Kilgannon (27 page)

"She made me draw it several times before she was satisfied."

Malcolm found a sketch of his grandfather, and with lips tightened he handed the sketch wordlessly to Angus. "Ah, Grandfather," laughed Angus, and held the drawing for us all to see. "It's Himself." Alex and Angus laughed.

"Alexander was a good man," said Deirdre, and looked down at the boys. "My father-in-law. Yer great-grandfather.

was dead before ye were born, but this is what he looked like." The boys looked with little interest at the sketch of a man who appeared very much alive. Alexander had Angus and Malcolm's build and a face that I'd seen all over the glen. The same fair hair and strong chin was apparent in his grandsons, and Alexander's expression as he gazed out of the sketch made me smile. I'd seen that look many times. Alex looked at his grandfather's image with affection and then glanced up as Malcolm cried out.

"It's Jamie," Malcolm said, handing a sketch to Alex.

"I'd forgotten all about this," Alex said softly as he showed me the drawing of a young boy with gentle eyes and a sweet smile. "My brother Jamie." Alex looked at the sketch with a tender expression before showing it to his son. "And this is who yer named after. He was eight when I drew this. My bonnie brother."

"Aye," said Malcolm, his tone for once affectionate. "He was that, Alex." The brothers exchanged a sad smile.

Some evenings were noisy and filled with music, when Alex would call for a ceilidh, an impromptu musical gathering. We would sing and dance, and if we had traveling musicians the hall would be filled with smiling faces ready for the entertainment. But we had so much talent here at Kilgannon that we rarely needed them. Thomas's wife Murreal, loved to sing and often entertained us alone or with Thomas. Their voices blended beautifully, and I loved those nights when their songs rose to the ceiling and I sat with my husband and let the sound move me.

But at other times I was uneasy, and I grew more so the more time I spent with the accounts. The rents and expenditures for Kilgannon were in order with a few minor exceptions.

Thomas had been lax recently, but his earlier records were correct and precise, and his accounts were easy to bring current. The revenue and expenses for each of Alex's brigs had been recorded separately, which made them easy to trace. Gannon's Lady, captained by Calum MacGannon, showed a profit on each trip, as did the Katrine. The Margaret was usually reserved for Kilgannon travel and errands, so she showed little revenue. But the Diana had lost money, and it was the Diana that had gone down off Cornwall. Repairs to her were twice what they were with the other ships, and her income had started dipping two years ago. Not steeply, but steadily. I wondered if there were factors that I did not know, which would make my suspicions unfounded. Alex had neglected the accounts; perhaps there were records I had not received yet. I needed more information, but Alex had gone on his first trading trip of our marriage. He would be gone three weeks and Angus with him. We had talked at great length about him leaving and I had assured him that I would be fine, but now I found myself at Kilgannon with Malcolm and my suspicions. I compiled my notes and waited for his return.

Thomas often asked if I needed any assistance, and one lovely night shortly before Alex was due back', I asked him to walk with the boys and me along the shore of the loch. The boys ran ahead and Thomas and I followed. At first we talked about things of little consequence, but then Thomas turned to me with a smile. "Madam, if ye'll forgive the question, why is it ye asked for my company?" His brown eyes were troubled but his tone was polite, and I was reminded again of my newness to Kilgannon.

"Thomas," I said, unsure of how to begin. "You know that I am helping Alex with the Kilgannon accounts. As his factor you know everything that happens here. I need you to explain what is usual and what is not." He considered, looking off over the loch, while I wondered what was in his mind. I had no reason to doubt his loyalty to Alex or his honesty. All of the accounts for which he had been responsible were in order, and the boats' records were Alex's. It was obvious that he was deciding what to say to me, and after a moment I sat down on a rock, looking ahead to where the boys were poking the water with a stick they'd found. The loch was still and silent tonight, the usual waves so small as to make no noise at all, and I savored the quiet and the beauty. The mountains were mirrored in the water, tall and purple, the tips of them lit by the last of the evening's light. Behind me a bird called mournfully. At last Thomas broke his reverie. Whatever his internal debate had been, there was no sign of it.

"Madam, I will be happy to review all the accounts with ye. At least, all that I ken of. I ken everything about the Margaret, but if ye have questions on the other ships, ye'll have to ask the captains, or ye can ask Angus and Malcolm. Or Alex, of course."

I looked at him in surprise. "What do Angus and Malcolm have to do with the ships?"

"Well, ye ken Alex turned the ships over to them, don't ye? Ye don't. I can see it by yer face." He sighed, shifting his weight. "About three years ago Alex was verra busy with Sorcha, since she wasna so good. His mother and Angus's Mairi had just died. So he told Angus to deal with the Katrine and Malcolm the Diana, and Alex took Gannon's Lady himself and I took the Margaret, since she was really part of my work. So that's who ye'd talk to." He kicked a stone at his feet. "What questions do ye have so far?"

I tried to sound calm. "None really, thank you, Thomas. I am just beginning to find my way."

"Ah. Well, it's unfortunate that ye'll have to wait for Alex and Angus to return, but Malcolm's here and he'll no doubt be happy to help ye if ye need him."

"No doubt," I said.

I tried to ignore my misgivings and spent more time with Deirdre learning about the management of the house and the housekeeper, Berta. "She's a braw worker," Deirdre said, leading me up a flight of stairs. "Ye can rely on her."

"I won't need to. You'll be here to take care of everything."

She gave me a sideways glance. "I willna always be
here. Ah
, here's Alex's room, I'll warrant that he dinna show ye this. Come and look. He moved in here after his brother died." She led me into a small box of a room, bare except for a chest by the door and a squat bedstead in one corner. I looked around with interest at the room in which Alex had spent so many years. There was nothing of the boy he had been in this empty space, nothing of his dreams left here in these stones. I crossed over to the window and opened it, leaning out. The view was of the glen, the loch far below rippled with the afternoon breezes. I took a deep breath. How many times had that little boy looked at this view and dreamed of what was beyond the mountains?

"Ye'll need to take over the management of the house soon," Deirdre said. "I've a mind to see how my daughters are doing, and my Angus doesna need me as much anymore. I've been here long enough to see Alex many ye, and I feel comfortable leaving him. No, lass, I'm off soon enough, so ye'll have to learn all this."

I turned, startled, and saw her framed in the doorway. "Deirdre, you can't mean that. You're not leaving us?"

She nodded with a slight smile. "Aye, lassie, it is time for ye to be mistress here. My work at Kilgannon is done for the now."

I closed the window and turned back to her. "Deirdre, this is your home. I will let you care for the house and I will never interfere. Do not let me drive you away!"

"Ah, Mary, yer a good girl," she said, her tone gentle now. "Life goes on, my dear. Ye are not driving me away, truly."

"Then don't leave." I sounded all often.

She smiled. "It's time, Mary. Ye are capable of running this house and having time for yer husband and his sons and yer accounts. It's time for me to see my own girls. They need their mother too, not just Angus, ye ken." I tried to smile. "Lassie, it's time for me to rest a bit, no? I've taken care of the boys and the house for Alex and made sure my Angus and Matthew were all right after Mairi died. Now my girls need their mother. My Catriona is with child again and has no' had it easy the last few times, and Edanna's husband is traveling a bit the now. It's no' that I'm being driven out. If ye need me here, I'll come back. Ye have but to call me." I nodded and she answered my unspoken question. "I'd like to be with them before autumn, so I'll be off soon. I'll stay for the games and then I'll go home with Edanna. Alex did tell you about the games?"

I shook my head and she sighed. "Men! Aye, well, you'll find out in August. It's Highland Games, Mary, which means the men play and the women feed them!" She looked around the little room. "We have a lot to do before then, no?"

"Have you told Alex?"

She shook her head. "No, not yet. I thought I'd talk to ye first, ye being the mistress now, ye ken." She smiled. "Don't look so fearful, lass. Alex will no' mind as long as we're both happy. And Angus knows. Truth of it is, now that I think on it, Angus probably told Alex. The two of them are like that." She looked around the room. "Some things belong to the past, Mary, and I'm leaving before I'm one of them."

No matter how busy I kept myself, every night found me at the desk going over the figures again and again. Malcolm spent more time with me in the evenings before Alex returned, surprising me by being charming and affable company. I wondered if Thomas had mentioned our conversation, but I would not question Malcolm while Alex was gone. It could wait.

ALEX CAME HOME AT LAST, SAILING INTO LOCH GANNON early in the afternoon on a brilliant day. I shielded my eyes from the sun, which danced on the water, turning the tiny peaks into diamonds, and waved to him as the brig approached, my heart considerably lighter. It was hours before all the work involved in a trading trip was done and the crew dismissed. Then Alex and Angus and Calum sat over whisky in the hall, going over the last of the details. There was an underlying tension in them that I could not understand. I sat next to Alex, waiting, the boys with us as well, and when the conversation dwindled he suggested that the four of us climb the headland behind the castle.

We climbed silently, the boys running before us and then behind us. My hand was in his, but his mind was elsewhere. We reached the top of the ridge and stood looking out over the outer loch and toward the sea, the wind pulling at our clothing and hair. I was not the only one who had noticed his mood. Even the boys were quiet for once, glancing nervously at their father. Alex sighed and dropped my hand to reach out and pull Jamie back from the edge. "Dinna go so close, Jamie," he said in a calm tone.

"Was it a bad trip, Da?" Ian looked up at his father. Alex smiled down at him and ruffled his hair.

"No, lad, it was a good trip. I would have ye tell me what ye did in my absence." He hoisted Jamie onto his shoulder and lifted Ian sideways with his other arm. Both boys giggled as he brought them back from the edge and sat on an outcropping of rocks. I joined him and listened while the boys talked about what they'd done for three weeks, mostly little-boy adventures concerning insects and caves and animals. "I see ye've been as busy as I've been," he said. "And ye deserve a reward. I've a grand surprise for each of ye waiting below." He grinned at their excitement. "Murdoch helped me choose them."

"What, Da?" They stood in front of him now, all attention.

He grinned and poked their stomachs. "Puppies. Go and see them if ye wish." They whooped in delight and raced away. Alex looked after them, then glanced at me. "Wolfhounds," he said. "I asked Murdoch for two of his pups. The boys will be happy."

"No doubt," I said, wondering how we could manage two more dogs, and wolfhounds at that. We sat in silence then, watching the sea. He wrapped an arm around me and looked out over the water. I watched his profile. He'll tell me soon enough, I thought, and then turned to the view. Blue water, blue sky, blue islands, blue mountains; there had to be twenty shades of blue visible. I turned to meet his eyes. Twenty-one, I corrected myself, and lifted my mouth to meet his kiss. Three weeks without touching this man. We started to make up for the time we had lost.

"Mary," he said after a bit. "I'm sorry I was gone so long." "Me too," I said, and watched the wind lift his hair and the plaid at his shoulder. Behind him the sky was clear except for a few skittering clouds that only emphasized the blue of the sky and the water. He sighed and leaned back against the rock, stretching his legs out in front of him. "What is it?" I asked. He glanced at me in surprise.

"I should ken ye better, lass. Ye miss nothing."

"I know something's bothering you, Alex, but I don't know what it is."

He nodded, then looked out over the water. "I stopped at the Macleans' on my way home," he said flatly. "Murdoch says that for months Malcolm's been telling anyone who will listen that I'm-very hotheaded nowadays and am in financial difficulties and that despite his best efforts, I'm ruining Kilgannon." He turned to look at me.

"Where is he saying this?"

"In Edinburgh, in Glasgow. In Clonmor when he goes there. That's his land, in the eastern Highlands. It was our mother's."

"I remember. What will you do?"

"I'll have a talk with him. I'll tell him to stop making himself out to be the grand brother saving the stupid one. I'll tell him to tell the truth of it."

"Why not mention how disloyal he is?" "Aye, well, ye ken he would not see it like that. I dinna think he means to demean me so much as to make himself look grander. It's difficult to be the one that did not inherit."