Kissed by Reality (16 page)

M
y fingers skate
up Leighton’s ribs, shoving beneath the hard underwire of her bra and landing on her nipples. I rolled and pinched the hard nub, swallowing the groans she blew into my mouth as we kissed.

We feasted on each other, mouths and tongues tangling and dancing in a sensual, erotic dance. My dick was trying to punch it’s way out, rip at the material of my jeans so it could slide under her skirt and into that sweet, tight pussy.

“Finn…Finn, oh my god. We have to stop.” Leighton panted against my lips, her voice so quiet but raw and ragged.

“Why? What, the idea of the crew out in the hallway doesn’t excite you just a little bit? Doesn’t make your panties wet?” I whispered in her ear, pinning her against the door to my apartment.

Our apartment. The place we had lived together as a newly engaged couple.

Leighton curled her body against me when I tweaked her nipple, my hand shoved up her shirt like some kind of pervy Neanderthal. I wanted to rip her clothes to shreds, but a part of me was holding back. Haunted by the ghosts of what had gone down here.

"Jesus Finn..." She breathed, her sweet cinnamon breath fanning my face. I worked her breasts and nipples as she shuddered against the door, the voices of the crew moving around outside as they packed the video equipment away for the day.

We'd only come over here to shoot a brief segment, and I'd requested some special time away from cameras with Leighton. For any other two people, Chuck would have put his hotshot producer foot down. For us, he told me to use a condom.

He was a mind reader sometimes.

I dropped to my knees, finding the hem of Leighton's skirt as my hands circled her bare ankles under the striped cloth.

"What are you doing?!" She hissed frantically, a crew members voice echoing just on the other side of the wooden door.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

In one swoop I pushed her skirt up, the material floating down around my head and shoulders like a tent as I stuck my head underneath. I could smell her arousal already, and wasted no time wrenching the white cotton thong down to the floor.

Leighton wouldn't spread her legs though as I placed a kiss over her mound.

"Spread your knees, baby."

"Finn...I really want to do this. But…come on, there are people right there."

I chuckled, shoving a finger between the folds she was trying desperately to clamp together. "Since when are you a prude?"

Leighton squirmed with desire as I massaged the lone finger over her clit, her wetness dampening each inch of skin between her legs.

"Open up, baby, or I'll be forced to open your knees for you. And I guarantee you won't be able to stay silent then."

Relenting, she eased her muscles, allowing me to part her thighs and stick my tongue directly on the hot button throbbing at her core.

"Agh!" Leighton let out a screaming moan anyway.

I chuckled against her sex, the vibrations sending a shudder through her. I ate her sweet pussy like it was the feast at my Thanksgiving table, nibbling and sucking, lapping up her juices. All the while she let out breathy sighs, gripping me head over the skirt covering my hair.

After a few minutes, she was practically grinding against my face, her leg muscles shaking where my hands rested on her thighs.

"That's it baby, come for me." I let up before pushing two fingers inside of her, her juices dripping down my hand.

Leighton's guttural cry fills the tiny apartment as I pump in and out of her pussy, her orgasm milking my fingers like it’s my dick. Said big guy throbs in my jeans, pissed off and jealous that I won't let him take a turn.

When the final spasm leaves her body, I reappear from under her skirt, smiling and cocky at the lazy, satisfied grin I've put on her face.

"Now do I get to return the favor?" She loops her arms around my neck and smacks a dick-sizzling kiss on my lips. I groan from the fact that she's tasting her own pussy, the thought sending my head swirling.

But this was about her. I press my nose to hers and talk so that my words are directly aimed at her lips. "No need. This was for you. I know this visit has not been easy. It's been about as painful as water torture for you, and I wanted to make it up to you."

"You gave me a thank you blowjob?" She smirks, rubbing her nose against mine in an Eskimo kiss.

"I did. Now you have to get out of here before you miss your plane."

"Do I have to go back? Can't we just be done with this?” I noticed the hint of insecurity in her voice.

I couldn't give her the final answer. I'd signed a contract that if I broke, Mr. Right would sue me for more money than I'd make in my life. And the lifetime after this one.

"I love you. Just know that." I whispered in her ear, holding her and trying to convey through the grip of my hug that she was the only woman I'd ever feel this way about.

"I love you too, Finn Wyatt."

After I got her out the door —one steamy make-out session later— my cock literally threatening to punch me in the throat it was so angry about my control, I walked to my bedroom.

It had been awhile since I'd been back in my apartment. After we'd broken up, I rarely stayed here. And then only a short month or so later, Mr. Right producers had flown me out to L.A. to talk contract negotiations. It was only now that I realized how fucking stupid I'd been to go on this show as the lead role in the first place.

It was clear that I hadn't been over Leighton. Even if I'd given it a year and then gone on the show to look for love, I wouldn't have been over Leighton. My ego was bruised and I was broken, I thought I'd fucking show her how over her I really was by going on the show. Too bad the joke was on me. I couldn't be happier she'd stolen the game right out from under me.

Pulling open the top drawer to my dresser, I felt around in the back until my fingers connected with a small piece of material. My hand closed over the sock, dragging it out and feeling inside for the small velvet box. I pulled it out, my heart thumping like a drummer was using it to play a solo.

I looked around my room as if someone might jump out of the closet and snap a picture, leaking my entire plan to the world. But it was just me. The masculine, dark wood furniture Leighton had harrumphed about when she'd moved in. The cream walls she'd insisted on painting that color. The three paneled portrait of the forest that hung above my bed.

I popped the small lid open, the velvet sliding beneath my fingers. There it sat, untouched since the day I'd found it on my nightstand where Leighton had left it before she'd gone.

The center diamond sparkled, sending little reflections of light off the halo diamond around it. I remembered the day I'd chosen this ring. The way it had looked sitting on Leighton's finger. How I couldn't let it go, toss it or pawn it or smash it when she'd left.

It had sat in the back of my dresser, always in the back of my mind but never allowed to see the light of day. Until now.

In four days I'd get down on one knee again. I'd slide this ring back over her knuckle and secure our future. She might have come after me, but I was going to get my woman.

M
ost people get
nervous in front of crowds or for performances. Maybe they get jittery when they have to do a business pitch or impress their boss. Perhaps your anxiety trigger is being in a large group and getting the nerve to tell a story or a joke.

Me? I never got nervous. Ever. I wasn't anxious or jittery or scared. My stomach, hands, heart and head were always cool as a cucumber in any situation.

Until Finn Wyatt.

Fucking Finn Wyatt.

Who knew it would be one man that triggered all of my nervous energy? It was like I'd been holding in a meteorite of apprehension, the size of it slowly building for my entire life. And then...BAM! Finn Wyatt walks into my life and I'm supposed to wait calmly for him to make the decision that will dictate my entire future.

I've been pacing around my hotel room for two days, not able to sleep or eat because I’ve been so tortured about what is going to happen.

Of course they chose Hawaii for this. It wasn't enough that I was pacing and ridiculously nervous. I apparently was also made to sit in a sweat lodge. Although the resort was beautiful. Finn had proposed to me on a beach last time. Maybe this was a good omen for me. For us.

But it's finally here. Today is the day. Will Finn pick me? Will he propose? Or will he crush me like I crushed him? Will he choose to be with Erin?

My heart physically hurts, burns in my chest at the thought of the two of them growing old together.

I examine myself in the mirror, scrunching up my face the way I do every single time I look at my reflection. My mom used to call it my “mirror face."

Hair and makeup would be here soon to primp me, make me look absolutely amazing as I headed for my death march. They'd bring wardrobe along too, lend me some ball gown that was three times what I had in my savings account. The women had to look stunning even if they were left in a puddle of their own tears after this Charm Ceremony was over.

I'd watched them countless times on TV. After all, the franchise was one of the longest running reality shows in history. I wasn't present for the one on my previous season of Mr. Right, being the third runner up. On Right Now Island it had been a bit different, we'd basically known we were going to get engaged. There was no downfall of another person…just sweet, mushy love.

My heart had been palpitating all morning, speeding up and slowing down at random whenever the picture of a crying, snotty me being ushered into a limo popped into my head. I had to calm down. Meditate or some shit. Jesus, what was wrong with me? I didn't meditate. I manned up. That's what I needed now. I had to be confident.

A knock sounded on the door as I nodded to myself in the mirror, feeling even dumber after internally giving myself a pep talk. I had to get out of this room.

My stomach went into a full tailspin when I unlocked the door, revealing Mitchell.

"Fuck...he's dumping me isn't he? Didn't even have the fucking balls to come do it himself..." I spoke to the ceiling, tears springing to my eyes as I heard the first crack, my heart splintering in my chest.

"No, no, no! That's not why I'm here at all Leighton. Can I come in?"

He moved forward so that my only option was to allow him to enter the room. We stood awkwardly in the middle of the floor, faced with the age-old problem of weirdly sitting next to each on the bed.

"If it's not Finn, why are you here?" My internal alarm system began to blare, something about this encounter feeling off. Did they want me to throw the competition or something? Become the next Mrs. Right? I couldn't put anything past Mitchell.

"Maybe you should sit..." He gestured to the chair.

Only after I was fully seated near the small desk did he open his mouth again.

"I'm here because a call came in this morning. I don't know how to say this Leighton, but...it's your mother. She's not doing well."

A cold wave of nausea swept from head to toe, causing me to spasm and involuntarily shudder. "She hasn't been doing well for awhile."

I tried to deny anything had changed. In my head, I just wanted to brush him off. Brush whatever he was about to say off. My mother was sick, I knew that. But this was it. The last day. Nothing was going to go wrong today.

"She's...her cancer has taken a turn for the worst. The doctors, they say there isn't much time left. If you're going to be with her when...You just, you have to leave now."

Anger flared in my veins. "What are you saying, Mitchell? Spit it out!" My ears, my eyes, my entire system refused to compute the information he was giving me. She wasn't...not today. We still had time.

"The doctors don't think she'll make it through the end of the week."

His sentence fell like an anvil dropping onto my head.

"No." I would not accept his message.

"Leighton, I understand how difficult this is. But think about your mother. You need to go be with her."

My head felt too heavy, my skin too cold, everything around me too bright. I squeezed my eyes shut, images of mom lying frail and in pain in her olive green bedroom.

I snapped them open. "I need to get on the next flight out of here."

His smile was small, and I'm sure what he thought was comforting. I thought he just looked like a plastic Cheshire cat. "We have everything set up for you. There is a car out front, your tickets and things are in a folder inside."

I ran frantically around the room, collecting my bag and some items I'd brought with me.

"Leighton, don't worry about those. We will get everything back to you. Go, you have to go!"

I stopped dead, remembering the most important thing. "Shit...Finn...I have to go tell him."

A flash of panic ran across Mitchell's frozen features. "No! You uh...don't have time! You have to get on a plane. I'll go tell him right now, but you have a flight to catch."

I thought this over, turning around the room in circles, trying to pick up anything I might need to take with me. "Okay, okay you're right. Um...tell him I love him. That I'll always love him. Tell him I'll be in Los Angeles, and that I'll have my phone on me at all times. I'll call him as soon as I can."

Mitchell was nodding, almost pushing me out the door.

I turned to him before I bolted down to the car. "And Mitchell...can you just tell him to wait for me? That I'm coming back for him?"

He smiled and nodded. "Of course I can."

T
he set
up was like a postcard.

The warm, soft breeze blowing the flowers in the arch above my head. The azure blue water lapping at the edge of the cliff I stood on. The sun setting in the background, the handsome stud in the tux waiting for his Cinderella...

"What are we waiting for?" I asked for the fourth time in the last half an hour.

A couple of crew members turned to me, their looks full of sympathy. That was the second time they'd done that. What the hell was going on?

"Finn my man..." Mitchell came over, patting me on the shoulder.

Why the fuck was he touching me like I was some kind of show pony? Right...I technically was their show pony until this was over and my fiancé and I had taped the reunion special.

"Let's chat, okay?" He gestured toward the alley way between the buildings we were set up near, the part of the hotel that overlooked this gorgeous cliff. Something about his face was off, or maybe it was because his skin literally didn't move that I had a weird queasiness in my stomach.

"What's going on Mitchell?"

He sighed, turning me away from the crew. "She's gone."

He must have read the confused "what the hell are you talking about" look on my face because he decided to forgo his typical dramatic style of delivering news.

"Leighton left this morning. Said she couldn't do this, couldn't handle it. She's not coming, Finn. She left you."

Raw, slicing pain, anger and sorrow surged through my veins, locking up all my joints and muting the sound around me. "No, no, she wouldn't do that. You have to have it wrong. Let me just go look for her."

I pushed past him, storming along the side of the villa he'd dragged me over to. Before I could take more than three steps, he'd grabbed my arm.

"Finn, she is gone. Leighton left you, for a second time. You had to know that this was a possibility."

I tried to look him in the eyes and but couldn't get past the haziness clouding my vision. What he was saying just wasn't plausible. She wouldn't do this to me, not again. We were happy. We were in love, finally in an honest and unguarded place. We knew each other for real this time. I'd seen that vulnerability in her, seen how hard she'd tried with my family. With me.

No one would put themselves through that kind of torture. The way I'd treated her at first, no one would willingly sign up for that unless they truly wanted something.

Would they? Would she?

"Think about it Finn. Her star was fading. She need to add some more glitter to her name. This was the perfect opportunity. Come on the show, romance you, win you...and then dump you all over again."

Mitchell's words felt like darts being thrown at my heart. She couldn't have done this to me. Except...we'd been standing here half an hour with no sign of her. 

“She’s really gone?” The words were a shock to my system, like someone had just stuck paddles on my chest and electrocuted my heart.

“She’s gone. Didn’t leave a note, nothing. She played you Finn.” Mitchell’s face was grave, as if he was delivering the news of someone’s death.

Pain radiated through my body, along with nausea and heartbreak. I’d only felt this kind of pain one other time, and I’d been lying face down on a dirty street in Afghanistan that time. It felt odd to be standing here, upright and healthy on this beautiful island while liquid agony coursed through my body.

Leighton had sawed off half of my heart and stolen it, leaving me a bleeding, wretched mess. "I can't believe I fucking fell for her lies. Again...fuck..." I mumbled more to myself than to Mitchell.

"Hey...Finn, listen to me. I understand you're hurting here. I understand how horrible this is and what you must be feeling. But there is another woman on her way here right now. A woman who has been steadfast in her feelings towards you. A great, beautiful person who would make an excellent partner."

His words filtered through until they hit the minuscule part of my brain that wasn't focused on Leighton and my heartbreak. "Erin...shit."

Mitchell nodded, and out of the corner of my eye I could see that the cameras had been trained on us this entire time. Rage began to boil over but I took a few breaths, trying to reign in the monster struggling to rip its way out of my skin. I'd signed up for this, I had no reason to get mad. They could film whatever they wanted, even my utter destruction.

"That's right. She's pulling up in the limo now. Erin loves you Finn, and I don't want to assume here, but from what I've watched all season, you have been falling for her too."

I listened to his sentences, tried my hardest to focus on the past two months and my time with Erin. I wasn't even close to falling for her, but we did have a companionship. She was kind and smart, gorgeous and had a sense of humor all her own. I couldn't feel with my heart past the pain suffusing it, but I could think with my head. Erin was a good woman, and now there was no reason to break her heart. One of us could walk out of here with somewhat of a happy ending.

Getting down on one knee was not a possibility, not when I'd so mentally prepared myself to kneel in front of Leighton today and place her old ring on her left hand. But I could give Erin that final charm, see where things went. I'd come on this show to move on from my sadness, and even though the wound had just been reopened, was fresh and bleeding, over time it would scab over. Maybe Erin could help speed that process.

I looked up to see Mitchell staring at me. "Go get her, Finn. Do what you came on this show to do. Show that no matter how many times life gets you down or Leighton leaves you, you will prevail."

Shit, he sounded like he was spouting some prolific sermon instead of pumping me up to give them a great ending to their fake ass reality show. Because don't get me wrong…I knew that's what he was doing. But it didn't mean I wasn't also thinking about myself.

I followed Mitchell as he walked back towards the romantic scene on the cliff, and took my position just as a car pulled up.

Erin emerged, the sun from the waves radiating all around us. It was the perfect setting. The beautiful girl, the dapper man, her Mr. Right. Except...she was the woman I wanted. Not really. Mitchell took her arm, leading her down the path and stopping just outside of the chuppah covered in flowers that I was standing under.

"Erin, you look beautiful." I choked the words out even though they felt like shards of glass.

"Thank you, Finn. You don't look half bad yourself." She smiled kindly at Mitchell as he let her go, walking out of the cameras shots.

Now that I was ending up with a different woman, the speech I'd been practicing for almost a week was shot to shit. I'd rehearsed exactly what I would say to Leighton, all of the things I'd felt in my heart that was now a broken, bruised mess.

"I first want to thank you for sticking it out in this process, I know it hasn't been easy on any of us." The words were swirling around in my head, and I was just talking, no idea where I was going with it. "From the first night that I met you, I knew that you were someone special. You are inherently good Erin, and I've enjoyed so much getting to know you these past two months. You've shown me how to open my heart again and how to have a good time without feeling pressured. Which is a hard feat in a process like this. You've continued on this journey even when you might have had some doubts."

Erin came to stand in front of me, her lilac dress blowing the gentle wind. She looked incredible, was wearing that earnest expression she always had on, and still my heart didn't even skip one beat. I tried to will myself past it, thinking that this was best.

"I know that we had a talk a while back, about letting other options in. About letting go of my past. Maybe Leighton and I..." I had to trail off, my chest cavity ripping open even though no one could see it with a naked eye. I felt like someone had grabbed a hold of my heart and was strangling the life out of it. "Maybe she wasn't the one I was meant to be with. If someone can leave another so easily-"

"Wait...Finn, what are you talking about?"

I waited to see if her eyes flashed with jealousy, surprise, love, anything. But they only crossed in confusion.

"I want to give this a try Erin. Leighton left this morning, and while I can't lie and say her departure isn't influencing this decision right now, I can also say that I genuinely have feelings for you. And I'd like to see where they go."

Erin's expression remained confused. "Finn, Leighton didn't leave you...I mean yes, she left the show, but only because her mother is dying. No one told you that?"

Raw confusion fills my entire body. "What?"

"Yes, she left this morning to go be with Mary. She's in the hospital, they aren't giving her much time. Mitchell was supposed to tell you."

My hands balled into fists, so ready to strike something that all of sudden I was shaking from the rage flooding my system.

“She didn’t fucking leave…” I turn to where the crew is standing, Mitchell shifting through the crowd, glancing back at me like a skittish cat.

The beast inside of my chest let loose as I stomped after him, grabbing a hold of him as he tried to squeeze through the mass of people it took to set this finale up.

“You’re a piece of shit. And I almost believed you.” Those are the only words I spit out before I rear back and clock him in the face. Mitchell goes down in one blow, crumpling to the ground with the most feminine cry.

“Someone restrain him!” He screamed at the crew just gaping at him, but no one moves. “Do you know how much this face cost!?” He screams that one at me.

But I’m already turning, already headed toward Erin.

“Erin…I—“

She smiles and takes my hand, silencing me. “I know, you’re sorry, but I’m just not the one you want. It’s okay Finn. What you and Leighton have…I get it. Go get your girl.”

Her voice cracks on the last word, and there are no amount of words I can say to her that would convey just how grateful I am at how mature she is. So I simply nod, thank her, kiss her cheek, and then sprint as fast as I possibly can to the nearest car.