King 03 - Restless (10 page)

When I would have turned to say good night there, Rafe firmly steered me up the steps to the porch, one hand on my back. 

“When I take a girl out, I make sure she gets safely to her door,” he explained. “Plus, here in the shadows, I can do this.” I heard his intent only a second before he pulled me tight against him and kissed me with that heady mixture of tenderness and urgency.

I was gasping again when he finished, and he rested his forehead against mine, a smile playing on his lips. 

“Good night, Tas,” he whispered. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” Rafe turned and jogged down the steps as I sagged against the front door. He looked back and gave me a wave and a grin just before he climbed into the car. 

I went inside, carefully locking the door behind me and wondering what on earth had just happened. As I headed through the dark and silent house toward my room, I felt a vibration against my leg and reached automatically for my cell phone. 

On the screen I saw Michael’s name, and every bit of the guilt and anguish I’d been suppressing all night came crashing down on top of me. I barely made it to the bed before the wracking sobs overtook me. It was a long time before I fell into a troubled sleep.

Tasmyn. It’s Saturday night… or, I guess, it’s actually Sunday morning. I’m up late… I was in the library, studying, trying to get ahead on some reading, and Cathryn—do you remember Cathryn Whitmore? You met her at homecoming. Well, anyway, I ran into her, and we went to grab coffee. I guess she could tell I needed to talk to someone. So we sat there for a long time. I guess—well, I felt guilty, being with a girl who wasn’t you. Nothing happened. Nothing at all. We just talked. But  I had to tell you about it. I don’t want to seem like I’m hiding anything. Call me, Tas. I love you.

My head was pounding the next morning when I opened my eyes, a painful souvenir of the night’s crying jag. I lay there and allowed the memory of the evening to wash over me, along with the guilt and the pain. 

It stayed with me as I went through that morning in a mechanical fashion. I answered my parents distractedly, did my typical Saturday chores of dusting my room and changing the sheets on the bed. I sat down to do some history reading and struggled through calculus problems. 

When the phone rang, I jumped, startled, and my stomach knotted. Would it be Michael, and had he somehow heard about Rafe and me last night? Or was it Rafe, calling to… well, I didn’t even want to think about why Rafe might be calling.

But when I picked up the phone with shaking hands and checked the screen, it was Amber’s name I saw. Relieved, I answered quickly.

“Hey, Amber! How’re you—”

“Are you crazy? Insane? What is the matter with you?” I don’t know that I had ever heard such fury issue forth from my friend—certainly not since she had saved us from Nell in that clearing. My heart sunk. Obviously she knew something.

“Amber, hold on a minute. What are you talking about?” I decided that feigning ignorance was my best course of action for the moment.

“I just had a phone call from Anne, whose sister called her this morning.
She
had heard from someone else that you were out with Rafe Brooks last night—and not just out with him, that you were all over him!”

“I was
not
all over him!” Indignation colored my voice, even though that guilt-ridden side of me sank in silent acknowledgement. “We went to the green to hear a band—and—and people should mind their own business.”

“Tasmyn, you live in a small town now. Not only that, you dated one of the most popular boys in the school. And you were involved in something sensational just over a year ago. People are still curious about what went down with you and Nell out in the forest. So when you’re seen out with the grandson of another well-known family in King just after breaking up with that popular boy—yes, people are going to talk.”

I didn’t answer; I was still fuming. Amber went on anyway, her voice softening a little.

“I know that Rafe has always liked you. I remember last year, when he kissed you and then made you forget about it. I thought—maybe that’s what happened again? Do you even remember what went down last night?”

Here it was: Amber was giving me an out, if only I were brazen enough to take it. I could claim that Rafe had taken advantage of me, and Amber would then defend me against all the rumors and innuendo that the town could muster. 

But it wasn’t true, and it wasn’t fair. Rafe hadn’t taken advantage of me. He had even warned me not to do anything that I didn’t mean, and I had gone ahead anyway… memories of pressing my lips to his made my face redden and my heart sink. No, I couldn’t do that to him.

“No,” I half-whispered into the phone at last. “No, he didn’t—he didn’t use his power on me. Not that power anyway. He—we—it just kind of happened.” I knew that was the lamest excuse in the world, and I waited for Amber’s renewed fury.

Instead she sighed. “I figured that. I mean, Rafe likes you, a lot, and in a way he is an unknown quantity—we don’t really know how much he uses his mind-altering stuff. But he seems pretty decent. I didn’t think he’d do that to you—not again, not in front of all those people.”

We were both quiet again for a moment, and then Amber spoke tentatively.

“Tas, why? What are you doing? Is it just that you miss Michael that much? Aren’t you worried that he’ll hear about this, and you’ll break his heart all over again?”

Tears welled in my already-red rimmed eyes. “Of course I’m worried about that. But last night—well, Rafe was very kind to me. And you know that I can feel other people’s emotions—and I guess maybe I just wanted to do something to show him how grateful I was.” I sobbed just a little, trying to keep down the worst of the crying. “And if I’m never going to be with Michael again, then why not? I’ll never love anyone the way I love Michael, but I could make someone else happy, maybe…”

“Tas, that’s awful. You can’t think that way. You don’t know that you’ll never be with Michael again. If you just called him, he’d take you back in a minute. You’ve got to know that.”

But I was shaking my head, even though I knew that Amber couldn’t see me. “I can’t. I couldn’t before, and now I really can’t. I’ve betrayed him, and even if he could forget that, I never could.”

At that moment I heard the call-waiting tone sound on my phone. I glanced at the screen and saw Rafe’s name. I swallowed hard, considering that I could ignore him and just keeping talking with Amber. But I had to face him some time. 

“Listen, Amber, please don’t worry. I’ve got another call, and I need to take it. I’ll talk to you later, okay?  Promise.”

Before she could reply, I pushed the button and answered the other call.

“Good morning, gorgeous.” Rafe’s voice was low and husky, as though he had just woken up. I ignored the pang deep within me.

“Hey, Rafe,” I answered, trying to strike a careful balance between friendly and cautious.

“So what are you doing? Did I wake you up?” 

I glanced at the clock. It was just after noon. 

“I don’t think so! Practically half the day is gone. I’ve already done chores and homework.”

“Chores, huh?” I heard amusement and just barely kept from rolling my eyes. “What kind of chores?”

“Oh, you know… dusting, vacuuming, just getting my room straightened up. Changing sheets. What, you don’t have responsibilities around the house?” I knew Rafe’s grandparents were fairly wealthy, and it struck me that perhaps he really didn’t have to do any housework. Maybe they had maids.

“I’m supposed to make my bed, and not let my room get out of control. Does that count?” 

“I guess so.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. Conversations, on the phone or otherwise, had always been so easy with Michael. We never ran out of things to say, and even when there was silence, it was comfortable. 

“So…” Rafe dragged out the single syllable. “Do you want to do something later? Maybe go for that ice cream or something?”

I fidgeted. “Um… I don’t know. I might need to spend some time with my parents. . .”

“Hey, it’s cool.” Rafe’s voice abruptly lost its intimate tone. “No problem. I’ll just see you Monday.”

Inexplicably, I felt guilty again, this time for hurting Rafe, not for betraying Michael. It occurred to me that Rafe really didn’t have any friends other than Amber and me. He hung out with guys at school now and then, between classes or at lunch, but I couldn’t remember him talking or even thinking about anyone in particular. I had never wondered what he did outside of school, but I realized now that he probably spent most of his time alone or with his grandparents. 

“Rafe, actually I’d love to go have ice cream with you tonight. I’m just… sorry, it’s going to take a little while for me to adjust. Do you want to pick me up around seven again?”

“Yeah. That would be perfect.” Rafe had recovered some of his own. “I’ll see you then.” He paused again, and I had the feeling he was going to say something more. But in the end, he only murmured, “Bye, Tas.” 

My parents didn’t say much when I announced my plans for the evening, but I heard their thoughts loud and clear, even as I concentrated on
not
listening.

Rafe took me to a small old-fashioned ice cream parlor on the main street in town. There were a few couples there closer to my parents’ age and one family with two small children who were ordering cones at the counter. Rafe led me to a round table for two in the corner.

“They’ll come over and take our order in a minute,” he said as he held out a chair for me. “What do you feel like?”

I hadn’t really eaten all day, and suddenly I was ravenous. “I’m thinking a two scoop hot fudge sundae with lots of whipped cream and toasted almonds.”

Rafe laughed and sat down across from me. “Sounds good. Let’s make it two.” Tentatively he reached across the table, and after hesitating briefly, he took my hand. 

“Tasmyn,” he began, “look. If you’re sorry about what happened last night—you know, if you’re having second thoughts, it’s cool. I don’t want you to think you owe me anything. I’m your friend, no matter what.”

If Rafe had said something else, anything pushy, I probably would have been able to justify ending it right there. But his absolute openness and the trust I could feel in him made it impossible. Instead I squeezed his hand.

“I know that,” I answered. “Thank you. But—but no. I’m not having second thoughts. If I did, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

That was true. All day as I had pondered my situation, I kept coming back to one simple truth. Michael was out of my life. Yes, he was still calling me every night, but each time that I didn’t answer the phone, I stepped a little further away. I hadn’t set out to become involved with Rafe, and I was still uneasy about the part of me that had thrown caution to the wind. I felt more than a little out of control. But I had come to the conclusion that I could trust Rafe. I could move slowly, take things one step at a time, and although Rafe would never truly have my heart—it would always belong to Michael-at least I wouldn’t be lonely.

Rafe smiled, but his eyes bored into mine, as if searching for some larger truth. The moment was broken when a harried looking woman approached our table, order pad and pen in hand.

The rest of the evening passed quickly. I found it easier to talk with Rafe when the subject was extraordinary powers, my work with Marica or even the unusual history of King. Rafe had more knowledge on that subject that I had realized.

“You should come over and talk with my grandmother,” he said. “She knows everything about everyone.”

“Did she know Nell?” I asked.  I still harbored guilt and regret over Nell’s fate.

“Sure. She knows her and her mom—the whole family all the way back.”

“Hmm. Maybe I should talk to her,” I mused. 

Rafe carefully wiped his lips with the paper napkin. I felt a little wave of trepidation come from him, and I glanced up with raised eyebrows.

“Would you… would you want to come over to my house tomorrow night and have dinner with my grandparents?” All of his words came out in a rush, and at the same time, I felt his worry that I would feel pressured by the invitation.