Kiss And Dwell (35 page)

She let the tears fall freely again and listened to the echoes of her sobs
against the tile walls. Tomorrow, he could be gone, and she
’
d never told
him—what?

Monique blinked the water from her eyes and wondered—if she had another chance
with Ryan, what would she say, what would she do? Taking a deep breath of steamy
air, she let her mind entertain that thought, to think of something more
positive than Ryan
’
s deadline tomorrow. She picked up the round, fluffy
loofah
sponge and covered it with peach-scented soap, then she lathered her body
thoroughly and thought of Ryan. Not of him leaving, but of the way he looked at
her when he spoke, the way he excited her when he whispered in her ear, the way
he mentally caressed her body, and brought her to the edge and beyond….

RYAN STUDIED the waves capped in tips of white, gleaming beneath the moonlight
before slapping against the sandy beach. He
’
d sat here, on the abandoned wooden
lifeguard stand, last night and watched the shadows of ships passing in the
distance, the occasional seagull swooping low to the water then high to the
heavens, people—lovers—walking arm-
inarm
and laughing, hugging, embracing love
and embracing life. Now he
’
d do the same tonight, watching what he desperately

wanted to have—with Monique.

“
Are you okay?
”

He turned toward the voice, its sweet cadence a welcome reprieve from his
thoughts, and nodded.

“
Trying to make sure I
’
ll remember everything,
”
he said. But it wasn
’
t the sand
and sea that he was worried about forgetting. Or missing. How could he cross
over and leave Monique here? And if he didn
’
t cross now—if he consciously made
the decision to stay in the middle from this point on—didn
’
t that mean he
’
d be
stuck here forever? Ultimately, although it would presumably be years down the
road, she would cross, too. Then he
’
d be here without her, without anyone who
mattered.

Celeste sat beside him, as she
’
d done last night, and stared out over the water
.

They
’
d only met a week ago, yet he
’
d shared so much with her, and she
’
d done the
same. Celeste, as Monique had said, was a very unique spirit and an extremely
attractive woman. He turned toward her, saw the mouth that seemed always to
carry a hint of a smile, the dark eyes sparkling in the moonlight and those long
golden spirals of hair, lifting in the Gulf breeze and making her appearance
downright angelic. She was stunning, beautiful in fact. But she wasn
’
t the one
he wanted. And he wasn
’
t who she wanted, either, though she hadn
’
t confided who
was.

Their situation, both of them waiting to cross over, had forged a bond that Ryan
suspected would last an eternity. He
’
d spoken freely of his lust for life, of
his attempt to make the most of his time on earth, and of how those efforts had
turned fatal fourteen months ago. He
’
d told her of Monique, of the way she
’
d
touched his soul, and of his inner suspicion that he might have fulfilled his
requirement for crossing—with her. And wasn
’
t that something? That perhaps he
’
d
finally learned to love, but if he truly did, then he
’
d be forced to enter
another dimension and leave her behind? And if he did love her, why hadn
’
t the
light appeared again? What did that mean? And if what he felt for Monique wasn
’
t
love, then what was?

“
Are you watching her?
”
Celeste asked.

Ryan shook his head. He
’
d been watching Monique sporadically all day, but a
frisson of fear kept him from viewing her now. He supposed it was because each
glimpse of her increased his desire to see her, talk to her, touch her. It
’
d
taken every ounce of willpower he possessed not to go to her a little while ago,
when he
’
d seen her crying.

In fact, he had been about to leave Pensacola and join her within the tiny
expanse of her car, when Nan had arrived and comforted her sister. Thank God
.

Ryan had no doubt he wouldn
’
t have been able to sit that close to her, to see
her in so much distress, without reaching for her. And at that moment, he knew
she
’
d have let him.

He couldn
’
t do that to her. She didn
’
t want to hurt her family, didn
’
t want him
to touch her for fear she
’
d reciprocate, and break that rule. And if he had gone
to her, he didn
’
t know if that blatant truth would have stopped him from having
what he so desperately wanted to experience before he crossed over…making love,
physically rather than mentally, to Monique.

“
I
’
ve watched my love all day,
”
Celeste admitted, her words barely whispered
against the salty breeze.

Ryan knew there was a reason she wouldn
’
t divulge the name of the man, though he
couldn
’
t imagine what it was. He suspected the reason Celeste called him her
love rather than her lover was because she had never confessed her feelings to
the man. Did she regret that? And, Ryan wondered, would he regret never telling
Monique?

“
Personally,
”
she continued,
“
I think if we only have one more day to see them,
even if from a distance, we shouldn
’
t waste a minute.
”
She smiled, but a heavy
tear trickled down her cheek, glowing in the luminescence of her aura.
“
I
’
m
going to him,
”
she whispered.
“
He
’
s sleeping, and perhaps, he
’
ll never know I
was there. But I
’
m going to him tonight. I want to watch him while he sleeps and
carry that vision with me when I cross.
”

Ryan turned toward her, but she was gone. And she was right. If he only had a
limited time to see Monique, even if from a distance, then he shouldn
’
t waste a
minute. True, she sensed him when he was present. But he
’
d been watching her
from afar, and she hadn
’
t seemed to tell. Why shouldn
’
t he take advantage of
that blessed ability while he still could?

He closed his eyes and thought of her, and the vision that came before him took
his breath away.

“
Monique.
”

She looked tired, upset. Ryan
’
s chest clenched. Her green-gold eyes were red
from crying, and her mouth formed a slight frown, as though she were holding
back more tears. Entering her bathroom, she closed the door and removed her
sandals. Then she slid her hand beneath her golden waves to massage the back of
her neck.

She wore a forest-green halter dress, and it displayed her lovely shoulders,
creamy and white. He
’
d noticed throughout the week that even though her work
required her to wear a Monique
’
s Masterpieces black jacket to protect her
clothing from bleach and perms and color, she hadn
’
t let that stop her from
wearing incredibly sexy clothing underneath the blousy smocks. Today had been no
different. And Ryan was extremely grateful as he viewed the way the fabric
hugged her beautiful curves.

Ryan ached to kiss those shoulders, that mouth. He ached to kiss away her tears
.

But he couldn
’
t.

While that thought tore at his soul, he saw that her hand hadn
’
t merely massaged
her neck; she
’
d unknotted her dress, and it fell to the floor, with the golden
privacy veil instantly taking its place.

His throat went dry. How could he cross and leave her behind? She turned the
shower on, twisting the knob to the hottest setting, then stepped inside. The
golden veil blurred slightly from the shower
’
s steam, but he could still see
her, her head tilting back to accept the brunt of the water
’
s force. It sprayed
her face, trickled down her neck to beneath the golden covering and to the
beautiful body he
’
d seen nearly every night this week.

Then, while Ryan watched in agony, she began to cry, her tears joining the water
and her sobs piercing the night, and his heart.

“
Monique.
”

If he went to her now, wouldn
’
t it be worse? She was hurting; he was hurting
.

And he was leaving. But she thought he was leaving because of Celeste.

After sucking in great gulps of air, she closed her eyes and seemed to mentally
calm her thoughts, her head nodding slightly as she covered the large round
sponge with a body wash and worked it into a lather. Though he couldn
’
t see
beneath the veil, he could see her face. She was progressing past the sadness,
moving past the pain, and remembering the pleasure.

Remembering him.

* * *

Monique closed her eyes and used the sudsy sponge to trace the path that Ryan
had taken several times during their interludes, placing the foamy ball beneath
one ear, then dragging it across her neck to the other, and recalling his
whispers there. Then she moved it across her collarbone and could almost feel
the memorable sensation of his mouth across her skin. She slid the
loofah
slowly
to one breast, rubbed it over her nipple and imagined Ryan standing at the foot
of the bed and watching her. She visualized that moment when she wanted him to
see her, all of her, and the way his eyes grew even darker, even more intense,
when he drank her nudity in.

She sucked in a gulp of pre-climax air as she moved the foaming sponge to the
other nipple. Oh mercy, merely thinking about Ryan was going to make her come
.

She rubbed the sponge harder over her breast then edged it to the aching spot
between her legs. Guiding it to her clitoris, she instantly remembered Ryan
’
s
words.

This is me, Monique, my mouth clamping down and sucking you until you can
’
t take
it any more. Sucking and nibbling and biting, until you can
’
t hold on, until you
have to let go and set that spiraling, burning, maddening tension free…
Monique dropped the
loofah
and burst into tears. She couldn
’
t. She was so close,
but she couldn
’
t let go, not without Ryan.

“
Help me,
”
she whispered, water pelting her flesh while her heart broke into
pieces.

“
If I weren
’
t dead already,
”
a deep, husky voice said through the thick, heavy
steam,
“
this would officially kill me.
”

“
Ryan.
”
She opened her eyes. Through the clear shower curtain, he was easily
visible, standing in the center of the room. Without regard to the water
spraying the floor, she pushed the vinyl curtain aside and stared.
“
You
’
re
really here.
”

His grin crooked up on one side, and his eyes moved over her body.
“
Yeah, I
’
m
really here, and you
’
re really wet. And really naked.
”

“
You can see me?
”
she asked, taking in his appearance as she spoke and not
making any effort whatsoever to cover her nudity. She wanted him to see her. She
wanted him to want her, enough that he would remember her forever, even on the
other side.