Keeping Sam (13 page)

Kate smiled. She’d yet to meet Big Tony, but she couldn’t help liking the sound of him – Marie’s down-to-earth enthusiasm was infectious. She glanced at her watch, then jumped up in alarm.

‘Marie, I can’t stand here talking all day – I’ve got an appointment with Elizabeth in half an hour.’

Marie gathered up the coffee cups and headed for the door. ‘Do you want me to come with you?’ she offered. ‘A bit of moral support?’

‘Thanks, but it’s only Elizabeth – I don’t think it will be too onerous.’

***

‘She said what?’

Kate reeled back in her chair as though struck by an invisible hand. Elizabeth frowned, then shook her head.

‘I’m sorry, Kate. There’s nothing I can do. She said you can see him, but only at a neutral location. I thought the children’s centre here in Corrin Cove would be best – it’s fun for Samuel, and the staff are used to this kind of thing.’

‘They’re used to this kind of thing?’ Kate widened her eyes, incredulous. ‘They’re used to grandparents preventing a child’s own mother from visiting him in his own home? After that child’s mother was unable to look after him because she was in a coma after being attacked in
her
own home?’ Her voice grew louder with each word, her face growing redder and hotter as the blood pounded in her head. ‘Elizabeth, am I the only sane person around here? Can no one else see that this is wrong!’ She slammed her fist down on the table. Their coffee cups clattered in their saucers; a nearby customer glanced over, then resumed his conversation. ‘And,’ Kate added, her teeth clenched together so hard she could feel them grinding, ‘his name is not Samuel! It’s Sam. Just Sam.’

Kate tried to calm her breathing. Elizabeth sat impassively, her expression unreadable.

‘My mother,’ Kate said slowly, ‘is treating me like I’m a danger to Sam, like I’m someone so unstable she’s afraid to have me in her house. But it’s her who’s unstable. Can’t you see that?’

Still Elizabeth said nothing. Kate tapped her fingers on the table, her thoughts flying around her mind like angry wasps, every memory a sharp sting in the tail.

‘You know,’ she said, ‘this is all because of those drugs that were found in the flat. I’m right, aren’t I? My mother whipped Sam away from Manchester within a matter of weeks, and social services didn’t do anything to stop her. You cheered her on, helping her get the guardianship order, never once thinking what it would mean to me when I woke up.’ She noticed Elizabeth’s expression and laughed. ‘Oh, well, I don’t suppose anyone expected me to wake up, did they? But I did, and here I am – how inconvenient for everyone. The police would have arrested me if they thought there was any real evidence against me, but clearly they don’t. Why do you think that is?’

‘I suppose, as you say, there wasn’t enough evidence to press charges,’ Elizabeth agreed.

‘Right, exactly. And that’s because in actual fact there wasn’t any evidence to link me to the drugs because I had nothing to do with them being there. Someone must have planted them.’ Kate’s eyes narrowed suddenly. She sat up straighter and clasped her hands together. ‘You know, I have an idea who might have done it.’

‘Who?’ Elizabeth said tiredly.

‘My mother! Don’t you see? It all makes sense. She must have taken my key while I was in hospital and snuck in and planted the drugs in the toilet cistern herself. She’d planned to get Sam away from me all along, even when she came to stay earlier in the year. She never thought I was good enough to be a mum, has never forgiven me for what I said about my father when I left home. Oh, it all makes sense now. That’s why she’s been so upset since I came back – and that’s why she never came to visit, even after I woke up and started to get better.’

‘The police found them when they searched your flat directly after you were attacked,’ Elizabeth pointed out. ‘So your mother couldn’t have stolen your keys and hidden them there herself.’

‘She might have done it when she was staying with me, though.
I
wouldn’t have noticed. The stuff could have been there for months.’

‘No, it couldn’t. The police report said that the landlord had to fix the toilet only a month before the break-in. There was nothing hidden there. He would have noticed.’

‘Well, fine. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t her.’

‘And how precisely do you imagine your mother got her hands on three bags of cannabis resin, Kate? In Manchester, while looking after Sam and visiting you in hospital?’

Kate shrugged. ‘She’s clearly a resourceful woman. She found Evan, didn’t she? That’s not an easy thing to do.’

Elizabeth gathered together her phone and keys, then sat back and faced Kate squarely. ‘I think this new arrangement will be better for you and Sam. The children’s centre is a great environment, and you won’t have to keep rubbing up against your parents. You’ll see him there three times a week – I’ll come along the first time, show you the lie of the land. It won’t be for long. You know that.’

‘I have a bad feeling about Evan,’ Kate said, leaning low across the table and dropping her voice. ‘Did my mother say anything to you about him when she phoned?’

‘Not one word.’ The social worker stood up; their meeting was over. Kate rose and followed her to the door of the café.

‘Is she letting
him
see Sam, do you think?’ That would be the worst kind of insult. Not that Kate imagined Evan would be bothered about seeing his son anyway.

Elizabeth shrugged. ‘Look, I’m doing all I can. The only thing you can do now is dig in and wait for the court date. Sooner or later your mother will have to come to terms over this. What you decide to do then – about Sam’s dad or your parents – will be up to you.’

Kate flopped down onto a wrought iron bench outside the café and watched Elizabeth drive away. After a while she got up again, but found she couldn’t face returning to Bow Hill yet. Instead, she headed for the beach. She would sit for a while and gaze out to sea, the way she had all those years ago whenever she felt overwhelmed or saw that the world didn’t understand her. Those teenage concerns seemed so small now, so insignificant, and Kate longed to go back to a simpler time – even just a year ago, when all she’d had to think about was where the next meal was coming from and whether she’d be able to afford her rent. Or whether she’d ever be able to sleep through the night again.

She laughed to herself: a bitter, unhappy sound. Be careful what you wish for. There she had been, struggling with a baby, wishing someone would just let her sleep. She’d have liked to have slept for a week. She’d been given the best part of a year. And then she’d woken up to find that her whole world had been turned upside down while she slept on, helpless and unaware.

At the edge of the beach she took off her trainers and socks and walked across the compacted sand to where the sea curled back in on itself in a swelling, sucking, continuous motion. The water was icy on her toes, but after a while she got used to it. She turned up her jeans and waded in to her shins. She stretched out her arms, not caring who saw her, not caring at all. And she allowed the sound of the sea to fill her ears, drowning out all her bitter thoughts, at least for a while.

Chapter 16

The two hours Kate spent at the children’s centre with Sam were, as Elizabeth had predicted, stress-free and fun. There was a stay-and-play session in progress, and Kate enjoyed being just another mum spending time with her toddler, stepping in from time to time to negotiate the sharing of a toy, feeling joy whenever her boy came running to her for help or reassurance. But whereas all the other parents would get to take their offspring home at the end of the session, Kate had to walk away and leave Sam with Elizabeth, who would be overseeing the handover back to Kate’s mother.

As far as the other mums were concerned, Kate was just like them, and she was glad of the anonymity. There was one awkward moment when Kate recognised someone she’d gone to school with, a girl called Denise who was now the mother of twin baby girls and a rowdy boy of four, but the woman was so harassed she barely gave Kate a second glance. Kate knew she was practically unrecognisable as the Katherine who had left Corrin Cove at eighteen. She was much thinner now, her hair longer and darker. Life had left its mark on her face – the years spent partying and eating too little and worrying about what Evan was up to had made her drawn around the eyes, her skin pale with fine lines on her forehead. Denise had fared far better, Kate noticed. Blooming with health and vitality, the girl had blossomed into a beautiful woman, and her clothing and manicured nails spoke of an enviously affluent lifestyle.

Kate spent as much time as she could simply gazing at Sam, drinking him in, reaching out to touch his back, his arms, his chunky little legs whenever he toddled past her.

‘It’s like you haven’t seen him for weeks,’ one of the mothers remarked, laughing when Kate swept Sam off his feet and held his soft cheek to hers.

You have no idea, Kate thought.

Too soon, the session was over, and Kate said a tearful goodbye to Sam, who regarded her thoughtfully, clinging onto her skirt with both fists.

‘Bye bye,’ he said, staring up into her face. ‘Bye bye, Mummy.’

Kate walked away, her hand over her mouth, trying to contain all the joy and the pain that threatened to spill over. He had called her Mummy. She wanted to shout it to the world; she wanted to dance and jump with pure pleasure, even while her heart was breaking at having to leave him all over again.

Out in the street, she started to walk in the direction of Bow Hill. A black car, low and gleaming, pulled up alongside her. A man’s voice called her name. She stopped and glanced to her side.

Grinning at her from the driver’s seat, one tanned arm leaning out of the window, was Evan.

‘Give you a lift somewhere?’ he enquired mildly.

Kate fought the urge to run. It was ridiculous: this was Evan. He was Sam’s father, and although he’d hurt her deeply many, many times, there was no need for her to feel so repelled at the sight of him. Kate had to admit it was partly because she was afraid of her own reactions. He had always been able to charm her, just like Big Tony charmed Marie. One twist of that mobile mouth of his, one flash of those blue eyes, and she was putty in his hands.

Not anymore. She was determined not to fall for it again, even if it would help her to get Sam back. She would be cool and polite, not shivering and emotional, and then Evan would see that she was over him once and for all.

‘Sure,’ she said, smiling blandly. She walked around to the passenger door, noticing that Evan didn’t leap out of the car to open it the way Patrick would have. Patrick was worth ten of Evan, and the thought gave her a frisson of excitement. She hugged it to herself, and hid it away to think about later. Right now she had an ex to deal with.

***

Evan didn’t drive her straight back to Bow Hill, but Kate wasn’t surprised at this. She recognised that he needed to talk to her and found she didn’t begrudge him that. It would be good to clear the air. Plus she wanted to find out what her mother was up to.

Whether or not she could trust Evan to tell her the truth was another matter.

He headed out on the south road, and for a while she watched the ocean churn and boil below them, smelling the salt on the air, feeling oddly calm. He asked if she’d eaten lunch yet, and only nodded when she told him she wasn’t hungry. There was a tea room up on the cliff not far away, and Kate was surprised to find herself suggesting they stopped there for a drink. Evan nodded again, then steered off the main road and began to round the head of the bay.

‘Evan,’ Kate said smoothly, glad to hear that her voice was in check, ‘I’d really like to know what you’re doing here. I mean, what you’re really doing here.’

‘Well, because you asked so nicely, I’ll tell you,’ he said, smiling across at her. ‘You really do look lovely, you know. Although I think being in a coma is taking beauty sleep a bit too far.’

Kate smiled in spite of herself. ‘I’m glad you can joke about it, Evan. It hasn’t been much fun for me. Especially waking up and finding out that my own mother has stolen my son.’

He glanced at her again; she could feel his eyes on her body, appraising, measuring. She wished he’d keep his gaze on the road ahead – driving up here always made her nervous, with the road so close to the edge of the cliffs, nothing but a flimsy barrier between you and the rocks far below.

‘Sorry,’ Evan said, causing Kate to stare at him in astonishment. He was apologising? Well, that was a first. ‘But,’ he continued, ‘don’t you think you’re giving your mum a bit of a hard time? I mean, she didn’t exactly steal your son. She’s just borrowed him for a while.’

Another sideways glance told her that Evan was joking again, and suddenly she felt tired of him, tired of the way he could never take anything seriously, not even something as serious as this.

‘Sam isn’t only
my
son,’ she said.

‘Well, quite,’ Evan agreed. ‘Which is why your darling mother contacted me in the first place.’

‘And you still haven’t told me why that was,’ Kate reminded him. ‘Despite just saying that you would.’

‘It’s obvious, isn’t it? I’ve come for my son.’

Kate felt a chill creep up her spine. ‘What do you mean, you’ve come for your son? If she won’t give him to me she certainly won’t give him to you.’

‘What makes you think that?’

‘Evan, stop playing with me. I don’t deserve this. You abandoned Sam and me, you left us with nothing – no money, no food, nothing. You knew I was struggling, that I needed you, but you left anyway. And I haven’t heard a thing from you until now. Don’t I deserve to have at least one proper conversation where you tell it like it really is?’

‘You could have had that on Saturday, Kate my darling. But your new boyfriend put paid to that.’

‘He’s not my boyfriend,’ she said hotly. She was about to say more, but caught herself in time. It was obvious what he was doing; he’d always known how to play with her emotions.

‘Evan, please stop trying to wind me up. Let’s just discuss this like grown-ups, okay?’

‘Sure, Kate. Whatever you say.’