Kelly Hill (14 page)

Chapter Ten

Phillips Academy

Charleston, West Virginia

October 6th, 2008

Rachel

Rachel couldn’t stop thinking about all the information that she had acquired over the past few days pertaining to Kelly Hill. She knew more now than she did before, but that didn’t make him any less enticing. If anything, she only wished to know him more. Or more of him.

She sat in Phillips extensive library that morning with the sole purpose of distracting herself from Kelly Hill, but she kept finding herself going back to one of the library’s computers, typing Anna’s name and stopping herself. Did she really want to read about it? Did she really want to delve deeper into a world that she didn’t understand?

Rachel typed in ‘Anna Hill, death’ and held her mouse over the search button, weighing her options. She could press enter. She could learn as much as she possibly wanted to and then Kelly would cease to be a mystery and she would be allowed to move on with her life. Or she could just walk away and forget the whole thing.

She could move on completely and let sleeping dogs lie. This wasn’t her fight. This wasn’t her drama. This, whatever it was, was between Jefferson and Kelly. If Rachel inserted herself into the argument things might get even messier.

Kelly had already proved he was ready to come to blows about the whole issue, what would happen if a third party started trying to find things out that were none of their business? What if Kelly came out looking worse off than Melody had tried to paint him as? What if Rachel found something she wasn’t ready to handle?

Rachel bit her lip and closed the browser window. It wasn’t her place to go prying. No matter how much she wanted to know she knew if she was meant to know, she would find out sooner or later. It would just be for the better if she returned to her studies and tried to move past everything.

Jefferson had asked her not to talk to Kelly and Rachel was going to try and honor that. Jefferson had always been kind to her; there was no reason to doubt his motives. And it wasn’t Jefferson that had become violent with someone. It wasn’t Jefferson that was trying to hide something from everyone.

Rachel bit the inside of her cheek and started to gather up her things for the day. She needed to find something else to fill up her time; otherwise she was just going to think the problem to death. Otherwise it was never going to leave her mind and she knew sooner or later she’d end up looking up Anna’s death, hoping it would give her some sort of closure to the Kelly dilemma.

Rachel walked out of the library and hugged her books to her chest tighter, wishing again that she had never signed up for a roommate. She didn’t want one. She had never wanted a friend before. She had never needed a friend. Now, look at the trouble she had gotten herself in.

Friends, boyfriends, they were all more trouble than they were worth and Rachel just didn’t want to deal with it.

As Rachel walked she thought back to the conversation she had had with Kelly on her favorite bench and found herself smiling.

“
Just know that there’s someone out there that doesn’t care.”
He had said, half joking. But the sentiment hadn’t been lost on her.

Oh, to be able to live in a world where it didn’t matter what she did. Where she didn’t have to work at impressing anyone and she could just be for a while. What a beautifully simple idea.

Rachel found herself taking the long way around, just so she could pass by that very bench and was very surprised to see someone was already sitting in it, as if he had never left.

“
Well, Mister Hill.” Rachel stopped in front of him, the smile on her face genuine despite the conflicting emotions in her mind, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“
And yet here I am.” Kelly was smiling, his green eyes sparkling in the midmorning light.

“
Yes you are.” Rachel laughed; she was sitting down next to him before she really knew it, letting her guard down.

“
I can’t say that I wasn’t hoping you’d stop by today.” Kelly leaned back on the bench and put his arms up. “I mean, it’s not like I’ve got any other reason to visit Phillips.”

Rachel blushed and looked down at her lap. At one time she could be thinking Jefferson was probably right in telling her to stay away from Kelly and then in the next one she would never feel more comfortable than when she was sitting next to him, as if they had been old friends for years. “Well, I can’t say I’m not glad to see you, too.” She looked at him, her lips still smiling, still happy to know he was there.

Kelly’s eyes were kinder than she thought they would be, after everything she had learned about him. They were gentle eyes that still managed to dance even though the sadness pulled them down slightly at the corners.

“
So, Rachel Gunn, what are you up to today?” Kelly asked, looking at her books.

“
Just the same as before.” She put one hand on her books and left the other underneath them, holding them in place, “Still trying to be somebody, I guess.”

Rachel didn’t know why she said that last part, but had to concede, it wasn’t untrue. It was just more honest than what she was going for. How odd was that? The person she had the least reason to trust was also the person that made her feel the most comfortable.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I already think you’re somebody.” Kelly gave her a crooked grin, “But that might not be much, coming from a guy like me.”

“
And why do you say that?” Rachel asked, wondering if she was going to finally get the full story about Kelly Hill or if she was going to have to do more digging.

“
Because I’m just a man.” Kelly’s smile grew sadder, as if he was feeling the truth in his words, “And in this world that doesn’t add up to much.”

“
Well, it means something me.” Rachel wasn’t smiling anymore, her face had grown serious and she wanted him to know she meant it. It did mean something to her. It meant a lot.

They sat on the bench in silence for a little while before Rachel decided it was time to broach the subject that plagued her mind. But she had to know. She just had to.

“My roommate is Melody Jeffords.” Rachel started and noticed Kelly shift, but said nothing. “And she’s dating Jefferson Williams.”

Kelly sniffed and looked straight ahead. “And you want to know if any of it is true? Right?” His tone was flat, monotone and unbroken.

Rachel bit her lip again but she knew it was already too late, she was already committed. “Well, I’m sort of seeing Ryan Prescott.” She looked at him sideways, seeing what sort of reaction that would cause.

Kelly smirked, “I already knew that one.”

Rachel nodded, “And I saw you. The other night when you punched Jefferson Williams.”

That made Kelly grin. “Yeah, that happened.”

“Melody told me you were a creep and Jefferson asked me not to talk to you.” Rachel was honest. She had no real reason to hide anything from him, so she wasn’t going to try. If they didn’t want Rachel to repeat any of this information, they should have said so. Or that was how Rachel reasoned away her feelings of guilt at betraying her friends’ confidence.

Kelly shrugged. “Melody’s probably right, depending on who you ask, and Jefferson wouldn’t want me to talk to anyone he likes.”

“But is it true? Are you really that bad of a guy?” Rachel’s brow furrowed, Kelly’s cavalier attitude about his character was throwing off her judgment, why wasn’t he trying harder to defend himself?

“
No.” Kelly shook his head, “At least, I don’t think so.”

“
Ryan told me about Anna.” Rachel pushed at last, bringing up the last bit of information she had.

Kelly nodded, “Yep. That’s where it would all lead back, isn’t it?” He sighed and rubbed his face in his hands, “You know, you just want to let something go and it just keeps coming back. It’s one hell of a thing.”

“I’m sorry.” Rachel felt the reproach, “I shouldn’t have brought her up.”

“
No. You’re fine, Rachel.” Kelly gave her another sad smile, “It was bound to come up sooner or later.”

Rachel put her hand on his knee, trying to comfort him, but not knowing how.

“You know, when you have an older sibling you expect them to be able to tell you right from wrong and show you the right way to go.” Kelly swallowed, “But Anna was never like that. She was a year older than me, but I always felt like I was the one making sure we made it home safe every day.”

Rachel could relate to that, Ethan had always been the same way. He was one step behind in the responsibility department. Always had been, always would be. “I have a sibling like that,” she offered, trying to connect.

“What are they like?” Kelly asked, trying to deflect the topic from his own familial tragedy.

Rachel shrugged again, “To be honest, I don’t really know anymore. We don’t really have a relationship. Haven’t for some time now.”

Kelly nodded, “Why?”

Rachel shook her head, trying to figure out a good way to answer his question, but there were no simple words for him. “Our parents are divorced and live across the country from one another; consequently we live in different places. There’s really no time for us to do the whole bonding thing.”

“You guys don’t visit each other?” Kelly asked, doing a little bit of prying.

“
It’s a little more complicated than that.” Rachel answered, “It’s really hard to find a happy medium with both parents, so we just kind of had to pick which one we liked more, I guess.”

Kelly’s face turned into a frown, “That sounds stressful.”

Rachel wanted to laugh, he couldn’t be more right. It was stressful. It was the hardest thing she had ever had to deal with. “You know, you try to please everyone, but something always manages to slip through and then you’re left back at square one, letting someone down.”

“
I think making people happy is overrated.” Kelly turned back to looking straight forward, away from Rachel, “You’ll only be driving yourself crazy.”

“
So what would your solution be?” Rachel asked, feeling better that someone understood what she was going through. Finally feeling connected to someone other than herself.

Kelly shook his head, “I have no idea.” He laughed, “I don’t even have a guess.”

“Our parents loved us very much.” Kelly nodded, “They never made us feel like anything less than amazing and they were always there for us. I guess it all boils down to a person’s choices.”

“
You can have excellent parents and still make poor decisions, or you can have less than stellar parents and turn out just fine. After a while you have to stop blaming everyone else for your problems. All that matters is how you act in the end.”

“
Is that why you ran away?” Rachel asked quietly.

“
I couldn’t handle what happened to Anna.” Kelly was honest. “I blamed a lot of people for what happened to Anna, including our parents. So I left, because I didn’t know where else to go.”

Kelly cleared his throat, “When I moved in with the Prescotts I was able to actually let go a lot of those feelings, most of them anyways, and move on with my life.”

“But you’re still mad at Jefferson.” Rachel said, feeling the full weight of what Kelly was going through. “Or was the punch part of the letting go process?”

Kelly chuckled, “I’m still working through Jefferson’s involvement in Anna’s death. I’m trying to forgive him, but I’m just a man and that’s not doing me any favors.”

“You know, Jefferson was the one who found Anna’s body.” Kelly coughed into his hand, “And that always kinda left a bad taste in my mouth, like there was something there he didn’t want to say.”

“
You think he could have saved her?” Rachel asked, wanting to comfort Kelly more than she could.

Kelly shrugged, “Maybe. I don’t know.”

Rachel looked down at her watch and sighed heavily. She didn’t want to leave their conversation. She didn’t want her time with Kelly to end. They were just getting started, things were just beginning to make sense, but she had promised Melody she would meet her for lunch and now Rachel was running late.

“
I gotta run.” She said reluctantly, standing up.

Kelly gave her another said smile, “That’s what you always say.”

Rachel laughed, “I promise, I can come back tomorrow.”

“
I’ll wait.” Kelly answered.

And Rachel believed him. Out of all the people involved in the drama she was introduced to, it felt like Kelly was the most truthful. The one with the least amount to gain and the most to lose, but still, he was honest with her and that went a long ways with Rachel.