Keep Me (Beggar's Choice #3) (8 page)

“Bram, fucking stop it,” Matt declares but Bram ignores him.

“I mean I was only down there for a bit and there were men
eying you up all over the dance floor. Why aren’t you with anyone Alys? Are you
like an ice queen or something?”

Amber laughs and I flush. I’m completely bewildered as to
where this slight aggression is coming from but I’m getting angry too. I stare
at him. “I’m not an ice queen Bram, just a bit discerning.”

He leans forward nearly dumping Amber onto the floor who
saves herself by grabbing onto Mick’s arm. He promptly dislodges her with a
twist of his normally good humoured expression. “What does
that
mean? Am
I not discerning enough for you St Alys?”

“Fuck off Bram. That’s uncalled for,” Mick says angrily.

“Get fucked Mick. I mean look at her with her perfect hair
and her fucking perfect body. Why isn’t she with anyone?”

Matt starts to pull me to my feet. “Come on babe. Time to
go.”

Bram gestures angrily as Amber resumes sucking on his neck.
“What the fuck Matty? Why are
you
cross with me?”

Matt sighs. “I hate it when you get like this.”

Bram looks confused. “I’m always like this.”

“No, you’re not Bram. This has been building lately. I know
you’re upset over stuff but this isn’t the way, getting fuck faced and banging
any old tart.” ‘Hey’ Amber says crossly but they ignore her. Matt continues,
looking sad. “Stop this now Bram before you damage something that could be the
making of you.”

Bram stares at him his brow furrowed and opens his mouth but
he’s interrupted by Mabe’s exclamation. We all look at her to see her holding
Rob’s phone and staring at it dazedly.

“What is it?” Viv asks sharply and Mabe holds it up. I get a
glimpse of some blonde with her breasts out under a text message before Charlie
gets to his feet and snatches the phone off her.

“He cheated on you,” he roars staring at Mabe who makes
calm
down
gestures at him.

“Apparently so,” she says and before she can say anything
more Rob, with the worst timing known to man comes back to the table with an
armful of drinks and Charlie launches himself at him taking him down to the
ground in a flying rugby tackle.

Conversation stops immediately as drinks fly everywhere and
I squeak as I get a pint of lager down the front of my dress, but then the men
roll into the table trading punches and we all scramble to get out of the way.

In the melee I lose Matt’s hand and as Rob rolls into me he
catches my dress and I stagger as my feet go out from under me, falling to the
floor and just missing a pile of broken glass. I hear someone shout
Alys
and then Bram’s there his face white. He shoulders the men out of the way
giving Rob a vicious shove and then pulls me to my feet moving us quickly out
of the way. “Are you okay
a
thaisce
?” he mutters turning me to
face him. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

I stare at him confused and in the background I see Amber
glaring at me. “I’m fine,” I mutter. “Just a bit wet.” He stares down at my
breasts now covered in beer and his eyes seem caught there his pupils dilating
quickly. I stare at him for a second and then become aware of the lipstick all
over his mouth and the scent of heavy perfume on him and I feel suddenly old
and sick.
Why am I here with him when I’m nothing to him?

Sensing my shift in mood even through his drunkenness he
looks almost hurt as he moves away and then Amber is there drawing him to her
and planting a kiss on the side of his mouth, but he continues staring at me
even when her mouth works on him and for a second I can’t look away. Then I get
the strength and step back and it seems to break the spell as he puts Amber
gently to the side and then leaps into the fight which is still going on,
grabbing Charlie as Seth hauls Rob back.

I see his lips moving, saying something to Charlie but I
can’t grasp it as Charlie pants heavily, glaring evilly at Rob.

“You’re a fucking piece of shit cheating on her, you’re a
fucking idiot for fucking that up. You were the luckiest bastard in the world
and you’re an idiot for not seeing it,” Charlie shouts.

I see Mabe raise her hand to her mouth but Rob just laughs.
“You’re just jealous you pathetic twat. It’s under your nose but you can never
grab it can you? You won’t let yourself.”

Seth says something and manhandles Rob to the door and the
waiting security staff. Bram talks quickly into Charlie’s ear until he slumps
against him and then Bram lets him go gingerly. He instantly goes to Mabe and
grabs her, pulling her towards the exit.

“Party’s over,” Seth shouts and everyone mutters and starts
to retrieve their belongings. I stand for a second in the chaos watching Bram
as he wanders over to the barman who smiles and passes him three shot glasses.
Bram stares at them for a second and then downs them quickly. Making a face he
turns and catches my stare. For a second we look at each other and then Amber
glues herself to him. His attention distracted, he smiles down at her and I
seize my chance and catching sight of Matt I catch his attention. Holding his
hand out to me he asks me if I’m ready to go and I nod gratefully. We’re
halfway to the door when Bram races after us and catches my arm.

“You’re leaving? Are you going home?”

I hesitate. “No, Matt and I are going back to his.”

His slightly frantic smile dims. “Aren’t you both coming
back to ours?”

I look at Amber holding his hand, and smile steadily at him
feeling more like it’s a grimace. “No, not tonight Bram, but you go on.”

Matt claps him on the shoulder. “Sure you don’t want to come
back with us mate? Ditch the …” He pauses and then obviously changes his words.
“Ditch this party and come back? We can get a takeaway.”

Bram stares at me his gaze heavy on my face, but I ignore
him focusing instead on the people leaving. Out of the corner of my eye I see
his shoulders sag and then he mutters something to Matt that I can’t catch and
grabbing Amber’s hand he tugs her with him, leaving me with the impression of
her triumphant smile and his departing back.

Matt’s place turns out to be a gorgeous flat in Covent
Garden. It’s decorated in masculine tones of white, beige and slate grey but
the leather sofas are the most comfortable thing that I’ve sat on. I plop down
on one and stare at Matt as he takes the takeaway bag into the open plan
kitchen. He looks up and smiles at me. “Why don’t you go and have a shower babe
and wash that make up off? I’ll pop this in the oven until you’re ready.”

He shows me where the bathroom is and after handing me a
couple of clean towels he disappears and I step under a powerful stream of hot
water. I pinch some of his expensive shower gel and shampoo and wash all the
makeup and powder off with a sigh of relief. When I’ve dried myself I pull my
knickers on, wrap the towel round myself and poke my head round the door spying
Matt opening a bottle of wine.

“I don’t have anything to wear.”

He smiles. “Of course you haven’t. Well don’t worry you can
have an old t-shirt of mine.” He disappears into his bedroom and comes back
with an old Linkin Park t-shirt. I pull it on over my towel, pulling the towel
off when I’m decent and he laughs.

“You’re so tiny, that reaches your knees. At least it’s
covered up all your indecent bits.”

I snort. “Like you’re bothered.”

He wrinkles his nose. “There is that. I’m not much for the
appearance of a vagina.”

I’m curious and after getting to know him over the last
month I feel close enough to ask him anything. “Have you ever been with any
women?”

He wanders over to the sofa handing me a large glass of red
wine. “A couple of times when I was a teenager. It was part of how I knew that
I was gay.”

“How did your family react? Was it hard telling them?”

He sighs. “It was hard because they’re devout Catholics and
coincidentally, no it didn’t go well.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry babe.”

He ruffles my hair. “It was a long time ago now. They’re
okay now but we’ll never be close again. That’s why my friends are so
important. Home was so hellish that my friends became my family.”

“I’ve noticed how close you all are.”

“Yeah, Bram was actually the first person that I told.”

“What was his reaction?”

He smiles looking back over the distance of time. “He was
fucking awesome. Asked me loads of very inappropriate questions and then asked
if I wanted to go and play football.”

I laugh as he rolls his eyes. “Sounds like him.”

“Yeah but it was just what I needed and the canny bastard
knew it. He’s always been in my corner and he levelled hell at anyone that took
the piss out of me. He’s one of the main reasons that life at school carried on
as normal once I came out. They knew they’d have to deal with him and Charlie
and Sid if they said anything.” He laughs. “And Mabe and Viv, and fuck, Viv’s
scarier than all of them.”

“Have you known them all since you were kids?”

“Yeah. I met Sid, Charlie and the girls when we were at
primary school but I’ve always been closest to Bram and Sid. Bram I met when he
was sent to live with his aunt and uncle from Ireland when he was thirteen.”

I’m startled. “That’s young.”

“Yeah Mrs O’Connell sent him over for some discipline. He
was running wild with a very bad crowd and as his dad died when he was five she
felt that she couldn’t help him and that he needed a man’s influence.”

“Did it work?”

He laughs but it’s slightly sad. “I suppose you could say it
did in a way. Bram straightened out to a large degree because his uncle was a
fucking hard man and you didn’t mess with him. But I think it was discovering
music and us all as friends that straightened him out more. It’s just that
there’s always been something about Bram that tugs your heartstrings a bit. He
was always so eager to please like he was convinced that he had to make everyone
like him or he’d be sent on to the next home. I know his mum did it for the
best and she loves the heart of him, but I think that what she did made it
difficult for him to trust in anyone’s love.” He smiles at me. “I’m not playing
a violin for him because he’s a fucking mega rich rock star who has every whim
catered for, but he’s always been a bit of a Lost Boy.”

I stare at him for a second because he’s spot on. That
slightly diffident air that Bram has coupled with his easy going smile and
instant ready humour and the way that he always plays peacemaker. It makes
perfect sense now and a lot of things that I’ve incoherently sensed about him
were right. He is a Lost Boy because since he was a child he’s had to please
people in order to stay. I clear my throat which is slightly tight. “So things
at your home were bad then?”

He shrugs taking a long drink of his wine, and then lies
down pulling my feet onto his lap and massaging them almost making my eyes
cross because he’s that good. “They were bad but once I’d found the others it
didn’t matter so much, and we all found a home at Charlie and Sid’s house.
Their mum was the best.”

“Was?”

He looks sad. “Yeah she died of breast cancer a few years
ago. She lived long enough to see the band make it. She was so proud of all of
them. We were all devastated because although she was a single parent with two
lively boys she still found room for all of us. You knew if you were round
there she’d greet you with a hug and she always had time for everyone like we
were all one big family and she was our mum. Jen was the best.”

“Charlie and Sid must have been devastated.”

He stares at the fireplace, his fingers still working my
feet. “They were. If I’m being honest I think it was about that time that Sid
really went off the rails. I mean he’d always taken drugs in some form. He was
always more curious about them than the rest of us. But after Jen died it was
less of a hobby and more of a habit. Leah came along at the same time and I
think that she gave him something to fill the gap that losing someone who loved
him had left.”

“How much trouble is he in?” I ask tentatively. This is a
very tricky subject and I’m very aware that none of the press have latched onto
it yet so I won’t be surprised if he doesn’t answer me, but he surprises me by
being honest.

“He’s in a lot of trouble I think.” His face twists like a
little boy and for the first time I see Matt lose his cool. “He’s so far in now
that I don’t know if he’ll get out as long as he’s with
her
.” He spits
out the word. “He’ll never get better because she’ll drag him down with her.
She’s far more into it than him. He shouldn’t be with someone like that.” He
looks at me. “She’s shooting the shit now. I caught her tonight and it looked
like heroin. If she’s into that then Sid won’t be far behind. At the moment I
think he’s only on coke and maybe speed and stuff. If he gets on heroin with
his temperament that’ll be the end of him. I’ve seen it before.”

His face twists as if at some terrible memory and I
rearrange myself to lie along him and hug him. For a second he seems surprised
but then he lets out a shuddery sigh and grips me tight, pushing his face into
my neck.

“Matty,” I say softly. “Who was it?”

“My first boyfriend,” he finally says. “Ben. I met him when
I was 18 and I was totally in love with him. It was the first time that the way
I was felt absolutely right, like I was who I was supposed to be and that
upsetting my family was the only thing I could do.” I let him hide his face,
stroking his hair and glad prosaically that he’s on my right side where I can
hear fine. “Only trouble was that Ben was a bad boy. He was attracted to
trouble like a fucking magnet and when he got in with this crowd that
surrounded the band that was the beginning of the end. He started off with dope
but he moved onto the hard stuff really quickly and it took him under.”