Kestrel (Hart Briothers #3) (19 page)

Chapter
Fourteen

Kestrel

It’s
seven p.m. when I wrap up the day. I’ve been out of town all week, so there was
a ton of piled up paperwork that needed my attention. Shayla and I did a great
job of tackling it so I’m calling it a day. The week’s almost over, but I want
to relax a bit so I detour into a nice and quiet bar for a couple of drinks.
It’s never jammed with people, like so many of the bars in town are. My
favorite seat in the corner is vacant, so I plop my ass on it where I can
peacefully sip my Lagavulin and people watch. There’s a mixed group sitting at
a couple of tables they’ve pulled together, chatting animatedly. After about
twenty minutes or so, of all people, Carter scurries in, apologizing profusely
to everyone about being late.

I’m
blown away by her appearance. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve seen her because
we’ve both been working like dogs, though we’ve talked on the phone just about
every day. She looks fucking hot as hell! She’s wearing tight jeans, and
they’re the
kind that sit
low on her hips, a form-fitting
emerald green sweater, and a pair of short boots. I want to eat her up. She’s
undoubtedly gone shopping since I’ve seen her last. But then I notice that
asshole Simon is sitting there. His back has been facing me so I didn’t realize
that’s who it was.

My
attention is now zeroed in on them, though I don’t want it to look like I’m
eavesdropping. Carter looks flustered as hell.

“I’m
so sorry. I started working on this project and I took a little shortcut and
made this amazing discovery with RNA. John and I got so excited because I found
a way to make the T-cells work without getting hydrolyzed.”

They
stare at her with blank faces and suddenly Simon says in a nasty voice, “Will
you just shut the hell up already about your stupid fucking research? None of
us gives a flying fuck about it, Carter. You’re always late to our get-togethers,
and that’s if you even bother to show up at all. Maybe if you’d pulled your ass
out of your stupid lab, our daughter would still be alive today.”

Dead
silence descends over the group like a black cloud. Carter looks as though
she’s going to be sick. The excitement that lit up her face is extinguished in
a snap and it looks like the asshole pummeled her in the guts and ripped out
her heart. I’ve heard enough of his insults to last me a lifetime and I won’t
allow this to continue one more second. Putting a couple of twenties on the
bar, I grab my coat and walk over to their cute little group. It’s quite
apparent by the look of disbelief on his face Simon never expected to see me.

“Apologize
to her now,” I say in a low, steely voice. I’m enraged.

He
sneers at me. “You don’t tell me what to do.”

“I’m
telling you now. Apologize to the lady.”

“Or
what? Are you gonna punch me or something?” he taunts as he stands with a smirk
on his face.

I
walk up to him and invade his space. He’s not as tall as I am so I have to look
down at him. He throws a jab at me, but it’s simple to evade. I’m fast; I’m
experienced at dodging these things. Grabbing his arm, I spin him around. To
everyone at the table, it appears I’m only holding it behind his back. What
they don’t see is I have two of his fingers twisted and can easily break them
with a snap.

Bending
my head toward his ear, I say so only he can hear, “You don’t ever want to fuck
with me. I’ve been in places that make hell look like a walk in the park. Now
apologize or you may be paying a visit to the hospital tonight. Your choice,
asshole.”

“Sorry.”

“Say
it like you mean it.
With a little sincerity.
And use
the lady’s name.”

“I’m
sorry, Carter. I didn’t really mean it,” he hisses through gritted teeth. He’s
trying to cover up the pain.

I
release his fingers, but not his arm and whisper in his ear again. “If you ever
insult her again, this will seem like a trip to Disney World. Clear?”

He
nods.

I
let him go. Then I turn to the group. “Are all of you her friends?”

They
answer in the affirmative.

“Well,
you’d better do two things. One, pray she finds that cure you just scoffed at.
And two, pray you never need it. With friends like you, who the fuck needs
enemies?”

Turning
to Carter, who looks like a snowman in a blizzard she’s so damn pale, I say,
“Come on angel, let’s get out of here.”

My
arm circles her waist and we leave. When we’re about a block away, I stop and gently
push her into a small indentation of a shop entrance where I proceed to wipe
her tears away.

“What
the hell kind of people do you hang with, angel?” I whisper. Her eyes are huge
as they look back at me. “I never had friends because of my father. He wouldn’t
allow it and the kids at school weren’t allowed to hang out with ‘Those Hart
Boys.’ We were branded, you see. But, dammit, I would’ve chosen more wisely, I
believe.”

She
doesn’t speak, but her bottom lip quivers. And that makes me feel like shit.
I’m such an ass, as usual. Running my thumb over her lip to make it stop
quivering, I soften my voice and say, “I’m sorry. Insulting you further is not
my intent, but please examine the people you hang out with. They’re hateful. I
wanted to strangle that bastard.”

“I
know. But that bastard gave me the most beautiful child in the world.”

“I
realize that. The only thing that eases this whole situation is that you never
loved him.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to retract them. Why
did I say that? Where did they come from? I rub my face, trying to figure all
this out, when we both hear her name.

We
look up to see one of the women from the group.

“Carter,
you left your backpack.” She hands it to Carter.

“Oh,
thanks. Harper, this is Kestrel Hart. Kestrel, Harper Welch.”

My
head slices up and down once. Harper is an unwelcome sight.

“I’m
really sorry about what Simon said. I don’t feel like that at all. I was so shocked
at his behavior that I froze. I’m sorry I didn’t defend you.” She reaches out a
hand and places it on my arm. I want to cringe. “Thank you, Kestrel, for saving
her.”

I
don’t respond. She stands there expecting me to say something, but I can’t. She
was with those shit heads.

I
finally say, “Yeah, it’s a good thing I was there. Poor Carter would’ve been
shredded by you assholes.”

Carter
gasps and Harper’s mouth hangs open. Catching flies, my mom would say. I grew
up being insulted on a daily basis and I won’t stand by watching an innocent
woman take them. Harper had a chance to say something, yet didn’t.

“I
was so shocked …”

“Yeah,
I heard that part. Next time, unfreeze yourself and stick up for your friend.
This woman has been through more than you’d better pray you’ll ever have to
experience. What I really don’t understand is why any of you put up with that
tool. He needs a foot shoved up his ass.”

“Yes,
he does, only no one has the balls to do it because of his daddy.”

“I
don’t give a damn who his daddy is,” I sneer.

Harper
looks at me and emits a bitter laugh. “You should. His daddy is a dirty
politician and pays everyone off. They have lots of money and get away with
everything.”

“Politician
or not, I couldn’t care less. It means nothing to me.”

“Senator
Forrester’s been around forever. He owns a real estate company, too. One of the
biggest in the state,” Harper informs me.

“Then
he just met his match.” I make a mental note to call our security team on
Monday. I want all the information I can find on Simon and his father. Maybe
it’s time for Senator Forrester and his son to take a big tumble. If there’s
one thing I can’t stand, it’s a bully. And Simon is a huge one.

“Well,
I’d better get back. They’ll wonder what happened and I left my handbag in
there.”

“Thanks
for bringing this,” Carter says, indicating her backpack.

We
both watch Harper walk away. Then Carter turns to me and says, “You didn’t have
to be so hard on her.”

“Uh,
yes I did. His behavior toward you was unacceptable. If your friends can’t
defend you, you don’t need them.”

“They
may be assholes, but I’ve known them since elementary school.”

“And
that makes it okay?”

“Simon
was right. I always stand them up. I put work before everything.”

“You
didn’t put work before your family. That was an important seminar. Even your
mother said so. He was saying things that weren’t true. What you’re doing in
the lab is stellar, angel.
If they can’t wait a couple of
hours, then to hell with them.
Besides, they were all just hanging out
and drinking anyway.”

“It’s
still being disrespectful. I should’ve called to tell them I’d be late. Time
slipped by and I forgot. That was wrong of me.”

“Okay,
I’ll give you that. But he still acted like a douche. So what’s this stuff that
kept you so enthralled? Wait. Why don’t you tell me over drinks and a bite to
eat? Even if your friends are asses, I’d like to hear about it.”

She
breaks out into a nervous laugh. “You sure? It’ll most likely bore you.”

“Come
on. By the way, before I forget, you look fucking amazing.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh,
yeah.”

We
shuffle down the street and step into a place that has reasonably good bar
food. While we eat, she tells me what happened. I’m momentarily stunned.

“I
think you’re smarter than a rocket scientist.”

Out
of the blue she says, “Kestrel, take care around Simon. He can be dangerous.”

“Oh,
angel, you don’t know the meaning of dangerous.”

“Why’d
you stay?”

“What?”

“With
your father? You said you worked with him. Why’d you stay?”

My
mouth feels like it’s suddenly crammed with cotton. I take a long drink of my
beer. Even after almost a year, it’s still difficult to discuss.

“He
made it impossible to leave.”

“But
your brother did.”

“You’ve
been doing some internet searches, haven’t you?”

She
dips her head and mumbles something.

“What?
I didn’t get that,” I say.

“Yeah,
I’ve pulled up some stuff.”

After
another long drink, I take her hand and say, “It’s no secret. My family was
plastered all over the news last year when all this shit happened. Our story
made headlines on every paper. That’s why I was surprised you hadn’t read about
it. Kolson left Hart Entertainment because he and my father never saw eye to
eye. He was very vocal about it. I, on the other hand, was not. I stood back
and was the yes man. Fear was the driving factor behind my decision.” I stop
and lean back in my chair. My neck muscles scream for relief, as they always do
when I talk about the Dragon. “This is impossible for me to discuss in public,
so if you want to know the full story, we have to do it elsewhere. In private.”

“You’ll
tell me?” She’s genuinely surprised.

“Yes,
but not here.”

“Okay.”

What
have I just agreed to? I never discuss this. But maybe it’s high time I did.
Let my walls down and let someone in for a change. She was forced to allow me
in, and she did even though she didn’t want to. I owe her this much. After
paying the check, we walk to my car and drive to my place. She says she prefers
that. When we arrive, I get us both a couple of beers. Then we sit. This is
going to take a while and it’s not going to be easy … for either of us. I hope
when she hears it, she doesn’t bolt out the door, screaming like her ass is on
fire.

Chapter
Fifteen

Kestrel

Telling
someone about a hideous part of your life is hard. Opening up old wounds to let
the monster out is even harder. Sometimes it’s difficult for even
my
brain to wrap itself around it, and I
lived through it. So I fill my lungs with air and take the leap of faith that
she’ll still be sitting here when I’m done.

“You
know the part about my father and how he pretty much stole us from our
biological mothers? What I didn’t tell you is how we were all abused. I won’t
go into the finite details of what he did to my brothers; I’ll only tell you
what he did to me. It wasn’t sexual, if that’s what you’re thinking. He wanted
us to forget where we came from—to forget our mothers. He wanted to
brainwash us. Kolson was the first and oldest. What he did to him didn’t work out
the way Langston planned. Since I was the next, he added something extra. He
was into sensory deprivation. For the first few months after he brought me to
the house, I was kept in a dark room in the basement, a cage really, and wasn’t
touched by anyone. I wasn’t held at all. The only touch I received was in the
form of punishment. But he never hit or beat me. It was always neglectful
things. He would leave me alone in complete darkness, with no stimuli. I would
be cold and afraid. When he would come to see me, he wouldn’t say anything. He
wouldn’t speak at all. Sometimes he’d wrap his hand around my neck and squeeze,
making me think he was going to kill me. Those were the only times he touched
me.
Other than that, nothing.
Just
one huge dark empty void.
That’s why I’m so fucked up. Why I crave
touch, yet sometimes can’t tolerate it. My psychiatric diagnosis is attachment
disorder. I vacillate between fearful-avoidant and dismissive-avoidant, but
I’ve already told you that.”

“Dear
God. How old were you?”

“I
was five when he stole me.”

“Five!
Good lord.
Just a little boy.
And why?”

I
let out a bitter laugh. “So I would bend to his will. That’s what he wanted all
of us to do.”

I
don’t notice I’m rubbing my arms until her hands take mine. She unbuttons my
cuffs and rolls my sleeves up, so she can see my tattoos. Then her hands gently
massage my arms and it feels like heaven. I let my head fall back and the tension
melts away. Her hands move to the buttons of my shirt and when she has them all
undone, she spreads it apart and touches me everywhere. Her fingers press into
my skin as they tenderly work their way across my torso.

“They
all make sense. Every one of them means something. Now I understand the dragon
with the trident. The trident represents the three of you. And
the cage with the broken bars and the sunlight shining through
.
The mother separated from the child.
The darkness with the
stars and moon.
The dozens of shattered hearts.
I always thought they were broken relationships.”

“I’ve
never been in a relationship. I’ve never felt worthy.
He
always said it
wouldn’t amount to anything. I was fed on the floor like a dog, Carter. It was
pretty disgusting.”

She
puts her hand over her mouth and a sob rips through her. “How can someone do
that to a child? You were just a little boy! Not much older than Ells.”

“I
know.”

“Your
mother?
Your real mother?
What happened to her?”

“I
don’t know. I tried to find her last year and couldn’t. Kolson’s and
Kade’s
died. Mine just disappeared. It wouldn’t surprise me
if she’s in a mental institution somewhere.”

“What
about Langston’s wife? Your adopted mother?”

“She
was afraid of Langston. He would send her away every time he brought a new
child home. And then she would come home and stay confined in her room. I think
he must’ve drugged her. She won’t talk about it, even now. She’s a sweet
woman—not a mean bone in her body. She would never have done any of that
willingly.”

Tears
drip down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t
be. It’s done. And I’m happy now because he’s dead. It was the greatest day in
my life when I heard that my mother shot and killed him.”

Her
hands keep touching me all over so I figure I’ll tell her the rest of the
story.

“Kolson
left the company and bought a taxi. He worked his ass off and then bought
another and another. Soon, he was able to expand into the transportation
industry in a full-fledged fashion, mainly limos. He’s pretty phenomenal. My
father was pissed. Oh, was he ever pissed. When he tossed Kolson out without a
dime, he thought he’d end up in some blue collar job making nothing. But my
brother goes out on a limb and ends up becoming a billionaire on his own,
without a cent from my father. It was so righteous. Kolson kept after me to
join him, but I couldn’t. I was afraid Langston would find a way to kill us
both. At least with me by his side, I could sort of keep an eye on him. But he
used me. He tried to make me spy on Kolson. Instead, I would feed him all sorts
of inane information. Finally, he had me plant a bug in Kolson’s apartment. It
was after
Kol
disappeared. He suspected Gabby knew
where
Kol
was. There wasn’t a way for me to get out
of it because he’d know if I didn’t do it. Luckily, no harm came from it. But
Langston was a very dangerous man.

“After
his death, the FBI came in and removed all the files he had on the mob and
that’s when the east coast crime ring came tumbling down. We found out exactly
how dirty Langston was. Drugs, human trafficking, you name it. He had his hands
in it all. We suspected some if it, but were shocked at the depths of his
depravity. Of course, that was my out. There was no way I would have anything
to do with Hart Entertainment after that. And now I’m at HTS, where I should’ve
been long ago.”

“What
about your other brother? You said there were three of you.”

“Yeah.
Kade is his name. He got the worst of it all. By the time he came along, the
Dragon had perfected his little games of torture. Kade turned to drugs to cope.
One day I walked into his room and caught him shooting up. I was so appalled; I
didn’t know what to do. I begged him to stop. Pleaded with him. I told him he
could die. Told him I would do anything for him. But you know what he said?”

“No,
what?”

“He
said he preferred death to the hell he was living in. He was only a teenager at
the time. It crushed me. I took him into my arms and held him, but he pumped
that shit in his veins anyway. And then smiled as the drug took over. He looked
so calm, happy even. For a minute I wanted some of it. I wanted to feel that
bliss he was experiencing, because I knew if only for that moment, it was an
escape. An escape I couldn’t get anywhere else. Throughout the years, Kolson
and I tried our best to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t. He said it was either
drugs or suicide. We could choose for him. So we let him keep using. And here’s
the weird thing. Last year when Kolson went into hiding—did you read
about how he was missing?”

“Yes.
He was missing for quite a while and turned up the night your father was
killed.” She’s still touching me everywhere and I sit there, arms spread wide,
giving her complete access to me.

“That’s
right. He went into hiding to protect himself and Gabby from Langston. He was
afraid my father would kill him because he owed Langston a debt he never
intended to pay. It’s a complicated story, but it had to do with my
sister-in-law. Anyway, during that time, Kolson was riding the subway and one
day he gets off the train and right there in front of him is Kade.
Kol
barely recognized him. I mean our family has all kinds
of money and there our brother is living on the streets, rummaging through the
trash for food. When Kolson told me about it, I almost screamed. It was the
most helpless feeling in the world, knowing I had failed him so badly. He’d
been missing for months and we’d been searching for him, but living in the
subways as one of the homeless? Anyway, Kolson offers to take him to McDonald’s
for a bite to eat, never thinking he’ll go, but he does! And when they finish
up, Kolson hands him a card. It was from a friend of his and Gabby’s. My
sister-in-law works with addicts and her closest friend runs a Narcotics
Anonymous group.
Kol
tells Kade about it, not
thinking in a million years he’d ever go. A couple of days later, he shows up
at one of the meetings. We were all stunned.”

Jesus,
I’ve been rambling now forever—opening up family secrets that I never
share with anyone. My hand plows through my hair as I think about this.

“And
then what?”

“A
few days later, Gabby flies him to this top of the line facility in Denver for
treatment. They determine if he hadn’t come in when he did, he would’ve been
dead within the month.”

“Shit!”

“I
know. Timing is everything, they say. It was with Kade. He’s been there since
last November.
A year now.
At first they said six
months. After that, they recommended another four. He’s afraid to leave. He
thinks if he assimilates back into society, it will be too much of a
temptation. We’ve tried to tell him the biggest reason he started using in the
first place is gone. But he doesn’t see it that way. And the reality is he
knows best. I’ve never done drugs so I can’t relate.”

“Neither
can I.”

“Carter,
Kade was a musical genius. You should’ve heard him play. He’d sit in front of
the piano, or pick up any stringed instrument, and make it do anything he
pleased. And his voice was like nothing I’ve ever heard. Until the drugs,
Kolson and I figured he’d be huge in the music world in some capacity, one
day.
 

“Maybe
he still has a shot at that. How old is he?”

“He’s
three years younger than I.”

She
laughs a little. “That tells me nothing. I have no idea how old you are.”

“Twenty-nine.”

“So
he’s only twenty-six. Same as me.”

I
had forgotten about that. “That’s right. But to see him, he looks ten to
fifteen years older than you.”

“A
hard life of drugs will do that to you. But maybe that will change the longer
he’s off them. And maybe he’ll develop an interest in music again.”

“Maybe.
But right now he says he wants to stay on in Denver as a counselor.”

“That’s
pretty awesome.”

“I’m
not so sure it’s not avoidance. Keeping his distance from us. Not that I blame
him. We’re the ones who failed him.”

“Does
he know you feel this way?”

“No,
and I’d never tell him.”

“You
might want to rethink that.” She puts her palm on my cheek. “Kestrel,
you
didn’t fail him. Your father did.”

“True,
but I still feel some responsibility for how he ended up.”

Her
ghost gray eyes drill into mine and then she says, “I want to see you naked. I
want to touch all of you, Kestrel.”

“I
didn’t tell you all of this so you would feel sorry for me.”

“I’m
not sure feeling sorry is the correct descriptor. My heart is breaking for that
little boy who was deprived of the love and care he never received. And it’s
coming apart for the way you love Kade, yet feel you somehow failed him. But
the fact remains that I want to touch you all over. I want to feel your warm
skin beneath my fingers. I want to trace your art with my hands and tongue. And
I can’t do that when you’re wearing clothes.”

“Christ,
angel. Where did that come from and what happened to that little frump who once
cooked dinner for me?”

“I
don’t know. I’m hoping she’s disappeared forever. Will you please take your
damn clothes off?”

“No.
I want
you
to take them off.”

Her
fingers reach for the waist of my pants and she unhooks and unzips them. Hands
slip between my boxers and skin as she starts to tug. I lift my ass so I can
accommodate her. When she’s got them to my ankles, I chuckle because she didn’t
take my shoes off. I kick them off and she completes the process.

“Get
out of that shirt.”

“Not
until you strip for me. While you stand right here in front of me.”

She
grins as she moves in my line of sight and begins. She’s stiff and unyielding,
but I wouldn’t want her any other way. I love how her inexperience and purity
shines through. That’s what makes her so special. When she gets to her bra and
panties, I never would’ve thought light blue cotton could look so perfect on a
woman, but it does on her. And my dick is so stiff it’s staring right at the
two of us. If the damn thing could smile and say, “Howdy, miss,” I’m sure it would.

“Carter,
what if I told you I didn’t want to do anything but touch tonight? What would
you think?”

She’s
crouching between my legs, one hand on each thigh and she looks up at me. With
her in this position, I’m damn near positive I’ve lost my mind.

Sliding
her hands up to my hips, she leans up close to my mouth and says in a low voice,
“I’ll do anything you want.”