Kiss of Life (10 page)

92

Van Halen song in Adam's honor, at a volume that threatened to shake loose the few shingles that remained on the roof.

"Okay," her dad said, and he did something he didn't often do when her friends might be around: he hugged her. "You know I trust you. And I want Adam to have a good time too. If anyone gets crazy you call me, okay?"

She hugged him back even tighter. "Okay."

"Easy," he said, kissing the top of her head. "Aren't you worried that all of your zombie friends will see you hugging your uncool dad?"

"Not worried at all," she said, releasing him, "and you're not uncool. Usually."

He exhaled, and she knew that he would probably drive slow circles on the streets surrounding the Haunted House, just on the chance that there would be trouble and she would call.

She waved as he got back into the car. "We'll be fine."

Most of us, anyhow, she thought, running back to the house. She saw beams of light from inside rake across the cracked windows as the music blared, meaning that the zombies managed to re-rig the disco ball and lighting like they'd done for the homecoming after-party. A chill passed through her and she wondered if Adam was experiencing the same sort of deja vu in returning there. She ran up the stairs, afraid that she would peek into the open area the zombies used as a dance floor and it would be a bizarre replay of that night--she would see Adam dancing with Karen, his suit jacket off and his tie a lank band of blue silk around his neck.

He
was
dancing, or rather he was standing as others danced

93

near him. Colette and Margi twirled around him like he was a maypole, tugging at his arms and touching his shoulders as they spun.

She watched him turn his head, trying to track Colette as she circumnavigated his wide body. Phoebe couldn't read his expression, and for a moment she was afraid that he felt as if he was being mocked, but then Margi did a pirouette in front of him, her arms high over her head and her flouncy dress twitching. Adam raised his hand as though to catch hers, but she had already spun past. Phoebe decided that the gesture meant that Adam was on his way to enjoying himself, so she went to join them, trying not to blush at the immediate chorus of catcalls from Colette and Margi.

She leaned against him, her mouth close to his ear.

"I'm sorry I was away," she said. "I had to talk to Dad."

The look he gave her was a strange one, and she decided she wouldn't let anything else take her away from him that night.

A few of the other differently biotic kids were doing the zombie hop--a twitchy, jerky set of movements that looked like they were having seizures. Kevin Zumbrowski, who had recently learned how to smile, was a master of the zombie hop, and at times moved as though he was being electrocuted. No one seemed to care if his motions had nothing to do with the rhythm or the tempo of the song, especially not the dead girl beside him, whose entire dance repertoire seemed to be a dip of her right shoulder.

Tommy was talking with Thorny, Denny, and Gary Greene. Denny and Gary were each holding a can of beer. Karen was

94

watching the boys talk, her arms folded and a quizzical look on her face.

Margi hip-checked Phoebe, and because she wasn't paying attention, the sudden jolt almost sent her sprawling to the floor.

"You're going to talk to him, right?" Margi said, her voice a high shout above the heavy throb of the music.

"Talk to who?"

"Tommy, stupid."

Phoebe's eyes flicked up at Adam, who managed to shuffle one of his feet forward. She gave Margi the look of death.

"What?" Margi said, sweat already beginning to wilt her spikes.
"Are
you?"

"I already talked to him," Phoebe said, leaning closer to Margi so maybe, just maybe, every dead kid in Oakvale didn't have to listen in. She felt weird even having the conversation, because these were the sort of details that she and Margi passed to each other almost intuitively prior to Adam dying. Now that she was spending all her time with Adam, they had to play "catch up" more.

"You did? What did you tell him?" Margi, oblivious, shouted, pausing to screech as Colette tried to dance.

"That it's over," Phoebe said, silently cheering Colette on. The upside of Phoebe's absence was the renewed closeness between Colette and Margi. "And that I'm with Adam now."

Margi gave her a quizzical look. "With Adam? Like
with
with Adam?"

"Well, yeah. Sort of." That was how Phoebe thought of her and Adam, anyhow--as a couple. It was like an understanding

95

between them, even though neither had actually said as much out loud.

"Does
he
know that?"

Phoebe started to reply when a shadow fell across her. She looked up, and Adam loomed over her like a tree. She was going to ask Margi what she meant, but she'd already moved away to dance with Colette. Phoebe stepped forward and put her arms around him as the song ended.

"Are you having fun?" she asked. The nod was slow in coming. He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off as another song began tearing through the speakers.

Phoebe put her head against his chest and pretended that the bass was the beating of his heart.

"This turned out well, Phoebe," Karen said.

They were standing in the backyard of the Haunted House, in the shadow of the slouching barn. A few songs ago Adam pointed through the unliving room window at the forest, and Phoebe knew what he wanted. She'd taken his hand and made the laborious process of helping him across the house and out the back door. Karen caught up with them just as they were going outside.

"Thanks, Karen," Phoebe said, pausing as Adam took another lumbering step toward the tree line. Phoebe bit her lower lip.

"It's too bad the new kids didn't want to come." "Yeah," Phoebe said. "Cooper told me they were still a little nervous about being in crowds of zombies because of

96

what happened at Dickinson House. The fire."

"The massacre, you mean," Karen said, then changed the subject. "Those boys that Thorny brought came to ask Tommy if he wanted to rejoin the football team. They meant it, too."

"Really?" Phoebe replied, swallowing. "Is he going to do it?"

"No," Karen said, "but I think it made him feel ...good to hear it."

Adam took another step. Phoebe wanted to go back inside the house and tell Tommy that he should rejoin, that it would be good for him and for everyone who looked up to him. She didn't, though, because she had to be with Adam, especially now, especially because of where Adam clearly wanted to go. He took another step and she thought it was strange that the closer he got to his goal the faster he moved. She was frightened; she wasn't sure that she could bear going there, but she knew she had to.

"It's always nice to feel ...wanted," Karen said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Was she making some kind of obscure comment about Tommy? Or something else?

"Oh, nothing. Adam, honey," Karen said, "why do you want to see where you died?"

Phoebe's breath caught in her throat, and Adam turned to Karen.

"Don't answer that," she said, "I ...know why. We can't help it, can we? But it isn't really a good thing. We ...moved ...out of my old house because that is where I... I died."

Phoebe's grip on Adam's cold hand was tight. She wondered if Karen was going to tell Adam what only she and

97

Margi knew, which was that Karen had committed suicide.

"When I came back, I... would go there ... every day. The upstairs ...bathroom. I'd go and I'd stand next to ...the tub. For hours. That's where ... I died. My parents would come home and I'd still be ...standing there, staring at ...the tub. Sitting in it, sometimes."

Adam gave a slow blink. Karen sighed.

"It wasn't healthy," she said. "I'm glad we moved."

"Want to ...see," Adam said.

Karen shook her head. "It really isn't a good idea."

"Maybe we should listen to her, Adam," Phoebe said, holding his arm and looking up at his face for some sign, some expression that told her what Adam wanted from a return to the spot where he breathed his last. "Maybe we should go back to the house, listen to some more ..."

"No," he said, without turning to look at her.

She was hurt, but she managed to keep it from her voice.

"Okay, Adam," she said. "We can go there if you want."

His arm twitched and slid out of hers. "A ...lone."

She let go of his arm, shocked. She looked at him, wondering why he wouldn't look at her, wondering why he didn't want her with him. She started to protest, but it died on her lips when he finally turned toward her.

"Alone," he said again, and despite the lack of inflection in his monotone, she thought she detected a tone of gentleness there.

He stared at her, his face an unreadable mask. "Okay," she said after a time. "I'll wait here."

98

He didn't speak as he began his slow progress toward the woods.

She felt the weight of Karen's arm around her shoulders as Adam's hulking form disappeared into the thick shadows.

"Don't worry, honey," Karen said, her voice a cool whisper against Phoebe's ear. "He'll be ...fine. Nothing can ...hurt him now."

Phoebe shook her head, her cheek brushing against the dead girl's.

"That isn't true," she said. "It isn't."

But even as she said it, she knew she was really talking about herself.

99

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

RIGHT LEG. LEFT LEG.
Right hurt saw hurt Phoebe hurt bastard left leg. Right leg hurt Phoebe sad I'm sad too Phoebe is it guilt or is it more there never was more so it must be guilt. Stop. Sad Phoebe.

Stop. Ran down this path That Night. That Night ran and ran like wind ran Phoebe screamed ran saved Phoebe saved my love Phoebe shot shot dead run run left leg right leg run run.

Fall. Get up. Get up.

"How the mighty ...have fallen," voice said. "Literally." Get up.

Smiley. Get up. Right arm left arm push right leg push. Right and left arm right leg push.

"Let me ...help you," said Tak. Tak Smiley.

Speak. Stop speak speak.

"Can't."

100

"Of course ... I can," said Smiley.

Smiley strong lift help no help haul up Smiley not smile. That Night Smiley found Pete Smiley stopped Pete I stopped Pete stopped Pete's bullet.

"It happened right ...over there," said Smiley, Smiley pointing. "That... is where ...you died."

Look. Look right leg left leg. Look blood gone leaves and dirt and blood blood gone blood seeped into earth life gone.

"We all ... do it ... some time," Smiley said. "Like swallows ...to ...Capistrano. Revisit ...our ...death."

Look. Look no blood blood in the earth seeped into soil Phoebe's tears seeped into skin dead skin. Phoebe held me she held me and she cried and she cried and I died. Gone gone where one door closing one door opening. Whose hand turned the knob?

"I died on the ...Garden State ...Parkway," Smiley said, "truck ...sideswiped my bike. Broken neck."

Smiley look Smiley crack Smiley's head on shoulder head angle leaning on shoulder Smiley lift head crack crunch head back Smiley smiling.

"They hate us ...you know," said Smiley. "The beating hearts. Hate."

Smiley lifts shirt Misfits shirt ribs look ribs actual ribs white white bones last cracked flesh gray gray skin hangs.

"They hate us because ...we ...remind them ... of the ...future."

Look. Look. Smiley lets shirt down Smiley lifts hand

101

spreads bones spread white bones Smiley dead dead like me like me dead.

"They hate us ...and they will try ... to destroy us," said Smiley. "Soon."

Hate not hate. Joe not hate STD not hate Johnny hate not Jimmy hate Phoebe Thorny Margi not hate Phoebe love Phoebe. Speak love speak speak. Love...

Smiley laughed the dead can laugh can't laugh Smiley not Smiley dead.

"No," Smiley said, "not love. She ...doesn't love. She ...didn't love ...him ...and she doesn't...love you."

Right arm. Right arm right arm right arm. Miss. Smiley quick Smiley swift Smiley laugh.

"I know ... it hurts. It hurts ...being dead. The pain ...gets worse."

Stop. Speak stop speak stop.

"It gets worse. It gets worse because you ...start to feel. You start to ...remember what it was like to ...feel. Really feel. You can get ...angry."

Smiley smiled.

"Like you ...just did. You will feel ...just a little. You will remember ...feeling. And you will ...hate ... as they hate."

Not hate love not hate love Phoebe love. "You will ...hate ...even her ...because she will remind you ... of the past."

Not hate Phoebe love not hate hate.