Kiss the Sky (22 page)

Ryke
shakes his head in annoyance. “I don’t
care.”

“Top.” Connor grins.
“Always.”

“Do you think Daisy is
as sexually active as Lily?”

Lo’s
eyes flash cold. He stands up. “I’m done
with this
sh
*t.”

“What the f**k kind of
question is that?”
Ryke
asks. He rises and chucks a
pillow.

“No, she’s not,”
Connor says definitively. He stands and buttons his suit jacket. “That’s enough
for the day.”

While we go to commercial break, Daisy picks herself off the
ground, her cellphone in hand. She tries not to make eye contact with any of
the guys. It’s clear that the media is trying to determine whether or not my
little sister will turn out like Lily.

And this fact only causes Lily to stay buried in
Lo’s
shirt, not only doused with shame but now guilt.

My chest hurts for both my sisters, but there’s nothing in
my power that can reverse what’s happened. Maybe my clothing line isn’t worth
this
attention.

I scroll on my phone. My sales…they’re up by ten percent so far.
The little ads that cut to the commercials must be helping. They say,
Purchase the clothes worn by the Calloway
sisters right now!
And they show the links to the CC website.

I wish my body didn’t soar by the small success. A part of
me wishes this reality show was a failure so I could easily choose my sisters’
welfare over my dream. I should do it. Two years ago, I think I would have. But
I wonder if Lily would ever forgive herself for driving my company to the
ground. I think she needs to know that my company is okay too—that she didn’t
destroy everything with her addiction.

Daisy’s phone slips between her fingers and clatters to the
floor. She bends down to pick it up, forgetting that she’s in a black backless
dress I designed, short on her thighs. The dress immediately rides up, showing
half her ass since she wears cut-off boy-short underwear.

My little sister has sufficiently mooned the crowd.

Ryke
is the closest to Daisy.
“Fuck,” he curses, quickly standing behind her. He grabs the hem of her dress
and tugs down.

The three guys look over their shoulders at the nearest
camera.

“Did they see her…?” Lo trails off, not able to talk about
Daisy’s ass without cringing.

“That one did.” Connor motions to a photographer with
horned-rimmed glasses, gesturing for him to come over to us. As the
photographer nods and approaches, Connor pulls out his phone and makes a quick
call.

Daisy struggles to pick up her cell.

“Daisy, grab the fucking thing,”
Ryke
tells her, having to literally tug her dress down three more times as she
moves.

She finally snatches the phone and spins towards him with a
large smile. “Got it!”

Ryke
stares at the hem of her
dress, making sure it’s not riding up. I should be the one doing it, but I’m
slightly tipsy, and I fear moving the wrong direction in my four-inch heels. I
already sway a little. If it wasn’t for Connor’s hand protectively on my waist,
I would have stumbled by now.

“Are you checking out my ass?” Daisy asks with the raise of
her eyebrows

“Yeah, so did the rest of the fucking party.”

“So what’d you think? On a scale of one to ten.” She grins
playfully.

“I’m not rating your ass.”

“Will you ride it then?”

“Daisy,” I interject.
Stop
,
I mouth. She pushes
Ryke
too far, and he’s not one to
back down from these kinds of conversations.

Daisy’s smile fades. “Sorry…I was just messing around.” She
flips her phone in her hand. “I’m going to go…mingle.”

Now I feel bad.

“No,” I tell her sharply. “You’re staying.”

“No, it’s cool. I need to go talk to Mom anyway.” She avoids
Ryke
who stares down at her with a strong gaze—filled
with this unadulterated concern. It’s strange for such a hard-lined guy to have
such potent empathy for others. But I’ve seen it come out on more than one
occasion.

Connor speaks into the receiver of his phone. “Greg, you see
this photographer nearing me?”

So he called my father.

Connor continues, “He has a picture of your daughter’s ass.
I’m going to take the camera if you don’t send someone to do it.”

I hear my father say, “Which daughter? And I have someone on
the way. Thank you.”

“Daisy.”

My father lets out a large sigh. “That one’s going to kill
me.”

Connor’s lips slowly upturn, and his eyes glimmer with this
unbridled longing. It’s powerful but barely visible. Fleeting. Like an eclipse
of the sun.

He truly wants children.

He wants the challenges that each one brings.

He smiles as though he can’t wait for that day where he has
to deal with the hard parental choices, the dilemmas, the chaotic situations he
must calm.

He does want it all.

But I’m afraid I may not be able to give it to him.

[ 18 ]

CONNOR COBALT

The screening party has been going relatively fine
until I watched Samantha Calloway fawn over every bullshit line that came out
of Scott’s mouth. He complimented her brown hair three fucking times, and
Rose’s mother was close to melting at his feet. At least her father is on my
side.

He texted me:
I don’t
like him.
– Greg

To the point, a heart with good intentions. No bullshitting
around. That’s Greg Calloway. His wife isn’t as benevolent, intelligent or
non-judgmental. She has a WASP elitist mentality that would make my mother
internally roll her eyes.

It’s mostly Rose’s parents that have my stomach in knots.
Because even though I’ve appeared only twice in the show, edited to look disinterested
in my own girlfriend, it’s their opinions that matter to me, not the public,
not strangers—just people that I need to impress. Because one fucking day, I
plan to marry that girl, and I want them to realize that I’m the best man for
Rose. And that no one else can come even marginally close.

Rose’s anxiety is sedated with five glasses of champagne,
and she relaxes into my chest while I hold her around the waist. Since the
aired footage has been mostly about the “love triangle” for the past fifteen
minutes, Lily bottles her emotions and finally emerges from
Lo’s
shirt, her cheeks tear-streaked and pink. I have a feeling Lo will be carrying
her out of the venue. Most likely in a front piggy-back.
 
 

We’re nearing the last five minutes. I think they’ll end with
a Lo and Lily clip, but as soon as Scott Van Wright’s face fills every big
screen with the caption—
Heartthrob.
Rose’s ex-boyfriend
—I realize they’re going to continue to capitalize on
the love triangle.

So here we go, Scott. What do you have left for me?

“I think about her all
the time,” he says with an insincere, wistful smile. “She’s a firestorm that I
won’t ever smother. I’m the one who inflames her, who riles her to a new,
confounding degree. She’s my perfect match.”

My face falls. And I unwillingly let everyone see my shock.
I can’t hold it in this time.

Because those last lines are mine. I said them in an
interview.

And he stole them from me.

“I hate him,” Rose says under her breath, her eyes narrowed.
She can’t see my reaction since she stands in front of my body while I hold her
from behind.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“He plagiarized you.”

I let out a breath. “Comment
peux-tu
le dire?”
How can you tell?

“
Who riles her to a
new, confounding degree?
” she repeats. “Only you would say that…and maybe me.”

I kiss her cheek and wrap my arms tighter around her waist.
She eases back into me. He can’t come between us.

“I’m still in love
with her,” Scott says. “And I can’t help what I feel, but it’s there. I love
Rose the way she deserves to be loved. I just…” He shakes his head like he’s
filled with worry. “I just don’t see Connor being the best thing for her. He’s
too self-absorbed to care for that girl the way I do. And I hope, over the
course of living with her again, she’ll realize that we’re meant to be.”

“Murder is still illegal in Pennsylvania, right?” Rose asks.

“And the United States, and the world,” I tell her.

“Dammit.”

And then the screen fills with me.

Back in the study room
where I sit on a desk chair:

“What do you think of
Scott?” Savannah asks.

I stay complacent. “I
find him comparable to a little teenager jimmying the lock of my house.” I
stare right at Scott in the room, who’s off screen, hovering over Savannah’s
shoulder as she films me. I add, “He’s nothing more than a petty thief, trying
to take what’s mine. Is that honest enough for you?”

“And what about Rose?”

“What about
Rose?”
 
This is where I said what
Scott just did. I called her my perfect match, but it’s edited out completely.

“Do you love her?”
Savannah asks.

The abrupt cut makes me look more callous than I am. More
inhuman and unfeeling than I ever want to be.
I stare off for a long time as I gauge my answer, picking my words
carefully. To tell the truth. Or to lie.

“Love is irrelative to
some.”

Most people let me stop there. They never make me elaborate.

But Savannah says,
“And is it to you?”

I have a couple
fingers to my jaw, and I smile, something that looks empty and soulless on
screen. “Yes,” I say. “Love holds no meaning in my life.”

The show fades to black with that last line. In the
full-length interview, I added, “But Rose is at the epicenter of my world,
whether I allow myself to love her or not.”

It was all cut.

And as the large crowd claps and talks amongst themselves
about the show, Lo and
Ryke
turn on me with dark
scowls. Rose grabs another champagne glass off a tray and leans back into my
chest, unaffected by my words like them.

“So was that the real Connor Cobalt?” Lo asks, his arm
around Lily who stares at me with the same furrowed brows. She glances at her
sister with more concern. They’re on Rose’s side. As they should be.

“I spoke honestly,” I say. “And that wasn’t the first time
I’ve done so.”

“So you’ve never loved anyone?” Lo asks. “Not another
girlfriend, not your mom, your dad or a friend?”

He wants to know if I think of him more than just a contact
like Patrick
Nubell
. Am I using Loren Hale for his
father’s company, the multi-billion dollar baby product franchise? At first,
yes. Now, no.

He’s my
real
friend.
Maybe my first one ever.

But have I loved him the way a friend loves another friend?
I don’t think I’m wired that way.

“No,” I say. “I’ve never loved anyone, Lo. I’m sorry.”

Rose points to Lo, her champagne glass pinched between her
fingers. “Let it go, Loren. I have.”

“Why,” Lo asks, “because you’re both cold androids?”

Rose shoots him a look that would be harsher if she didn’t
drink so much tonight. I need to get her to bed before she passes out. “It’s
just how he is. If you even understood half of Connor Cobalt’s beliefs, your
head would spin.”

“Rose,” I say, worried she’s going to fracture my
relationship with Loren. While he doesn’t know me like she does, I’ve never
lied to him. I just haven’t shown him all of me. And that shouldn’t be a bad
thing. Some people are naturally private. I am.

She tries to defend me, stepping towards Lo and skillfully
staying upright. I hold her by the waist to steady her movements. “No, Connor
has done nothing wrong.”

“He doesn’t
love
you,”
Lo sneers. “He’s been with you for over a year, Rose.”

“Lo,” Lily warns.

“No,” Lo says, “she needs to fucking hear this.” He points
accusingly at me. “What the hell kind of guy stays with a girl for that amount
of time without anything in return? If he’s doesn’t love you, then he’s just
waiting to fuck you.”

He pokes at the most vulnerable part of my relationship with
Rose. “She doesn’t need your protection,” I say to Lo, trying to keep my voice
even-tempered, but Rose wavers uneasily in my arms. “She knows who I am.”

“So you’re okay with that then?” Lo asks her. “He’s going to
fuck you, and then he’s going to be out of here. Does that make you feel good,
Rose? You’ve waited twenty-three goddamn years to lose it, and you’re going to
give it to a guy who can’t even fucking admit that he loves you.”

“I’m not going to admit something that I don’t feel,” I tell
him. He opens his mouth, but I cut him off, “Would you like me to sit you down
and fill your head with numbers and facts and relativities? You can’t stomach
what I have to say because you won’t understand it, and I know that hurts you.
But there’s nothing I can do to change the way things are. I am a product of a
mother as brick-walled as me, and trust me when I say that you won’t ever see
more than I give you. In order to be my friend, that has to be enough, Lo.”

He lets this sink in and then he says, “And what about you,
Rose, is that enough for you?”

Lily reaches out and touches her hand.

Rose nods stiffly, and she holds Lily’s hand tighter. “I’m
going to go to the bathroom. You guys can meet us at the car.” Lily supports
her sister with an arm around her waist as they head through the dispersing
crowds.

I watch her, making sure she safely leaves, and then I
glance back at Lo. The look he gives me—it asphyxiates me for more than a few
seconds.