Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series) (9 page)

 
This is bad. I
have to answer him.
I racked my brain for the words to say that would cause
me the least physical pain and finally found them. “No. He’s not a liar. I did
try to kiss him, but I was so drunk I thought he was you. I’m so sorry, Seth. I
didn’t do it on purpose,” I said tearfully, feeling myself die inside as I
covered up what JT did. I wanted the truth to come out but my fear of JT kept
it locked inside me.

Seth grabbed me, digging
his fingers into the flesh of my upper arms. I whimpered and looked down at his
hands, he gripped me so hard they shook from the effort. Tears fell from my
eyes as I looked back at his face. Gone was the Seth I once knew and in his
place, was the real him. His beautiful green eyes I had loved so much were now filled
with rage directed only at me. “You are mine. Do you understand me? No one else
gets what’s mine,” he yelled in my face, the sound ringing in my ears.

 “Pl-please let go.
You’re hurting me,” I stammered out.

 He squeezed even
harder, and I cried out from the pain. It felt like he was squeezing my bones.
Just as I thought I could take no more, he released me and the excruciating pressure
on my arms was replaced by a dull throb.

I heard a sob as he
pulled me to his chest, and I realized it was coming from him- not me. “I’m so
sorry. I’m just so scared I’m going to lose you, and I can’t handle that.
Please don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry I hurt you. I lost control thinking of
your lips on JT. I love you,” he choked out between sobs before grabbing my
face and softly putting his lips to mine. I tasted the salty tears, his and
mine. It broke my heart, but I knew it was over. We were finished, but I
couldn’t let it show.

 “It’s okay, Seth. I
love you and we’ll be okay. I’m not going to leave you.”

 “You promise?” he
asked in a wavering voice.

I answered with what
I knew was a lie, “Yes. I promise.”

When Seth dropped me
off at home, I rushed upstairs to the safety of my room.
Thank goodness my
parents are already in bed and don’t see how much of a mess I am
. I felt
chilled, and it was the kind that went to the bone. As I softly closed the door
behind me, the reality of what happened hit me, and I slid to the floor and
fell apart. I screamed into my arm trying to muffle the sounds. I beat my other
hand on the carpet and rocked my body back and forth.

I didn’t stop
screaming until my throat was raw. I slowly stood up and ripped my shirt from
my body before kicking off my pants. I switched on the light and studied myself
in the mirror. I stared at the hand print bruises on both of my upper arms, where
unmarked skin had been just hours earlier. I studied my face.
Who is this
girl covered in bruises looking back at me? Stupid girl, she deserves to
suffer.

I grabbed a chunk of
hair and yanked at it hard, but that didn’t cause enough pain, so I clenched my
hand into a tight fist, reared back, and punched the mirror. It shattered into
pieces as I screamed at the top of my lungs. Blood poured from my sliced
knuckles, but I didn’t even notice.

 My bedroom door flew
open and Dad stumbled into the room, with Mom close on his heels. They froze
when they saw me covered in blood and bruises, mirror pieces surrounding my
feet. Mom screamed and collapsed into a ball on the floor and the anguished
yell that came from Dad was like no sound I’d ever heard before.

He rushed to me, not
caring about the shattered glass, and stripped off his t-shirt. He checked my
hand for glass shards before wrapping it up in his shirt. I collapsed against
him, my breathing ragged. I began to sob as he carefully led me to the bed. He
sat down on the edge, steadying me in front of him. Tears rolled down his
cheeks as he gently ran his hands over the fresh bruises on my arms. His eyes
quickly darted to the faded one on my shoulder before he turned me around. I
heard him gasp and felt him touch the large bruise I knew went across my back. I
hung my head in shame.
I don’t know how it ever got this far.
What
happened to the girl I use to be?

 He turned me to
face him. “Did he do this to you? Seth? I know he did,” Dad croaked out.

All I could do was
nod my head before leaning over and vomiting all over the floor. Mom pulled
herself together and ran out of the room. I wore only my bra and panties, so Dad
grabbed the comforter off my bed and wrapped it around me. He eased me onto the
bed and smoothed the hair from my face. Mom came back in and threw a towel down
to cover the vomit before sitting down beside me. With a wet rag in her shaking
hand, she wiped my face. I kept my eyes closed. I couldn’t bear to look either
of them in the eye. I didn’t want to see their anger directed at me for being
so stupid.

Dad leaned down and
spoke softly
.
“Open your eyes.” I did as I was told. “You did nothing
wrong, honey. This is not your fault. We aren’t mad at you. We are mad at him.”

 I almost laughed at
his words. They had no idea of all the wrong I had done, how far gone I was
from the girl they raised. I looked over at Mom; she was weeping. My tears
already dry, the numbness settled in. Once again, I felt no emotion. My parents
didn’t speak as I lay there with my eyes closed. The only sound in the room,
besides our breathing, came from the crinkling of the comforter as Dad’s gentle
hand swirled over my back, as if he were trying to erase the bruise there. The
question of what all JT did during those four hours haunted me. The rape was
enough but as other frightening thoughts began to unfold in my mind, I knew I
had to stop them before they tore me apart.

I reached up,
pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes and screamed, trying to make it all
go away. Dad pried my hands away and began to pray over me. I listened to his
pleading for God to take away my pain. I wished I could pray too, but I just
didn’t have it in me anymore. After Dad’s prayer was finished, Mom reached over
and took my hurt hand and un-wrapped it. I noticed several cuts on my knuckles
but they weren’t very deep. She cleaned them before wrapping my hand in gauze.
I tensed as Dad settled closer and opened his mouth. I knew what was coming,
but I wasn’t ready for questions just yet.

 “Katie, how long
has Seth been doing this to you?” he asked, his voice strained.

 I didn’t answer. I
couldn’t. I simply stared at what was left of my mirror. It was in too many
pieces to be put back together, just like me.

 “We need to take
pictures of what he did,” I heard Dad say as I closed my eyes, letting the
numbness find me again.

***

     I woke up
screaming in the dark. JT had been chasing me with a knife as Seth stood by
laughing. I sat up gasping, unable to breathe or swallow. I began to choke and
grabbed at my throat. I could hear my parents screaming my name, but I couldn’t
focus on their voices. I was lost and fear consumed me. I felt like I was dying
as silent tears ran down my face. I couldn’t get a sound to escape my closed
throat. I thrashed against Dad, but he held me tight, keeping my hands away
from my neck. The feeling was pure torture, and it didn’t stop until I finally
passed out from exhaustion.

***

The next day, I
didn’t move or speak. I stayed in bed staring at the wall for hours on end. My
parents panicked and called the pediatrician. He recommended Dr. Baird, a
psychiatrist that specialized in children’s mental health. Mom made me an
appointment for that day and along with Dad, led me inside his office. Dr.
Baird looked nothing like I expected. Instead of the studious, pipe-smoking
image I had in my mind for a shrink, he looked more like a grandpa. I kept
expecting him to try to give me a quarter or a peppermint from his pocket. He
didn’t, but he did give me a reassuring smile.

Dad showed him all
the bruises on my body, before leaving me alone with him. He told me that
everything I said was confidential, even from my parents. I didn’t believe him,
so I decided not to say anything about what JT had done to me. The first
question he asked was how I got my bruises. I told him from my ex-boyfriend. He
then proceeded to ask me lots of other questions; some I answered and some I
didn’t, especially not the ones about my nightmares.

Once we were
finished talking, he brought my parents in and asked me to wait in the hall.
They never would tell me what Dr. Baird said to them alone in that room, so I eventually
stopped asking. I was put on several prescriptions and after a few days, I
began to feel better. I stopped having nightmares every night, which helped to
stop the panic attacks. I saw Dr. Baird again at the end of the week and he was
glad that I’d improved, but insisted I still had to see him every two weeks for
therapy sessions.

***

     I only missed a
week of school. My parents told me if anyone asked, I’d had the flu. It was
going around town, so that was believable. I looked pale and felt tired from
all the sleepless nights, so it looked believable too.

 Hallie was already
at our locker with a somber look on her face. “Katie, I’m so sorry about what
has happened. My mom told me your parents made you break up with Seth. I’m glad
they did, but I know it still hurts.”

 I ignored her
sympathetic words as I gathered my books. It was my fault. I kept taking what
Seth dished out, hoping he would change. This was about more than Seth anyway,
not that I could tell anyone though. I was on my own with this secret.

 We started towards
class when I spotted Seth. He was headed straight for me. “Just ignore him,”
Hallie whispered. I had planned on it.

 He called out my
name, dodging other kids as he ran to me. I flinched when he stopped right in
front of me, blocking my path.

 “Leave her alone, Seth.
She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

 Seth glared at her.
“Go away, Hallie. This is none of your business,” he growled out.

 She didn’t move
though. She continued to stand beside me with her arms crossed over her chest,
glaring back at him.

 He leaned in close
to my face and whispered. “You have to tell your parents I didn’t hurt you,
that it was an accident or something. Your dad called mine and said he had
pictures of what I did to you.” I looked into his eyes, my expression blank,
and didn’t say a word. “Katie, are you listening to me?” he asked and reached
out to grab my arm. I scooted away before he could touch me. “I love you, and I
know you love me. Please, I can’t live without you. I promise I’ll never hurt
you again,” he pleaded, tears pooling in his eyes. He sounded sincere, but I
couldn’t go back to him. I wouldn’t live my life like that. Plus, I was too
broken now anyway. I would never be the same.

I opened my mouth
and with a steady voice uttered one word, “No.”  I turned and walked away with
Hallie at my side.

***

 Seth didn’t let up
that entire week. It was a living hell. I would find gifts in my locker, and he
followed me from class to class trying to talk to me. I asked to be moved away
from him in English class, which made him furious.

In the hallway after
class, he slapped the books out of my hands and made a move to shove me but was
stopped by Mr. Reid. “I suggest you walk away, Seth,” he said, his voice firm.

 Seth glared at him
but did what he was told. Mr. Reid stooped down and picked up my books, giving
me a warm smile as he handed them over. He walked beside me in silence all the
way to the cafeteria. As he opened the door, he cleared his throat. “I don’t
know what all is going on, but you need to stay away from Seth and his friends.
You don’t think the teachers have noticed how he treats you? Well, we have and
it makes us sick. If you were my daughter, you wouldn’t be at the same school
as him. Promise me you’ll be careful.”

     I cocked my
head, confused. This was the same teacher who had called me out in class
earlier in the year. I didn’t know he even paid attention to his students
outside of class, let alone cared.

“I’ll be okay,” I
said, giving him my best fake smile.

As he looked at me, the
compassion was evident in his eyes. “He’s changed you. You aren’t the same
carefree girl you use to be. I hope you can get past whatever this is and get
your life back on track.”

“Yeah, me too,” I
replied softly and walked into the cafeteria, leaving him standing at the door.

 “What was that
about?” Hallie asked as I sat down at our table.

 I glanced back at
the empty cafeteria doors. “He saved me from the wrath of Seth.” I told her
what almost happened and she frowned.

 “Well, I’m glad he
was there,” she said, patting my leg.

 “So am I,” I
whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened to appear.

***

The weeks passed,
and Seth seemed to realize that our relationship was truly over. He began
dating the cheerleader I’d seen him talking to once before. While this came as
no surprise, the hurt I felt at seeing him with another girl did. I knew part
of me still loved him, and would continue to for a long time, but the damage
had been done and neither time nor words could ever repair it. I had wanted to
return the necklace he’d given me, it was one less reminder of him, but
couldn’t find it. I tried to remember the last time I’d worn it and thought
maybe it had been the night of the party but couldn’t be sure. I’d torn my room
apart searching for it but still hadn’t found it. I wasn’t too worried about
it, thinking that eventually, it would turn up.  

  Things returned to
normal around me, but I couldn’t shake my depression. It lingered long after
the nightmares stopped. It didn’t help that I continued to see JT quite
regularly. At the smallest glimpse, I would grab Hallie and head the other way.
He’d managed to catch me alone a few times and seemed to enjoy reminding me of
what he could do if I ever told anyone about that night at the party. Hallie still
didn’t know what happened with JT. No one did. I’d made sure of that. She just
thought I wanted to avoid all things Seth related, and I didn’t correct her.
She knew something wasn’t right with me and tried her hardest to make me feel
better but nothing worked, and I found myself slipping further and further
away.