Keeper of the Stone (25 page)

Nathan was displeased hearing his wife’s stilted explanation.  “You have me, wife.”  Rhiann nodded at his reminder and averted her gaze again.  He was at a loss as to how to convince her of her importance to him.  He was not schooled in the ways of love between a man and a woman.  His former life left no time for such training. He doubted such training even existed.  Most men seemed to pick up what they needed to know naturally along the course of their lives.  His own make-up was obviously deficient when it came to relationships with women, particularly young innocents like his wife. 

At his continued silence, Rhiann slipped out from beneath his restraining hands and quickly regained her feet, keeping her face still averted from her husband’s probing glance.  “We should be getting back, Nathan. You will no doubt wish to catch up with your family at the earliest opportunity.  You probably have not had the opportunity to spend much time with them, what with the war and all…” 

Rhiann was aware of her voice fading into silence as if she only just realized the portent of the words coming out of her mouth.  She turned away and strode quickly towards the water’s edge, uncaring the damp ground would likely ruin her gown.  She didn’t like feeling sorry for herself, especially when so many had suffered so much more from this war, but it wasn’t fair Nathan’s family was still completely intact while her own was decimated. 

She brushed her fresh tears away with an impatient hand.  Nathan must think she was a complete fool.  He certainly would be in no mood to deal with her immaturity now, what with his family’s  arrival. It was his right to feel joyful over his family’s visit and wrong of her to ruin his happiness with her grief over the loss of her own. 

She lifted her head and whistled for Arden.  His answering whinny had her striding towards him, her vision all but blinded by her tears. So she failed to notice when Nathan’s hand reached out to stop her progress and she immediately protested the embrace he pulled her into.  It was a futile effort.  His arms held the strength to snap her in half if that was his inclination. After a few moments she abandoned the unequal struggle and collapsed against his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.  You should go back.  It will be a wonderful reunion for you.”

Nathan didn’t have the slightest idea how to comfort his wife and at the same time disabuse her of the notion he was eagerly anticipating this impromptu family reunion.  He’d seen his family only briefly over the years since he left home.  They weren’t particularly close.  He just assumed his family was like any other.  He honored his father because he was his father.  He was grateful for his mother’s care of him, but she was busy seeing to his father’s and brothers’ needs and running a household.  There was little of the close affection Rhiann seemed to feel for her family.  Obviously her youth and gender could account for some of the differences in their experience of their family lives, but not all.

He nudged her chin up with his thumb so she would be forced to meet his glance.  He brushed the tears away from her cheeks.  “Rhiann, I would disabuse you of your nonsensical notion I am pleased by my family’s arrival unannounced in London.”

“You are not pleased?”

Nathan smiled at her astonished expression.  “No.  Clearly, your own family was far closer than mine.”

“Truly?  But Nathan I do not understand.  How can you not be pleased they journeyed all this way to congratulate you?”

He was amused by her barely disguised rebuke hidden beneath what he was certain was the deliberate wording of her question.  “It is doubtful that was their only motive.” He remarked dryly.

“But why else would they come?”

Surely his wife could not be that innocent.  “Rhiann, I am not as highly born as you.”  If he harbored any lingering doubts as to whether or not his wife was aware of the great disparity in their backgrounds they were laid to rest by her matter of fact nod of acknowledgment at his bald statement.  He smiled slightly and continued, “My status amongst my peers and my family was changed dramatically by the king’s generosity in awarding me a duke’s estates.”

“But surely such a thing would not matter to your family, Nathan.  They would love you regardless of your circumstances.”

He was unable to stifle his wide grin at his wife’s naivety.  “Perhaps, but I assure you, their fondness for me has no doubt increased as dramatically as the king’s generosity given recent events.”

Rhiann seemed shocked by his conclusion.  “Oh, surely not Nathan!”

He gave up the struggle and laughed right in her face.  “Oh, surely so, Rhiann.  Do not pretend to be so shocked, wife.  Surely you must know a man’s status and popularity among his peers is tied to the size of his wealth.  I would bet even your sainted father would object to one of his daughters being married to a man so far beneath her own birth.”

“You would be wrong, Nathan.  My father would be very pleased to have you for a son-in-law.  He would admire you greatly for making your own way in the world and earning not only the king’s respect but that of your men and your peers.”

Nathan was astonished by his wife’s conclusion…pleased but shocked.  “I sincerely doubt that, Rhiann.”

“Since you never met him, you must let me be the judge of my father’s approval or lack thereof.”

Nathan nodded, graciously conceding her point.  He thought it was probably a comfort to his young wife to allow herself believe her father would be pleased with their union, when Nathan was very well aware the opposite would be the truth.  Were her father still alive, a man of his status without lands of his own and the small amount of wealth he managed to gather in his life as a knight would preclude him from even being allowed in the presence of one of the duke’s daughters.

Sighing his frustration, Nathan returned his focus to  the matter at hand.  It amazed him how easily he allowed his concentration to be spun about by his wife’s crazy conclusions and opinions.  If he did not soon get to the point of the news he’d been attempting to deliver for the past half hour they would be out here all night.  Even now the sun was beginning to set in the western sky and the air was taking on a decided chill after the reprieve offered by the warmer than usual afternoon they enjoyed.

“Rhiann, regardless of your father’s advanced point of view, I can assure you my own family is not so broad-minded.  They are no doubt here to discover the extent of my good fortune and how much of it is likely to impact their own lives.”

Nathan knew his family held the usual fondness accorded sons and siblings, but he was under no illusion his father brought his entire progeny on a long and tiring journey to London in uncertain times to simply deliver his best wishes to his son.

“That is very cynical of you, Nathan.”

“Be that as it may, there is something else besides my family’s arrival I wished to discuss with you this afternoon.”

“There is?”

By the tone of her voice, it was obvious Rhiann could not imagine there was anything of greater import than his family’s arrival from Normandy.  He searched his mind for a way to impart the presence of his former-almost-betrothed and came up blank.  Just get it done, he extorted himself silently.

  “Rhiann, I should have told you this before.  It was not my intent to deceive you.  I just never considered there would be any need for you to learn of it, as it was no longer relevant.”

“I do not understand.”

He reached out and gripped her shoulders to keep her from running away from him and to prevent a frantic chase after his wife and her pure-bred stallion across the countryside, a chase he would no doubt lose.  “There was someone waiting for me to return to Normandy after the war.”

Rhiann nodded.  “Your family.  They missed you.  I am certain that is why they traveled all the way to London, Nathan.  Not just because you’re a wealthy man now.”

There were times when his wife’s naivety left him distinctly uncomfortable.  This was one of those times.  “Not my family, Rhiann.  A woman.”

Rhiann felt the color drain from her face.  Of course.  How was it possible she never previously considered the possibility before?  Nathan could never love her.  He already loved another.  He only married her in order to gain her father’s estates.  He was stuck with her for a wife while his heart yearned for another back in his true home in Normandy.  She should have died with her mother.  How could she go on? How could she…She could never again… Her memories filled with uncomfortable visions of the nights they shared together.  She mistook Nathan’s manly lust for affection for her, when the painful truth was it was a matter of complete indifference to him who she was.  She was just a body to satisfy his passion on.  She belatedly realized her husband was waiting for her to say something, to acknowledge his admission. 

“I see.”  Somehow she was able to force the words out between her stiff lips.  She stared over her husband’s shoulder and noticed the sun was going down.  The loss of its light and warmth seemed apt for her present circumstances.  The sky would turn dark soon, as dark as the desolation enveloping her and stealing all of the light and warmth from her heart.  Without even being aware of it she reached up and began untying the bells from her hair.  She didn’t want to do this anymore.  She was tired. She was tired of trying.  She was tired of believing.  She was tired of pretending everything was going to be all right again someday.  Nathan was the only one left in her life who could make things right for her and he just shattered her last illusion.  How embarrassed he must have been by her declaration of love.  What a fool she was to believe he would value it…that he would ever learn to value her.

Nathan was getting worried about his wife’s reaction.  He was uncertain what he expected from her, but surely his expectations did not mirror her brittle two word response followed by her attempt to remove the bells from her hair.  A telling action that likely carried some significance in her sacred family traditions but he doubted if he wanted to know what that significance was.  He caught his wife’s trembling hands and pulled them back to her side.  She struggled briefly against his restraint, then abruptly stopped struggling and stood deathly still beneath him, except for the tiny tremors shaking her entire body.  “Rhiann.  I do not know what it is you think you understand about the situation, but I assure you your conclusion is incorrect.” 

His wife did not even bother to lift her glance to his.  “Rhiann there was no affection between Lady Sara and myself.  We were never officially betrothed.”

The eyes she raised to his face were dead, as dead as the stone around her neck that he swore lost some of its luster in the last few minutes.  “Why would you betroth yourself to a lady you held no affection for?”

“We were not betrothed.”

“But you were going to become betrothed after you returned home from the war?”

He wouldn’t lie to her.  “Yes.”

“Why?” Her gaze pierced his now and he comprehended his answer was not going to help matters any.

“She was to be given a small manner as her dowry.”

“Of course.  You would become a landowner.”

“Yes.”

“I understand.” She was back to staring at some point just beyond his shoulder.

“No wife, I do not think you do.”

“We should be getting back to the city. I am certain your family is wondering what is keeping you.  Do you think anyone’s informed Lady Sara yet you are quite unable to fulfill your commitment to her?”  Rhiann realized for perhaps the first time how important it was to Nathan to be given lands of his own.  He would never have broken a commitment to his betrothed otherwise.

“There was no commitment between us, Rhiann.  You are making too much of this.”

“Yes, I can see you think so.  I guess women think differently about such things as betrothals and marriages.”

“For God’s sake, Rhiann, I was never betrothed to Lady Sara.”

“But you both expected there would be a betrothal when you returned from the war.”

“I have already answered that question, wife.”

“We should go now.  I will do my best to stay out of your family’s way so you might enjoy your reunion with them.  If no one has seen fit to inform Lady Sara of your inability to honor your commitment to her, you should be the one to tell her, Nathan.  It is only right.”

Nathan was quite certain he failed to grasp the intricate details of the quagmire he was being sucked under, but he was just beginning to comprehend whatever they were, they represented a true danger to his present and his future with his wife.  He stepped back towards the ridge they perched on earlier and pulled his reluctant wife along with him.  Sitting down, he pulled Rhiann none too gently onto his lap. 

“You are not staying out of my family’s way.  I will likely find very little enjoyment in this reunion and none at all if it continues to distress you as it obviously has, and if Lady Sara has not yet learned of our marriage, I will certainly inform her of the fact.  But let us get one thing straight between us, Rhiann.  There was no commitment on either side, and the reluctance to make one was not only on my side.”

When his wife ceased her struggles to escape from his confining embrace, he knew she was listening.  “Both Lady Sara and her father were reluctant to betroth her to a man who was just as likely not to return from the war at all, let alone return  a wealthy man.  I shied away from making any such commitment for similar reasons.”

Rhiann raised a confused glance to his face.  “But Nathan if she loved you...”

He interrupted her foolish conclusion before she could complete her thought.  “Rhiann there was no love between me and Lady Sara.  I already explained there was no affection between us.  Love normally does not enter into a discussion of marriage.”

The light he glimpsed in her expression when he told her there was no love between him and Lady Sara was doused by his cold affirmation about love in marriage.  “I said normally love and marriage are not necessarily entwined, wife.  In our case, that is not true.”

Rhiann blushed fiercely at his reminder.  “I am sorry, Nathan.  I promise not to say it anymore.  You can just forget…I won’t embarrass you…” His wife’s broken apology was lost when he bent his head and covered her mouth with his.  She tried to resist him, but it took only a few moments of coaxing before she surrendered beneath his tender assault.