Killian: A West Bend Saints Romance (23 page)

L
ily keeps
it together while she listens to the assessment of the damage, which is considerable. She nods mutely and bites her bottom lip, but not in the sexy way she does when she's with me. Now she does it while pressing her hands together, her fingernails digging into her palm. I stand there like a jackass, listening to the guy basically tell her that her business – her dream – is totally fucked and there's nothing she can do about it.

I mean, sure there's insurance. But that involves reams of paperwork and bureaucrats who will try to avoid paying, or else pay the least amount possible – and probably a clusterfuck between the tenant's insurance and her landlord's insurance and her insurance company. While they drag their feet, Lily's store will be closed for months and everything she's worked for will be destroyed.

So I stand here on the sidewalk, distracting Chloe by playing "I Spy" with stuff that we see around us.

And feeling more helpless than I've ever felt in my life.

Lily keeps it together when she's finished talking to them, and after, she makes a phone call, then walks back over to us, giving her daughter a sad smile. "Hey, Chloe, I called the babysitter. Bethany is going to come pick you up and bring you back to our house to play for a little while."

"Why? You said I could come to the bakery today!"

Lily pales. "Remember how just said there was some water inside the bakery? The guys just have to clean itup and it's not safe for kids to go inside right now."

"All
riiiight
," Chloe sighs.

She keeps it together until Chloe leaves, painting a bright smile on her face and playing "I Spy" with us like nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

But as soon as Chloe is gone, she lets out a deep breath, one I can tell she's been holding this whole time. She sits down on the sidewalk, leaning with her back up against the side of the brick building façade, and puts her face in her hands. I sit down beside her on the ground. "Please let me help."

She doesn't respond for a minute, but I can see a tear running down the side of her cheek and it just guts me. When she finally does turn toward me, it's with a defeated expression on her face. "It's bad, Killian. And the insurance – it'll be forever before they pay out or the place is suitable again. I'm sure I can get out of my lease, but not having the revenue coming in…" She inhales deeply as she stands up and wipes her palms on her jeans.

“Maybe you don’t have to close the store for months.” I pull myself up off the sidewalk and face her. I can see the fear in her eyes and it makes me feel sick.

I could just tell her – I can pay for everything. I could get everything fixed. It’s not even a big deal. It would be like a gift. A really, really big gift. What the hell else do I have to do with the money?

“There’s no way I can avoid it, Killian. I don’t know if I can – everything I have is in the store. I –" She sighs heavily. “I’ll figure it out. I’m going to have my parents pick up Chloe a little early, since she was suspended anyway.”

I grimace at the reminder that I fucked up with that. I’m sorry Chloe got suspended, and I think I’m supposed to feel sorry that she punched that kid. Except I don’t feel sorry for that part at all.

“I can help –" I start, but she puts her hand up, shaking her head.

"It's nice of you to offer, really, it is. But this is my problem, not yours, Killian."

"This is
our
problem," I correct her.

“This isn’t
our
problem, Killian,” she says, an unmistakable edge in her voice. “This is
my
problem.”

Irritation rushes through me.
Her problem?
“I want to help. Do you think I’ve really been hanging around you and Chloe this whole time so I can ditch you two just because some shit happens?”

“It’s not your responsibility,” she insists, her words clipped. "This is my restaurant. It's none of your business." Her brow is furrowed and she looks at me with fire in her eyes, and what I really want to do is pull her against me and kiss the hell out of her. I want to make this okay.

It's not my business? Why is she being so damn stubborn?

“You can’t just not take my help with the store because you’re still mad at me for Chloe getting suspended."

Lily’s nostrils flare. “You think I don’t want your help because I’m mad about Chloe?”

“I know you’re pissed off she got suspended but honestly, that Alex kid deserved it.”

Her hands go to her hips. “Are you kidding?” she says, her voice loud. A woman passes on the sidewalk, staring as she circumvents us by walking into the street. Lily glares at her as she passes. “What are you looking at??”

“No, I’m not kidding," I say, bringing Lily's attention back to me. "And, you know what, I’m actually not really all that sorry I taught her to defend herself against some asshole kids with asshole parents who taught them to be little shits to other kids. Would you stop being so damn stubborn all the time, woman? It’s a damn cleaning crew. It’s not like I got you a ring! Just take the help already.”

“You think I need rescuing. You think Chloe and I need rescuing!” she yells.

“I don’t think you need rescuing, damn it!”

“First, you come into my store and rescue me from the guys bothering me –“

“Anyone would have done that. Like I’m going to stand there and watch some guys harass you?”

But she keeps plowing ahead. “Then, you change the rules in the bakery because you think you have a better idea than I do about how to run my business. And now you’re sending in a repair crew, telling me to let you take care of things because I can’t handle them on my own, like I’m some kind of helpless little woman who needs to be pat on the head and told not to worry about anything because her big strong man will take care of it!”

Now I’m getting really upset. “That’s not what I’m doing at all! You’re making me out to be some controlling pig who bosses you around and –"

“I said, this is
my
problem. I have to deal with it. Just like with Chloe.”

“What was I supposed to do? She told
me
about the bullying, not you!”

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to take them back.

Lily doesn’t move. She just looks at me, her jaw clenched, and her eyes start to water.

“Lily, I didn’t mean –"

She puts up her hand. “Don’t, Killian. Just don’t. Chloe is my kid, not yours. Regardless of whether or not you think I'm a good mom."

"That is not at all what I mean. I meant that she didn't want to worry –"

"Enough," she says. "You've said enough."

* * *

"
S
he hasn't talked
to you?" Luke asks.

I grimace, looking into my whiskey glass. "It didn't –" I shrug, like it's not a big deal, except it's a big fucking deal. I royally fucked up. I really hurt her when I said that Chloe told me about the bullying and not her. "It didn't go well when I saw her."

"Well, I guess you should go fix it, asshole."

"Yeah, thanks for your brilliant advice. If I knew how to fix it, that's what I would go do."

Instead, I've been holed up at the cabin because really, I have no business being in a relationship. What the hell was I thinking, dating a woman with a kid? I'm in over my head here.

And she wanted to be left alone. She didn't want me to step in and fix stuff for her.

God, that even sounds like a lame rationalization in my head.

"Oh, please. You know how to fix it. Go apologize for whatever dumb shit you said or did."

"I didn't just say something stupid, Luke. I fucked things up, first with the bakery, and then with Chloe getting suspended from school because of what I taught her."

"Her kid was suspended? She's like, six, years old."

I shrug. "Just turned seven. I might have taught her how to punch a boy who was bothering her."

Luke snorts. "I take it she hit him?"

"Yeah. Split the kid's lip."

"They suspend kids for that now?" Luke asks. "You remember when those kids in middle school were harassing Silas?"

I can't help but laugh. "We told them that I went to juvie over the summer for murder and that if they touched Silas, they'd be next."

"You were so unstable-looking anyway, they believed it. Dumb shits."

"Probably should have gone that route with Chloe."

Luke snorts. "Yeah, I'm sure scaring all of the first graders at the elementary school would have been a better choice."

I'm silent for a while. "How did you know you could do it, man?"

"Support your lies about being a murderer?"

"You know that's not what I'm talking about. Be a father. You have Olivia, and now Autumn is pregnant again. How'd you know you weren't going to fuck them all up? It's not like our father was a role model."

Luke takes a long drag on his beer. "I don't know that I'm not going to fuck them all up."

"That's reassuring."

"I don't think you can know. I mean, you're probably going to mess some stuff up. Not everything, though."

"That's optimistic."

"Our father was a role model, in a way, I think."

I let out a bitter laugh. "Right."

"Hear me out. He was a model for what not to do. So I kind of figure, as long as I do the opposite of what he did, I'm probably on the right track, you know? Besides, Autumn's a good mom. It comes naturally to her. So I'm hitchin' my horse to her wagon. I figure, if I don't know what to do, she does."

"Lily's a good mom. A really good one."

"Yeah, well, I figure she's got to be good at dealing with children, since she handles you so well."

"Jackass."

"Stop sitting up here moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. I've seen the way she looks at you – it's how Autumn looks at me. It's the best feeling in the world, man." Luke stands up and sets the beer down on the ground beside his chair. "I have to go. Cade and I are watching the kids so Autumn and June can have a child-free dinner. Don't be stupid, Killian. Go fix it."

"She's real stubborn."

Luke cocks his head to the side and looks at me like I'm an idiot. "So are you, dumbass."

I
lie in bed awake
, the numbers on the clock on my bedside table glowing blue and bathing the room in an eerie light.

It's none of your business.
I was mean to Killian when he was just trying to help. But what the hell did he think he was going to do, clean up the damage by himself? Besides, he was a total jerk.

She told me about the bullying, not you!

The words keep replaying in my head over and over, like a nonstop punch to the gut, because it's true. She didn't confide in me. She confided in Killian instead.

He was trying to help.

No, what he was doing was steamrolling his way in and trying to fix things for me, like he did with Chloe – doing things his own way without even asking first.

He was just trying to help.

The thoughts ping-pong around in my head until I'm too exhausted to think about it anymore.

My mother was almost as devastated about the flooding in the bakery as she was by the fact that she wasn't going to get to meet Killian when my parents picked up Chloe.

"I don't think it's too much to ask that I meet the man who's spending time with my grandchild, do you?"

"Not now, mom. Another time."

Probably not ever.

Part of me wants Killian to call me, tell me he was a dumbass who put his foot in his mouth and that he didn't mean that I was a defective mother. I know he didn't mean it like that – at least, some part of me understands that.

The other part of me says, screw that. He's bossy and controlling and I don't want some misogynistic brute barging into my life and trying to run it.

Especially when I know from previous experience that I can't trust anyone except myself. Adam taught me that.

I'm overwhelmed. I've been dealing with the water damage in the bakery all week, and I feel like it's hopeless. The landlord was apologetic, and the tenant fortunately had insurance. But the bakery will still be closed for months.

I feel like I've worked so hard the past few months, just to see things go up in smoke.

Or get washed away.

* * *

"
T
hank God you're here
. Did you bring me real coffee? None of this rehab shit. What they have here is swill, I'm telling you. They're trying to kill me, you know that, don't you?"

"If only it were that easy to kill you," the nurse says, giving Opal a look. "Maybe you should stop running your mouth so much and work on your rehab exercises and then you could get out of the rehab center and stop bothering me."

Well, that's just unprofessional. Are nurses allowed to talk to their patients that way?
I think my mouth is hanging open.

Opal laughs when she sees what must be the
what-the-fuck
expression on my face. "Lily, this is Ava. We've played bridge on Wednesday nights for what, the last ten years? She's the youngest member of our bridge group by about twenty years."

"And Opal is the mouthiest," Ava points out. "I heard about the flood at the bakery, you know. That's a real tough break."

I swallow hard. "Yeah."

Ava shakes her head. "I'm going to get on out of here so you can visit. Tell me you didn't let her convince you to sneak her in a bottle of whiskey."

I put up my hands. "Nope. Just coffee."

Ava glares at Opal. "You're better than her boyfriend Bert, then."

"Booty call," Opal clarifies.

Ava rolls her eyes. "He smuggled her in a bottle of champagne the other day. When she's already taking pain pills. Because apparently breaking her hip isn't enough. You didn’t put him in your will, did you, Opal? I'm pretty sure he's trying to kill her."

"Do I look like a senile old woman? Get out of here. I need to talk to this girl." Opal waits for approximately three seconds after Ava leaves to give me her raised-eyebrow stare. "Spill it. Right now."

"It's all pretty water-damaged. I don’t know if I'll be able to even –"

"That is not what I'm talking about."

"What are you talking about?" I ask. I know damn well what she's talking about.

"You're going to pretend you have no idea what I'm asking, when the whole town saw you and Killian yelling at each other outside of the store?"

"We had a fight."

Opal snorts. "I gathered that."

"I haven't talked to him, okay? He was trying to just – do what he always does, take over and bully everyone into giving him his way. Alright? I don't need someone taking over my store or my life."

It sounded good in my head, but when I say the words out loud, it doesn't sound like I'm describing Killian at all. He might be pushy, but he's not a bully.

"So how exactly did he bully you?"

I exhale heavily. "He had a cleaning crew come in before I even got to the store, knowing I don't have the extra cash lying around to do that before the insurance sends someone out."
God, this sounds stupid, even to me.
"And, you know, he helped Chloe get herself suspended from school. And he wanted to help with the bakery, I don't know how – probably go in there and rebuild the whole damn thing himself."

Fuck. I'm an idiot.

Opal looks at me, unblinking.

"It sounds less bad when I'm telling it to you."

"Mmm-hmm." She clucks her tongue.

"You know he's bossy. He just pushes his way in and tries to do whatever he wants."

"What I know is that he cares about you and Chloe."

"We've hardly been together long enough for him to be acting like he's – like he needs to take care of us or something."

"Did I ever tell you about my husband Carl?"

I shake my head. "Killian isn't my husband, Opal. He's not even my boyfriend anymore."

"Shut your trap, girl. Carl and I were married for forty-nine years. Would have been fifty, but he passed on. Lord, he was a stubborn man. And I mean,
stubborn
. Worse than a damn mule sometimes. I met him in fourth grade. His family moved into town then, and he walked right up to me and told me that I was his girlfriend."

I roll my eyes. "So the moral of this story is that your husband walked up to you and declared you were his girlfriend and you lived happily ever after, so I should be perfectly fine with Killian bossing me around?"

"Don't sass me in the middle of my story," she orders. "What happened is that I poured my juice over his head at lunchtime. The next day, he put a frog in my desk. So I put glue in his seat. It pretty much went on like that until we graduated high school. He went off to the Army and came back four years later.

"I was sitting on top of the dunking booth at the county fair – I wasn't even supposed to be up there. I was wearing a new dress and my hair was done, but my friend needed a bathroom break, so I was just warming her seat. Then Carl walks up to the booth. I know full well who he is and I warn him that if he dunks me, I'll have his head. The bastard grins and does it anyway.

"So I climb out of the dunking booth and walk right up to him and I'm going to slap him across the face. Except that I've never noticed before how blue his eyes are. And he's not the scrawny eighteen-year-old that left for the Army anymore. I think he's the most handsome guy I've ever seen."

"So you kissed him instead of slapping him and you lived happily ever after?" I ask.

"Don't be stupid. I didn't slap him. I didn't kiss him, either. I
did
let him walk me home from the fair, though, and then I pushed him into the pond."

I can't help but laugh. "And the moral of this story is, what exactly?"

"Fighting is foreplay."

"Fighting is foreplay?
That's
the moral of this story? This is a terrible story, and that's a terrible moral."

"I didn't mean you should slap each other, good grief. I mean, unless that's what you're into. I'm not here to judge. There's a shop down in Grand Junction that sells riding crops if you need something to smack him with, though."

"Stop, stop, stop!" I stand up. "I'm glad to see that your hip injury hasn't affected your sense of propriety."

"Go make up with Killian," Opal orders. "Stop being stupid. Spank him if you have to. Or push him in the pond. But go fix things."

I sigh loudly. "You're just as damn bossy and stubborn as he is."

Opal laughs. "And you think you're not, sugar?"