Knitting Under the Influence (29 page)

“Only the men aren't supposed to know about it,” Lucy said. “That's why you've probably never heard about it before.”

“Really,” said Kevin, with a broad grin that meant he knew he was being made fun of and was prepared to be a good sport about it. “Well, don't let me stand in your way. Just do me a favor and don't drink any more tonight, will you? You're all starting to scare me.”

“He says we're scaring him,” Kathleen said to the girls. “And yet he doesn't
seem
scared, does he? Or nervous, or anything? That's my guy!”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Kevin said. “Which must mean it's past my bedtime. Good night, girls.” He started back up the stairs.

“Oops,” said Kathleen. “My knitting's in the bedroom. Let me just grab it and I’ll meet you guys back in your room.” She joined him oh the stairs.

Sari and Lucy stumbled their way across the house to the room they were sharing. It was a huge guest bedroom suite, with a king-size bed, a marble-floored bathroom, and a lanai that, because the house was built on a cliff, had a stunning view of the ocean.

Sari closed the door behind them and turned to Lucy. “We have to stop this wedding,” she said.

“You're drunk,” Lucy said. “Me, too.” She collapsed down on the bed.

“I know,” Sari said. “But I mean it. She doesn't love him.”

“Big deal.” Lucy rolled onto her back and closed her eyes.

“She can't get married—it would be a huge mistake.”

“Maybe yes, maybe no,” Lucy said sleepily.

“Will you please take this seriously?”

“Fine.” Lucy sat up and leaned back against the headboard. Sari sat down on an upholstered chair facing her. “Even if it is a mistake,” Lucy said, “what difference does it make in the long run? They'll just get divorced. No big deal. Maybe she'll even get some money out of it.”

“It's depressing to get divorced,” Sari said. “I see divorced people all the time, and it's like this emotional tattoo you can't ever get rid of. And if she takes his money, then she becomes the kind of girl who marries rich guys and takes their money and I don't want Kathleen to become that.”

“Why don't you think she loves him? She said she did. And he's a nice guy.”

“He's nice enough. But there's no spark. He's …” She groped. “He's spark-less. Kathleen sparkles and he's spark-less. That's a huge difference.”

“Just one
s,”
Lucy said.

“Please, Lucy, help me. We have to try at least, or we'll never forgive ourselves.”

“We can't,” Lucy said.

“Sure, we can. I mean, she listens to us—”

“No, I mean, we could maybe change Kathleen's mind, but it would be wrong. The guy bought us plane tickets to Hawaii, Sari. He put us up at his house. We'd be repaying him by ruining his life. That's fucked up. As am I, by the way.”

“No, wait—I have an argument to that.”

“What?”

“Shit, I forgot it.” Sari banged her hand on the side of the chair. “Oh, no, there it is again. I knew I had one. Kevin's better off losing Kathleen now, before he's committed his whole heart and bank account to a marriage that won't work. We're doing him a favor.”

“It doesn't feel like we're doing him a favor.”

“Well, we are. And we'll know it even if he doesn't.” There were footsteps outside their door. “Quick,” Sari said. “Get your knitting out!” They both pounced on their knitting bags, pulled out their work, dived into chairs, and propped fake smiles on their faces.

Kathleen opened the door. “Hey,” she said. “Room for one more?”

“Pull up a bed,” Sari said.

Kathleen kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the bed, where she hiked her dress up above her thighs so she could sit cross-legged. She pulled out her knitting. “Kevin wanted to have sex,” she said, as she detangled the yarns and straightened out the work she'd done.

“Did you?” Lucy asked.

“How fast do you think I can do it? No, I told him I’d rather hang out with you guys. We have years of matrimonial screwing ahead of us, right?”

“Right,” Sari said with a meaningful glance at Lucy. “Years and years with the same guy every night. Just the one guy forever more.”

“No one else,” Lucy said.
“Ever.”

“I hope it's the best sex of your life, with Kevin,” Sari said. “Because it's him and only him from now on.”

“What are you trying to do?” Kathleen said with a little laugh. “Scare me shitless?”

“We just want to make sure you know what you're getting into,” Sari said. “That you're going into this with your eyes open.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“So you think the sex is better with him than it could ever be with anyone else?”

There was a pause. Then Kathleen said, “That's a stupid question, Sari. It's un—unanswerable.” She stumbled over the last word, but got it out.

“Think about this then,” Sari said. “Is there any guy out there right now—
anyone
—who, if Kevin were out of the picture, you'd want to sleep with?”

“Is there any guy out there she
doesn't
want to sleep with?” Lucy said and dissolved into high-pitched giggles that rapidly turned into snorts and then hiccups.

“How much did she have to drink?” Kathleen asked Sari.

“same as us.”

“Man, then we must be totally wasted.”

“You haven't answered my question,” Sari said.

Kathleen knitted in silence for a moment. Then, looking up, she said slowly, “If the question is, is there another guy out there who—” She stopped.

“Who what?” said Sari, when several seconds had gone by and Kathleen still hadn't finished her sentence.

“Oh, what difference does it make?” Kathleen said. She went back to knitting, stabbing the needles at each other with a sudden wild energy. “It's all just what maybe could be or might be but isn't and I have Kevin now and he loves me and he gave me this ring and this is the most beautiful place I’ve ever been in and even the twins don't own a beach house in Hawaii and why are you doing this to me, Sari? Why won't you let me enjoy it? Are you jealous? Is that what this is about?”“Yeah,” said Sari. “I’m jealous. That's what this is about.”

Kathleen looked up then and their eyes met. “I’m sorry,” Kathleen said. “That was a stupid thing to say. But why are you making this so hard on me? The decision's been made, Sari. I’m wearing the guy's engagement ring, in case you hadn't noticed.”

“It's a surprise wedding,” Sari said. “No one else knows you're even engaged. So why not wait? If you and Kevin really love each other, you can get married a year from now and—”

“If I don't marry Kevin tomorrow, we won't last another week,” Kathleen said.

There was a pause. Then Lucy said, “”Well, then, why—”

“Because of me,” Kathleen said. She let her knitting drop from her fingers and curled herself up into a ball. “Because of the way I am. I’m always getting bored with guys—you two know that better than anyone. And I’m sick of it. I’m sick of not having someone steady and I’m sick of not having anything I really like to do and I’m sick of not knowing what I want my life to be.”

There was another pause. Then Lucy said, “You like to knit.”

“Yeah,” Kathleen said with a sigh. “I like to knit. Maybe that'll keep me busy when I’m old and all alone.”

“You won't be alone when you're old,” Sari said. “You'll have us.”

“You guys will have husbands and kids. And cute little grandchildren.”

“Our husbands will die and our kids will ignore us,” Sari said. “We'll need you as much as you'll need us.”

“I don't think so.”

“Still,” Sari said, “you shouldn't marry a guy because you're scared.”

“Fuck you,” Kathleen said. “Why the fuck do you have to be so fucking right all the time?” No one said anything for a moment. Then she flung her hand out. “Fine, Sari, you win. No wedding. But you guys have to be with me when I tell him.”

“Does this mean you have to give the ring back?” Lucy said.

They slept together in the king-size bed that night, all three of them. They left the doors to the lanai open and ocean breezes sent them all spinning into a strange, dreamy doze, until the alcohol wore off in the middle of the night and they woke up in turns, wildly thirsty and needing to pee.

At one of her more-awake-than-asleep moments, Kathleen stumbled into the bathroom and slurped water greedily straight from the faucet. When she came back, Sari whispered hoarsely, “You okay?”

“Yeah.” She crawled into bed next to Sari. “Except I feel like whatever I do tomorrow, I’m going to be making a big mistake.”

“That means that whatever you do, you're saving yourself from a big mistake,” Sari said. “Look at it that way.”

“That helps,” Kathleen said. She snuggled close and eventually they fell back to sleep.

The girls were subdued in the morning, not talking much as they showered and got dressed—not in sarongs and bikinis this time, but in their regular jeans and tank tops.

“Oh, shit,” Lucy said, picking up the knitting she'd left on the chair the night before. “Oh,
shit!”
She held it up for the others to see. A bunch of stitches had fallen off the circular needles and one stitch had pulled out in a run that went hallway down the whole thing. “I can't believe it,” she said. “I’m going to have to start all over again.”

Sari exclaimed in sympathy, but when she went to pick up her own knitting, she realized she had her own problems. “Oh, man, look at this. I forgot to switch colors. Now the red part's twice as wide as it's supposed to be. I’m going to have to rip out everything I did last night.”

“And mine's all tangled,” Kathleen said, shoving it into her knitting bag. “I’ll deal with it later. But clearly it's a mistake to knit when you're drunk.”

“They should warn people about this,” Sari said. “Maybe even make it a law—don't drink and knit.” She looked at Kathleen.

“How are you doing this morning?”

“A little hungover.”

“Any change of heart?”

Kathleen shook her head. “No. You're right. I shouldn't get married.”

“Is there someone else?”

“Not really. Maybe. But it's not that. It's—” She fingered a shell on the desk; Lucy had brought it back from the beach the day before. It was bone-white and smooth. “I like Kevin. But I don't really want to spend the rest of my life with him. I get bored whenever we're alone together for more than an hour or two.” She looked up. “I was drunk when I said yes. And I thought if I pretty much stayed drunk from then until the wedding, I’d get through it and then it would just be done and once it was done, I’d just, you know … kind of
go
with it.”

“Someday you'll meet a guy you won't have to get drunk to marry,” Lucy said.

“Or not,” Kathleen said.

“Or not,” Sari said. “Either way, you're right not to do this.”

They all went into the kitchen together. Kevin was already sitting at the table, drinking coffee and leafing through a newspaper. He looked up with a pleasant smile. “There you are! I figured you all fell asleep in a great big heap last night, like a litter of puppies.”

“Yeah, basically,” Sari said with a quick sideways glance at Kathleen, who was hesitating, biting her lip. It was strange to see Kathleen look so unsure of herself.

Kevin didn't seem to notice, though. “I made coffee, if anyone wants some. From Kona beans—the best there is. Help yourselves.”

“Thanks,” said Lucy and went to pour herself a cup.

Sari stayed right at Kathleen's elbow.

Kevin turned the page, smoothed the paper out in front of him and said to Kathleen, “So, ready to go get married?”

“No,” Kathleen said.

“I know.” He was still smiling. “I’m nervous, too.”

“It's not that,” she said. She reached for Sari's hand and squeezed it painfully tight as she went on. “I’m not ready to get married, Kevin. I’m sorry. We talked a lot last night and I realized I’m just not ready for this.”

“Oh,” he said. He looked disappointed. “I know I was kind of rushing things. It just seemed so perfect doing it here.” He brightened. “But maybe it does make more sense to wait a little while.”

Kathleen was silent.

“Right?” he said. “We can go back home, enjoy being engaged, make some long-term plans … Actually, I was a little worried about my family's reaction—you know, not being included and all. Maybe it's better this way. We can do the whole big wedding thing in the spring and make my mother happy.”

Kathleen let go of Sari's hand and tugged the engagement ring off her finger. “That's not what I meant.” She stepped toward him and held the ring out. “I want you to take this back.”

“What are you talking about?” He stared at the ring like he didn't know what it was or what he was supposed to do with it.

“You're a nice guy,” Kathleen said. “The nicest. And this is a record for me. I don't last long with guys. You can ask the girls—” She gestured at Lucy and Sari with her free hand. “This has been one of the longest relationships I’ve ever had.”

“It has,” Lucy said, over the rim of her coffee cup. “Really.”