Killing Time (28 page)

RORY AND I SAT AT
the dining room table in matching, black terry cloth robes and ate dinner.

It was by candlelight and there were several bottles of Cristal champagne to accompany dinner. I found the food as heady and intoxicating as Rory’s lovemaking or perhaps it was the alcohol. Either way, I loved spending time with him so much it was just as enjoyable to share a meal with him, as it was to be in his bed.

“Compliments to the chef . . . this is one of the best home cooked meals I have ever had. Thank you.” I smiled and although it must have been outrageously over the top, I couldn’t help myself.

The smile grew as he grabbed my hand from across the table and held it in his own. “You’re welcome. I realized you’ve cooked for me but I have never made a meal for you until tonight. I know it’s silly and I should know better at our age but I feel like I have to constantly remind you this isn’t just about the sex. I enjoy your company, your mind, your soul and your heart. Sex could never keep me tied to anyone but all the others keep me tied to you and you sharing your body with me is a lovely bonus.”

“Does this extend to me sharing my body with Severin?” I wondered out loud.

Rory drained his champagne flute and set it on the table. “No, it doesn’t. He came by earlier after you left and asked if he could join us since he’d been an incomprehensible bastard and he wanted to make it up to you. I told him you would be allowed to make all the rules and if you wanted him to leave, he would have to respect your wishes.

“I know . . . it is hard for you to understand. How do I share you with another if I am in love with you but . . . to me, sharing you with Severin isn’t so much giving you to another man but allowing you to see another part of myself. We’re identical twins, that is we were conceived from the same egg and the same sperm, which spliced and formed two different people. The bond we share is indescribable. If I could explain this in layman’s terms, I would but there are no words to make you comprehend how close we are and how much we mean to one another.”

He paused before he continued, “
Liebling
, what you have accomplished . . . combined with your limited knowledge of this lifestyle in such a short time is amazing. I would be the first to admit it was never my intention to ever be in a relationship with a BDSM novice. It just isn’t done but what exists between us is so much more than the lifestyle and the community.”

“So, are we in a BDSM relationship or not?” I inquired. “What I really want to know is am I a submissive to your dominant?”

“Yes and no.” Rory re-filled his champagne flute. “Understand that in most male homosexual relationships, there is no ‘top’ and there is no ‘bottom.’ That is not to say one partner won’t bottom out more than the other but he will be a top also because the relationship is considered equal.

“A true Dom/sub relationship works much the same. There isn’t a Dom or a sub to the point where it always works that way unless it is a twenty-four-seven arrangement. Ours isn’t. We have sex and often you take the submissive position but tonight, you were the Domme and we were your subs. Did you humiliate us? No, but true submission isn’t about humiliation and you have to understand that.

“So, to make a long story short, when you want us to indulge with Severin then we can but when you don’t, that is fine and not part of our relationship. I don’t need to involve my brother to get off and if you are not comfortable then he doesn’t need nor will he ever participate ever again.”

“What about monogamy? Does that ever factor into the relationship?” I sliced off a piece of salmon and chewed before swallowing. “I have always thought it was a bit overrated—monogamy that is—but at the same time, there is a special kind of reassurance to me that a couple cares for deeply for one another when they can swear sexual relations with only one another. Even if it is proven to often be purely an illusion.”

“I have never been the monogamous type but then again, I have never been in a relationship with a woman who demanded it from me because she was always in the life as well. I practice safe sex when I sleep with someone outside of our union but that hasn’t happened since we have been together . . . officially, I mean. To be honest, I don’t crave anyone but you. I don’t touch my brother during the time we have indulged with him so if anyone has been unfaithful, it is
you
but that’s purely a technicality. It was something I wanted to happen as much as you and since I was there, I got as much out of watching Severin have sex with you as when I made love to you.”

I finished the rest of my champagne for liquid courage. “I was going to tell you before everything started between you, Severin and I that I received a phone call from my best friend, Nicole. She said she spoke to you—well, you had to otherwise how did she get an unlisted number you procured for me? The point is now you know the truth and what I never told you about. It was Nicole who ended up with Renaud and I don’t want you to ever hold that against her.

“She’s a good person and she wants us to have dinner once we settle in Paris. Nikki also told me you two knew one another and she was in a previous relationship with Severin though it certainly doesn’t hold good memories for her. I want you to know I have rekindled our friendship—not that I ever considered anything else other than a friend but . . . I crave her companionship again.”

Rory finished his food before he wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin. “That’s good to know. I was thinking just my company and your sister’s death might start to drive you off the deep end. I hope you have forgotten that book nonsense since it would be a huge risk you would be taking and threaten all our lives—Nicole’s included.”

“Yes, I know and I will continue my research but I promise not to share any results or findings with anyone but you,” I lied smoothly.

“Good. And to answer your question, yes, I do know Nicole quite well. Her mother is German after all and her father, a French industrialist billionaire. Our families are quite close; in fact, her mother is our mother’s second cousin.”

“So, Severin dated his cousin?”

“She’s our cousin—three times removed. There isn’t much blood left over and that is hardly considered an incestuous relationship. It is the same with Astrid. I have never had sex with her but Severin has and she is our
second
cousin. We probably wouldn’t have anything to do with one another if we didn’t share the lifestyle.

“Our family was a bit strange where outside presences are concerned. Yes, we attended family get-togethers with our grandparents that included children, grandchildren, aunts, and uncles. However, neither one of our parents are all that close to their family. Other than the occasional party to celebrate a birthday, wedding or funeral, my family outside of my parents, siblings and a few close cousins are a mystery to me.

“Mother was particularly ashamed since her father had a major position in the military during World War II. He had her whilst he was in his late thirties. He was born shortly after World War I but Mother wasn’t born until 1956. It didn’t matter our grandfather was very young and probably stupid enough to fall for what was popular at the time . . . all Mother could think about was the humiliation of having Nazis for parents.

“She was the eighth child born to Lars and Gertrude Kreutenheimer. Her father was actually part of Operation Valkyrie but it wasn’t discovered by the high- ranking officials he worked for because he hid his involvement very well. After the war, he was treated like every other war criminal and perhaps this made him bitter and turned him into the cold-hearted sadistic son of a bitch he became.”

I re-filled my fluted champagne glass. “Were you and Severin ever . . . left in his care?”

“Once, when we were both eight years old. I remember the occasion like it happened yesterday. Seven was being particularly bad and found the old Man’s war medals he kept secretly. Our grandfather was absolutely furious with us when he found us holding his precious medals and we both were taken down to a strange dungeon and whipped with a black leather strap.

“Our mother found out and Hell hath no fury like an over-protective Mother. She cursed out her father and told him he would never see us again. I remember the old Man smiled and said he was glad because we were both brats who had been ruined by her. ‘You’re a disgrace, Lorelei, and I hate your mother ever gave birth to you.’ Mother cried but she kept her word and we never spent any time in the old Man’s presence again.”

“Why are you telling me this, Rory?” I wondered after a bout of silence plagued us without preamble.

“Well, I’m just making conversation,
liebling
. We should be able to share childhood stories with one another, shouldn’t we? It has nothing to do with the reason why I am into BDSM but every incident that happens in our lives shape us into the people we become, don’t you agree?”

“Of course.” I wiped my mouth and set my napkin on the scant remains of food in my plate. “Is this where I am supposed to share with you and confess all my dirty little family secrets?”

Rory shook his head before he kissed my palm. “No, not at all. You share what you want to and I ask nothing from you in return. I only tell you what I have because I feel like I can trust you. When I am ready, I will tell you my secrets but not until then, do you understand? If I don’t think you can handle a simple story of a beating at the hands of my grandfather then I certainly wouldn’t share something with you that would eventually drive you away. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I do. More than you think.”

“Good then it’s about time we went to bed. We still have a lot to do and our flight to Paris is tomorrow evening. I don’t want you to forget anything and it also gives you a chance to say your last goodbyes before we leave.”

Miraculously, I didn’t fight with him. Instead, I stood and allowed him to interlace his left hand with my right one and guide us to the bedroom. Once there, we both removed our robes and got into bed. He spooned me from the back which was quite a reassurance. I enjoyed the heat and the lean hardness of his body. I felt safe and it allowed me to close my eyes.

Before I could process a single, coherent thought, I was taken to the land of dreams.

ALTHOUGH I SHOULD HAVE BEEN
preoccupied with double-checking I’d packed everything to make our trip to Paris, I had already done it over a week ago. My Kindle Fire, iPad and iPod were already packed in my carryon bag along with a change of clothes, a few sample toiletries and a change of undergarments.

Most of our luggage and important items—including all of Trésor’s personal effects—had already been shipped over to the house in Vaucresson. All I had kept was a journal from my sister’s personal items since it was a guiding tool to help me along with the first part of the book. Regardless of the multiple warnings given to me by both Rory and Nicole, I was determined to go through with this project.

I knew they meant well but they hadn’t lost a sister either—I did—and I was going to do what I wanted to do whether it was right or wrong. All their warnings had done amounted to stirring the journalist inside of me into action. I hated injustice and I despised cover-ups.

Who ever had murdered my sister would pay for their crime though I was unsure whether that would be at the hands of the criminal justice system. I was not above vigilante justice or hiring someone to take care of it for me. Although we didn’t have the most stable of relationships, I had faith Severin would help me if it came down to the wire. I didn’t believe in the Bible but in this case, I certainly considered an “eye for an eye” mentality quite sufficient and just.

I’d barely written more than a few pages though it wasn’t all that different writing a book versus an investigative article except length. I would divide it into chapters later on. For the time being, I was merely focused on getting the story documented. I would also talk about her relationship with Rory and how it weaved into her modeling career.

I hadn’t gotten anywhere near the whole situation with Rory and his brother since I was still focusing on the earlier part of her career. I knew I probably wouldn’t broach that part of her life until after the funeral and that gave me a sense of solace I didn’t have to tackle it at this point when it still lingered on my mind constantly.

It gnawed at me and I no longer felt comfortable talking to anyone about it because everyone else had moved on. Though they would listen, I couldn’t burden anyone else with my problems. It just seemed wrong; my guilt ate away at me and it was my cross to bear alone. I had done Trésor wrong and I had been selfish therefore it only made sense her death would affect me so deeply.

If I had been a good sister, I would have taken the time to contact her on a fairly regular basis, if only to ask about her life. I would have picked up the phone and called her. Or at least texted and emailed her. She wanted to share so much and I’d decided not to be there because we had plenty of time to repair our relationship.

Many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years because we were both young and nothing would ever happen to us in the near future. Yes, we’d had lots of time until we had none and I couldn’t turn back the clock, unfortunately.