Kingdom Woman: Embracing Your Purpose, Power, and Possibilities (5 page)

So as a mom in the middle of mothering preschoolers on up to young adults, I just do my best. If I tried to put housework first at all costs, something else that is important would suffer: building relationships with my children.

As a result of my revelation, I have gone through a series of adjustments in my personal expectations over the last few years so that I can stay sane.

A few of my compromises are as follows:

• I aim for a clean kitchen twice a day. Three times is a luxury. Even so, I always expect there to be dishes in the sink.
  
• I shoot for a mopped floor two times a week, unless otherwise necessary. It’s just too depressing to mop the floor only to find in just a few hours that it doesn’t look like I did anything.
  
• I try to hit each room in my house once a week on a rotating schedule. What does this mean? My house is not clean all at the same time.
  
• I’m constantly training my children to care for our home, because I’m trying to work myself out of a job. This means our “clean home” is not going to be perfectly clean.
  
• Laundry is always going. I do about a load a day.
  
• My carpet is never going to look new, no matter how many rules I make about food and drink staying in the kitchen. It just doesn’t happen. What can I say?
  
• We
  live
  in our home. My teenager does schoolwork at the computer, my little ones do schoolwork at the kitchen table, we congregate at the island—in short, we are all over the place. As we transition to the dinner hour, I shoot for things in their place. If I can’t have that, then I shoot for neat piles.
  
• Oh, and the baseboards? I get to ’em when I get to ’em. (Or I’ll just wait until my little ones are old enough to do a good job—they are nearer to the floor anyway!)
  

But here’s my problem. I am comfortable with the standards in my home. But when I have a visitor, I’m still completely thrown into a panic. Why? Because I don’t want to leave a bad impression of the kind of housekeeper I am!

So imagine my dismay when my dad showed up for an unannounced visit and proceeded to inspect my house. I kid you not; he went from room to room, each time saying, “Oh, Chrystal!” This coming from a man who barely raises his voice (except to preach, of course). Now, granted, the day he came was a bad day. Forget all my housekeeping rules. He wouldn’t have known I had any!

In fact, it was a Monday. Mondays are always the worst. He commented on the spots on the carpet, the dishes in the sink, the stuff on my countertops, and the baskets of unfolded clothes in the hallway, and then he even peeked in my bedroom and saw the confusion in there. When he looked in my refrigerator, Dad groaned at the sticky stuff on the top shelf too.

I found myself following him around the house, explaining, explaining, and explaining some more.

So, how does the story end? Well, the Lord sent me help. My dad lovingly told me that I shouldn’t try to do it all and that it wasn’t a bad thing to have some help every now and then, especially for a mother of five children. He offered to send over a housekeeping service. He also told me to get my carpets cleaned at his expense.

Now, I have a lot of pride. I hate the idea that I can’t do it all. I hate accepting help. The truth is, though, that I needed and appreciated the boost he provided. It saved me hours (probably days) of work and gave me an opportunity to focus on things that needed my personal attention.

I had time to catch up on balancing our bank account and plan ahead for school. Instead of doing dishes, I was able to make some much-needed phone calls to insurance companies and doctors. I got a chance to scrub that graffiti off the side of my house (long story on that one). I had lots of time to thoroughly finish planning for my daughter’s upcoming birthday. Those are things a cleaning service can’t do, but I
could
. That little injection of more available time in my schedule got me going. I started barreling through my list and got caught up in getting things
done
!

The point of this little illustration is not to say that everyone ought to dig into her pockets to pay someone to clean her home all the time or even every now and then, for that matter. The principle here is that you and I don’t have to do it all. The Proverbs 31 woman didn’t.

She lived in a culture where children were instrumental in carrying out large duties from a very young age. (Put those kids to work!) She did not peel those carrots or cut those potatoes all by herself. She probably did not make all the trips to the market for food and cloth herself. (There’s nothing wrong with shopping online, girls!) The field she bought was probably researched and recommended by a trusted friend. (Use the expertise of others, honey!) And she did have “maidens.” Ladies, if you are in a position to curb some of the wants in your budget (shopping, cell phone, cable, eating out, hair, etc.) so that you can hire a housekeeping service once a month—therefore helping you be a kinder, gentler person—by all means, do
it! The Proverbs 31 woman did a lot, yes. But she did it with help. And that makes all the difference in the world.

The picture of the Proverbs 31 woman should never make us feel guilty. Okay, maybe we can agree that she was a woman who had it all . . . but let’s also agree that she didn’t have it all at the same time. Proverbs 31:10–31 summarizes her whole life.

Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is not unattainable, but she definitely is a model of a woman we can emulate if we take the time to get to know her. The Proverbs 31 woman keeps her priorities straight and in line with God’s priorities for her. She maximizes her gifts and uses everything and everyone at her disposal. She is a manager. She doesn’t do it on her own.

Let yourself off the hook. Find out what God is doing, jump in the river of His will, and flow with the current of His plans. Accept help when it is offered from a friend, a family member, a church member, a coworker, or even a stranger. You do not have to do all, be all, and have all, all at the same time. There are other people, right now in your home, at your job, in your church, and in your community, who can do a good job too. Share the load. We need to get off the I-can-do-it-all kick.

As a recovering do-it-all-aholic, I am right there with you in letting those unrealistic expectations go. Rest in the Lord’s expectations for you. He knows what you need, and He loves you greatly. He answered my prayer at dark-thirty when I told Him I just couldn’t do it all. He said, “Chrystal, I know that. I’ve been waiting a long time for you to know that too.”

Remember Martha and Mary? It is so easy for us as women to focus on the
doing
rather than on the most important thing—
being
in a vibrant relationship with our Savior.

Cooking and cleaning are important . . .

Raising your children is important . . .

Cultivating a healthy marriage is important . . .

Doing a good job and building a career are important . . .

Contributing in your community is important . . .

Exercising wisdom in your finances is important . . .

Serving in your church is important . . .

Taking care of your health is important . . .

Spending quality time with friends and family is important . . .

Enjoying your life is important . . .

But none of those things should ever be a stumbling block that keeps you from fearing God, finding out what His priority is for you, and focusing on what matters for eternity.

Fearing God means that His program is your program. His plan is your plan. And His purposes are the purposes you live to fulfill.

Fearing God means that you are clear on the idea that your life is actually His life—that He is living through
you
.

A wise mentor once shared this thought with me: “Each morning before you allow your feet to hit the floor, lie in bed for one purposeful moment longer than you normally would, stretch your arms toward the ceiling and in effect toward heaven, and offer yourself to the Lord, inviting Him to show you what the most important thing is on His list for you to get done today. If you do not stop to ask Him what His priorities are for you, your “good” will always get in the way of God’s “best.” Let Him know that you are willing to be interrupted, willing to be derailed, and willing to be surprised if He sees fit. Then get up and walk in the knowledge that your day belongs to the Lord.”

We are all in different seasons of life, with different responsibilities, demands, and distractions. But no matter our season, God sees us where we are, and He hears our prayers in the middle of our dark and overwhelming nights—even when we pray with our hands on our hips.

The best news is that when you are a kingdom woman who chooses to walk in the fear of the Lord, then it’s His job to find and provide the tools you need to get His work done!

God Is Your Biggest Helper

Chrystal’s illustration might sound familiar to you. Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you’ve gotten to the point where you wonder how you are supposed to do it all. But the lesson Chrystal learned and the help she accepted is a lesson for you as well. Wisdom entails recognizing what season you are in and living
according to that. Never be ashamed to admit that you can’t do it all. The main thing is that you keep God first and foremost, and His strength will give you what you need to make decisions that will glorify Him.

While the Proverbs 31 kingdom woman serves as the ideal, the reality of day-to-day life for a woman—whether caring for children or parents, holding down a job, taking care of her home, and even taking care of herself—might make that ideal seem impossible. But the goal is to let the fear of God be the overriding influence in your life. Let your actions, thoughts, and words reflect a heart that seeks to honor Him above all else. As you do, God will continue to give you what you need to develop into the kingdom woman you are destined to be.

Like Chrystal, when you call out to Him, He will send you help:

     
I lift up my eyes to the hills—

          
where does my help come from?

     
My help comes from the
LORD
,

          
the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1–2)

When you ask Him for wisdom, He promises to give it: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5).

He will never leave you. He has not abandoned you. In fact, He wants to see you develop into the kingdom woman He designed you to be even more than you may want to. God has a plan for you, and at times—I know—that plan may feel overwhelming. You may not see how you could ever get to next week, let alone through this year. Your plate is full, your energy is low, and the call to be a kingdom woman seems lofty.

But I want you to start right here with this very simple principle from
Proverbs 31: Fear God in all you do. Honor Him with your heart, thoughts, words, and actions. Seek Him, look to Him, and accept the help He brings your way. Take your life one day at a time. Honor and revere Him today. Fear Him in everything. Demonstrate that reverence through all you do. If you will do that, you will be on your way to being a kingdom woman living out her destiny. Reverence for God serves as the foundation upon which your significance as a kingdom woman will flourish.

2

There’s a beautiful story about a beautiful lady. Her name was Cinderella. But Cinderella felt ugly. She lived with a wicked stepmother and two equally wicked stepsisters. They made Cinderella their slave. Now, she was beautiful, but she didn’t think about herself as beautiful, because of the influence of a wicked environment that put her down, messed her over, and reduced her to nothing. The problem with Cinderella was that she was stuck there. She was locked in the situation, and for a long time she could not get out of it.

You’ve heard the story. You know about the ball and how she was miraculously transported there in a carriage. At that ball she met a prince. The prince saw Cinderella and loved her. But the problem in the story, as you know, is that the clock struck midnight, and she reverted to her old self. She became a slave again to an evil family.

The good part of Cinderella’s story, though, is that the prince never forgot her. Even though a lot of people had been at the ball, something about Cinderella made her stand out from the crowd. She was special. She was unique. She was rare. Everyone wanted the prince, but the prince wanted Cinderella.

All he had to work with to find her, though, was a shoe she had left behind. If he could find the foot that fit the shoe, he would find Cinderella. So he set out going house to house in search of his treasure. After a long and hard search, the prince finally found her.

A lot of women today are living like Cinderella. They are influenced by a wicked stepmother—the Devil, who’s got two wicked daughters: the
world and the flesh. Living as slaves in a hostage situation, many women feel trapped in a hopeless scenario. Perhaps this describes you in some way. Maybe you thought you would be further along than you are right now. Maybe you had a brighter dream for how your family would be, or your career, or your relationships. Maybe you even met the Prince of Peace, and He saved you some time ago, but you have found yourself again in bondage. That could mean emotional bondage, spiritual bondage, or even physical bondage.

It is easy to lose heart when you can’t see an end to the tyranny. What I want to remind you is that there is hope. Jesus knows right where you are, and He knows how long you’ve been there. He has a way out of any hopelessness you may feel.

He doesn’t just want to bring His money to you, His castle to you, or His chariot to you. He wants to bring you to Him. He wants to take you out of the bondage and let you live in the freedom of His presence and provision. He wants to show you your new position and your new glory. He wants to get you out of a spirit of slavery. He wants to give you hope.

Suppose Cinderella had given up. Suppose she had resolved to stay locked away in the house. She would never have been found by the prince. She would never have tried on her own shoe. She would have missed out on happily ever after.

A lot of us have given up on God. We have counted the years when it seems our prayers have not been answered, and we have determined it’s too late. Too many times we miss out on the destiny God has for us because we have stopped looking. We have stopped hoping.

Scripture has another story for us of a woman limited by bondage. She wasn’t Cinderella, but she faced her own ongoing struggles that kept her from living out the truest form of her destiny. This woman who was unable to stand tall is in the book of Luke. It says, “A woman was there [in the synagogue] who
had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all” (13:11).

Here we have a woman who for eighteen years had an unfixable problem that doubled her over. Like the hunchback of Notre Dame, she could not straighten up. Her eyes regularly saw only the ground because she was unable to look elsewhere. The passage makes it plain that there was nothing she or anyone else could do to straighten things up for her. She perhaps had some kind of spinal deformity that kept her bent over.

Because of her physical position, she could never fully see things as they really were. Her perception not only of herself but also of the world around her was distorted. Her issue was not just one of health, but it had become one of habit simply because it had gone on for so long. Eighteen years is a long time to have your world affected adversely by something you did nothing to deserve and have no power to change. This woman’s life had to have been filled with discouragement day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. It would be easy to assume that the woman may have lost her hope.

Are you able to identify with her—or with Cinderella—in any way? Maybe you have experienced a pain or a problem that won’t go away, and you feel stuck in a rut. Or stuck in a position that doesn’t offer any hope for a brighter tomorrow. While this woman’s issue was physical, many trials can force your head or heart downward either emotionally or spiritually. It could be something your dad said or did, or even your mom. It could be something an unthinking sibling might have done or said that has kept you emotionally crippled for so long. It could even be a spouse, friends, or people at work who have mislabeled you and held you back from your destiny as a kingdom woman.

You’ve tried reading books to set yourself free, attending Bible studies, and talking to a counselor, pastor, or friends, but no matter what you do, the problem or bondage seems to remain. The first thing I want to tell you is that you are not alone. Many women feel bound by emotional, spiritual, or physical pain. It could be that you feel you’ve followed God’s Word and honored Him with your life, but somehow He hasn’t held up His end of the bargain. Whatever
it is, it has you downcast. And whatever has you downcast has distorted your perception not only about yourself but also about the world around you.

Before you give up, though, look up.

See, being a kingdom woman isn’t summed up in just going to church more or doing more good things. It’s about connecting with the One who gives hope. Luke 13 tells us that the lady who couldn’t straighten up was in the synagogue. She was at church: “On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues . . .” (verse 10). For eighteen years, this woman most likely had come to church, sung her songs, listened to sermons, praised God, given her alms, and more. Yet she was no further along in being set free from her bondage than the first day she had come. Evidently church, in and of itself, didn’t help her. The system of religion, in and of itself, didn’t heal her. She was a cripple in the pew who had learned how to settle for managing her mess. She had learned how to settle for just getting by.

Yet a kingdom woman never settles. I realize that what may have happened in your childhood or in your relationships—abuse or misuse—or even with your health or finances may have pushed you down. And the best you think you can ever reach is learning how to manage your pain. Maybe it looks unfixable and broken. After all, eighteen years is an awfully long time. But Jesus has more for your future than settling. Just like He had more for the woman who couldn’t straighten up on her own:

She had been in church for a long time. Evidently you can go to church and not meet Jesus. You can be in the so-called right place and yet never run
into Jesus. When she met Jesus, she met the One who was not going to do what had simply been done for eighteen years. Everyone else had dealt with the fruit, but Jesus went directly to the root.

Twice in the story of this woman, we are told the cause of her problem. She had been bound by Satan (verse 16). Her issue was not the issue. The issue went deeper than what she physically and emotionally faced.

See, that’s important to know, because if the problem is caused by the Enemy, a doctor can’t solve it. If Satan causes the problem, a sermon or a song can’t solve it. Neither can it be solved by talking to friends, nor drowned by drinking too much, nor covered by retail therapy that you really can’t afford. If the problem is spiritual in nature, then it needs a spiritual solution.

Keep in mind, I said it needs a spiritual solution, not a religious solution. There is a big difference between the two.

A key aspect of your life as a kingdom woman is in how you view and respond to Jesus. Is He merely something attached to a ritual or a routine—that of religion? Or do you view Him as a real Person who longs to have a relationship with you? The reason why so many people end up bound by issues is that they try to address the circumstances rather than appealing to the One who can address the root. The circumstances may be the result of a spiritual situation.

If something has gone on for that long, then you are dealing with the fruit and not the root. As long as Satan can keep you thinking about the fruit, he has hold of you. He doesn’t mind if you go to your twelve-step program, talk to your friends all the time about it, or make New Year’s resolutions time after time after time. He doesn’t mind because he knows those are fruit-based solutions rather than root-based solutions.

If something in your life won’t seem to lift no matter what you try or how you face it, I want you to look deeper than what you can see, because there is a spiritual root that needs to be addressed.

When Your Solution Comes Suddenly

The woman’s solution came
suddenly
. Eighteen years of struggling to straighten up was healed
immediately
. See, with Jesus, it doesn’t have to take a whole lot of time to change your view.

But I want you to notice that Jesus asked her to do something. He asked her to come to Him. She had to leave wherever she was standing and come over to Him. She had to make her way to Jesus, in faith, even though she couldn’t stand up straight enough to see Him.

She couldn’t quit or throw in the towel. She had to hold on to some hope even in what looked like a hopeless scenario. She couldn’t say, “Well, I’ve come this far and that’s as far as I’m going to go.” Despite the aches that no doubt were common for her legs and back by then, despite the shame of being different from everyone else around her, she still went to Jesus. She didn’t stop where she was. She placed her hope in His voice, and she kept going until she got to Him.

For a kingdom woman to experience spiritual victory or relief from whatever may keep her head or heart down, she has to go to Jesus. He is the only One who has authority over Satan and his minions. He is seated at the right hand of God in the heavenlies. That doesn’t mean that Satan still can’t disturb you, because he can. What that does mean is that Satan cannot disturb you when Jesus tells him to stop.

Jesus disarmed Satan when He died on the cross: “And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross” (Colossians 2:15). In other words, Jesus is the One calling the shots now. While Satan still has a great deal of power, Jesus has authority over Satan’s power. If you want to get to the root of what has you discouraged and bent over, only Jesus holds the authority that you need to do so. If you are looking for your solutions in the physical realm when there is a spiritual cause, you are looking in the wrong location.

The Distraction Called Discouragement

One of the easiest ways to get a Christian off track from her personal destiny is through discouragement. I have seen this time and time again as I counsel people struggling with hopelessness. When you feel as if you have lost your hope—you are tired and want to give up—your head and your perspective only sees what’s down. Your shoulders droop. And you forget that a future is out in front of you waiting to be grabbed.

The best thing that I can tell you to do if you are facing hopelessness is to listen to Jesus. Hear Him call your name. Like the woman who couldn’t straighten up, don’t quit. He doesn’t want you to quit. He wants you to come closer to Him so He can put His hands on you and change your life
suddenly
.

If He doesn’t answer your prayers right away, that’s because He works healing in four ways. First, He can supernaturally heal you. Second, He can use human means to remedy your condition; third, He can give you strength to handle your condition until He corrects it. Fourth, He can enable you to persevere through the pain on earth until your full healing is made manifest in Heaven.

It’s easy to want to give up; I understand that. The struggles you face are legitimate. If any of that sounds familiar, I want to encourage you to hang in there. A kingdom woman sets her eyes on Jesus, and He strengthens her to be all she was created to be.

Chrystal’s Chronicles

I love to try new things, and I get excited fairly quickly when I am learning something new. Reminders are all over my home of things that I’ve set out to do but are incomplete.

Two years ago, I started a quilting class with my daughter. The quilt is in my closet folded up—about one-eighth of the way to completion.

I have started three scrapbooks: one for my son Jesse, one for my son Kanaan, and one for the family. None of them have more than six to eight pages.