Keep: The Wedding: Romanian Mob Chronicles (5 page)

I looked toward the closed bathroom door that separated me and Fawn, thinking.

Wasn’t that what she was asking for?

Forever. A symbol for all that our bond would not end?

My soul felt split in two.

I wanted the same thing, and while I knew we had it, there was something primal in me that wanted to show the entire world she was mine.

But there was something else, something bigger, holding me back. It was shameful, cowardly, but the thing that held me back was fear. I reached to Fawn’s side of the bed and turned on the lamp, brightening the dark room. But the new light did nothing to dissipate the clouded feelings swirling through me like a storm.

I tried to keep quiet, didn’t want to burden her any more than I already had, but I worried over her and Maria every moment. Things had been going well. They’d been safe since the last trouble, and I made sure they stayed that way. I could never rest, though, and I couldn’t bet their safety and my sanity that the recent calm would continue.

One slip, one mistake, and they would be taken from me.

I turned and buried my face in Fawn’s pillow and breathed deep, the sweet smell a poor substitute for her, but it seemed the best I was going to do at the moment.

Marriage, the lack of it, would not protect her.

It was no secret we were together. The news of our coming together was old and well-known by now, and it was plain to see that the best way to get to me would be through Fawn, or, God forbid, Maria.

Maria. But marriage…it was a risk.

Being with me was dangerous, but marriage only made the risk greater still. She’d be a Petran, with all the risk that entailed. Yes, we had rules, and only the lowliest dogs would go after women and children. But it happened.

There was another element to consider. Harming my wife, killing her, would be the ultimate trophy, the most prominent sign of a man’s bravery and fearlessness in taking me on, a testament to his intelligence at outwitting me. The man who got to her would be a legend, one who would live on in memory long after I’d ended his life.

And I’d be a failure, broken because of her loss, a laughingstock because I hadn’t been able to protect what was mine.

The temptation to take her, the benefits of doing so, would be less acute if she was simply my girl. So keeping her close to me but still far enough away to protect her was the only smart thing to do.

Liar
.
Coward
, a voice whispered in my mind.

Marrying her would be a risk, dangerous, but that wasn’t the entire truth. It was more palatable, easier to deal with perhaps than the more pressing truth that I was trying to ignore.

Fawn loved me. I knew it as much as I knew anything. Could see it so clearly in her eyes, in the way she worried over me. But how long would it last? Would that love bridge the challenges we would face, the risk that being with me would pose every single day? Or would the risk wear on her until she broke?

I didn’t know the answer to that question, and that, more than anything, stilled me.

I belonged to her completely, irrevocably, and nothing would ever change that. And though I knew she felt strongly for me, loved me, I couldn’t say that there wouldn’t come a day when she decided the risk wasn’t worth it.

That I wasn’t worth it.

It held me back.

I was afraid of almost nothing, but a world where Fawn had decided I wasn’t worth it wasn’t one I was anxious to live in. Better to maintain the status quo, stay frozen here, where we were happy, safe.

I opened my eyes when I heard the bathroom door open, and watched Fawn as she came toward me. Her face was set in an impassive expression, one that enraged me. She did this sometimes, shut down, and shut me out, pretended to be a blank, empty canvas, one who didn’t have emotions, one who never pushed.

It wasn’t her, and as I thought about her reaction, my anger intensified. She’d told me how she’d done that with him, tried to be whatever she thought he wanted, tried to say or not say whatever it took to keep him from hurting her.

Was she doing that with me? Did she fear me, think me capable of hurting her?

“You left,” I said as I sat up and watched her come closer. My voice was edged with anger, but she didn’t react to it, at least not outwardly.

“Yes,” she replied as she reached for the lamp, going out of her way not to look at me.

“Leave it,” I said.

She dropped her hand and then lay beside me, still without looking at me. Her back was toward me, creating an impenetrable wall that screamed she wanted nothing to do with me. That stung. On those nights we went to bed together, she always curled against me, her body soft against mine, her breath warming my skin as she kissed me while I held her.

“We weren’t finished talking,” I said, my voice deepening as I moved closer and wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close until her back was against my chest.

That got her attention.

She turned to look at me then, her dark eyes flashing hurt and anger, her brow furrowed. “You said all you needed to,” she replied.

Then she lowered her eyes and the moment was gone. Distant, polite Fawn was back. She held herself rigid, not sinking against me as she always did. She was pretending like I wasn’t even there, like my arms weren’t around her.

Hurt, deep hurt, hurt of the kind I didn’t think I was capable of experiencing, pierced my chest. It squeezed tight, gripping my heart so tight, I thought my chest would burst. But as I exhaled, that hurt changed, deepened even further until it was a rage that made my body shake.

“You aren’t speaking tonight?” I asked around the rage. I’d managed to keep my voice calm enough not to show her the emotion, but a hint of vulnerability bled through. I hated it.

“What do you want me to say, Vasile?” she asked, sounding weary, hurt, wounding me as not much else could.

What
did
I want her to say? What more could I ask of her?

I moved even closer to her, pushed one arm under her, and then laced my fingers together against her soft stomach. I pulled her so close, there was not a space between us, no air, nothing that would keep us separate, my hardening cock, its natural state when she was here, even after the years we’d been together, nestled between her ass cheeks, the heat of her pussy radiating out to touch me, my thighs molded against her, my chest pressed to her back.

There was nowhere we didn’t touch, no way she could move without me. She stiffened and then sighed, but she didn’t pull away. After a moment, I loosened my hands and began to move them against her skin in slow, wide circles.

Though she faced away from me, I saw the struggle on her face, the way she tried to fight against the pull between us. But despite how much she tried, her body softened under my touch, her tight expression relaxing as I began to touch her more passionately.

“Tell me you love me,” I whispered against her ear.

Fawn shivered when my breath brushed her skin and then her body pulled tight when I twisted her nipple. She panted out and, probably unconsciously, pressed against me harder.

“Say it, Fawn,” I repeated, twisting her nipple again.

“Vasile—”

She cut off short and her breath came out in a deep rush when I slammed my cock into her in one vicious thrust. She was wet for me, ready as she always was, and my own breath hitched as her tight, wet pussy sucked me in.

“Say it, Fawn.”

I punctuated the words with a hard thrust of my hips, and she huffed out again, her back arching. She always did this, tried to move away from the pleasure, but my arm locked around her waist kept her in place.

“Say it. Say it,” I repeated, each word accompanied by a hard thrust inside her, stronger and faster until we were both panting, our bodies slick with sweat.

Still, she didn’t say the words, and I pushed myself inside her over and over again, letting my hand fall between her thighs. I circled her opening, her pussy stretched tight over my hardness, the feeling of me inside her almost sending me over the edge.

I held back, though, and then finally grazed her clit, my fingers barely brushing the hard nub.

“Say it, Fawn,” I uttered, my voice low, almost guttural.

I wouldn’t come and she wouldn’t either, not until she said the words I had come to need as much as the air I breathed.

I let my finger brush her slick clit, and then, as I thrust hard, burying myself as deeply inside her as I could go, I pinched it, twisted it almost cruelly.

“I love you!” she cried, and then she fell apart, her orgasm ripping through her body so she clenched down on me even tighter.

The convulsions of her cunt around my cock sent me over the edge, and I emptied inside her, feeling right as I filled her.

I tightened my arms around her, bringing our bodies even closer, and kissed her shoulder, holding her until my heart slowed.

“That doesn’t fix everything, Vasile,” she said a long time later.

She still lay in my arms, my cock still inside her.

“No. But do you really love me?” I whispered. The world slowed as I waited, and for one of the very few times since we’d come together, I wasn’t sure of her answer.

“I really love you,” she replied.

The breath of relief rushed out before I could stop it, and with the next, I told Fawn the truth I could not deny.

“Then that will have to be enough.”

F
awn

I
didn’t recall falling
asleep, but I must have, for when I opened my eyes, the room was bright with sunlight. For a moment, I lay there, the feel of Vasile’s big, warm body against mine giving me peace.

It was short-lived. One moment I was content in the safe, warm cage of his arms, and in the next, the words from the previous night came crashing in.

“Then that will have to be enough.”

Remembering the words now, it was impossible to believe I had forgotten them, even for a moment. Now that I had remembered, I knew I wouldn’t forget them again. Or forget the sound of his voice when he’d uttered them. He’d sounded almost sorry, like he wished things weren’t this way but there was nothing he could do about it. That Vasile, the man who had moved mountains for me, the one who had saved me, had no other choice.

That wasn’t true. Vasile could do anything, conquer any foe he chose to.

So maybe I simply had to accept the idea that we couldn’t get married because he didn’t want to be married to me.

It was hard to accept that possibility, reconcile the idea that he didn’t want me with the way he touched me, loved me. Even now he held me, tenderly stroked my face. The intensity in his gaze was almost overwhelming, but I didn’t flinch from it. I wanted to see it, needed the reminder that whatever happened, Vasile loved me.

“Good morning,” he said, the words soft, tender, so ripe with unspoken emotion they ripped at my heart.

“Hi,” I said, not willing to risk saying more than one word.

“Fawn—”

A cry from Maria’s room cut off his words and gave me a reprieve from whatever he was going to say. I broke his gaze and moved quickly to get out of bed. His hand on my arm stilled me.

“Stay,” he said. “I’ll take care of her.”

He got up and I watched him as he dressed, sad to see his muscled body covered but grateful for the few moments of space. When he was gone, I flopped against the mattress, hating the crushing sadness that threatened to come over me but not able to change it.

What did I have to be sad about?

I lived in a beautiful home, knew that I need only ask for any material thing I wanted. I had a man who loved me, one who wouldn’t hurt me, a child who had given my life new meaning.

So there was nothing to be sad about.

This yearning would pass, and Vasile and I would go on, living together as a family.

That would have to be enough.

Vasile was right. He hadn’t said why, but marriage would change things, rock the boat, and I wouldn’t make his life harder.

What we had was good, better than, and it was enough. With that last thought, I got out of bed. I had plans for the day, and I wouldn’t waste any more time feeling sorry for myself or wishing for something I couldn’t have.

After I showered and dressed, I went downstairs and found Maria sitting in her high chair, Vasile next to her as she ate.

“Morning, Maria!” I said, my voice reflecting the happiness I felt at the sight of my daughter.

“Hi, Mommy!” she said around her cereal.

I kissed her quickly and then looked at Vasile.

“Are you going to be okay with her this afternoon?” I asked.

“Yes. Sorin is bringing Baby Sorin,” he said.

Despite the awkwardness of last night and this morning, I smiled.

“You think he’s up to it?” I said.

Vasile returned my smile. “We’ll see. I have my money on Baby Sorin, though.”

“Probably a good bet,” I said.

We went silent then, and I cursed myself for speaking, for bringing this awkwardness into our home.

Vasile stood and came to me, and when he pulled me into an embrace, I let him. He held me tight and kissed my head. Though he didn’t speak, I felt the love and affection in his embrace and before I could stop myself, I held him tighter, hoping he felt mine.

We eventually broke apart, but he looked down at me, his green eyes intense as always until he finally looked away.

The morning passed uneventfully, and soon, I prepared to leave.

“Why don’t you drive today? Ioan can follow,” he said.

I glanced at him, surprised. He’d never been crazy about me having my own car, and he’d never once suggested I drive it. I appreciated the olive branch.

“Okay.” I hugged him and held on for a moment longer than I ordinarily would have. Then I smiled at him. “I’ll see you later.”

F
awn

“
S
top fidgeting
!” I said to Esther.

We’d been seated in the restaurant, but Esther hadn’t stopped moving since we’d sat down. First had been the adjusting and then readjusting of her hair. Then she’d moved on to rearranging the table setting, and I had half a mind to smack her hand.

When she reached for the wineglass, I glared at her. She returned the glare but dropped the glass.

“I’m not fidgeting,” she said, scowling at me even after she’d finally sat still.

“That’s better,” I said. “I can’t believe you’re nervous about meeting anyone. I thought you’d be happy. Girl time was your idea.”

“I am happy. And the look of terror in Sorin’s eye when I left him with the baby makes me doubly so,” she said gleefully. Then her eyes darkened.

“But…?” I asked.

She shrugged.

“What? It’s weird to think of meeting someone new?” I asked.

“Bingo. This has the potential to go horribly,” Esther said.

I chuckled. “Let’s be optimistic. And if it’s any consolation, she understands our…situation. And she’s lovely, so I don’t think there’s going to be a problem. If it is, at least we got to hang out with each other without the kids. We need to do this more.”

Esther nodded and looked slightly more relaxed. “If nothing else, she has excellent taste,” Esther said, looking around the restaurant.

I followed her gaze and nodded my agreement. Esther and I were pizza and wine girls, but this place was the fanciest of the fancy. We even had a private dining room so we could enjoy our meal away from the watchful eyes of the public. Not that I was particularly concerned about any special attention, but there was still a certain degree of comfort that came with being alone.

“Here she comes,” I said as the door to the private dining area opened.

Lily walked in, looking lovely in a bright spring dress that flattered her. She looked beautiful and about as terrified as Esther had been. Still, she walked toward us, hand extended, a shy smile on her face.

I stood and shook her hand, as did Esther.

“Pleased to see you again, Fawn. And pleased to meet you, Esther,” she said.

She smiled and then took a seat across from Esther and me. We stared at each other for a moment, no one speaking.

“So…” I finally said.

“Yeah…” Esther added.

Lily laughed and we all joined in.

“We’ve got to do better. We’ve all done this before, right?” I said.

We all laughed at that and then Lily went quiet and looked around the place. “I hope this is okay,” she whispered.

“It’s really nice,” Esther said. “A favorite of yours?”

Lily’s eyes widened, and after a moment’s pause, she shook her head.

“To be honest, I’ve never been. I just suggested it because I heard it was the nicest place in town. Truthfully, the nicest places I usually go to are pizza parlors that use real plates,” she said.

Esther laughed loudly, her entire face and body changing with her humor. Lily joined in and soon I did as well. After a moment, Esther said, “Lily, I think we’re going to get along just fine.”

F
awn

“
W
e’ll do
this again soon, right?” I asked Lily as we prepared to leave.

Lily nodded emphatically. “I’ll talk to Anton about inviting you over. We can meet in private, where it’ll be a little more comfortable. You can bring the kids!”

Any shyness that Lily had had initially was gone completely, and her sharpness and sense of humor now shone through. She and Esther had also become quick friends, and I couldn’t have been happier about how the day had turned out.

“See you soon,” Lily said. Then she hugged us both and headed toward the car that idled on the curb.

When we were alone, I turned to Esther, staring up at her expectantly.

She snorted. “Yeah, yeah, so it was awesome,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Um-hmm. You riding back with me?” I asked.

She shook her head. “It’s a nice day. I think I’ll walk.”

“Do you have…?” I started, but waved off my concern and gestured toward the guard who stood watching us.

“Don’t worry, security is with me, so I’ll be fine,” she said.

I nodded. “Good. See you later,” I said.

Once Esther had started on her way, I went to the parking lot and got inside the luxury sedan that Vasile had bought me. I was glad he’d suggested this. I usually had Ioan drive because between security and Maria, it was easier, but I appreciated the freedom that came with driving, welcomed the time alone with my thoughts. And though I missed them, I still wanted a few minutes, so I decided to take the long way home.

I didn’t miss the car that started to tail me, Ioan’s, but I ignored it and gave in to the calming lull of the drive, pushing the car faster as I merged onto the highway, looking forward to enjoying the open road.

A few minutes on the road had worked wonders, and after a couple of miles, the last of the tension had left me. I’d enjoyed the lunch with Lily and Esther, but the issues of the night before had still shadowed my thoughts. Now, though, I felt better, much better.

Vasile and I had the thing that mattered most, and I was content with that. No, not content, I was happy. And marriage, while something I still wanted, something I would love, wouldn’t make me happier, wouldn’t make my life more than it was. So I would keep sight of what I had, the joy that filled my life.

Everything else would take care of itself.

A flash in the side mirror caught my eye, and I looked into the rearview. Ioan was behind me, but I noticed another vehicle coming up fast. I looked at Ioan, saw that his expression was taut. He met my eye and then nodded, gesturing up ahead. I nodded in return and then sped up, headed toward the nearest exit. Everything was fine, but my apprehension was beginning to rise.

It only intensified when the car behind Ioan swerved and took up the space between us. That made me very, very nervous, a feeling that didn’t relent at all when the car followed me off the exit ramp and onto the street.

Then, as the red light turned green, the familiar flash of bright blue lights blared out and the telltale sirens began to sound.

The car wasn’t a normal police cruiser, but it was reminiscent of a government car, the nondescript sedan lacking any personality, anything that would suggest it was owned by an actual person and not an anonymous, faceless agency. I was relieved. A speeding ticket was an annoyance, but was so minor compared to all of the horrible thoughts that had rushed through my head that I welcomed it, and if a ticket was the cost of one of these little excursions, it was well worth it.

I pulled over and waited, looking out of the rearview mirror.

A man sat behind the wheel, but I couldn’t make out his face. His mouth was moving, though, and I assumed he was speaking into a radio, probably getting information on my car. I grabbed my insurance card, registration, and license and waited.

When Ioan drove by, I caught his eye again and then watched as he moved to the other side of the street and idled. Then I glanced into the side mirror and watched the man approach me. He was average height, stocky but not fat, and he moved with the crisp, official steps of one used to authority.

He knocked on the window, and without thinking, I rolled it down. I wanted to drive away, but I chalked that up to nerves. Getting pulled over was stressful for everyone, so this was natural, I told myself.

“Ma’am.” I jumped at the sound of the man’s voice, which was silly because I had been watching him approach me to stand next to my car. Still, there was a sharpness to his voice that took me aback.

“Hello, Officer. Here’s my license and insurance,” I said.

He took the offered documents but didn’t even look at them.

“Who does this car belong to?” he asked.

At the implication of his words, some of my apprehension was replaced with annoyance. Hackles raised, I looked up at him and I said, “The person driving it.”

I regretted the words instantly. I wanted this to be over as soon as possible, and antagonizing him, no matter how much of an asshole he was, wouldn’t help.

The officer shrugged, though, seeming unfazed by what I’d said. “That’s funny. Your mother had quite the sense of humor, naming a pretty girl like you Cross Management Corporation. That’s a mouthful. What do your friends call you?”

“Am I going to get a ticket?” I asked, deciding that disengaging as much as possible and getting this over with was the best and only possible thing to do.

My mind also raced. The car was mine, gifted to me by Vasile. I could still remember how excited he’d been when he’d given it to me. But I didn’t own it. In truth, I had no idea who the registered owner of the car was, but my statement before had been definitive that I owned it. Had I done something wrong? Implicated myself somehow?

I looked to the officer for some indication of what he was thinking, but he simply shook his head.

“No. I’m afraid we don’t give tickets for auto theft, Cross Management Corporation,” he said.

“Auto theft…? Are you serious?”

My heart raced, and my breath came out in shallow pants. I tried to keep my cool, but doing so was becoming more difficult with each second. I had no idea what was happening or how this would play out. The situation was quickly spinning out of control, as were my emotions. I gaped, looking up at him. His expression was ominous.

“Ma’am, can you step out of the car?” he said as he reached for the door handle.

“Step out…?” I said, my voice trailing off.

I looked to my right and saw Ioan get out of his car, his expression dark.

This was wrong, very wrong, but if Ioan came over here, I didn’t know what would happen. Nothing good, and whatever happened, Vasile would have to deal with the consequences.

Eyes still locked on Ioan, I shook my head hard and then unbuckled my seat belt and got out.

When I did, the officer quickly snapped cuffs on my wrists, binding my hands in front of me. This wasn’t at all like TV, nor was the way he grabbed my elbow and marched me to his car.

Ioan had started to move and reached into his coat pocket.

“No!” I said loudly, my eyes glued on Ioan.

The officer paused for a split second and then began to move again. He pushed me into the backseat, jumped into the driver’s seat, and then sped off.

Soon, Ioan, my car, and the safety and comfort that had been my reality only moments ago were small dots on the horizon.