Katie's Choice (36 page)

He shook his head fiercely. “I’ll never leave you.” He barely got the words past the lump in his throat.
Was that what this was all about?
She thought he might have wished her dead instead of healed the way she was?

“I know. It is the Amish way. But I want more than the
Ordnung
to keep you at my side.” She drew a ragged breath and raised her eyes to meet his. “I want your love.”

“You have it.” He released her face to grab her hand and place it over his chest. “My heart beats for you, Ruth Ann. It always has.”

“Even with a body that is less than what it was? I am as God made me no more.”

He moved their joined hands, brushing his fingers across the front of her nightgown, across the chest as flat and smooth as that of a young child.

“There might be less of you here.” He brushed the back of her hand across her surgically altered body. “But there is more of you here.” He placed his hand over her beating heart. “You are still the way God made you, Ruth Ann. Because He made you for me.”

16

T
he day after Christmas, Zane decided that Katie Rose was never going to speak to him again. He couldn’t leave it like that. He had grown to care for her over the last couple of months. She was a good woman and deserved better than what he had offered her. Still, in another time, or perhaps another place, things might have been different for them. As it was, other people depended on them, and there was no way around it.

He pulled the buggy down the drive that led to Gabriel’s house, deciding it was too cold to walk it. There had even been some talk of snow, but Zane couldn’t tell for sure, as he’d been unable to read the Oklahoma sky since his arrival.

He saw a shadow in front of the window as he pulled to a stop. Someone knew he was there. If he knew Katie Rose at all, she would forgive him, but she wouldn’t make it easy on him.

Zane hopped down and walked the horses toward the shelter the barn offered. He didn’t know how long he’d be and a man couldn’t take too good of care of his horses. Or another man’s horses, as in this case.

Once the beasts were settled, he loped across the yard and up onto the porch. He knocked on the door and shoved his hands into his coat pockets to keep them warm.

“Who is it?” Katie Rose’s voice was muffled by the thick wood of the door.

He rolled his eyes. “You know who it is,” he growled.

She must have waited a full ten seconds before opening the door. Or maybe it just seemed that way because he was trembling inside. She stood in the doorway, looking as fresh and lovely as ever. Maybe he had overestimated the hurt she had displayed the day before.

Her eyes flashed at him. “Where’s your girlfriend today? Or should I say fiancée?”

“Where’s yours?” The words slipped out before Zane could stop them. He had no right to be angry with her, but she had every right to be mad at him. He furrowed his brow. “I didn’t mean that.”

“Then what did you mean?”

He pulled one hand from his pocket and leaned it on the doorframe. “Can we start over?”

“
Jah
,” she said, and closed the door in his face.

He waited for her to open it once again. When she didn’t, he reminded himself that she wasn’t going to make this easy for him.

He knocked.

“Who is it?”

He chuckled. “Zane Carson. I’ve come to apologize.”

She opened the door, her face a mask of sweetness. “Continue.”

“Well, it seems that I may have given you the wrong idea.”

“I may have misunderstood.”

“And I wanted to say how honored I am to have known you these past few weeks.”

Her dimples flashed, and Zane’s heart lurched. He was going to miss her. “As am I, Zane Carson.”

He hated it when she used his entire name, but it was for the best. It put a distance between them that they needed to honor.

“I’m leaving at the end of the week. I know you’ll be in school with the children.”

“Won’t you stop and tell them all good-bye?”

“I’ll do my best, but I’ll be with the driver.”

“Just promise Bill some extra pickles, and he’ll do whatever you want.”

Zane smiled at the truth of the statement. The Mennonite would do just about anything as long as they paid him in Fisher family pickles.

Her winsome smile faded some. “I’m glad I got to meet you, Zane Carson. I was worried at first when you came, but I know now, God sent you. You brought laughter back into our fold. And for that I’m eternally grateful.”

“Me too, Kate, me too.”

But he was walking away with much, much more.

Zane adjusted his jeans, feeling strange dressed in Englisher clothes after these months in Amish garb. He glanced around the room once again. Satisfied that he’d not forgotten anything, he closed the door behind him and made his way down the stairs.

Annie, Ruth, Abram, and John Paul were standing in the living room talking to the Mennonite driver, Bill. Gideon had come over as well, offering Bill some wool from one of his prize alpacas, part of the first “crop” from his new livestock.

“Are you all packed?” Ruth asked, her eyes running over him in true motherly form.

“I think I got everything.”

“You got your Bible?”

Zane smiled. “You know it. Thank you for everything.” He bent down and kissed her cheek, then thought better of it and pulled her into a one-armed hug. He was going to miss her.

“God bless you, Zane Carson.”

“And you too, Ruth Fisher.”

He released Ruth and moved down the line. “Abram.” He reached out a hand to shake and instead found himself in a hug. Something had happened between the Fishers since Christmas. Something that had chased the lines of worry from Abram’s weathered face and added the sparkle back into Ruth’s eyes. Somehow Zane knew God was at the root of it, and he was happy to see it there.

He continued to say his farewells to the Fishers, even hugging John Paul and slapping him on the back in camaraderie. “Don’t go crazy out there,” he said. “Make the decision God tells you is right for you.”

John Paul nodded.

Bill took Zane’s last suitcase and loaded it into the back of his minivan.

“You won’t forget to write,” Ruth said.

“Of course not. And I’ll send you a copy of the magazine when it comes out.”

“Better send one to the bishop too,” Abram added.

Zane laughed. “Good idea.” He turned to Bill. “Katie Rose said that if I promised you some extra pickles you would take me by the school on our way out of town. I’d like to say good-bye to the children.”

Bill smiled. “That Katie Rose always was a smart cookie.”

“Will two jars get me a swing by Ezekiel Esh’s place?”

“You know it.”

“I need to tell him good-bye as well.” He’d miss the old man.

“No time like now.” Bill shook Abram’s hand, then climbed inside the cab.

Zane crawled in beside him, and rolled down the window, his heart both heavy and light at the same time. He’d gained so much from this visit, found new friends, an understanding of God, and he learned what goodness was all about.

“Bye,” the Fishers called, waving their arms in farewell.

As Bill backed the car and turned it around, Zane called out, “John Paul, if you’re looking for your keys, you’d better get a move on. Check the cookie jar first.” It would take him half the afternoon to find them. He grinned and rolled up the window, laughing as John Paul patted his pockets then took off toward the house.

Zane chuckled as he drove away, a much better person than when he arrived.

17

T
he Davenports are having a party, but so are the McMillians.”

“Uh-huh.” Zane tried participating in the conversation, but he was just so tired. Maybe it was the travelling, or maybe because he had become used to going to bed early. It was eight o’clock on New Year’s Eve and all he wanted to do was climb underneath the covers and not come out until the cows needed milking. Or he had to meet up with Jo.

“Are you listening to me?” Monica took her eyes off the road for a brief second and flashed an irritated glance his way.

“Of course.” It had definitely been a good idea to have her meet him at the airport. He hadn’t gotten his car out of storage since his last assignment. It had remained there after his surgery and recovery, so he’d simply left it there when he’d gone to Oklahoma. No sense getting it out now, since it wouldn’t be long before he left on assignment again. Normally the thought filled him with excitement and adrenaline. Now, it just . . . didn’t.

“I don’t know which one we should go to.”

“We?”

“Yes, ‘we.’” She flashed him another look.

“Oh, Monica. Do I have to go too?”

“I’d like for you to.”

“I know, but do I
have
to?”

She pressed her lips together. “I guess not. I just . . . well, you just got home, and I wanted to spend some time with you.”

“And attending a party with a hundred other people is going to be our quality time?”

She sniffed. “When you put it like that, it doesn’t sound like such a good idea.”

“It’s not. How ’bout we order a pizza and watch all the hoopla on TV?”

She gawked at him. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve already told the McMillians that we’d be there.”

He leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes, already tired of the argument. “That’s great, because I’m not going to be. I’m surely not going to speak for you, though.”

He couldn’t see her expression, but her tone conveyed it all—frustration, anger, and resignation. “I understand. I shouldn’t have accepted the invitation for you too.”

“That’s right.”

She paused. “Do you mind if I go without you?”

“Not at all.”

“I’ll miss you, you know.”

“I know. I’ll miss you too.”

Yet Zane was asleep even before the ball dropped in New York City.

The morning of January 6 dawned bright and cold. Old Christmas. For the Amish it was a quiet holiday filled with visits and friends. Presents had already been exchanged, but this was still a time for reverent celebration. Gabriel had packed up the buggy and taken the children to his parents’ house, but Katie Rose couldn’t rustle herself in time. She had pleaded a headache and watched as they drove down the road.