Key West (59 page)

He patted the sand beside him. “This may take time. Sit down.”

“I do better on my feet. I think it’s symbolic.”

“If you say so.”

“Do you want to go first?”

Oh, no, Chris thought, he surely did not want to go first. “Ladies first,” he said.

“Okay.” She planted her feet apart and put her hands behind her back. “Because of me, you killed a man.”

“Frank Giacano would have killed you. What I did was necessary.”

“Because of
me,
you did it,” she said. “Because I hounded you until you got involved with my problems. You didn’t want to.”

“Put it out of your mind.”

Sonnie shook her head. She would never forget how Frank had fallen, bleeding, on top of her.

“I know,” Chris said. He set his crutches aside. “I’m sorry. That was callous. Of course you won’t be able to put it out of your mind. At least not easily. I won’t either. I’m not glad I took the man’s life, but I’m glad he’s dead. Don’t ask me to regret feeling that way.”

“There’s too much, isn’t there?” Sonnie said. “Too much baggage. It would be too hard to go forward together.”

Chris felt exactly what he’d expected to feel: mad as hell, and sad as hell. “You’ve had such a number done on you, lady. You may have come a long way, but you could still fit your ego on a pin. Tell me something. Do you think you’re worth loving?”

How did you answer a question like that? Sonnie wondered.

“Do you?”

“I think I could have been. If I’d had a backbone. If I hadn’t allowed myself to be carried away by a man who was too sophisticated for me. Then I’d never have been in that car with him. He’d never have lost his temper so badly he pulled off a crash that caused me to miscarry.”

“Finished beating yourself up?”

“I think I forgot everything because I couldn’t face the truth. It was my fault.”

“And was it your fault your sister was having an affair with your husband? And she was ready to be his ears and eyes while he hid out with Ena, or whatever her name is? And was it your fault your brother-in-law—who was also sleeping with your sister—helped Frank get away? And what about the way Frank made sure Romano thought he was dead? Then he almost killed you because he was so determined to make you do what he wanted you to do. Was that your fault, too?” He couldn’t go on.

“Not my fault,” Sonnie said. She looked into his face and said, “No, not my fault.”

“None of it was your fault. You won’t get over everything in a day, but you will get over it. You can do it.”

She put her hands to her mouth and nodded. “Yes, I can do it.” But not if she didn’t have him.

“Will you, Sonnie?”

If you’ll help me.

“Sonnie?”

“I’m going to try.”

“Are you still...I’m not sure how to say this. I wish you wouldn’t feel bad about sleeping with me. We could go around in circles about technicalities. You thought Frank was dead. Frank wasn’t dead. You should have waited longer. You might never have found out.”

“I could have had the willpower to resist.”

“Yeah. But if we’d been relying on my willpower it would have happened a lot sooner.”

“You did nothing to force me.”

“Oh, right.” He looked away from her. “If I hadn’t put us in the way of the opportunity—on a number of occasions—the question wouldn’t have come up. Don’t argue with me on this.”

“You can be a bit overbearing, can’t you?”

He thought about it. “Yeah, yeah, I can.”

“Maybe you should work on that.”

“Maybe I will if I’ve got a reason to.”

“If we walk away from each other today—for the last time—I will never forget you, Christian Talon.” She regarded him directly. No lies, no pretense; she would just tell him the way it was. “I’m not afraid of being alone. I’ve been alone before. I was married and alone. But I won’t really be alone again because I will have you with me—inside my head and heart. I fell in love with you, and I’m in love with you now. But I won’t try to tie you to me. Not with a single word. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Believe me when I tell you I will always weep in my heart for causing you pain. And, Chris, know that if you need me, I’ll come to you. Wherever you are, I’ll come and be whatever you need me to be. You do need more of a woman than I am, and I’m not putting myself down, just being realistic. I’m a canary to your eagle.”

“Come here, Sonnie Giacano,” he said, pointing to the spot beside his casted knee.  “You’re honest. I’ll do my best to match you. What’s all that stuff about Mars and Venus? I heard this joke about this couple who were driving. He’s real quiet and she’s wondering if she’s done something wrong. He’s trying to remember when he got his last oil change.” He laughed. Sonnie didn’t. “Well, anyway, I guess it’s all about different ways of communicating. But I’m really going to try because I’ve got to.”

“Got to?” she said.

“My life depends on it.”

Sonnie stood on the spot he’d indicated, her hands still behind her back. She would be quiet and listen. She wouldn’t tell him that without him her life might keep on ticking along, but she didn’t even want to think about how she’d feel.

“I’m not as good with words as you are,” he said. “I’m going to tell you something about myself. Not the thing in New York. I’ve got to keep on working my way out of that, and you already know about it.

“Roy and I grew up poor. Real poor. But we wouldn’t have had to be that poor if our daddy hadn’t been what he was. He was no good. He was mean. He beat our mama—until he got arrested and thrown in jail.

“But there was one thing that happened, the thing I’ll never forget. Roy and I will never forget. We were already pretty grown-up, but after that it was as if we’d never been kids at all.

Sonnie’s surroundings faded for her. She saw only the dark-haired man whose face was too pale, his eyes too distant. He looked back at her and shook his head slightly. She was to let him speak until he was through and what he intended to tell her would cause him pain.

“It was dark,” he said, remembering too vividly. “Roy and I sneaked out to the screened porch at the back of the house. We had to tread carefully because Daddy never got around to replacing planks that rotted out. I was about eight. My teeth kept chattering. It was raining so hard it drummed on the pieces of tin Daddy had used to patch leaks in the roof. Drips still got in. Outside we could see the beam from a lamp swaying. It kind of swung this way and that across the earth. Not earth, mud. Mama was carrying that lamp in her left hand. She cradled the bundle in her right arm and held it tight against her.”

The sea blurred. Chris saw it as if through rain-drenched glass. Something that happened such a long time ago shouldn’t still hurt so much.

“Mama set the lamp on the stump Daddy used when he split wood; then she started scrabbling at that sopping ground with the fingers of her one free hand. She kept her cheek on top of the bundle and rocked.

“I asked Roy what she was doing.

“ ‘I heard Daddy say it was just as well about the baby...He reckoned God knows we ain’t got enough as it is. Daddy said there ain’t money for no funerals neither. Then he told Mama he’d fix her good if she didn’t get rid of it before he came back.’ ”  Chris tried to moisten his dry mouth.

“That’s what Roy said to me. We were so scared, I almost wet my pants, but Roy and I went through the rain to Mama and we knelt in the mud with her.”

Mama’s face had showed shiny white. He’d known she was crying even if the rain did wash the tears away.

“She didn’t say anything, but she waved us away. We wouldn’t go. Between us we made a grave for a tiny girl child born dead that afternoon—three days after Daddy beat Mama so badly her eyes swelled up. When she was trying to get away from him and begging him to stop, she lost her balance and slipped down the stairs.

“Someone blew the whistle on us. They told the law about Mama being very pregnant, then the baby being gone. Daddy got arrested and did time. When he got out.. Mama took the bastard back. He wasn’t around long. He beat Mama again, but she still begged him not to go. Afterward she made Roy and me promise not to try to do anything to her beloved husband.” He set his mouth and glanced away.

Sonnie grabbed for his hand and he wound their fingers together.

“Hush,” he told her. “It was a long time ago. Roy and I take care of our mama. We don’t know if the old man is dead or alive. We don’t care.”

“Chris.” She was breathing through parted lips, and tears stood on her bottom lids.

“I didn’t want to tell you all this—I’ve never told anyone before—but I owe you. I owe you the story of why I think I turned out the way I did. The way I am now. Because of that night and facing up to how harsh things can get without allowing it to make you stop believing there’s anything good in the world.

 “My father humiliated my mother. She couldn’t hold her head up anywhere because folks knew. But she wouldn’t leave him. She wouldn’t turn the bastard in.

“Long story short. He’s gone and Mama’s got a nice little place where she’s happy. Roy’s made a happy life for himself. I went into the law because I wanted to make a difference. I’m not going to do a number on you and say I was a fool to think I could. I
did.
But I made a bad mistake and I’m still not over it.”

“You will be,” Sonnie said. If she could, she’d cut the terrible memories out of him and leave him as if they had never happened. She touched his cheek and said, “I’m so glad I met you.”

And that was all the humility he was going to take from her for one day. “That’s enough,” he said, and meant to sound as sharp as he did. “Give me both of your hands and hold on, sweetheart. Or run away now.”

She put her other hand in his, too. And she smiled, actually smiled. “I know you’re tough,” she said, attempting to be solemn once more.

“Okay, laugh away. This is good because we can shave some time off this process. Sonnie, do you remember you said you’d marry me?”

She felt still inside. “Yes. We were outside St. Paul’s. But we both knew a lot stood between us and...and marriage.”

“What’s standing between us now?”

“Your bad temper and my insecurity,” she said promptly, and felt proud of her forthrightness again.

Chris studied her face from every angle possible when he couldn’t move much. “Just looking at you makes me happy. If you’re with me all the time, or I know you’ll be there when I get home, I’m sure I’ll never be bad tempered again.”

“Oh, sure, I’ll still be insecure.”

“Come on. You’re not trying. You’ve come so far. And with a man like me to show off as your husband, the sky’s the limit, kid. You’ll be the most confident woman around.”

“That’s if I can fight my way through your admirers.”

He watched her mouth, the way it moved as she spoke. “Sonnie.” He slid his fingers into her hair. “I love your mouth. When you talk, I can’t keep my eyes off it. Or when you don’t talk. Or any other time. When—when we used to kiss, I walked around feeling your lips on mine. In fact, I still feel them. And I love your eyes and your nose, and your hair, and your neck—

“Thank you,” she said. It would be so easy to slide into the place he was clearly offering her, but she wouldn’t do it unless she was certain she should. “I think I know what needs to happen.”

Her tone knocked a hole in the progress he thought he’d been making. “Okay. I’m listening.”

“Do you think we should have some time to get to really know each other?”

“Hah. Hell, no, and I’m not sorry for cussing. We
know
each other, my love. Sure, we’ve got a lot of things to learn yet. But the way to do that is to be married and committed.”

“Yes, well, I’m absolutely not going to risk having you go into anything without full disclosure.”

Chris frowned. “Full disclosure? Is this some sort of legal arrangement we’re looking at? I don’t need your money. Believe it or not, I have a little money, and when I get back to work, we’ll be fine.”

“Back to work? As in, to the police?”

“Yeah. They’ve got a vacancy here in Key West, and I guess it’s mine if I want it. I’d like to stay close to Roy. Of course, if you’d rather move north, we’ll move north.”

“No. No, not at all. But I don’t think I want us to live in my—”

“Me neither. We’ll get a new place. Maybe build, or renovate.”

He was rushing ahead again. “When I said full disclosure, I wasn’t talking about money,” Sonnie said. “I was talking about making sure I don’t hold anything back from you.”

Chris couldn’t stop himself from grinning. “We’re going to do it, aren’t we?”

“You’re pushing your advantage—or what you think is your advantage.” But there was still quite a big hurdle to jump.

“Υοu want to marry in church? St. Paul’s, maybe? The old crowd from the Nail would love it.”

“I don’t know yet,” she said.

“Υou mean you don’t know if you’ll marry me yet?”

“I mean, I don’t know if you’ll marry me, Chris. This might not be the best time.”

He swallowed. He would be calm and reasonable. “Why, goddamn it?”

She flinched.

“Ι’m sorry, but I’m stretched a bit thin. Why, Sonnie?”

“Well, it may be nothing. Chris, this is going to sound like something from a soap opera. I may be pregnant. Very early, of course. But I got one of those tests and it—”

“Huh?” His flesh felt hot, but goose bumps shot out all over his skin He looked at her closely. “Pregnant? Are those tests accurate?”

“They say they’re very accurate. But that would mean we—I got pregnant just, well, immediately.”

“Hold up.
We
did, not you. Let me see your eyes.”

“My eyes.” She opened them wide.

“They say a pregnant woman’s eyes look different. And they’re right! Whoa. Hey, no messing around, Sonnie. We’ve got to get a move on. I’ll ask the minister to come over and talk to us when we get back.”

“Chris,” Sonnie said, trying for patience and calm while her tummy jumped with excitement. “It may not be true. I was thinking you’d rather wait until I’m sure. I wouldn’t want you to marry me just because I’m pregnant.”

“She’s driving me nuts,” he shouted to the sky. “Pregnant or not pregnant, I want you to marry me. If you’re pregnant, it’s a bonus. If you’re not, we’ll just have to do something about that. And I do know what to do.”