Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 01 - Dark Horse (9 page)

Dan decided he needs to wrap this up. “So, you can see why I’m confused. You say you’re genuinely interested, but you’re going to pass on horses like these just because you’re not sure who your trainer is going to be? It doesn’t seem right to me.”

Evan leans forward and squints a little at Dan. “So, are you saying that if I buy these horses you’ll definitely come and work for me?”

Dan shakes his head. “No, I’m saying if you don’t buy these horses, I definitely won’t. If you do buy them… I’ll give it some serious thought.” Dan decides to be a little more generous. “The job sounds a lot better than I thought it would,” he admits, “and I do appreciate the flexibility in terms of my commitments here. I just….” He drops the businesslike facade and finds himself speaking to Jeff instead of Evan. “I just don’t know which way’s up right now. It’s been an insane few days, and if I have to rush into a decision, I’m going for the option that keeps me as uncommitted as possible.” Dan turns his attention to Evan. “So if you need an answer right now, the answer is no. If you’re willing to wait a while, and if you’re interested enough in the sport to invest in a damn fine string of horses….” Dan shrugs, and then stands up and holds out his hand. “Thanks for lunch and for the interest.”

Evan and Jeff both stand and shake his hand, and Jeff smiles at him a little. “We’re in town for another day. I’ll give you a call to let you know how things are progressing.” Dan nods, and Jeff continues in a softer tone of voice. “And, I don’t mean to step over a line, but… you have our sympathies.” Dan just nods again, and then he has to get out of there. All the horse talk had distracted him from thinking about Justin, but now it’s threatening to take over again.

He heads out into the spring air and calls Robyn, as she had insisted he do. She had loved the plan and had been the one to e-mail the photographs to the copy place. She deserves to know that Dan hadn’t been laughed out of the restaurant, at least.

When that’s done, he finds himself at loose ends, again. He’s not scheduled to work that night or the next, so he has literally nothing to do for the next fifty-two hours. He can’t remember the last time he had that sort of freedom, and it scares him a little. When he gets to the truck he climbs in and points it toward Willowbrook. He finally has some maybegood news to tell Justin.

Chapter 8

D
AN
sits in his usual chair, in his usual pose, leaning forward with his arms braced against Justin’s bed. He’s just told Justin the whole story, the sale of the horses, the job offer, the counter offer… but there is one more thing he needs to explain.

He takes a deep breath before he continues. This is the hard part. For once, Dan is almost glad that Justin can’t hear what he’s saying.
“The thing is—I might have had a chance, Justin. I really thought about it. I thought I could use the California job as a way to convince your parents to keep you alive. You know? I could say that I would take the job, so they would get their money, as long as they agreed to not give up on you.” He shrugs. “Even if they wouldn’t agree, at least I’d have tried everything, right? I don’t want to give up on you just because they did.”

Dan pauses. This isn’t something he wants to say out loud. It isn’t something he even wants to think. “But I didn’t do it, Justin. I don’t know if that was the right thing or not. I just….” He’s choking up again, and he wonders with some disgust if it’s possible to dehydrate from crying so much. “I just wasn’t sure that they were wrong.”

He smoothes Justin’s hair away from his face, runs his fingers over the neck and shoulders that used to be so strong. “I think maybe… I think maybe they’re right. You’re gone. It doesn’t look like you are, but… the doctors have tests, they say there’s nothing left. And, it’s been so long, baby. More than a year now. I think… I think if you were going to make it back, you would have done it.”

Dan’s almost sobbing now, but he wants to get the words out, wants to say it at least once. “It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, Justin. You know that. You know I always will. I just… I just don’t think you’re here anymore, and I don’t think you’re coming back.” He reaches for a Kleenex from the box by the bedside, blows his nose, and then takes a couple deep breaths to try to regain control of himself. “If there was a chance, any chance at all… you know I’d wait forever. You know that, right? You… you knew that.” The verb tense seems wrong, but Dan thinks maybe it’s something he just needs to get used to.

“Your parents love you too. I was mad at them… or hurt or whatever… that they didn’t bother to talk to me before they… before they decided to let you go. They’re big talkers on the family thing, I guess, but… maybe I was just being pathetic, thinking they’d care about me just because you do. Did.” Yeah,
did.
Dan tries to wrap his mind around that.

“Anyway… they love you, and they’re doing what they think is right. And… I don’t know. Maybe I think it’s right too.” He leans over and kisses Justin’s forehead. “It doesn’t mean I’m going to stop coming to see you, and it doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop hoping for a miracle. But… I’ve got to start figuring out how to say goodbye.”

He stands and wishes there was an attached bathroom so he could wash his face without having to go out in the hall and see people. Then he laughs at himself a little. If he’s going to start having wishes come true, he’s got more important things to protect than his vanity.

“Okay, Justin, I’m heading out now. I’ll be back in… I’m gonna try to start coming less often. I’ll be back in a few days, okay? The nurses have my number. They’ll call if anything goes wrong.” Dan thinks of the calls he’s received in the past, letting him know about Justin’s health crises. With the DNR order in place, he probably won’t be getting another call like those. The next time the hospice phones him, he thinks, they’ll be telling him that Justin is gone.

He pops into the bathroom on his way to the truck. He splashes cold water on his overheated face and takes a moment to collect himself. Then he walks to the truck and is just opening the door when his phone rings. It’s the hotel number, so he picks up. “Hello.”

“Dan? It’s Jeff.”

 

“Hey, Jeff, how are you?” It’s only been a few hours, so Dan expects Jeff is still just fine, but he has to open the conversation somehow. “I’m tickled pink, Dan.” Dan doesn’t think he’s ever heard a grown man use that idiom, but Jeff seems comfortable with it.

“Oh? About anything in particular?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. A good friend of mine has just gone off to finalize a deal to buy a string of really excellent horses, and I’m excited that I’m going to get a chance to work with them.”
Dan hadn’t realized how tense he’d been about the deal until he feels his body react to hearing the good news. He opens the door of his truck and sits sideways on the seat, his feet still out the door. “Are you serious?”
“I don’t joke about horses, Dan.” Jeff’s voice is warm, as if he can read Dan’s reaction and understand the reasons behind it. Dan may not be pleased with Karl and Molly right now, but he still cares about them and really wants them to be as happy as they can be. He especially doesn’t want any decision he made to be the cause of their unhappiness.
“That’s great, Jeff, really. Thanks for letting me know—it’s really good news.” Dan doesn’t know where the next idea comes from, but he decides to go with it. “Look, Jeff, I’m about an hour out of town, but… would you be free in a bit, maybe to get a drink or something?” Dan

panics suddenly. Did that sound like he was asking Jeff out, like he was trying to work his way into whatever Jeff and Evan have going on? “It’s nothing big, I’d just… I’d appreciate a little advice, or… I don’t know, exactly.” He’s just thinking of ways to back out of the invitation gracefully when Jeff speaks.

“Sure. That sounds good. Do you want to meet in the hotel bar, in about an hour?”

 

“Yeah, or, you know, if it’s a nuisance, don’t worry about it….”

“Dan, it’s alcohol, and it’s right downstairs. Couldn’t be less of a nuisance.” Jeff sounds amused. Dan is getting a little sick of amusing this guy, but he knows he has to blame himself for that, not Jeff.

“Yeah, right. Okay, the hotel bar, in about an hour. I’ll see you there.” Dan hangs up the phone and shakes his head. He doesn’t think he’s ever been less smooth in his life, and he’s honestly not even sure what he’s hoping to get from Jeff.

He’s made the drive back to town so many times it’s almost automatic now, although he does have to pay a little attention to keep the truck from driving itself to the barn. It’s strange to think that he may never go back to the place where he spent so much time over the past five years.

When he gets to the hotel and goes inside, Jeff is there waiting for him. He’s at the bar, but when Dan arrives he stands. “We can get a table, if you like.”

“No, the bar’s fine.” Dan sits down and asks the bartender for a beer. He feels a little awkward, but Jeff seems to be taking things in stride. They sit on adjacent stools and swivel a little in, so they can look at each other if they want to, but not make it obvious if they want to look away. It reminds Dan of standing at the edge of the paddock with Justin, leaning on the fence and speculating about the horses. He pulls himself out of that thought when Jeff speaks.

“So, I got another call from Evan. It sounds like things are going smoothly with the sale. He should have it all wrapped up in time for dinner.”

Dan nods. “That’s great. It’s… I was a bit nervous.”
Jeff smiles. “I would think you would be, playing with someone else’s money like that. But you didn’t let it stop you from making your case, so… unpleasant for you but not something that anyone else has to

worry about.” He takes a sip of his drink. “And you impressed Evan, even more than you had before. We went into this thinking you were talented and honest, and now we know you’re smart too.” Jeff smiles warmly at Dan. “It’s made him even more determined to hire you.”

Dan groans a little. “I guess that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I mean… I love the horses, and it’d be great to keep working with them. And it looks like you’re going to be building a top-notch facility, so that’d be good too. And I appreciate that you’re trying to find ways to make it work with… with Justin.” He shrugs. “It just all seems a little… intense.” He thinks about his words. “Evan seems a little intense.”

Jeff nods, and seems to think for a moment before speaking. “Evan’s parents died six years ago, and he had to grow up pretty fast. Had to take over the family business, and take care of his sister. He’s done well by going after what he wants and not letting anything get in his way, but he hasn’t learned a whole lot of subtlety yet. That’s how he is with business, and that’s how he usually is with his sex life.” Jeff grins at Dan’s wry eyebrow. “But he’s a pussycat with his friends, and his sister has him wrapped around her little finger.”

Jeff looks appraisingly at Dan. “When you first met him, in the barn the day we looked at Monty—did he seem too intense then?”

Dan thinks back. “No, actually, he just seemed like a guy. Like a pretty good guy.”
“That’s Evan in family mode—laidback, polite, friendly.” Jeff smiles to himself. “I respect business-Evan, but it’s family Evan that’s the real draw.”

This seems like the perfect opening to ask more about Jeff’s relationship with Evan, but Dan holds back. He and Jeff are friendly, but they’re not really friends. “So, which Evan would I be dealing with at the barn?”

Jeff smiles. “He’s serious about finding a way to make the thing make money, but he’s mostly setting it up as a hobby for his sister. As long as she’s interested, it’ll be family mode. And if she loses interest and it becomes solely a business venture, you’ll rarely see him. The boy’s running a multi-billion-dollar privately held corporation. A few horses are not going to be significant enough for him to devote much time to. He’ll just assign you to some manager at the office, and you’ll see Evan once a year at the Christmas party.” Jeff grins. “And he’ll have too much eggnog and make an inappropriate advance. You’ll shoot him down as a drunk playboy, and you’ll go back to your horses the next day, no harm no foul.”

Dan shakes his head. “Does he not worry about sexual harassment lawsuits?”

Jeff grins. “Actually, he’s usually really good at keeping it out of the office.” Jeff’s grin gets just a little wolfish as he adds, “Can’t imagine what got into him with you.”

Okay, Dan’s going to take that as an excuse to pry a little. “It doesn’t bother you? Him sleeping around?”

Jeff doesn’t look surprised by the question, and just shakes his head. “We both like it this way. We’re… we’re committed, I guess, but… we both travel a lot, and neither of us is looking to be tied down to just one person.” He shrugs. “It works. We get along well, with just enough of a daddy kink to keep it interesting. So no drama lurking there, either, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Strangely, Dan finds that he isn’t curious about the relationship because he’s trying to avoid drama, and he isn’t curious because he’s interested in Evan. It’s Jeff that has him intrigued—Jeff, with his calmness and his compassion, with his warm smile and laughing eyes. Dan isn’t sure what to do with this. He’s had flashes of attraction since Justin’s accident, but he’s never, in the words he remembers from a Catholic family he’d once lived with, entertained the thoughts. Really, Dan’s kept his thoughts more faithful
after
the accident than they ever were before Justin’s injury. And given the events of the last few days, Dan is surprised that he’s able to feel much of anything other than numbness.

Jeff’s phone rings, and he glances at the call display. “It’s Evan— mind if I get it?” Dan shakes his head, and Jeff flips the cell open. “Hey, kid, how’d it go?” There’s a pause before Jeff says, “Congratulations. They really are beautiful horses.” Jeff smiles and nods at Dan, who smiles in return and then goes back to pretending not to hear the conversation. “Yeah, he’s still here. I dunno, hang on.” Jeff takes the phone away from his mouth. “Evan wants to know if he can join us for a drink. He’s booked a flight back to California for tonight, so he’d like to check in with you before he goes.”