Kathryn Smith - [Friends 03] (35 page)

Thank God she had set her cup aside, otherwise she would have surely dropped it.

"I did not
let
him. I had little choice in the matter."

Lady W arched a thin, pale gray brow, furrowing the creases of her forehead. "Oh? Your feet were stuck to the floor and you could not follow him?"

Sophia scowled. "What good would following him have done?"

The older woman drained the last of her tea. "It is hard for someone to leave when you refuse to let them go. So why did you let him? It was not because you are not strong. I know how you fought that bounder Aberley. You did not let him have his way with you, so why do you allow those close to you to do whatever they want?"

"I do not know," Sophia replied hotly.

"I think you find it easier to live down to the expectations of those you care about rather than trying to live up to them," the older woman informed her haughtily. "I believe you are so convinced that you are going to disappoint someone that you do not bother to try not to."

"That is ridiculous!" Sophia didn't care who Lady Wickford was, or how good of a friend she had been in the past, she would not sit there and listen to someone else tell her what kind of person she was!

She opened her mouth to tell the old woman exactly that, but was cut off.

"Or is it that no one has ever lived up to your expectations that makes you let them fail
you
?"

Anything Sophia might have thought to say died in her throat. Was that true? Had she become so accustomed to having people disappoint her that she didn't expect anything better? It certainly eased the pain when it happened.

She never truly expected things to work between Julian and herself, no matter how much she might have wished for them too. She saw that now. Perhaps that was why she had kept Letitia's secret. Not because of loyalty to her friend, but so she would have something to blame it on when Julian finally turned his back on her. Again.

"I think it is time for you to go home now," Lady Wickford said. There was no rancor, no disappointment in her voice, nothing but patience and warmth. "I think you need some time by yourself to think things over, and decide what you really want out of your life and your marriage. You will feel much better once you realize what you must do."

Sophia nodded dumbly and rose to her feet at the same time as Lady Wickford. Her friend took her by the arm and personally escorted her out into the foyer, where the butler went to get her pelisse and bonnet.

Lady Wickford gave her a fierce hug and kissed the air by her cheek. "Let me know how it all works out," she murmured before practically pushing her out the door.

Outside, Sophia stood on the step for what felt like an eternity, just listening to the birds chirping and feeling the sun on her face. Her life had just been drastically changed, although she couldn't quite put her finger on just what Lady Wickford had said to change it.

Julian had said he didn't believe she was his to leave, and she understood that now. She had blocked a part of herself off from him and he knew it. She had been afraid of disappointing him, and she had been afraid of being disappointed by him again as well. Her fear had been so great that she hadn't allowed herself to trust him completely, nor had she given him reason to trust her.

Back at Wolfram House, Fielding informed her that Julian was still out. Sophia's heart sank a bit, but she buoyed it back up by deciding to wait for Julian in his study until he returned. Perhaps she would send a note around to Lilith asking for her assistance. The day they had run into Charles at the gentlemen's shop, Lilith had told her that she knew of a man who could very discreetly look into Charles's private affairs if Sophia so desired it. Perhaps this man could also discover if Gretna Green was indeed where Letitia and Mr. Wesley had gone.

It was something that Julian had probably already thought of, given his relationship with Gabriel, but it was worth a shot.

Sitting at Julian's desk, Sophia wrote the note and had a footman deliver it. Then she waited. She had Mrs. Yorke bring her a tray rather than dine alone at that huge dining room table. She was still waiting when Fielding came in and asked if there was anything else she required before the servants went to bed. She told him no.

Even as she drifted off in a chair by the fire, Sophia waited for Julian to return to her.

He never came.

Julian left Lord Penderthal's later that afternoon no closer to discovering where Letitia and Marcus Wesley had gone than he had been when he first learned of the elopement.

Penderthal was as surprised by the situation as Julian had been. His nephew had sent him a note saying that he had been called out of town on business and would return in a few days. It hadn't crossed the old earl's mind that his heir might be lying to him.

At least Julian had the old man's word that he would contact him if he heard anything.

He went to Wesley's club next and asked a few discreet questions. No one seemed to know anything. Then he went to Sir William Lewis's house to question his daughter. Miss Lewis had assisted Letitia before, and he thought there might be a chance that the girl was aiding her again, but if she was, nothing could entice her to loosen her tongue this time. She did, however, promise to keep Letitia's elopement to herself. Julian knew it could not be long before word leaked out.

By the time he had done all this, it was early evening. His next and final stop before returning home was Gabriel's. He knew Lilith had connections of a dubious nature because of her days as a gaming club owner. It was his last hope of finding Letitia before she managed to put too much distance between herself and London. They were traveling by coach, which would slow them a fair bit, and they would have to stop at night, but even with these obstacles, they would soon be far enough away that Julian would not be able to catch them in time to stop a wedding.

He tried very hard not to think about Sophia while he was gone. He was hurt and angry, and he wanted her to do something about it, even though he had no idea what she could do.

She had lied to him. And then she had the nerve to say she loved him. Was he supposed to believe it? Just like that? He had been trying to get her to tell him she loved him for days and she refused. It seemed a little too convenient for her to tell him when he was mad at her.

Even so, it had been damn sweet to hear, regardless of whether or not it was true. And part of him hoped it wasn't true, because that would just be too much in the face of her betrayal.

It
was
a betrayal too. It was more than just keeping something from him, although he couldn't quite articulate how. That was how deep his disappointment ran.

The Angelwood mansion rang with laughter as he crossed the marble floor of the great hall toward one of the house's many drawing rooms. Gabriel and Lilith, Brave and Rachel sat in the center of the room, drinking and laughing as though they hadn't a care in the world.

Lucky them.

"Jules!" Gabriel cried, looking up as he entered the room. "We were wondering if you were going to come."

Julian stared at him. "Come?" he repeated dumbly. He had been expected?

Gabriel came to him and clapped him on the shoulder. "Lilith sent the invitation round a few hours ago. We knew it was short notice, but we figured you would not mind. Where is Sophia?"

"She is at home," he replied as Gabriel glanced over his shoulder at the door. "Or at least, I think she is. We— that is, I— did not receive any invitation. I have not been home all afternoon."

Gabriel's smile faded as his gaze locked with Julian's. He must have seen then that something was not right.

"What is the matter?" he asked.

Julian glanced at the others, who were still laughing and chatting, unaware that his life was falling apart before them.

"I need your help. Letitia is gone."

He didn't think he had spoken all that loudly, but the conversation died abruptly all the same. Brave, Rachel and Lilith all turned to him with almost identical expressions of surprise and horror.

"Gone?" Rachel asked. "Where has she gone?"

Seating himself in the nearest chair, Julian explained everything. He even told them about Letitia's note and Sophia's involvement in the whole thing. He left nothing out, except for how utterly destroyed he felt inside.

When he had finished, everyone seemed too stunned to speak— except for Lilith.

"So that is why Sophia sent me that note."

Just the sound of her name on another's lips was enough to send Julian's heart slamming against his ribs.

"What note?" And when had she sent it?

A small frown puckered the otherwise smooth skin of Lilith's brow. "I received a note from Sophia earlier this afternoon asking if I knew of anyone who might be so skilled as to find someone who did not wish to be found. I was going to call on her tomorrow to discuss it. Had I known it was so urgent I would not have waited." Her gaze was keen as it met Julian's. "I assume you have come here personally with a similar request?"

Julian nodded. "Yes. I need to find out whether or not Letitia and Wesley have indeed set out for Gretna Green. It seems the logical choice, but Wesley is not stupid. He might have another destination in mind that would be harder to discover."

Lilith rose to her feet in a rustle of russet satin skirts. "I will send for Mr. Francis directly. If anyone can find them, it is he."

Thanking her, Julian watched as she pulled a cord on the wall and went to a small desk in the corner of the room. There, she hastily scribbled a note, which she gave to Robinson, Gabriel's stocky butler.

"Do not worry, Julian," she said in a voice far more soothing than her usual crisp tones. "Mr. Francis is the best there is. He will not dally in responding to my summons."

And Lilith was right. Hardly a half hour later— most of which Julian spent trying to project some semblance of his normal self— Robinson announced Mr. Francis's arrival.

Francis was a large, sturdy man of average height. He possessed the thickest head of silvery hair Julian had ever seen. He also possessed, Lilith told him, the uncanny ability to uncover information.

Julian wasted no time in explaining the situation. He gave Mr. Francis descriptions of both Letitia and Marcus Wesley, what clothing they had been wearing, what Wesley's carriage looked like— everything he could think of that might be of use.

"Everyone leaves a trail, Lord Wolfram," Mr. Francis informed him confidently. "Your sister and Mr. Wesley will be no exception."

Julian thanked him for giving the matter top priority and also for his promise of discretion. No one needed to tell him what would happen to Letitia's reputation if word of this leaked out. No one would want to marry her then.

One thing was for certain, he wouldn't marry her off to the first bastard who offered, not like Sophia's father had done to her.

Sophia. What was he going to do about Sophia?

Nothing for now. He was so damned tired, he didn't want to think anymore.

He stayed and had dinner with his friends. He ate very little and drank much, much more. By the time he took his leave, late that evening, he was so deep into his cups he was seeing double.

The servants were all abed when he finally arrived home. He staggered down the corridor to his study. Why he was going there this late at night he didn't know, except that he had the strangest desire to see if Sophia was there, waiting for him.

She was. He found her in a chair in front of a dying fire, a blanket pulled up around her shoulders, her mouth slightly parted in slumber. He could wake her, but then he would have to talk to her, and even if he knew what to say, he wouldn't be able to say it so that it made sense, not in his present state.

So he left her there by the fire, and made the slow, weaving climb through the dark, upstairs to his own chamber, where his big, empty bed sat waiting.

Julian's last thought before sleep claimed him was of Sophia, asleep in the chair in his study. She had waited for him, just like he had hoped she would. The realization should have made him happy.

It didn't.

H
e felt like hell.

The clear golden light of a spring morning poured through Julian's bedroom windows. He had been so drunk the night before he had forgotten to close the drapes, and now he would pay for it.

Rolling onto his back, he forced his eyes to remain open, despite the stabbing pain in his head. He deserved whatever discomfort the morning had in store for him. He had known this would happen as he guzzled glass after glass of Gabriel's brandy the night before. He had wanted the drunken stupor and this splitting ache in his head and roiling in his stomach— it kept him from thinking about Sophia. It kept him from thinking at all.

But even now, the pain in his head seemed dull compared to the pain inside. He would give anything to change things; anything except Sophia.

He loved her. That was the real thorn in all of this. Seven years ago, when he could have had her love, he had turned his back on it. Now that he wanted it with all his heart, it turned its back on him.

Groaning, he sat up. The pain behind his eyes was almost unbearable. His stomach protested as he weakly rose to his feet. He hadn't even removed his boots the night before. He toed them off now. His feet were sweating inside his stockings. Ugh.

He smelled. He felt dirty. He needed a bath and a shave and a good strong cup of coffee.

Twenty minutes later he was soaking in a tub of hot, lemon-scented water. The sharp, clean smell seemed to help clear his senses. Just being clean made him feel infinitely better.

He reclined in the tub, freshly shaven and drinking a cup of coffee that was so strong he could have polished his boots with it. Yes, this was better. He could face the day now. He could face anything. Even his wife.