Kirkland Revels (29 page)

” This is no odd fancy!” I cried. ” I think I should tell you immediately that I am here because I know you have 176 been discussing what you call my case with Mrs. Grantley and that you have both decided that I am … mentally unbalanced.”

“You overheard this!” he said; and I could see that he was taken aback;

I had no intention of betraying Aunt Sarah, so I said:

” I know that you have been discussing this together. You don’t deny it.”

” No,” he said slowly, ” that would be foolish of me, wouldn’t it?”

” So you and she have decided that I am crazy.”

” Nothing of the sort. Mrs. Rockwell, you are very excited. Now, before your pregnancy you were not easily excited, were you? That is one change we see.”

” What are you planning to do with me … to send me to Worstwhistle?”

He stared at me, but he could not disguise the fact that the thought had been in his mind.

I was stricken with fury . and panic. I stood up but he was immediately beside me. He laid his hands on my shoulders and gently forced me back into my seat.

” You have misunderstood,” he said, resuming his seat and speaking very gently. ” This is a painful matter to me. I am very fond of the family ‘at the Revels and their tragedies affect me deeply. Please believe that there is no question of your going to Wortwhistle … at this stage.”

I took him up at once. ” Then at what stage?”

” Please, please, be calm. Very good work is done at … that place.

You know I am a regular visitor there. You have been overwrought for some weeks. You could not hide this from me. “

“I have been overwrought because someone is trying to make me appear-hysterical. And how dare you talk to me of that place! You must be mad yourself.”

” I only want to help you.”

” Then find out who is doing these things. Find out who had monks’ robes at the pageant. We might discover who still has one.”

” You are still thinking of that unfortunate incident.”

” Of course I think of it. It was the beginning.”

” Mrs. Rockwell… Catherine … I want to be your friend. You can’t doubt that, can you?”

I looked into those dark brown eyes and I thought they were very soft and gentle.

” I became interested in you from the moment Gabriel brought you to the Revels,” he went on. ” And when your father came to the funeral I saw how matters stood between you. That touched me deeply. It made you seem so … vulnerable. But I am being too candid.”

” I want to hear what you-have to say,” I insisted. ” I want nothing held back.”

” Catherine, I wish you would trust me. More than any thing I want to help you through this difficult time. Damaris is not much younger than you, and when I have seen you together I have often wished that you, too, were my daughter. One of my dearest wishes was to be the father of a large family. But you are growing impatient with me. Let me say briefly that I have always felt towards you as I would towards a daughter, and I have hoped that you would confide in me, that I might be able to help you.”

” The best way in which you could do that would be to find out who it was who dressed up as a monk and came to my bedroom. If you could find that person, I shall be in no need of help.”

He looked at me sadly and shook his head.

“What are you suggesting?” I demanded.

” Only that I want you to confide your troubles in me … as you would to your own father.” He hesitated and, shrugging his shoulders, added:

” As you might have done to a father who was closer to you than your own. I would gladly protect you.”

” So you think someone is threatening me?”

” Something is. It may be heredity. It may be …” * ” I don’t understand you.”

“Perhaps I have said too much.”

” No one is saying quite enough. If I knew everything that was in the minds of these people about me, I should be able to show you that you have misjudged me when you think me … unbalanced.”

” But you believe now that I want to help you. You do, I hope, look on me as a friend as well as a doctor?”

I saw the anxiety in his eyes and I was deeply moved. He had noticed my father’s indifference to me and in some way I had betrayed how that had hurt me. He had called me vulnerable. I had not thought of myself in that way before, but I was beginning to realise that it was exactly what I was. I had longed for the affection which had been denied me;

Uncle Dick had given it to me, but he was not here with me at this important crisis of my life. Dr. Smith was offering his sympathy and with it that particular brand of paternal devotion for which I had longed.

” You are very kind,” I said.

A look of pleasure touched his features. He leaned forward and patted my hand.

Then he was suddenly very serious. ” Catherine,” he said, as though he were considering very carefully what he was saying, ” a short time ago you told me that you wanted me to be absolutely frank. I have convinced you, haven’t I, that I have your welfare at heart? I want you to know too that I owe a great debt to the Rockwell family. I am going to tell you something which is not generally known, because I want you to understand my deep devotion to the family of which you are now a member. You may remember I told you that I began my life as an unwanted child, a poor orphan, and that it was a rich man who gave me my opportunity to do the work I longed to do. That man was a Rockwell—Sir Matthew in fact. So you see I can never forget the debt of gratitude I owe to the family and to Sir Matthew in particular.”

” I see,” I murmured.

” He wants his grandson to be born strong and healthy. I long to make that possible. My dear Catherine, you must place yourself in my hands.

You must take great care of yourself. You must let me take care of you. And there is one fact of which I believe you are ignorant; and I am now turning over in my mind whether or not I should tell you this.

“

” You must tell me. You must.”

” Oh, Catherine, it may be when you have heard it, that you will wish I had not spoken. I am asking myself at this moment—as I have so many times—whether it is wiser to tell you or not.”

” Please tell me. I don’t want to be left in the dark.”

“Are you strong enough to hear this, Catherine?”

” Of course I’m strong enough. The only thing I can’t bear is lies … and secrets. I am going to find out who it is who is doing this to me.”

” I am going to help you, Catherine.”

“Then tell me what this is.”

Still he hesitated. Then he said: “You must realise that 179 if I tell you, I do so because I want you to understand the need for you to listen to my advice.”

” I will listen to your advice … only tell me.”

Still he paused and it was as though he were seeking the right words.

Then suddenly they came rushing out. ” Catherine, you know that I have for some years made a habit of visiting Worswhistle.”

“Yes, yes.”

” And you know what Worstwhistle is.”

” Yes, of course I know.”

” I am in a very trusted position there and I have access to the records of patients. As a medical man …”

” Naturally,” I interrupted.

” A close relative of yours is in that institution, Catherine. I do not think you know of this … in fact I am sure you do not. Your mother has been a patient at Worstwhistle for the last seventeen years.”

I stared at him; I felt as though the walls of the room were about to collapse upon me; there was a rushing in my ears. It seemed to me that this room with its roll-top desk, this man with the gentle eyes, were dissolving and in their place was a house made dark, not because the Venetian blinds were always drawn, but because there was always there an atmosphere of brooding tragedy. I heard a voice crying in the night: ” Cathy … come back to me, Cathy.” And I saw him, my tragic father, going off regularly each month and coming back dispirited, sad, melancholic.

” Yes,” went on the doctor. ” I fear it is so. I have never met your father but I am told that he is devoted to his wife, that he pays regular visits to the institution. Sometimes, Catherine, she knows who he is. Sometimes she does not know him. She has a doll which at times she knows to be a doll; and at others she thinks it is her child . you, Catherine. At Wortwhistle all that can be done for her is done . but she will never leave the place. Catherine, you see what I mean? Sometimes the seed is passed on. Catherine, do not look . so stricken. I am telling you that we can care for you . that we can help you.

That’s what I want to do. I am only j| telling you this so that you will put yourself in my hands. Believe me, Catherine. “

I found that I had buried my face in my hands and that I was praying.

I was crying: ” Oh, God, let me have dreamed this. Let it not be true.”

He had risen and was standing by my chair; his arm was about my shoulders.

“We’ll fight it, Catherine,” he said.

“We’ll fight it together.”

Perhaps the word “fight” helped me. It was a lifelong habit of mine to fight for what I wanted. I kept thinking of that vision I had had.

The curtain had been pulled about my bed. Who had pulled it? There had been a draught from the door. I would not accept this theory that I was the victim of delusions.

He sensed the change in my mood. ” That’s the spirit, Catherine,” he said. ” You don’t believe me, do you?”

My voice sounded firm as I said: ” I know someone is determined to harm me and my child.”

” And do you believe that I would be so cruel as to concoct this story about your mother?”

I did not answer. There were my father’s absences from home to be explained. How could he have known of these? And yet . I had always been led to believe that she had died.

Suppose it were true that my mother was in’ that place it was not true that my mind was tainted. I have always been calm and self-possessed.

There had never been any signs of hysteria. Even now when I had been subjected to this terror, I believed that I had been as calm as anyone could hope to be in the circumstances.

I was as certain as I ever had been that whatever had happened to my mother, I had not inherited her insanity.

” Oh, Catherine,” he said, ” you delight me. You are strong. I have every hope that we wilt fight this. Believe me, it is true that your mother, Catherine Corder, has been in Worstwhistle for the last seventeen years. You accept that, don’t you, because you know that I would not tell you this unless I had made absolutely sure. But what you won’t accept is that you have inherited one small part of her insanity. That’s going to help us. We’ll fight this.”

I faced him and said in a firm voice: ” Nothing will convince me that I have imagined these things which have happened to me since I came to the Revels.”

He nodded. ” Well then, my dear,” he said, ” the thing for us to do is to find out who is behind this. Have you any suspicions?”

” I have discovered that several people possessed a monk’s robe five years ago at the time of the pageant. Luke had one. 181 Simon Redvers had one. And both of them are in line to inherit the Revels.”

He nodded.

“If anyone has been deliberately seeking to harm you …” he murmured.

” They have,” I answered vehemently. ” They have.”

” Catherine,” he said,” you are exhausted by your emotions. I should like you to go home and rest.”

I was aware how weary I was, and I said: ” I should like to be at home.

I should like to be in my room … alone to rest and think of all this.”

“I would drive you back but I have another patient to see.”

” I don’t want them to know that I’ve been to see you. I want to walk home and go in … just as though nothing unusual has happened.”

” And you want to say nothing of all this?”

” At present, yes. I want to think.”

” You are very brave, Catherine.”

” I wish I were wiser.”

” You are wise too, I think. I am going to ask you to do me a favour; will you? “

” What is it?”

” Will you allow Damans to walk back with you?”

” That is not necessary.”

” You said you would take my advice, and this news of your mother has been a great shock to you. Please, Catherine, do as I say.”

” Very well. If Damaris has no objection.”

” Of course she will have none. She will be delighted. Wait here and I will’ go and fetch her. I am going to give you a little brandy first.

Please don’t protest. It will do you good. “

He went to a cabinet and brought out two glasses. He half filled one and gave it to me. The other he filled for himself.

He lifted the glass and smiled at me over it.

“Catherine,” he said, “you will come through all this. Trust me. Tell me anything you discover which you think is important. You know how much I want to help.”