Kick at the Darkness (14 page)

For a minute, they simply held each other close, the water beating down. They were safe in their little cocoon, the rest of the world fading away. It probably should have been weird, but their lives had become such a nonstop parade of crazy that he supposed they were getting used to it. It felt so damn good to be held, and Parker closed his eyes. They were safe in here.

He skimmed his fingertips over the muscles of Adam’s back, needing to touch. His face was pressed into the side of Adam’s neck, and without thinking he kissed the soft skin there. Adam’s breath caught, and Parker sucked lightly as he continued caressing him.
Wait, what am I doing? He’s going to punch me out.
But it was so good to be in Adam’s arms and feel his body, and Adam hadn’t shoved him away. In fact, Adam’s cock came to life, thickening against Parker’s belly.

Adam went rigid all over. “Sorry. I should—”

But Parker was already sinking to his knees. “Can I? Please? I need…oh fuck, I really need it.” He circled the base of Adam’s dick with his hand, eager to taste. “Please?” He glanced up. Adam might have been straight, but in Parker’s experience, all men would take a blowjob where they could get it. “I’m really good at it.”

Adam was frozen in place, his voice strangled. “You like men?”

Parker’s stomach flip-flopped, and he forced a light tone. “Yeah. I’m a total homo
.” Shit. Oh shit, shit, shit
. Had he messed everything up? “Is that a problem for you?”

“No,” Adam choked out. “I just didn’t know.”

He was still holding Adam’s shaft, and with a deep breath, he stroked lightly. “Will it be too weird for you if I—”

“No.” Adam shook his head sharply. “Do it.”

Parker didn’t need to be told twice, and swiped his tongue along the shaft as he worked it in tandem with his hand. Adam wasn’t cut, which sent desire shooting through Parker’s veins. It had always turned him on; maybe because he was cut himself, and it was different. Holding Adam’s hip with his free hand, he worked the foreskin down and sucked the head while his own cock came to life.

Adam stroked Parker’s hair, and when he looked up, Adam was watching him with parted lips and eyes that somehow seemed to shine more golden instead of darkening. Sucking deeper, Parker’s nostrils flared, glad for the steam that loosened his lingering congestion. He stretched his lips over the thickness of Adam’s big cock.

He’d always loved the sensation of being filled—of the taste and musky smell of cock consuming him, of a dick almost choking him while he pushed it toward the edge of release. With Adam in his mouth, and the little breathy moans and pants coming from above, Parker was alive and in control.

As he worked Adam’s cock, his gaze flickered over Adam’s body, drinking it in. Dark hair peppered Adam’s chest, and a trail led down below his belly button. His arms and legs were dusted with hair as well. He was very much a
man
, when Parker had only ever been with boys his own age in school.

It made his cock throb and swell, and he reached down to give himself a few strokes. He moaned around Adam’s shaft before forcing his hand back to Adam’s hip. Adam had to come first—he needed to give him that. With the guys at school, Parker hadn’t usually thought much about them beyond wanting to get off. But with Adam he could swallow him whole and climb into his skin.

He sucked harder and faster before sliding off with a loud
pop
. Adam’s fingers tightened in Parker’s hair, and he made a sound in the back of his throat that might have been a whine. It made Parker’s blood sing in a way he’d never felt, and he cupped Adam’s balls in one hand to lick and suckle them, lapping fiercely.

Adam moaned so loudly. “Parker,” he muttered.

The sound of his name on Adam’s lips, said with so much
need
, made him feel better than he could remember feeling in so long. It didn’t matter what was happening out there—all that mattered was here and now, and making Adam feel good. Adam’s cock was red and straining, drops of pre-cum at the tip. Parker licked them up, savoring the salty tang. When he swallowed the shaft again, spit dripping from his mouth, Adam gasped.

“I’m going to…”

But Parker ignored Adam’s warning and kept sucking desperately, desire vibrating through him as Adam came in his mouth. After swallowing every drop he could, he pulled off and inhaled deeply, the steam doing wonders. He was already reaching down for his own dick to stroke.

“Here.” Adam almost wavered on his feet, his voice breathy. “Let me.” Adam tugged on Parker’s arm.

Parker shook him off. “It’s okay.” It was nice of Adam to offer, but he had plenty of experience jerking himself off, and he was so close. He rested his head against Adam’s thigh and worked his dick. He stroked his tingling balls with his other hand and tightened his grip on his cock as he jerked it. Adam’s hand closed over his head, caressing him lightly, and Parker leaned into the touch. Closing his eyes, he came with a strangled moan, milking himself until it was too much and he had to stop. Still on his knees, he leaned heavily against Adam as the haze of pleasure wore off.

Adam’s hand still rested on Parker’s head, but Parker knew from his days at Westley that straight guys didn’t like to bask long in the afterglow. Besides, the water had begun to run lukewarm. He pushed to his feet and switched it off. Now it was time for the awkwardness, but it couldn’t be helped.

He pulled back the shower curtain and reached for a scratchy towel. He held it out to Adam, who stared blankly at it before taking it. Parker dried off with another towel, keeping his gaze averted. “Thanks. I needed that.”

After a few moments, Adam answered. “You’re welcome?”

Parker rubbed his hair. “We’re still cool, right?”

“Uh…yeah.”

“Great. I’ll make us something to eat.” Parker escaped the bathroom, picking up his clothes as he went. So it would be a little awkward. They were both adults. It would be just fine.

SPOILER ALERT: it wasn’t fine.

Parker found a can of alphabet noodles and one of baked beans, and heated them on a little gas Coleman stove. Adam periodically went outside to check the perimeter or something. Parker left him and his Spidey senses to it.

They avoided looking at each other whenever possible.

There was a little table with two chairs, and Parker dished out the canned delights on chipped plates while Adam was outside. When he returned, Parker nodded to the other chair. “Um, dinner, I guess.” He winced.
How eloquent
.

“Thanks.” Adam sat and picked up his fork.

They ate in silence, the only sounds their swallowing and forks scraping the cheap plates.

Parker felt completely full when he was half done. “You want the rest of mine? I can’t.”

“Sure. Thanks.” Adam held out his near-empty plate, and Parker scraped the rest of his food onto it.

While Adam finished eating, Parker got up to put the pot soaking in the sink. The air felt thick with…he didn’t know what. Tension, but why? Was Adam freaking out that a guy had sucked his dick? Was it because it was Parker, and Adam had regret for getting that desperate? Was this elephant in the room going to be riding the motorcycle with them tomorrow?

I screw everything up
.

He took another capful of cough syrup, the cherry tasting particularly gross after tomato sauce and baked beans. While Adam still sat at the table, playing with a few last beans, Parker escaped into the bathroom. He opened the cupboard under the sink and could have wept with joy when he saw the little collection of new toothbrushes wrapped in plastic and stuffed into a cup. There was toothpaste too, praise the lord.

It wasn’t late when he finished, but he shucked off his cargo pants and curled up on his bed anyway, burrowing under the musty blankets in his sweater and boxers. “I left out a toothbrush for you in the bathroom. I’m tired again, and we’d better get an early start tomorrow. Night.” He faced the wall, closing his eyes.

“Night.” Adam’s voice sounded…neutral? Tense? Parker couldn’t quite tell.

Why the fuck did I do that? We were friends. What if he leaves me now? What if he’d rather be alone than with me?

His mind whirled, and the canned dinner gurgled in his stomach. But soon enough the sedative in the cough syrup kicked in, and he drifted off.

“No!
No
!” Parker flailed about, desperate.

There were strong hands on him, trying to catch him, and a calm, steady voice filled the air. “Parker. Wake up.”

Wake up?
He forced his eyes open. It was pitch black, and he whimpered.

“You’re okay. It was just a dream.”

“Adam?” He squinted in the darkness. Where was he? He was on a hard floor, but it was so dark.

The hands left him, and a moment later, moonlight flooded the station as Adam opened one of the curtains on the wall by the beds. “We’re here at the ranger station. Remember?” He came back and crouched in front of Parker. “Everything’s okay.”

“Right.” Parker rubbed his eyes. “Ugh. I was dreaming about…” He shuddered. “Scary shit.”

“You want to talk about it?” Adam was only wearing a white T-shirt and briefs he’d taken from the Hendersons’ house, and it was rather distracting.

“Uh, no. But thanks.” Parker straightened his bunched-up sweater and winced as he tried to stand. He poked at his knee. “I think I need a Band-Aid. I scraped the shit out of it on the side of the bed frame.”

Adam eased him up to sit on the side of the mattress. “I’ll get one.” He closed the curtains again, briefly plunging the cabin into complete darkness.

Parker could hear him bustling about. “You must have a really good memory. How do you—” A match was struck, flaring to life as Adam lit the lantern. “Remember where everything is?”

“Like you said: good memory.” He disappeared into the bathroom with the lantern and returned before long.

Kneeling at Parker’s sock-clad feet, he put the lantern on the floor between the beds and dabbed at Parker’s scrape with antiseptic that burned. Parker felt ridiculously like a little kid, but it was nice to be looked after. The blood had slowed, and Adam wiped it away before unpeeling a Band-Aid and carefully smoothing it over the middle of Parker’s knee.

“There.” He sat back on his heels.

“Aren’t you going to kiss it better?” The stupid, stupid words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. “I—I…I didn’t mean…”

But Adam only smiled, leaned down, and gently pressed his lips to the Band-Aid.

A pleased laugh bubbled out of Parker’s chest, and warmth buzzed through him. “Thanks.” Maybe things would be okay after all. Maybe everything would get back to normal after their detour to blowjobs and awkwardville. Maybe—

Watching him intently, Adam’s smile faded as he went up on his knees and took Parker’s face between his hands. He leaned in, and their lips met softly. His heart thumping, Parker stopped breathing.

Adam was kissing him
.

With so much tenderness, Adam pressed their lips together. Parker’s pulse kicked into high gear as his brain tried to catch up and make sense of it. He tilted his head and tentatively kissed back, Adam’s hands still cupping his face.

Adam was
kissing him
. And
he was kissing Adam
.

It wasn’t all tongues and wild passion like he’d always imagined his first kiss to be. But it was somehow so much better as Adam’s lips teased his, and his scruff rubbed Parker’s skin. They breathed each other in, and Parker was sure he would have floated away if not for Adam’s big hands so gentle on his cheeks.

Their lips were parted just a bit now, and it was wetter. Adam sucked Parker’s lower lip before pulling back and searching his face. Parker leaned after him, his breath coming faster. “Why did you do that?” Parker whispered.

Adam dropped his hands instantly and sat back on his heels. “I’m sorry. I thought…I wanted to kiss you so badly. I shouldn’t have.”

“You…wanted to kiss me?” He waited, dumbfounded, as Adam nodded. “But why?”

Adam’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“No one’s ever wanted to kiss me before.” Parker touched his lips with his fingertips. Was he dreaming again? In the golden lantern light, Adam watched him, waiting. “No one ever
has
kissed me before. And I thought you were straight?”

“No. And wait, surely you’ve…” He glanced toward the bathroom. “That wasn’t your first time.”

“No, I’ve done that a bunch of times. It’s not the same. I never…wait, you’re gay? I didn’t think…you’re not…you have a girlfriend.” He couldn’t bear to say
had
.

Adam frowned. “No I don’t.”

“You do too. Tina.”

“Tina? She’s my best friend.”

“You said she was your girlfriend.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did!” Parker waved his hands. “Remember? When I came to your office, you said you were meeting your girlfriend? And then later after everything happened, when you left her a message you told her you loved her.”