kindly than he should have. Heads began to turn toward us.

“Kellen, you need to get up there,” I told him, glancing around nervously.

“You need to listen to me first.”

“Then talk fast. People are staring.”

“Fuck people,” he growled.

“What do you need to tell me?” I whispered vehemently. “That you put a ring on it? I see that.”

“No, I need you to promise me.”

I stared at him, searching his face. “Promise what?”

“Kellen!”

His hands tightened on my shoulders. He took a deep breath. “That you’ll never quit on me.”

It was the same thing I’d asked of him two years ago. Two years ago when I’d crept to the end of my bed and stared up at him, setting something off inside of him that ticked like a time bomb all those years, finally exploding in a moment of chaos and kisses in my mom’s kitchen, a moment we had yet to recover from. Now he was marrying Laney and I knew we probably never would. We’d never get back to where we were.

I felt tears sting my eyes. “Kel,”

“Other people already have,” he told me, his voice husky and hushed, only for me. “More will. But not you. Never you. Promise me.”

There were whispers all around us. Voices rushing through the crowd, rumors flying, speculation building. It was about to get ugly.

I took a sharp breath, nodding my head. “I promise you.”

He pulled me forward and pressed a kiss on my forehead before I could stop him. The entire room watched. I felt my cheeks explode with fire when he abruptly walked away, heading toward my waiting family. The eyes slowly followed him and I fell into shadow in the corner of the room. I watched with deaf ears and dead eyes as they made their announcement. As glasses were raised, cheers erupted, applause were given. Laney held up her hand, showing off the ring. He kissed her lightly. His mouth was smiling. His eyes scanned the adoring crowd, accepting congratulations.

But when they fell on me, they were as dead as mine.

“Oh God, Kellen,” she moaned loudly. “Yes! Fuck yes, baby! Like that. Just like that.”

“The entire hotel is going to hear you.”

“I don’t care. Don’t stop,” she groaned. “Don’t ever stop.”

The bed creaked under the weight of their bodies as they moved together in a slow, steady rhythm. Eventually the pace began to build as he moved over her faster and faster. Her moans filled the air, echoed off the walls and every now and then his heavy breathing turned to a guttural grunt that he couldn’t contain.

“I’m close,” she whimpered, her voice high pitched and strained.

“Let it go,” he told her breathlessly.

He quickened his pace, the bed creaking louder and faster.

“Not without you.”

“I can’t time it like that.”

“Kellen, please.”

“Don’t wait for me,” he said, his voice taught.

“Baby, yes, please. Look at me. Together.”

“Lane, just—“

“Oh!” she cried, drowning his words out.

I could hear it all through the pillow I had wrapped tightly over my head. The term ‘paper thin walls’ didn’t do this hotel justice. I could hear everything, absolutely everything as though I was in the room with them. I may as well have been sitting in a chair across from the bed munching on popcorn and enjoying the show because I was basically there already.

Even though Laney had mercifully finally found her release, I knew Kellen wouldn’t be far behind. I gripped the pillow tighter, punching it into my ears while I hummed the national anthem as loud as I could. Luckily, it was enough. I gave it five minutes of God blessing America before I risked pulling the pillow away. It was silent. Kellen was quieter than my banshee of a sister.

Growling in annoyance, I tossed the pillow across the room. It was a part of their sexapades now and I wanted nothing to do with it. In fact, everything felt tainted. If I could get away with burning the bed, the sheets, my pajamas, my ear canals, the part of my brain that stored this god awful memory to keep forever and ever, I would. I would do it in an instant. I didn’t even have matches but I was ready, willing and able to go full Girl Scout, breaking up furniture and rubbing the tinder together to spark a flame. Anything to rid myself of what had just happened.

After that, I couldn’t fall asleep. When two o’clock rolled around, I cursed under my breath, grabbed my phone and went into the bathroom.

“What’s up?” Sam asked, picking up on the third ring. “How’s the Big Apple?”