Kiss Me (8 page)

If she hadn’t been resting her rear on her heels, she would have tumbled to the carpet. Dumbfounded and confused she stared up at him.

All of those warring emotions he’d worn earlier collided into one.

Disapproval.

She wiped her lips and looked at the hand he offered. Her chest tightened, her mouth grew dry. Tiny prickles of heat bombarded and pinched her skin with embarrassment and humiliation.

Luke had taken a special moment and turned it into something awkward and awful. Feeling stupid, unsexy, and beyond uncomfortable, she took his hand anyway. As much as she’d like to, throwing a tantrum, and bawling her eyes out wasn’t an option. To bare that vulnerable side would show too much. Besides, she was stronger than that.

With wobbly legs, she rose. Her high heels seemed slutty and ridiculous now, and she wished she could kick them off and kick him out the door. She squared her shoulders, instead. She’d experienced enough rejection in her life, she could handle another. Although this one might not be painless, she hoped to God it would be quick.

Chapter 5

As Jenna stood, Luke looked to the wall. He couldn’t take the embarrassment flushing her cheeks, or bear the hurt in her eyes, especially because he’d been the one to cause it.

Stepping away from her had taken every ounce of his willpower. He hadn’t wanted her to stop. Had loved every moment, every hot touch of her tongue, her hands, her mouth. But from the moment he’d walked through her front door tonight, he’d known what she was up to, and it had pissed him off. He refused to give in to his needs and her seduction. Sex was not an option. Not until she admitted what she felt for him was more than physical, and he couldn’t walk out of here tonight without making her understand that.

“Jenna, I —”

She jerked her hand from his. “Just go,” she said, her tone belying the fury tightening her lips and blazing in her eyes.

He gripped her hips, swiveled her in front of the dresser mirror, then held her to his chest. “Look at me. Look at us.”

She met his gaze in their reflection.

“We look damn good together, don’t we?” Her body fit perfect against his, especially in those sexy as sin, red heels.

Instead of answering him, she drifted her eyes to the floor. He touched her chin. “Don’t. Keep looking at us.” When she did, he trailed his finger across her cheek. Pausing at her temple, he stroked and circled, then said, “Such beautiful eyes. Did you know that they change color? When you’re aroused, they’re gold, but when you’re mad they turn a deep bronze…like now.”

Tension straightened her spine and seeped into his chest. She let her eyes drift shut and clenched her jaw. She was shutting him out and shutting down — predictable and nothing new. In the four months he’d known her, he’d witnessed her go into pissed off mode as a way to hide her emotions. He didn’t need
Cosmo
to figure this one out. He needed a wrecking ball to smash through the walls she’d built. Make her understand she didn’t have to hide anything from him.

He ran his fingers through her hair, loving the soft thick curls. “The night I asked you to date me,” he said against her ear and gave her hair a tug, enough to arch the column of her throat, something he’d love to nip and kiss. “I knew you were looking for a sex buddy.”

Her eyes widened and she tried to pull her head away.

“Don’t. Darci didn’t tell me. I’d overheard you two talking. And I have to tell you, something inside of me twisted. From the moment we’d met, I wanted you.” He sighed against her neck wishing this didn’t have to be so hard, and at the same time admiring her strength, the way she protected herself.

She met his gaze in the mirror, and shifted her body. “Please, don’t do this.”

He held her still, wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her ear. “Uh-uh. Don’t shut me out. I told you the truth that first night. Meant every word I’d said. I’ve never been in a committed relationship before, but knew you were different. That’s why I’d made up my no-sex rule. I wanted to prove to you…to me, that what I feel for you isn’t just lust. Isn’t just about sex.”

Knowing he caused the vulnerability and anguish in her eyes, made him ache all over. Made him want to shut the hell up and cradle her in his arms. But he couldn’t stop now. Not yet. Not until she understood exactly what he needed from her.

“Jenna, I care about you. You look gorgeous tonight, but none of this matters to me.” He swept his hand over the length of her, then settled his palm against her stomach. “I’m not with you for sex.”

Tears shimmered in her eyes as he took her hand, then squeezed it around his hard cock. “You do this to me. Every time I’m near you, think about you.” He moved his other hand to the hem of her skirt and pressed his palm against her thigh, then over her hip, her stomach, until he cupped her breast. “You have no idea how much I want you. Or how much I want to hike up your skirt, shove down this skimpy top, bend you over and bury myself inside you. Watch your face in the mirror as you come.” He circled her nipple with the tip of his finger, then traced a path to her chin. “But I won’t be a guy you fuck and walk away from.”

She widened her eyes at his harsh words and shoved away from him, but he held her arms down, then spun her to face him. The dresser blocked her from behind and he prevented her from moving forward. With purpose, he invaded her space, caged her against the dresser.

“Stop running from me.”

She shook her head and pushed against his chest. “Running?” she repeated. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Instead of budging, he inched closer. A part of him relieved she’d finally said something, while another part of him worried that what she had to say would tear a deep rift between them. “Trust me. I do. You’re worried that becoming involved in a serious relationship will screw with your career.”

“Wrong.”

“Admit it. I heard you tell Darci.”

She tried to move away from him again. “Please, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

He kept her caged between his arms. “Why? What are you afraid of?”

With a defiance he both loved and hated, she stared at him. Why couldn’t she admit how she felt?

Why can’t you?

With that last, daunting thought, he sucked in a breath. “Do you know how many women I’ve been with?”

“I think we covered that entertaining subject on our first date,” she said with a sarcastic cock of her brow. “So spare me the gory details.”

Pressing his lips together, he nodded. He deserved that. His reputation wasn’t something he took pride in or bragged about to anyone. But until she understood why, she had no right to dismiss him. “Yeah, I messed around a lot, too much. I was a bastard who used women for pleasure then threw them away before they could latch on to me and drag me to meet their parents.”

Admitting the truth created a dull throb in his head. “I told you before, that after a while I started to feel like something was missing. I’d like to say I did some soul searching, but I’m just not that deep.” He shrugged, as a bitter, half-smile twisted his lips. “I did realize something, though. All those women, all the sex didn’t mean a damn thing because…” He raised his hands to her face. They shook with the nervousness racing through his body.

He stroked her silky, soft cheek with the back of his knuckle. “My heart was never in it. I felt nothing for any of them, but I feel something for you, something special and pure.” He hesitated, searched deep in his heart for the right words. Cupping her face in his hands, he brushed his thumbs along her cheeks. “I’m crazy about you,” he admitted. “Stopping you tonight tore a hole in me, but I can’t have another relationship based on sex. I can’t be with you if you can’t give me more. And I need to know where we stand before we take our relationship to the next level.”

The range of emotions crossing her beautiful face broke something deep inside of him. Something he didn’t know
even existed. He’d never avoided a serious relationship because he’d been cheated on by a woman he loved or any other bullshit. Before Jenna, the idea of giving himself, his whole self, had simply never occurred to him.

He couldn’t blame it on genetics. His parents had a great relationship. His brothers had all married and found their perfect matches. For him, maybe it had been about finding that perfect someone. Maybe that was why he’d carried on the playboy charade. He’d been searching for one person, and now he’d found her. Only, for some reason, she didn’t want him. Scratch that. She did. But was it only for sex?

As she kept her gaze locked on his, a tear slipped down her cheek. Her eyes were no longer an angry bronze, or even the gold he craved, but a murky brown he’d never seen before.

Smoothing her hair away from her face, hoping to ease the blow, he then placed a gentle kiss to her temple. “I don’t want what we have to end. But if you feel anything for me, show me with your heart, not you’re your body.”

She stiffened and turned her head. “I…need to be alone.”

The trembling in her voice, the finality in her tone scared the hell out of him. He couldn’t lose her. He wouldn’t, at least not without a fight.

But he needed to respect her wishes. He’d dumped a lot on her tonight and hated himself for hurting her. When he stepped back and gave her space, she hugged herself.

“Will you be okay?”

She stared at the floor and nodded.

Drawing in a deep breath to control the pain and regret tightening his chest, he moved toward the door. “I’ll be by tomorrow after work to take care of the curtain rods and hope you’ll still let me take you out after I’m through.” He hesitated at the threshold when she didn’t respond. “Jenna, I…”

“Good night,” she interrupted without looking at him.

He shoved his hand through his hair. She’d just dismissed him. He didn’t like it, but knew if he stayed, if he didn’t give her the space she needed, he might make matters worse.

“Good night,” he said, then with a frustrated sigh, headed down the hall.

Jenna didn’t move until she heard the front door click shut. Even then, she sat frozen, perched on the edge of the dresser, while Luke’s words tore through her soul.

If you feel anything for me, show me with your heart, not your body.

She didn’t know how. As the realization slapped her in the face, the tears she’d been fighting fell. On a sob, she kicked off her stupid heels, then slumped onto the bed, and curled into the fetal position.

Her head spun with a whirling collage of all the men she’d ever been with, their faces a rapid blur. A few stood out and crystallized. Rick’s image mocked her. After harboring a two year crush, she’d lost her virginity to him days after her sixteenth birthday. She’d cared about him, had been scared to tell him because she’d worried he’d stop seeing her. Instead of admitting her feelings, she’d had sex with him. Same went for Adam and Trey. All three were great guys, had big, generous hearts, had genuinely liked her, and had pushed for more. But she hadn’t been able give them what they’d wanted — what Luke asked her for now.

Tears stung her eyes as one last face popped into her head. Her ex and the only man she’d ever really considered committing to other than Luke. While she’d used her body to speak for her, never telling him her true feelings, she’d actually referred to him as her boyfriend. Something she’d never done with the others. What had that accomplished?

Humiliation.

After he’d cheated on her, a piece of her heart had broken. Her lack of faith in men had solidified, and she’d justified why she should keep her emotions to herself.

If you don’t say it out loud, then it’s not true.

Wrong.
Whether she admitted it or not, what she felt for Luke would remain with her always. No man could ever compare to him. No man could match his kindness, generosity, and unwavering patience. She saw the pain and anguish etched in his eyes and on his face when he’d called her out tonight.
He told her what she’d needed to hear, what she hadn’t been able to recognize in herself. Even as tears streaked down her face, staining her comforter with mascara, she respected his honesty.

He was right. She’d been running scared. From him, from any man that could possibly wiggle his way into her heart.

With a bitter sob, she shoved off the bed and marched to the bathroom. When she met her reflection, she took a deep breath. All of the gobs of make-up she’d painstakingly applied blackened her cheeks. Her eyes and nose were red and puffy.

“I have to make this right,” she told her reflection, as she wet a washcloth and wiped her face. Doing so would be the hardest thing she’d ever done. But, whether he’d meant to or not, Luke had given her an ultimatum. While she didn’t like being cornered or forced into doing or saying something she didn’t want to, she couldn’t let him walk out of her life. The thought of losing him terrified her more than admitting she loved him.

“Oh my God,” she said, then scrubbed the make-up from her face until her skin grew red. She loved Luke. That astonishing thought should horrify her, but it didn’t. Instead a wave of relief washed through her. She loved Luke, had to tell him, and if he rejected her…

Her mother’s face fogged her mind. She recalled the love and adoration her mom had held for her dad, how those unconditional emotions had brightened her eyes and lit her face. The image of what her mom looked like now rose to the surface. Her eyes dull and lifeless, her face lined with bitterness.

Dropping the washcloth in the sink, she shook the image away. She wasn’t her mother and had to stop living like her. Otherwise she’d end up spending her life alone, with nothing but regret. For what could have been, for what should have been.

As she stripped out of her tube top and skirt, she realized what had to be done. Her heart skipped a beat, because tomorrow she’d see Luke. Tomorrow she’d use words, rather than her body, and make it crystal clear how she felt about him. She was tempted to call him, before she chickened out, but knew now wasn’t the time. Luke needed time to digest what had gone down tonight, too.

She pulled an old t-shirt over her head, then crawled into bed. Burrowing under the covers, she knew in her heart he cared for her. Whether he cared enough to love her, she couldn’t be sure. But tonight he’d proven that his feelings for her ran deep. The aching regret in his eyes as he’d bared himself, the torment etched on his face as he’d told her he wanted more than sex, weighed heavy on her heart. By selfishly keeping her own feelings safe and secure, she’d hurt him. Hurt him because he’d been forced to hurt her.