Kissing Sin (14 page)

He raised a pale eyebrow. “My proposition has benefits for you, the Directorate, and myself. More than that I am not willing to say right now.” He glanced at his watch. “My time is officially up. If you wish to discuss this matter further, ring me on this number.” He handed me a card. “It’s the only secure line I have left.”

I glanced at the handwritten number, quickly memorizing it before tearing the card into strips. “Don’t be expecting me to.”

He smiled, and turned away. Then he stopped and looked over his shoulder. “One more thing you should know.”

Trepidation crawled through me. “What?”

“I haven’t had the hormone chip replaced. Right now, I’m the most fertile wolf you know.”

With that, he turned and walked away, leaving me dry mouthed and shaking. God, what was he saying? That I
could
have kids? Why else would he say something like that?

There was only one way to find out. Spinning, I all but ran to the elevators, my stomach churning so much that the twenty-floor climb didn’t really make a noticeable impression.

As usual, Dr. Harvey was running behind schedule, leaving me sitting in the waiting room, twitching and shifting and sweating.

When the nurse finally called me in, I all but ran.

Dr. Harvey looked over his black-framed glasses at me. “You’re looking a little peaked this afternoon.”

I sat down on the chair and crossed my legs. “I’m worried.” No lie there, that was for sure. “These results may well change the direction of my life.”

He nodded in understanding, his gaze flicking to the com-screen on one end of the desk. I shifted, but couldn’t quite see what was on the screen.

“Would you prefer the good or the bad news first?”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Hit me with the bad.” Might as well know the worst first.

“There’s no easy way to put this, so I’ll say it straight out. Indications are that within a year or so, your body will fully imitate a vampire’s in that you will neither be fertile nor be able to carry a child.”

I simply stared at him. Deep down, I guess I’d always expected something like this would happen. Rhoan might be more vampire in his makeup than wolf, but we were fraternal twins, sharing the same father if not the same seed. Yet I’d always hoped that because past tests had indicated the werewolf gene was stronger in me, I’d be able to have a child. Or would at least be able to turn to some form of IVF when all else failed. Now even that was snatched from me, and I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to cry.

Though right now, both were looking good.

“The good news,” he continued, as if he hadn’t noticed me sitting there in a lump of misery, “is that the experimental drug you were given has actually achieved its aim. Young woman, your cycle has finally kicked into gear, and you are actually menstruating for the first time in your life.”

I stared at him for several long minutes. “No, I’m not.”

He smiled. “Yes, you are. If the results we got back were any indication, you should have had your first period six days ago.”

Six days ago I’d been barely alive. “I can’t remember.”

He raised his eyebrows at that, but didn’t question. He knew I was Directorate. Knew some things just had to be accepted without question. He clasped his hands in front of him. “Of course, given that you are no longer taking the drug, I would envisage the effects will not last very long. A last burst, perhaps, before infertility.”

I blinked, and suddenly his words hit me.
Ohmygod
. I could have
kids
. I was fertile, however briefly. I felt like screaming. Dancing. Running through the building shouting the news.

“Of course,” he said, his voice full of a sternness that somehow kept me anchored, “we will have to keep a close eye on what is happening, and run weekly tests. If you
do
become pregnant, it might mean hospitalization, as we cannot predict how your body, with the changes it is undergoing, will react.”

I didn’t care if I had to be hospitalized the whole nine months. Not if it meant having a child at the end of it. I shifted in my seat, and had to resist the impulse to ring Rhoan and tell him the news. God, he’d be over the moon!

“And,” the doctor continued, “because you have such a narrow margin of fertility and will need to ensure maximum opportunity for pregnancy, you will have to watch your body’s chemical and physical changes, and ensure the sexual act occurs during hours of peak receptiveness.”

“And the monitoring involves…?”

“These days, it involves nothing more tedious than wearing a small monitor under your skin. It’ll tingle softly to warn you when a peak has been reached.”

I nodded, and wondered if I was grinning like a fool.

“Remember though, that even this machine cannot guarantee conception. It may be that you will
not
fall pregnant, especially given your history. There are never any certainties when it comes to life, even in this day and age.”

“I have a chance, Doc. That’s all I wanted.”

He nodded. “Then you wish to have the monitor implanted immediately?”

I opened my mouth to say, “Yes, of course,” but the words froze somewhere in my throat as his earlier words hit me.
The experimental drug you were given has actually achieved its aim.
The same experimental drug that had changed the very cell structure of past half-breed recipients. The same drug that, even now, could be changing my body in unknown ways.

Oh,
fuck
.

I closed my eyes, and rubbed them wearily. “I need to think about all this,” I said slowly. “As much as I want to rush into having a kid, there are other considerations.”

He nodded. “Just remember that it
is
a small window, and time is of the essence if you wish to attempt conception.”

Like I didn’t know that. I stood. “I just need a little time to think about it.”

He studied me for a moment, eyes full of understanding. “I’ll be here until at least nine-thirty tonight. Ring me if you come to a decision or want to discuss things further. Other than that, we’ll make your next appointment for tomorrow, same time. Will twenty-four hours be enough?”

Twenty-four hours to decide whether or not I should risk following a long-held dream? God,
no
. But I nodded, and left, and was in such a daze that the elevator ride back down to the ground didn’t even stir my usually fragile stomach.

The doors opened, and Quinn was standing there, expression concerned as he reached out and gently cupped my elbow. “Are you all right?”

My laugh was shaky. “Yeah. Just got some wonderful news.”

He frowned. “Then why are you as white as a sheet and shaking?”

“I’m scared of tall buildings, remember?”

“I remember. But I also know you’re lying.” He hesitated, his dark gaze boring into mine, as if trying to reach my soul. “There was a time you trusted me.”

I
still
trusted him. I just needed to think about things first, before I told anyone. But I couldn’t think here. Couldn’t decide here. I rubbed my hand across my eyes again. They burned, as if filled with unshed tears. “Can you drop the questions and just drive me to Mt. Macedon?”

The elevator doors tried to close. Quinn put a hand against them and said, “Why?”

“Because I have a decision to make, and I think better when I’m running through trees.” And Mt. Macedon was the least developed of the big parks that surrounded metropolitan Melbourne.

He stared at me a minute longer, then his grip tightened on my elbow, and he led me out of the building. The strength of the sun was waning into dusk, and the wind carried the chill of the storm predicted to hit later this evening. I glanced up, watching the clouds race across the pink tinted sky. The wolf within me hoped it
did
rain, because there was nothing more refreshing, more isolating, and more primordial than racing the thunder of a storm through rain-lashed trees.

We climbed into the car and headed for Mt. Macedon. Quinn didn’t say anything, and for that, I was grateful. My thoughts were a mess, going fifty different ways, and right then, I didn’t have a hope of coping with any sort of conversation.

The rain began to splatter across the windshield as we entered the Mt. Macedon township. Quinn glanced at me, eyebrow raised in question.

“Go on,” I said. “I don’t care if it rains. Besides, I’m a wolf. We don’t feel the cold.”

“Werewolves mightn’t, but you do.”

He had a good memory. I’d only mentioned that once, in passing. “Maybe. But right now, I need to run more than I need to keep warm.”

He nodded, and continued on up the mountain. We entered the park, and stopped in the bays closest to the trees. There were maybe a dozen other cars here, and most of those were parked up near the Old Tea Rooms restaurant. I climbed out. The wind tore at my dress and hair, touching my skin with chill reminders of the winter just past. I shivered, and glanced across the roof of the car at Quinn. “This could take a while.”

“Be careful” was all he said.

I nodded, then stripped off my clothes, placing them in the car before calling to the wildness within. In wolf form, I headed for the trees, and just kept on running through the ferny undergrowth. I wasn’t really thinking, just letting the night, the cold, and the storm run over my body. Letting the electricity that danced through the thunderous skies clear the cobwebs and confusion from my mind.

I ran for hours. Ran until my limbs were beginning to shake with tiredness, and my tongue lolled so far out of my mouth I’d swear it was about to drag on the ground. Ran until the storm had swept past, and the clean scent of wet earth mingled with eucalyptus on the night air. Even then, I didn’t head back immediately to the car, but rather changed to human form and headed for the huge memorial cross that was the centerpiece of the park.

Sitting on the steps, my back to the cross, I hugged my knees close to my chest, trying to keep warm as I stared at the lights that stretched like a twinkling carpet far in the distance.

Within a few minutes, the warm scent of sandalwood mingled with the fresh aromas of the night. He handed me my dress without comment. Once I’d put it on, he placed a leather jacket across my shoulders and sat on the step beside me, a shadow whose heat I could feel even though we weren’t touching.

“I’ve booked a table in the restaurant, if you wish something to eat,” he said, after a moment.

“I might.” I slipped my arms inside the jacket and zipped it up. It smelled of leather and man, and stirred me in a hundred different ways. Which was scary, because I really couldn’t afford to fall for this vampire any more than I already had.

“And
have
you fallen for me, Riley Jenson?”

I glanced at him sharply. “Two days ago you said you could only catch my thoughts when I was in pain or during passion. So how come you’re reading them now?”

His gaze, when it met mine, was flat and uncompromising. “We’ve shared blood, remember. I did warn you that makes me more attuned to unguarded thoughts.”

I looked away. “Then I must remember to guard my thoughts at all times.”

“Perhaps you should, if you don’t want me reading them.”

“You could be a gentleman, and not intrude.”

“I could. But given the fact our talks so far have gotten interrupted for various reasons, intruding on your thoughts is my only way of getting information.”

He obviously hadn’t read too much, then, or he probably wouldn’t be sitting there so calmly. I chewed my lip, watching the twinkling carpet of lights, trying not to think of anything in particular.

Yet a decision had to be made. Here. Tonight. Because if I went back to Jack, he’d make it for me. Though, considering he wanted me as a guardian, I doubt he’d want me pregnant.

“Tell me what causes you such anguish,” Quinn demanded softly.

I briefly contemplated the wisdom of not telling him, but in the end, he had the right to know. It did involve him—us—in some respects.

“You’re not going to like it,” I hedged.

He reached out, his hand twining in mine, wrapping my fingers in heat and courage. “Tell me.”

So I did. About what the doctor had said. About Misha. About the decision I’d come up here to make.

He was silent for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was as emotionless as ever. Yet his dark eyes held echoes of pain as his gaze met mine.

“Rhoan told you about Eryn, didn’t he?”

Eryn was the wolf Quinn had been engaged to six months before I’d met him. A wolf who had used a drug to snare and keep him. A wolf who had confirmed his opinion that all wolves were whores.

“Rhoan hasn’t said anything about Eryn.” I studied him for a moment. “How does she fit in with the decision I have to make?”

“She doesn’t. But I thought she might have been the reason you were unwilling to really talk about us continuing our relationship.”

“And why would you think that?”

He looked away. I touched his arm lightly, feeling the tension in his muscles, tasting the anger that still lingered in his mind.

“We weren’t just engaged,” he said eventually. “We swore our love to the moon.”