Kismet's Kiss: A Fantasy Romance (Alaia Chronicles) (41 page)

“For them, yes!” he ground out. “But you refuse to stay
for yourself.
I’m promising you a lifetime of love, of pleasure, of passion. You’re courageous for your patients. What about for you?” In one easy move, he slid off the bed and closed in on her. “Before you came here, you were entombing your passion beneath your burdens. Here in Kad, you have found the sun and bloomed. Don’t deny it.” He took a deep breath, and spoke in a gentler voice. “Healer: let me heal you.”

Hot tears pricked her eyes. “What you ask of me, sharing myself in this way… In the end, it would leach my soul.” She bit her lip, hating herself for asking her next question. Hating herself for needing to know. “Since the riot, have you…been with any of your wives?”

His eyes shuttered. He raked a hand through his hair, the hand bearing the ring of his sultanate, then gave her a long, considered stare. “On the ship, you made it very clear you wanted me to stay away from you—”

Her eyes sank closed. “Yes, I did. So we could avoid this very moment. Just tell me.”

A muscle flexed in his jaw as he eyed her. “Last night, Sulya came to me, bearing a book of ancient laws long overlooked. She…found one that allows a wife to demand that her husband make love to her.”

The implication spread through her like a stain of blood. “Mother Fate.” Air squeezed from her lungs and hot rage flooded up. “So you slept with her last night. The night you say you realized you love me.” His scowl and the flush creeping up his neck told her all. “You did! You made love with Sulya, though you claim to love me—”

“No! I did not.” His glower melted into misery. “All I could think of was you. I closed my eyes, and…
I called her by your name, Varene.
I humiliated my wife. Because in my mind, in my heart, there’s only one woman I want to be with. You.”

“But you would have done it,” she whispered. “You would have made love to her, if not for that slip of the tongue. And no matter what you say you want, you’re still married. And now you
must
make love to her.” Her hands fisted.

He jerked away, fingers stabbing the air in frustration. “She dug through Dabir’s library to find something that would help her. She wants another child, and demanded I honor her.”

“Honor her? Yet you’d so quickly
dis
honor me!”

He swung back, brows drawing down over fierce eyes. “Marrying me would dishonor you? Take care with your insults.”

“How could I not see it that way? One woman for one man. That’s how it’s supposed to be!”

“In your realm. Not in mine.”

“You would have me be just one of your harem—”

“No!” He took a long breath, as if, like her, he felt the balance between them shifting, breaking. “When my people have accepted you as a sultana, when they have realized your worth as I do, I will make you the
Sha’Lai
. My most revered, the foremost, the First Wife of Kad. You are my one love, Varene, and when my people have grown used to your ways, I will make your rank clear to everyone. I will praise your worth from the highest minarets of my land.”

Though she knew it was illogical, his words galled her further. He would make her the Sha’Lai and dump the kind and deserving Rajvi from the position? “How thrilling.” She glared at him with all the force of her bruised heart.

His eyes darkened. “You insult my offer, as you insult my rank.”

“I would have you as my husband, and I as your wife—your only wife. And that would honor
me
, and what I mean to you!”

He stared at her, incredulous. “And my other wives? You would have them forfeit their places in the palace, have them flung back to their family’s homes and lands with nothing, my children at their heels?”

Shocked, she inhaled, realizing that was exactly what she wished.

In her mind, she saw herself walking through the palace, draped in a sultana’s finery. Jeweled bracelets flashed and clinked at her wrists, silken veils floated around her as she took Kuramos’s hand and walked at his side. His only wife, celebrated as his one true love.

But her footsteps echoed along sterile, vacant halls. A chill wind whistled past her with each stride. All the laughter and joy in the palace vanished.

And then she was alone…

Varene hunched and clapped her hands to her ears. “No! I don’t want that!”

She stared up at him, and as she did, lightning flashed between them. She watched his chest rise and fall, and her eyes wandered, unwillingly, to the bronzed skin of his neck, the sharp line of his jaw, to his lips, cynical and sensual. She blinked and forced her gaze away, only to turn back after several unendurable moments to meet his green eyes.

“You don’t understand why I can’t marry you,” she said, slowly. “Our cultures are different; we both know that. So let me put this another way. Could you share me with another man, Kuramos?”

His scowl returned.

Chin in the air, she slid toward him. “Could you allow another to wed me? To take me in his arms, kiss me, undress me,
touch
me, to—”

“Stop.”

She stepped closer. “Sohad, perhaps… Or Sulya’s brother, that red-garbed courtier Firoz—”

“Enough!” he roared.

Her voice rose to match his. “You think I’m yours? Well, I think you’re mine. Mine alone.” Their gazes locked and grappled. “I cannot share you. I love you, Kuramos. It’s all or nothing for me.”

He ground his teeth together. “So you would choose nothing. Both of us get
nothing.
Riven from each other, bereft of love. How can you so easily discard what is between us?”

“It will be the greatest agony I can bear.” She took a shuddering breath. “But the alternative is something I can’t bear at all.”

A vein throbbed in his temple as he looked down on her. The few feet between them might as well have been a chasm. “Varene, two people don’t get this chance very often. It is Kismet who brought us together. There are difficulties, yes. But there must be a way. A way through.”

“Not for this.”

“If you can’t bring yourself to be my wife, then stay. Just stay. As my Physician, as—”

“Your mistress?” she bit out. “I have a life and a home in Teganne, Kuramos. You have a life and a sultanate and
wives
here in Kad. I could not be less than your wives, any more than I could be merely one of them.”

He held still. The tenderness on his face hardened into stone. “Do you love me, Varene?”

Grief swelled in her blood and she splayed her palms. “You know I do.”

Lowering his shoulders, he exhaled a deep breath. He reached for her hands, enfolded them in his own. “Then…”

She couldn’t say the words he wanted, though they were begging to be spoken. She shook her head.

His fingers tightened around hers in disgust. “I see. So all the while, even when we were making love, you closed your ears and your heart. When I was talking of forever, you’d already given up.”

She yanked her hands away and strode toward her clothes on the nightstand.

“You cannot leave me.” He stormed toward her. “
I forbid it!
”

She jerked her chemise from the stand and pulled it on. “You’ll have to find another Royal Physician. If you like, I’ll send a list of recommended Healers.” She spotted her ripped and useless panties on the floor and savagely yanked the gown down her body. “And I’ll need a mount and an escort for the journey home. I’ll leave tomorrow. Because in case it has escaped you yet again, I am not your subject and I do not owe you fealty!”

But as she glared up at him, she glimpsed the torment hidden behind his fury. Her soul shredded at the sight, but she had no options left. “Kuramos, I will love you always.
Always.
But I cannot stay.”

His only answer was the flare of his nostrils.

From the corner of her eye, she noticed something familiar on his nightstand and reached for it. She fingered the hairband she’d abandoned on the ship. “You kept it?”

His deep voice thrummed with unspoken emotion. “I was hoping you wouldn’t need it again.”

A hollowness spread from her heart throughout her body. She pulled her hair back and slipped the band over it. “I have to get ready for Priya and Sohad’s wedding.”

He grabbed her shoulders. “Varene. Don’t do this. Don’t take the safe route now—you won’t be happy. You’ll be alone.”

Her face heated and she shrugged off his hands. “Thank you. Thank you for that reminder of what I will face. While you will have your wives to keep you warm.”

“Is that what you think? I didn’t tell you I love you because they were pretty-sounding words. I told you because if you leave, it will rip my heart out.
Because you have it now.
It’s yours, and no matter who is around me, I, too, will be alone without you
.
”

Hot tears spilled from her eyes. Shuddering, she reached up and clung to him, kissing him as if her world was ending.

Then she pulled back and said the hardest word of all: “Goodbye.”

When she swung the curtain aside and exited his bedchamber, she heard both their hearts shatter.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

“O
h! It’s so beautiful.” Priya’s hands fluttered up to cover her mouth as she stared into the room in which she would soon marry. “This is all for us? Sohad, at least he is the Assistant Physician, but I’m just a handmaiden. I know the sultan is generous, but…”

“Of course it’s for you.” Varene managed a reassuring smile, and for a moment Priya’s elation made her own misery recede. “And you’re not
just a handmaiden
,” she admonished. “You’re a valued member of the sultan’s household and a talented caregiver. And soon to be a married woman.” She turned her gaze back to the huge chamber that had been transformed into paradise for the dusk wedding.

They stood in one of the high, arched entrances. Strings of roses, orange blossoms and lotuses flowed like rainbow waterfalls down the sculpted columns. A fountain at the back of the room spread the fresh scent of raindrops throughout, and Varene inhaled the soothing humidity. The domed skylight above lent a warm glow to the air while unlit torches lay in sconces, ready for the moment the day would transition into night. Wedding guests wandered about, full glasses in hand.

Giddy joy brimmed in Priya’s gorgeous, kohl-smudged eyes. “I can’t believe my fate. Kismet was so kind to me. And,” she added with a sigh, “it’s all because of you.”

“Me? Not at all.” Varene waved her fingers in dismissal. “I just came to help.”

“You nudged Sohad into declaring for me. If you hadn’t done that…well, he’s a cautious man.” Priya’s eyes twinkled.

Varene glanced down at her friend’s golden skirt and pearl-encrusted bandeau, gifts from the sultan. She looked…radiant. Just as a bride should. Which made Varene’s next words all the more difficult. “Please forgive me for this, but I feel I must ask. You’re sure about this wedding? It’s all been so quick…”

Priya’s face glowed even more. “When Sohad kissed me, I knew. Here,” she said, tapping her heart.

Yes
, Varene thought.
I loved Kuramos even before we kissed. On the boat, in the sunset, I looked at him and knew.

Today she had been offered everything she wanted. And had given it up.

An ache flared at her temples. “What will you do if…if
Sohad
…takes another wife?” She bit her lip and felt her cheeks flame.

Priya stared at her for a long moment as comprehension dawned on her face. “Did…did the sultan…”

“Shh.” Varene shook her head, all her despair flooding back even as her friend’s mouth made an “O”. “I can’t,” she whispered. “I just can’t live that way, one of many. Are you sure
you
can?”

Priya blinked, and her expression shifted into contrition, and even worse, pity. “Sohad’s family has a long tradition of single marriages. He said that’s the only way he wants it. I never expected it. I’d always assumed if I married, I’d be a later wife, like my mother. Part of a bigger family. I don’t—”

“Oh.”
Priya will be Sohad’s only wife.
The news clamped her chest. Priya would be Sohad’s first and only wife, while Varene…

Varene would be Kuramos’s nothing.

But that had been her choice, hadn’t it?

“That’s wonderful, so fortunate, Priya!” But her eyes welled up, betraying her.

Priya’s mouth twisted in empathy before she enfolded Varene in a hug.

“I’m happy for you,” Varene whispered, resting her cheek against Priya’s and wiping away the traitorous tears. “So happy. Please don’t think—”

“I don’t,” Priya said simply. “You’ve been wonderful to me, and I know you want only the best for us. As you deserve for yourself.” She stepped back, took Varene’s hands and looked into her eyes like a wise mother instead of the assistant Varene had come to know. “Can you not marry him? Stay here, with us, make your home and your life here?”

“With all my heart, I wish I could. But…” How could she give herself up to a man who had six other wives to please? “You were born and raised here, Priya. Multiple marriages are normal to you, I know. And yet, you found a man who will wed only you. Is it so wrong to want the same for myself? To be the one and only love of my husband, the only woman with whom he shares his bed and his body?”