Killer Dreams (18 page)

“Starved,” he corrected with a smile. “It’s the first time I’ve heard you admit to a need that extreme. You appear to eat to stay alive.” His gaze ran over her. “And it shows. You’re too thin.”

“I’m strong and healthy.”

“You look as if you could be broken with one twist of my hand.”

“Then my looks are deceiving.” She stopped at the boulder. “You couldn’t break me, Royd.”

“Yes, I could.” He dropped to the ground and began opening the sack. “I’m good at breaking things…and people.” He looked up at her. “But I’d never do it. It would hurt me too much.”

She couldn’t breathe. She could feel the blood tingling in her palms and the sensitive inner flesh of her wrists. She couldn’t look away from him.

His gaze finally shifted away from her. “Sit down and eat. Pastrami on rye. Dill pickles. And potato chips. The deli didn’t sell wine, so you’ll have to make do with a Coke.”

“That’s fine.” She slowly sat down across from him. It wasn’t fine. She felt weak and a little dizzy. Jesus, she hadn’t felt like this since she was a teenager. “I like pastrami.” She carefully took the sandwich he handed her. Don’t touch him. Touching him would be a mistake. Hell, staring at him was a mistake, because it made her want to reach out and brush her fingers across his cheek. He was so hard, so taut and yet she knew that she could break that tension. It made her feel heady with power.

Cripes, Eve and Adam and the damn apple. What she was feeling was purely primitive.

Maybe not so pure.

“It’s okay.” He was studying her expression. “I’m not going to jump you just because you’re feeling a little vulnerable. That’s not why I brought you here.”

She wanted to deny that she was vulnerable. She couldn’t lie. She had never felt more vulnerable in her life. “Why did you bring me?”

He frowned. “You needed to relax. I wanted to see you without all the kinks.” He bit into his sandwich. “And I wanted to tell you that…I was rough on you. I didn’t want you to come with me, and I got ugly.”

“Yes.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t mean it. I do care if you live or die.”

He was like a churlish little boy reluctant to confess. Her brows lifted. “Oh, that’s comforting. Then you lied about only wanting to screw me?”

“Well, I lied about it being the only reason.” He smiled. “But it was definitely a prime motivation.” His smile faded. “It still is. But I’m not pushing.” He finished his sandwich and lay back in the sand and closed his eyes. “Yet.”

She gazed at him with exasperation mixed with amusement. It was just like Royd to make a provocative statement like that and then ignore her.

“Finish your sandwich and stretch out.” Royd didn’t open his eyes. “You may not get the chance to relax after today. You should always take advantage of the good times when you can.”

“I know that.” She took the last bite of her sandwich and sat for a moment looking at him. Jesus, he appeared to be drifting off to sleep. Here she was, on edge, wary, and he was completely ignoring her. To hell with it.

She leaned back and propped herself against the boulder. “But if I go to sleep, you’d better give me a shake before the tide comes in. I don’t like rude awakenings.”

“And I sometimes enjoy them. A little shock and roughness stirs the blood. I’ll show you sometime….”

“I don’t want you to—” Don’t talk to him. Every word he said brought a picture to her mind. Royd naked in bed that first night. Royd gazing at her with that intensity that made her feel that queer breathless heat. “I can’t relax if you keep talking to me.”

“Good point. But then you’re a very smart lady. That’s one of my problems. You don’t look like a doctor.”

“What’s a doctor supposed to look like?”

“Not like you. When you wash your hair, it’s all curly and loose like a kid’s. Most of the time you don’t wear a lot of makeup and you look clean and smooth and glowing….”

Dammit, she was beginning to feel that tingling heat again.

“You make me sound like Shirley Temple.” She had to steady her voice. “I hope I’m clean, but there’s nothing childlike about me.” She closed her eyes. “I have a child of my own, remember.”

“How could I forget? He dominates your life.”

“That’s right.”

But Michael seemed far away in this moment. It had been a long time since she had felt this sense of being a woman instead of a mother. She was vividly aware of her body, her muscles, her chest rising and falling as she breathed. Though her eyes were closed, the memory of the sea and the sand and Royd was still with her.

“It’s okay.” Royd’s voice was low. “That’s how it should be. I didn’t mean anything else. But you’re human. If you need me, I’m here, Sophie.”

She couldn’t answer. Damn him. Gruff, bold, rude, and yet he had moments that made her want to hold him, comfort him. Just when she managed to harden herself against him, he said something that made her soften again. “Thank you.” She cleared her throat. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He didn’t speak again. Was he asleep? She knew darned well she wouldn’t be able to doze off.

Keep it in mind? How could she help doing anything else?

15

T
hey didn’t go back to the house until a few hours after dark.

“Are you all right?” Royd asked as he unlocked the gate. “You’ve been very quiet.”

She forced a smile. “I’m fine. Why shouldn’t I be? I’ve done nothing but loll on the beach for the last few hours.” She went ahead of him into the courtyard. “You were right. I needed a few hours of peace and quiet.” Though the peace had been ambivalent. Her body had been still but her mind and emotions had been vibrating.

And he had known it, sensed it.

She could tell by the alertness, the watchfulness in his expression. She gazed away from him and her pace quickened. “It was a good idea to skip the Cuban restaurant and go for the—”

“Am I going to get lucky?”

She stopped short. “What?”

“You heard me,” he said roughly. “Maybe it’s not the most diplomatic way to put it. But I have to know.”

She turned to face him. “Are you going to get lucky?” she repeated. “For God’s sake, you make me feel like a cheap pickup in a bar.”

“It’s not like that. I just have to—Oh, forget it.” He passed her and took the stairs two at a time. “I should have known that I’d—”

She heard his bedroom door slam behind him. She stared at the door for a moment before she continued up the stairs. She felt stunned and indignant and confused.

And disappointed. She didn’t know what she had expected, but it wasn’t to be shut away from him like this.

So what did she want? She had told herself that no way should she become sexually involved with Royd. It would be a mistake. Their only joint interest was bringing down Sanborne and Boch, and they were as different from each other as night and day. You couldn’t build a relationship with no common ground. She’d had a hundred similar interests and goals with Dave and her marriage had still failed. It had been too weak to withstand tragedy. So how could she expect a relationship to work with a man who—

What was she thinking? Royd didn’t want a relationship. He wanted sex.

And wasn’t that what she also wanted? Why all this analyzing as if she were tiptoeing toward a commitment?

His door was opening.

Her heart jumped in her breast.

“I had to tell you.” His voice was halting. “I said it wrong. I’m not stupid, but I’m damn inarticulate whenever I’m around you. I don’t know why. Everything gets garbled.”

Her hand clenched on the banister. “You seemed pretty clear to me.”

He shook his head. “You think I insulted you. You used the word ‘cheap.’ That’s the last thing I’d think about you.”

She moistened her lips. “Really?”

“You don’t believe me.” His hands clenched into fists at his sides. “It just came out. Okay? I grew up rough and I’ve lived rough all my life. I said what I was thinking. It might be a catchphrase for the singles scene but that wasn’t what I meant it to be.”

She couldn’t look away from him. “Then what did you mean?”

He was silent a moment. “That I’d consider myself the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet if you let me touch you. If you let me screw you, I’d feel as if I won the lottery.” He grimaced. “That was crude too. I can’t help it. It’s me.”

“It was crude.” And even the crudeness excited her, she realized.

“But it was honest. I don’t want to be anything but honest with you. I’m not trying to coax you into bed. I might have done that in the beginning, but it’s too late now. You have to want it as much as I do.”

“And if I don’t?”

“It would be bad,” he said simply. “I want it too much. I might hurt you trying to make you feel what I’m feeling. I can’t do that. You have to want what I want. Otherwise, don’t let me touch you.” His gaze searched her face. “I’m scaring you.”

“No, you’re not.” He had shaken her, stirred her, Christ, even touched her. But she was not frightened of him. “You’ve never frightened me since that first night when I thought you meant to cut my throat.” She tried to smile. “And I don’t think you’d hurt me. It’s just…not a good idea.” She forced herself to release the banister and started down the hall. “Good night, Royd.”

“Good night.”

She could feel his gaze on her back. But he didn’t speak until she’d reached her door.

“You’re wrong,” he said quietly. “It’s a damn good idea. Think about it.”

Her hand closed on the knob. Just turn the knob, open the door, and close the door behind her. It was only sex. She didn’t need him. He didn’t need her. “Ships that pass in the night.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. We’ll never know, will we?”

She was in the room. Now close the door and don’t look back at him.

She didn’t want to shut the door.

All the more reason to do it.

She closed the door.

She would come.

No, she wouldn’t. He was an arrogant fool to think that she wouldn’t fight the pull that was drawing them together.

He walked naked across the room and opened the window. He took a deep breath of the warm salt air. Keep calm. Keep cool. She had to come to him. He hadn’t lied when he’d told her he was afraid he’d hurt her. He usually had control but this was different.
She
was different.

His door was opening. He stiffened but didn’t turn around.

“I changed my mind.” Her voice was shaking.

He didn’t move. “Thank God.”

“Dammit, turn around. I want to see your face.”

“If I turn around, it won’t be my face you’ll notice.”

“Braggart.”

He slowly turned to face her.

Her gaze searched his face and then moved down to his lower body. “Sweet Jesus.”

“I told you.”

Her gaze flew back to his face. “You were expecting me. You were waiting for me.”

“I was hoping.”

“I’ll say you were.” She pulled her sleep shirt over her head. “Okay, let’s get to it.” She threw the shirt on the floor and a moment later she was pulling the sheet on the bed over her naked body. “Come here.”

“In a minute. I want to ask you something.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t want to talk at all. Nothing could be clearer.”

“All right, I need to ask you something.”

“Come here.”

“Not until you answer me. I can’t come close to you or the answer won’t matter a damn to me.”

“I don’t want to talk. Do you think this was easy for me?”

He shook his head. “I think it was very difficult. That’s why I have to be sure it’s for the right reason.”

She raised her hand to her forehead. “Christ. Let me guess. You want me to promise that I won’t believe this is a commitment on your part. Dammit, I don’t want a commitment. I’d guess that you’d—”

“Screw commitment. I’d be an idiot to think that you’d consider any kind of tie with me now. I just want you to answer one question.”

“What, blast it? Ask me!”

“Is this some kind of payback?”

She stared at him in bewilderment. “Payback?”

“Why are you surprised? You’re soft as butter and every time you look at me I know you’re remembering Garwood. You’re so full of guilt that it’s shaped and twisted these last years for you. I don’t want you going to bed with me because you feel it’s a way to make something up to me.”

“My God, you’re nuts.” She swung her legs to the side of the bed and sat up. “And I’m not going to try to prove anything to you.”

“Just answer me.”

“No!” She glared at him. “Hell, yes, I feel sorry I was responsible for what happened to you.”

“See? You weren’t responsible, any more than a weapon in the hands of an assassin.”

“I beg to differ.” She got to her feet. “But that wouldn’t make me offer myself on an altar like some stupid vestal virgin. I value myself too much. I made a king-size mistake, but that doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that for some reason I found you—It was just sex.” She started for the door. “But I’m not about to try to convince you. It’s not worth—”

“I’ll make it worth it.” He was across the room in seconds, his hand grasping her arm. He fell to his knees in front of her. “Give me three minutes.”

“Get up. I’m not giving you—” She shuddered as his lips moved across her belly. He could feel her muscles clench as his hands went around to cup her buttocks.

“Three minutes.” His tongue moved against her skin. “You can always change your mind later.”

“Can I?” Her hands clenched in his hair. “I’m not sure about that.”

“Neither am I.” He brushed his cheek back and forth against her. “I’m probably lying. So why not just come back to bed. Then there won’t be any pressure….”

“I’m feeling plenty of pressure right now.” Her voice was uneven. “I think my knees are about to give way.”

“Let them.” He pulled her down to the floor and moved over her. “A rug is as good as a bed….”

“Royd…”

“Shh, it’s too late…” He parted her legs. Lord, she felt good around him. “We need it too much. You need it too much. I can
feel
it.”

“Then give it to me.” Her teeth clenched as her nails dug into his back. “And for heaven’s sake, don’t ask me any more dumb questions or I’ll murder you….”

“Okay?” Royd whispered as he eased off her. “I wasn’t too rough?”

“Which time?” Her breath was coming easier but she was still shaking. He was only a few inches away but he wasn’t touching her. She wanted that touch, the feel of him skin-to-skin. Cripes, she was acting like a nymphomaniac. They had come together several times, rolling around on the floor like animals, and she still wanted more. Then take it, dammit. She reached out her hand to stroke his chest. He felt warm, a little moist with perspiration. Her palm tingled as it brushed the wiry hair that arrowed down his chest. “Yes, you were rough. So was I. Now who’s feeling guilty?”

“Just asking.” He took her palm and raised it to his lips. “I’m taking a survey.”

“What?”

“Could I ask you one more question?”

“Absolutely not.” She gazed at him curiously. “What?”

He sucked at her forefinger. “Am I the best you ever had?”

She stared at him in disbelief. “You conceited bastard.”

“Am I better than your husband was?”

“Royd, who asks questions like that?”

“I do.” He lowered his head to brush her nipple with his mouth. “It’s important.”

“To flatter your ego?”

“No.” He raised his head to look down at her. “If I did something wrong, I have to know about it. I have to be the best you’ve ever had. If I’m not, I have to work at it until I am.”

She stared at him, stunned. “I knew you were competitive but this is carrying it too far.”

He shook his head. “We’re starting out with damn little in common. Maybe there are a few things we agree on, but we don’t have time to explore them. Until we do, this is what we’ve got. I’m not letting it not be so good that you won’t want to stick around.”

“I have to stick around. There’s REM-4.”

His jaw set. “You have to want to stay with me.”

“Why?”

He didn’t answer for a moment. “Because I feel something for you. I’m not sure what it is but I can’t let it go.”

“What a precise declaration.”

“You’re the scientist, not me. The only thing I’m precise about is how to take down a man at a thousand yards.” His lips twisted. “You’re flinching. You didn’t like that.”

“Most people would flinch.”

“Not necessarily. Some women like the idea of being that close to death. It gives them a thrill.” He stood up. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

“Maybe I’d better go to my room.”

“Not yet.” He pulled her to her feet. “I’ve said the wrong thing again. I’ve got to erase it.”

“And prove you’re some kind of sex king?”

“Hell, no.” He pulled her closer. “I just want to be the best for you. What’s wrong with that?”

He’d only touched her and she was beginning to tingle, ready. “I’m sure there’s something. It’s bound to be psychologically unsound. What if I asked you if I was the best you ever had?”

“I’d tell you that you’re good but together we’re great.” He nibbled at her lower lip. “And that you shouldn’t fool around with anyone else who might lower your standards.”

She found herself smiling. “Royd. You’re impossible.”

He led her toward the bed. “But am I the best?”

“Maybe.”

“That’s not good enough. I guess I’ll have to start to work.” He pulled her down on top of him. “But you’ll have to help. You’ll have to tell me what you like, what turns you on. Will you do that?”

Her breath was coming fast, hard. “Probably not.”

“Why not?”

“You idiot, because I can’t think, much less speak, when you’re doing this to me.”

“Too bad.” He grinned up at her. “We’ll just have to analyze it later. In true precise, clinical fashion.”

“We will not.” She cupped his face in her two hands and stared down at him. “Shut up, Royd.”

“Whatever you say.” He was no longer smiling but she could detect a hint of latent humor in his eyes. “I thought you liked talk during sex. You were vocal enough before.” He pretended to think. “But as I remember, it was mostly groans and shrieks and gasps. Oh, yes, there were a few ‘mores’ mixed in with—Ouch. That was wicked.”

“You deserved it.”

He rolled her over. “We’ll have to discuss that too. You like inflicting pain on poor male partners. I don’t know how much I can stomach, but anything for you, Sophie.”

Eroticism, passion, and now humor. She hadn’t expected the humor. “Bastard.” She pulled him down and kissed him, hard. “Will you shut up now?”

“Oh, yes.” His hands moved over her. “Like I said, anything for you, Sophie….”

Her eyes opened sleepily. Sunlight streamed through the window into the room. Royd had been standing naked at the window last night when she’d come to him. His back had been to her and she’d seen the hard, lean buttocks and the powerful shoulders. She’d wanted to touch him then, and later her hands had learned him as if—

Royd was gone.

Her eyes flew to the indentation on the pillow next to her. No Royd.

She closed her eyes for a moment as disappointment surged through her. Stupid. What had she expected? They’d had sex and had a fantastic night. That didn’t mean he had any obligation to stay with her.

“Ready?”