Kayden: The Past (6 page)

“Stop here, Kayden.” She yanked on my hand, “I want to be able to see the ball and the screens with the Dick Clark performances. I don’t want to go any farther.”

I held Bridget by the waist watching the countdown clock tick away. With every hour and minute, my pulse grew faster, and my palms more sweaty. The cold had no effect on me at this point; I was burning up inside my winter coat and hat. My mouth grew dry, and I felt like I was swallowing sand paper.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe we’re here on New Year’s Eve.” She almost jumped up and down in my arms filled with excitement.

“There’s no place I’d rather be than here with you, love.”

“One minute, get ready. Hurry, open the champagne.” I quickly worked the contraption that held in the cork and pointed the bottle away from Bridget, aiming it high in the air. Other people around us were readying their drinks and watching the clock with urgency. “Thirty seconds.”

I reached into my pocket and grabbed the ring. Bridget didn’t see anything as I moved because she was focused on the ball. She started to yell the countdown with the crowd. I sank down on one knee and waited for her to look at me. Fucking hell, thank God I only had to wait a few seconds – Any more than that I might have had a panic attack. She looked in my direction and a panic looked flashed across her face before she looked down. Her eyes became as big as saucers and her mouth opened in shock.

“Kayden.” I could see her mouth moving, but I couldn’t hear a damn thing.

Fuck. I didn’t anticipate the noise and her not being able to hear my words. People began to cheer and kiss all around us. I held the ring up, not wanting to waste another moment. “Will you marry me?”

She shook her head yes and crumpled to the ground in front of me. I gently grabbed her hand and slid the ring on her finger. Tears began to form in her eyes, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. We looked into each other’s eyes as the world around us disappeared. Bridget and I were engaged, and we’d become man and wife. I kissed her hard, demanding entrance, marking my territory. She would be mine forever.

Bridget was the first great love of my life. The details about our relationship or the engagement aren’t important; our downfall is what changed my view on love and fidelity. When I’m in a relationship, I’m in it one hundred percent; I only have eyes for my partner. I never will be a cheater.

Our wedding was a month away. Bridget’s father still grumbled under his breath every time I walked in the room; that someday we’d hoped for when I first met him still hadn’t arrived. Her parents had booked the Cleveland Botanical Garden as the venue for our vows and reception. It was beautiful and way out of my price range. Everything was purchased, and we were just counting the days until we’d become husband and wife.

I went for my final tuxedo fitting and decided to go home early to surprise Bridget. She’s been so stressed with all the planning. She and her mother didn’t see eye to eye on the dresses, flowers, and just about everything. She needed some downtime – a night filled with fun and I knew just how to help her to relax.

I walked through the front door and followed a trail of clothing. They led me to her, but she wasn’t alone. I heard the noises coming from the bedroom. The sounds weren’t those of sadness but of lust and passion.

“Fuck me. Harder!” My heart broke in that moment. Shattered. I pushed the door open and a naked male body filled my vision. He was standing up thrusting into her as she kneeled on the bed like a bitch in heat.

“You’re my slut,” he said as he smacked her ass.

There are only two options in this moment. Option one involved screaming, making a scene, and beating the fuck out of him. Option two would be to wait for them and let them squirm when they realize they’ve been caught red handed. Option two was the winner. I was too devastated in this moment to do anything else but drown my sorrow in a bottle of Jack. Fuck it! The damage was done; Bridget and I were over.

I should have picked up on the queues that I missed or overlooked because of the stressful nature of planning a wedding. She seemed distant at times, not as into sex, and was often out ‘shopping’ for the big day. I didn’t pay attention, too wrapped up in the dream of what we were going to become instead of clutching what we are.

I left the door ajar and walked into the kitchen. I quietly opened the liquor cabinet pulling out the bottle of Jack. I didn’t wait to get a glass; I popped the top and took a large gulp. I walked to the couch facing the hallway and waited. I sat there watching for the adulterer and her boy toy to make their grand entrance. I downed half the bottle before they emerged from the bedroom.

Bridget turned paler than I thought she ever could and came to a dead stop as he slammed into her back, causing her to lurch forward. I sat there with my leg over my knee, hand across the back of the couch, gripping the bottle of Jack and void of expression.

“Kay-den,” she stuttered, adjusting her bra and panties, the rest of her clothes were still all over the house.

“Save it. Who the fuck is he?” I placed both feet on the floor and leaned forward on both my elbows.

She looked at him, but I didn’t need an answer. Now that I was able to see his face, I knew exactly who he was. Jim or Tim, something bland and boring, worked for her father. He was an executive in his office and made large bank. “Lemme explain,” she said.

“Explain what? That you’re his slut?” I could almost feel my blood boil in my veins. I watched as he gathered his pants, dress shirt, and tie off the floor as he headed to the door almost entirely naked. “I should have known you were a whore. I fucked you the first day I met you.” He stopped dead in his tracks.

“Shut your mouth, asshole. That’s not how you talk to a lady,” he said as he turned around.

“A lady? I thought she was your slut, just a fuck toy. She used to be just that to me, too.”

“Tom, just go. Kayden and I need to work this out.” She pointed towards the door. Tom, I knew it was some short boring ass name that fit him to a tee.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay with him? Don’t let him talk to you that way. No one should talk to you that way, ever.”

“Go fuck yourself, Tom. Get the fuck out.” I stood up moving towards him. If he wouldn’t leave willingly, I’d gladly show him another way out.

Bridget jumped in front of me placing her hand on my chest. I moved my body out of reach; I couldn’t stand the thought of her fingers that were just touching his naked body now touching me. “No, Kayden don’t.” She looked hurt, but I didn’t buy the look on her face. “Just go, please Tom.”

He walked out the door without saying another word. I looked down at her; she didn’t look like the girl I’d fallen in love with. She looked like a dirty whore, used up, not worthy of my love or my attention.

I backed away from her; my mind clouded from the liquor. “Why?” I asked. I didn’t know what else to say, and it didn’t matter what her answer was.

“I don’t know, Kayden. I’ve felt us slipping away.” tears began to stream down her face, making my stomach turn. “I think I just got scared with the wedding coming up.”

“You’re going to blame it on the stress of the wedding? The wedding made you stick your ass in the air for any random cock? Don’t insult me.”

She walked toward me and I backed away, I didn’t want her hands on me. “I’m sorry, I...” she placed her face in her hands and began to weep.

“Save the explanation. I can’t believe you threw us away, me away. I hope he’s worth it,” I set the bottle of Jack down, feeling deflated. Nothing I said or she begged mattered at this point. “At least your daddy will be happy if he doesn’t already know.”

“Don’t go, Kayden. We can work this out,” her mascara smeared on her face caused her to look aged, “Don’t walk out on me,” she pleaded.

“I’m not the one that left this relationship first, Bridget.” I grabbed my keys as she crumpled to the floor. She latched on to my leg as I touched the door handle. “Get off me.” I looked down at her feeling nothing but disgust. She slowly removed her fingers, drawing out the ending of our relationship in her eyes. I turned the door handle and walked out into a new life – a blank slate, a fresh start that didn’t feel so full of possibilities but felt like a death – she was no longer the center of my universe, but the master of my destruction.

My break-up with Bridget left me raw and reeling. Life felt a little less sweet, and little things no longer brought me joy. I drowned my loss in the bottom of a bottle. How could you claim to love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, but suck another man’s cock? I never looked back. Bridget called me, but I never answered the phone. I had nothing more to say to her. I needed to move forward with my life. I could never believe another word that came out of her mouth, and that’s no way to be in a relationship.

After a week of closing myself off from the world and tormenting myself with the pornographic replay of Bridget and the suit, my friends dragged me to a bar in Kent. I agreed to go only because it was a bar. I wanted to wash away all the images and events of the past year with booze.

I walked into the dank smoky college bar with my buddies in tow around midnight, and my heart stopped in my chest… Literally. I couldn’t feel a beat, just a void. My eyes caught sight of Bridget across the room sitting in the lap of some mother fucker laughing like she didn’t have a care in the world. Her world didn’t shatter, only mine.

“Mother fucker,” I said, unable to take my eyes off her.

“What?” Ron said.

“The cheating whore is here.” I pointed across the room as Ron looked over.

“Fuck! I’m sorry man. Want to go?”

“Hell no! I want to watch the show.” What can I say? I must love torture. I live in my sadness and wallow in my self-pity. “I want a fucking drink.”

We headed to the bar, and I ordered a pitcher of beer for myself. Yes, for myself – I wasn’t sharing. I washed down the beer with shots of Tequila trying to drown out the hurt I felt with her in my sights. She worked the room, draping herself over various men like she knew them in a more intimate way. I would have never believed that she would even step foot in a bar like this, let alone look like a regular. I didn’t know Bridget as well as I thought I had; I felt duped.

Half way through my pitcher and four shots of Tequila later, Bridget spotted me. Instead of walking away or leaving like a cheating bitch should, she walked in my direction with a look of hurt. What the fuck did she have to be hurt about?

She stood in front of me; yet, I couldn’t say a word. There were so many things running through my brain. I had so much to say to this whore in front of me, but none of it would come.

“Kayden.” She sounded like she just saw me the other day and was saying hello like we were friends. “How are you?” I saw red, pissed doesn’t even explain what I felt in this moment.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. How am I? HOW AM I? That’s all you have to say, you vile bitch.” Eyes started to look in our direction, but I ignored everyone, keeping my eyes pinned on her, not worthy of even saying her name.

“I’m sorry. I fucked up,” she said staring at the ground.

“You fucked something, and it sure as hell wasn’t me. Get the fuck out of my space.”

She grabbed my arm, and my flesh instantly felt the coldness of her hands, just like her heart. “Get your fucking hand off me.” I stared at her hand not wanting to look her in the eye. I could barely think straight; my insides were raging.

“You can be such a prick.”

I looked at her; my eyes glaring unable to believe the words coming out of her mouth. I could see someone standing next to her out of the corner of my eye, and I turned my attention towards him. He was staring at Bridget with a look of concern.

“Bridge, are you okay? Want me to get rid of this asshole?” the cock sucker asked her. Somehow I became the piece of shit in this situation, how in the fuck did that happen. I wasn’t the one spreading my legs to every Tom, Dick, and Harry like the lovely Bridge standing before me.

“Yes, poor little Bridge, are you okay?” I stared at her wanting to hit something or someone.

“What’s going on over here, Bridge?” Another male voice asked.

What in the fuck? Was she on a first name basis with every asshole in this shit hole, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just give me a moment guys.” They stared at me for a moment before walking away.