Kieran & Drew (30 page)

 

Matt sighed. “I’ve been meaning to apologize for acting like such a dick to you that day, I’ve just been distracted.”

Kieran blinked at him, but though he was pleased to hear the words, an odd sense of dread was settling over him. There was weariness and sadness in Matt’s eyes, and Kieran grew suddenly lightheaded as something inside of him began to sink all the way down to his toes, cementing him there.

“Why isn’t he here?” he whispered.

“Kieran, they’re letting him graduate in absentia.” He swallowed hard. “He and his mom got a visit from a CACO. Do you know what that is?”

“No.” Kieran shook his head.

 

“It’s a Casualty Assistance Contact Officer. His uncle was killed in action, Kieran.”

Kieran sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth and he squeezed his eyes shut, covering them with his hands. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck…,” he whispered. “Oh God. Drew….”

“He’s not doing so well,” Matt said, his voice rough. He squeezed Kieran’s shoulder.

“Have—” He stopped when his voice cracked, and cleared his throat. “Have you been with him?”
Please say he hasn’t been going through this alone.

“As much as he’ll let me. He’s been trying to look after his mom, mostly. I was kind of hoping that you’d been… I don’t know, looking after him where I couldn’t, I guess.”

He let out a pained groan. “Fuck, no. No we… after that thing with you at the comic book store? We decided to take a break so I could try to think things through and decide what to do come fall. I never,
never
would have left him alone all this time if I’d known.”

“Shit,” Matt whispered. “That’s my fault.”

Kieran was quick to shake his head. “No, Matt, it’s not. Honestly. It was a conversation we’d been putting off that you just sort of forced us to have, that’s all.”

Matt nodded, and neither of them said anything for a few moments.

“Just out of interest,” Matt began with a barely disguised hint of accusation in his voice. “What
are
you doing in the fall? Are you taking off?”

“Hell. No.”

Matt nodded. “Well, thank fuck for that.” He cleared his throat. “Maybe this means we’ll get a do-over? You know, considering that you’re dating my best friend, and all.”

Kieran nodded distractedly. “Yeah, sure.” He looked up when he felt Matt squeeze his shoulder again.

 

“Can you please go take care of our boy? I think he needs you more than he does me right now.”

Kieran nodded and was about to leave but paused, and then threw one arm over Matt’s shoulder and patted his back in a brief, brotherly hug. “See you around.”

“Yeah, see you.”
H
E’D taken but a moment to explain the situation to his dad, and with

one concerned nod, his dad let him take off to look for Drew, postponing the celebratory dinner at the restaurant. The first port of call had been Drew’s house. Though he’d never actually been there— knowing it was something that needed to be handled delicately because of Drew’s mom—he did know where it was.

He stood so long on the porch after knocking that he’d begun to think no one was home. It was only when he was halfway down the porch steps that he heard the door crack open.

“Who’s there?”

 

He walked back to the door, keeping a short distance, and offered a friendly, if sad, smile. “Hi. Mrs. Anderson?”

“Yes?”
“I’m-I’m looking for Drew. I go to school with him.” “You’re a friend of Drew’s?”

The door opened a fraction more, and Kieran had to quickly school his expression. Her appearance was honestly that of a woman on the verge of unraveling. Her hair was greasy and uncombed. There wasn’t a scrap of makeup on her face, her eyes were bloodshot, and her complexion was gray and worn. Pity flooded him. He knew without a doubt that he was looking at barely concealed devastation and grief.

“Mrs. Anderson? I’d just like to say how very, very sorry I am for your loss. I only just found out about Drew’s uncle today, otherwise I would have been here a lot sooner.”

Her face disappeared behind the door for a moment, but Kieran could that see her knuckles and fingers, which gripped the open door, were turning white against the wood. He swallowed hard, knowing that Drew not only had to cope with his own grief but also with his mother’s, which was so clearly profound and real.

“Thank you,” she finally said, her voice raw. “Drew isn’t here; would you like me to take a message?”

He could’ve cried with frustration; all he wanted was to get to Drew as soon as he could. “Um, thank you. If you could let him know that Kieran called by?”

The door opened a fraction, her pale face suddenly visible. “You’re Kieran? You’re Drew’s Kieran?”

 

He couldn’t help but smile at the way she referred to him. “Yes, I’m Drew’s Kieran.”

A smile, though small and shaky, pulled at her lips. “Oh, oh, hello, Kieran. Drew’s told me all about you. Oh!” Her smile quickly fell and was replaced by a look of mortification as her hand flew to her hair, patting it down. “I’m-I’m not usually so unpresentable, I—”

“Mrs. Anderson, please don’t worry. I know you’ve been through something terrible.”

“Oh no,” she groaned, coming undone right before his eyes. “No, no… I don’t want to embarrass him, poor Drew….” She pulled her blouse straight and then went back to her hair, offering Kieran a forced smile that drooped at the edges as her breath hitched with the threat of tears. “As if he doesn’t have enough to deal with.”

He took a step closer to the door, and when he spoke his voice was as soft as silk. “If it were me in your shoes, Mrs. Anderson, then I would be standing there in nothing but my boxers, sobbing into a Kleenex. You are not an embarrassment to Drew, I promise.”

She stopped pawing at her hair, and her expression softened. “He said you were kind.”

He smiled gently. “Mrs. Anderson, I want you to know that I’m going to be here for Drew. I’m going to love him and take care of him. And if you ever need anything at all, please,
please
let me know.”

She stared at him, and then a small smile that this time seemed genuine changed her face to something very motherly. She was actually quite a beautiful woman, just extremely overwrought. “Drew’s devastated, as I’m sure you can imagine. He’s trying to take care of me, but he’s still just a boy that’s lost the uncle that was like a father to him. So if you can offer him any sort of comfort where I can’t, then please do.”

“I will.” He nodded. “Do you know where he is?”

 

She shook her head. “No, he just said he needed some air. He didn’t take the car. And he has his mitt with him.”

 

Kieran sighed in relief. “I know exactly where he is. Thank you, Mrs. Anderson. I hope we talk again soon.”

 

“That would be nice. Take care, Kieran.”

It was a wakeup call. He knew Drew didn’t see his mother as a burden, but he thought he perhaps understood better now the pressure Drew must feel to take care of her. He thought back to when Drew had asked him to stay because he couldn’t leave, and felt his throat grow thick with emotion.

He had a hunch where Drew was. If he had his mitt, Kieran was sure he would be at the park. The park that was one of his favorite places and that reminded him of his uncle. Kieran more or less jogged there, and when he made it over the low fence toward the back end of the park and through the copse of trees, he spotted Drew.

It killed him. He’d never seen anyone look so alone in his goddamn life. Drew sat slouched on a bench, his head down, staring at the mitt he held in his hands. He didn’t look up, seeming to not notice Kieran’s presence until Kieran was standing right before him. Kieran crouched in front of him, resting his hands on Drew’s knees. He wanted to cry for him, he really did.

“Hi,” Kieran whispered.

“Hi,” Drew said, and then took a deep, shuddering breath just before his face fell and he leaned forward with a pained groan, a sound close to a sob working its way out of his throat.

Kieran moved, kneeling up and pulling Drew into a strong, tight hug, and murmured softly to him. “I know. I’m so sorry, Drew. I’m so, so sorry.”

“He’s gone.”

 

Kieran only nodded, rubbing his hands in circles on Drew’s back. “I know, baby.”

 

“I don’t know what to do.”

 

“You don’t do anything. You just cry and let the people who love you take care of you, that’s it.”

“I have to take care of my mom.”
“Yes, but you have Matt and you have me to help you.” “You’re leaving,” Drew choked out.

Kieran swallowed and silently hated himself for not truly realizing just how much Drew had needed him, even before his uncle had passed away. “No. I’m not.” He moved to sit beside Drew on the bench, hugging him close when Drew moved without hesitation to lie on his side, his head in Kieran’s lap. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said thickly, running his fingers through Drew’s hair.

Drew shook his head. “You don’t want to be here. So you shouldn’t be.”

“Drew, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, alright? I was so caught up in being the loner that I couldn’t even see when I wasn’t alone anymore. I’m staying. I’m staying here with you.”

Drew gripped the leg he rested his cheek on, squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. Don’t stay because you feel bad for me, that doesn’t help at all.”

“I don’t pity you, Drew. I love you. I love you and need you, and I’m staying.”

 

Drew shook his head. “I was so sure I wouldn’t see you again.” Kieran clenched his jaw. “Drew, sit up for me.”

He waited until Drew pushed himself up, and carefully cupped his face, wiped away the dampness, and kissed his stinging cheeks. “I sat down with my dad yesterday and came to the decision to stay. He knows I’m gay, he knows about you, and we came to an agreement as to what I’m going to do this fall. This was all decided
yesterday
.” He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe at the dampness under Drew’s eyes. “Drew, I found out about your uncle a half an hour ago. I decided to stay
before
I knew about your uncle. Understand me?”

Drew watched him, and then took a deep, heaving breath before throwing his arms around Kieran’s shoulders and pulling him into a desperate hug. “Thank you,” he whispered shakily. “Thank you.”

“I’m only sorry that it took me so long to get my shit together, but I had to work out a few things with my dad.” He swallowed hard. “I could have been with you when you needed me if I hadn’t been so selfinvolved and—”

“Shut up.” Drew cut him off. “Just… just forget it, yeah?”

He knew he likely wouldn’t be able to forget about it, but he nodded anyhow, and smiled sadly when Drew pulled him forward for a soft, tender kiss.

“You’re staying?” Drew asked again, and Kieran smiled gently, and nodded.

 

“Yes. There is a plan.”

 

Drew sniffed. “Tell me about this plan. Tell me something— anything that’ll take this feeling away for just a minute.”

Kieran slid close and rested his arm on the back of the bench so he could run his fingers through Drew’s hair. “Alright, so my dad and I had it out. I called him on everything I’ve always wanted to, and it yielded some… interesting results.”

“Like what?” Drew asked, his eyes closing as he leaned into Kieran’s touch.

 

“Well, he introduced me to his girlfriend.”

 

Drew opened his eyes. “Really? That’s great, what’s she like?” “Oh, the usual: blue eyes, short brown hair, about six two, a hundred and eighty pounds, and has a goatee.”

 

Drew stared at him. “What?”

 

“He doesn’t have a girlfriend; he has a boyfriend. His name’s Steven. My dad is
totally
gay.”

 

Drew stared at him a moment before snorting and letting out a weak laugh. “That is
too
fucking funny.”

 

“I know, right?” Kieran grinned. “We’re ridiculous, both of us.”

Drew was chuckling to himself and wiping at his eyes. He calmed down when Kieran reached out to ghost his thumb over the curve of his cheek.

“I missed you so much,” he whispered.

 

Drew held his gaze, and eventually allowed himself a small smile. “Tell me the plan, which apparently includes you having a gay dad.”

Kieran grinned. “Okay, so… I’m not going to college come fall. Anywhere. I’m going to take a year off to work at the restaurant with my dad, just waiting on tables and working behind the scenes.” He tilted his head and wet his lip. “And to try to catch up on our relationship and just generally become accustomed to what it might be like to run a restaurant.” For him, the year coming would mostly be about getting to know his dad again and making up for time lost, but it was impossible to say that now, when Drew would never be able to do the same with his uncle.

Drew’s brows rose in surprise. “Seriously?”

 

Kieran nodded. “He’s opening another one and wants me to have the one we have now. Like… legitimately own it.”

 

“That’s so cool!” But then he frowned. “But wait, I thought you hated the restaurant.”

 

Kieran had the good grace to blush. “I was being prissy and childish. I don’t really know
how
I feel about it.”

 

“Okay, so… what happens after a year and you decide you don’t want to run a restaurant?”

“If that’s the case, then I’ll enroll in college next year.
Local
. I’ll still be the owner and so I’ll have a hefty income, I’ll just hire a manager to run itfor me.”

A slow smile crept along Drew’s lips. “Are you telling me I’m going to have a sugar daddy?”

 

Kieran snorted. “Please, never call me that again.”

 

“That is kind of amazing, Kieran. Owning a restaurant at eighteen.”

 

Kieran bit his lip. “Yeah, I guess it is.” He looked at Drew, sensing that he wanted to ask something but didn’t dare. “What is it?” Drew shook his head. “S’nothing.”

“Tell me.” He turned Drew’s chin toward him and gave him a silly grin. “What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.”

Drew watched him, looking unbearably vulnerable, but eventually cracked a small smile. “Of course you’re quoting
It’s a Wonderful Life
. That’s such a
you
thing to do.”

Kieran blinked, a smile splitting across his face. “See, only my freakin’