Kane Richards Must Die (5 page)

A
s I made my way up my porch steps I still had a huge grin on my face. My mind was still going over that kiss, and those damn lips. I chuckled and shook my head minutely as I thought about the kinda pull my girl had over me.

I stood still in my tracks and gaped at myself.

My girl?

My mind never thought shit like that, but I wasn’t denying the fact that it sounded damn good to me.

I continued shaking my head but put it down to the sleep deprivation. It was after three in the morning after all. I just needed some sleep.

I put my keys quietly in the door and tiptoed in silently, trying not to wake Mom. The last thing I needed was that. But like I said before, God truly does hate me, and with that, the lights snapped on and standing there in her nightgown looking dirty, drunk, and depressed she stood.

Dammit.

“Where the hell have you been?” she slurred. I bit back a grimace at her appearance. Fair enough if she wanted to make herself feel like crap. Hell, even if she tried dragging
me
down with her. But my sister didn’t deserve this. She was twelve for Christ’s sake.

I clenched my jaw as I stared at her bloodshot puffy eyes and matted brown hair. A half empty glass of some clear liquid was shaking in her hand. She looked like hell. But telling her so would get us nowhere and I really didn’t have the energy for it. So I sighed, and walked up to her, took her arm carefully, and led her to the stairs.

“Nowhere, Mom. It’s late. You should get some rest,” I murmured softly, pleading with my eyes to
please
just this once not make a scene.

Please, don’t let her make a scene
. . .

But I was startled out of my silent chanting when I heard the familiar sound of glass coming into contact with and shattering against the kitchen floor as my mom yanked her arm away from me with vigor.

“Don’t give me that
shit
! . . . I’m your mother, you will
answer me
!” she spat, swaying towards the kitchen counter unsteadily. Her eyes danced crazily from her inebriated state, but flashed with anger when I reflexively reached out to steady her.

“Mom, you need to get a grip, this shit ain’t fair to Ashley,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair and holding the roots tightly. I really was too tired for this, and I’d be swaying myself if I didn’t get to sleep.

She slapped my hand away and gripped the counter to keep herself upright. “You think I don’t
know
that!” she hissed at me, her words coming out in a slurred, but vicious tone. “You think I don’t think about that everyday? You think I don’t see the pity in your eyes every time you
look
at me?” She glared at me and let out a slow humorless chuckle, then her face twisted slightly as she gazed down at the floor where the shards of glass and alcohol were scattered. She grimaced, and I realized when I spotted the empty bottle on the counter, that she wasn’t grimacing at the mess she’d made, but at the fact that she’d wasted her last bit of alcohol.

My teeth clamped shut with an audible snap, and I pushed past her to get the brush and dustpan from the cupboard to clean up. She continued gazing absently as I cleaned up all the pieces of glass.

“Your father would be proud,” she whispered, still staring blankly at the floor, her eyes glazed over.

I felt the anger boil up in me, and stiffened. My fists clenched tightly against the brush handle. My skin stretched painfully over my knuckles as I tried to take calming breaths but all I could hear were her words and her raspy breaths surrounding me. She had no
right
to even mention him when she stood there drunk and wallowing. She knew it.

I snapped my head up at her, and glowered at her face, realizing that I just didn’t have it in me anymore to deal with it. With her. I never thought that I could lose respect for the woman who brought me into this world, but she proved me wrong.
Way to go.

“Fuck you,” I spat back at her, rising off the floor and emptying the glass in the trash before stomping past her, not caring if she made it to her room or not. She could fall down the stairs if she wanted to. I just didn’t care.

But as I pushed my door open and slammed it behind me, I turned around to find Ashley nervously fidgeting on my bed, and knew this wasn’t just about me. My lamp cast a small glow on her freckled face and short black ponytail as she frowned down at her fingers on her lap.

Even if I wanted to push my mother out of my life and just break free from all the hassle she caused me every time I came home, I couldn’t.

I couldn’t leave my little sister to deal with the shit that I’ve had to. And therefore I couldn’t give up. I sighed and made my way over to the bed and plopped down next to her.

“Hey, dipshit,” I murmured, nudging her shoulder with mine playfully. She glanced up at me and gave me a wide smile, her freckled cheeks pushing up into her brown eyes and the dimple in her chin making an appearance.

All of the crap she had to witness and she was still capable of having that wide-ass smile.

I chuckled at her and shook my head, mussing her hair until she whined and slapped my hands away half-heartedly.

She sighed, and her lower lip jutted out slightly as she dropped her head and stared at the floor.

“Mom’s drinking again,” she whispered silently into the air, her words hanging in the atmosphere.

I sighed again and put my head in my hands, frustrated and thoroughly exhausted.

“Yeah, I know,” I groaned into my hands, as my fingers tugged on my hair lightly. “Don’t worry kid, I’ll fix it, ’K?” I reassured her, lifting my head up to meet her gaze and forcing a smile on my face. Her forehead creased; I could see the tears welling up in her eyes and it killed me to know that she was hurting and I couldn’t do anything about it. Which only made me more angry at the woman downstairs. I knew there was no way for me to fix it.

And deep down, Ashley knew it too.

I nudged her off my bed and mussed her hair up again, chuckling at her protests.

“Kaaanne . . .” she whined, trying to free herself. I snickered at her weak protest and dropped my hand from her hair.

“Go to sleep. It’s late.” I rolled my eyes at her as she flipped me the finger and giggled, dodging the pillow I threw at her, before giving me a small wave and heading out the door.

Feeling tired, powerless, frustrated and just . . . defeated, I groaned, turned off the lamp and slid under the covers of my bed. I didn’t even bother to get undressed, wanting just to forget and lose myself to those dreams.

Those dreams of her. Her gray eyes. Her voice.

I smiled to myself lazily as I let the memories of her lips against mine lull me into what I hoped finally would be a peaceful sleep.

Waking up to find my mother sprawled on the kitchen floor, her mouth open and drooling, snoring lightly, frustrated me to no end. I tried to get Ashley out the front door, but she insisted on getting some breakfast.

There was nothing I could do.

So now, I’m driving with Ashley sitting next to me, silent tears sliding down her small freckled cheeks, and quiet sniffles filling the space between us.

I was way too tired for this.

My fists clenched the wheel and I sighed. “Ashley, I didn’t want you to see Mom like that,” I murmured gently, handing her another Kleenex from the glove compartment. She snorted and took the tissue from me softly.

“What does it matter, she’s usually worse when you’re not around anyway,” she replied dryly.

I winced, now feeling guilty for not being around all the time. But I needed a break, too, right? And then I realized that Ashley couldn’t do that. How did she ever get a break? She definitely deserved one, and yet I still went out every night, getting laid as a distraction. Ashley pulled me out of my thoughts once we reached her school.

“So, umm, I guess you’ll be out again tonight, huh?” she asked softly, staring at her hands in her lap.

“
Damn
,” I whispered to myself, realizing that I needed to sort this stuff in my life out before I could make it better. And that meant that for now, Ashley and Mom had to be my main priority. Here I was messing around, trying to push away all the shit left behind after my dad died, but it was no use. It was starting to affect my baby sister, more than it should.

I had to take time out.

Time out from the drinking. Time out from the parties. Time out from the chicks.

But the worst of it all is that I had to take time out from
her
.

My girl, with her damn gray orbs, and those full red lips. Her sexy ass and her accent, and her smell that got me rock hard. I had to let it go for now. I couldn’t play around anymore.

I don’t know why but my chest tightened at the thought and I felt myself becoming heavily depressed already. I heaved a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose willing myself to calm down before speaking.

“Don’t worry Ash, I’ll be there, OK?” I murmured, snapping my eyes shut, reluctant to say those words.

You have to do it
, I chanted over and over in my mind, before slowly opening my eyes and looking over at Ashley. She was sporting that full grin, her eyes crinkling at the side and her full, freckled cheeks pushed up.

“Really? You’re really gonna be at home today?” she asked, her eyes shining.

I understood then that even though this sacrifice was gonna kill me, I’d do anything to see that smile, so I returned the grin, mussed her hair, and nodded my head firmly.

“Sure kid. Now get to school, before I kick your ass,” I chuckled. She scowled at me and stuck out her tongue before bouncing out of the car toward the school building.

I was regretting my words already; my head was at a firm bridge of indecision that I really didn’t want to cross.

And I hadn’t even caught sight of Suranne yet.

God knows how hard it would be when I actually spotted her. Maybe I should just go back home and force Mom to sort herself out, and hope she would listen and everything would be fixed in a day.

I laughed darkly, shaking my head at my delusional thoughts.

Mythical creatures would be walking around the world before that ever happened.

I let out a breath that I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding and revved the engine, pulling out of the parking lot toward my own school.

Where she would be.

I smiled, and sighed longingly as I thought again of when I’d kissed her. The urge to act on that impulse was still a mystery to me. I didn’t even feel that way three years ago when the girl I thought I had lo—

No.

Not going there.

I still couldn’t get my mind around the pull she had on me, and I knew kissing her felt right.

Too right.

I groaned at what I would have to do to make sure she wasn’t a distraction anymore. My whole being was reluctant to do it. Mind, body, and soul were screaming in protest as I pulled into the lot. My mind was desperately trying to find a way around this. As my brain incessantly rummaged through various strategies, a certain train of thought emerged.

Why couldn’t I just explain it to her?

Tell her to give me some time, just wait for me while I got a grip on the tightrope that was my shitty life.

But how would I say it?

“Listen I think you’re really hot, and your lips felt heavenly, but right now my Mom’s a heavily depressed drunk and my sister’s an emotional twelve-year-old who depends on me to make everything better, but I have no idea how to do it, and so I have to figure this shit out before I can think of anyone else.” I snorted to myself; she’d think I was an emotional dick, then I’d definitely lose her. I hadn’t even considered what she’d be like when I saw her. What if she went around screaming down the halls that I kissed her? It didn’t really bother me; for some unfathomable reason I would feel almost proud that she’d wanna flaunt that shit.

It would just make it worse for her after I pretty much blew her off. It would just make her confused, and she’d probably cut my balls off or whatever she does when she’s angry, and I really wouldn’t be able to deal with it this morning. I was equally confused.

I had never felt this way before. All I could think about were those warm lips, and the feel of her silky skin under my touch, and what it would feel like to have her underneath me, me pressing against her body, and her moaning in my ear as I grazed my teeth against her neck, and her raspy groans in my ear as I wrapped her thigh around me and . . . damn!

The last thing I needed was to be sporting a raging hard-on in the middle of school. I had two hours to sort things out before I saw her again.

T
o say that I was a wreck Monday morning would be an understatement. I had no idea what to expect at all.

I didn’t know whether to even acknowledge Kane that morning. Would I speak to him, or would he speak to me? Would I smile, just to let him know that I wasn’t ignoring him? What if he just acted as if nothing had happened?

I couldn’t deal with the nerves fluttering in the pit of my stomach; I had no idea what to do.

And I didn’t have a clue what I would do if he ignored what happened last night, especially when I knew I wouldn’t be able to. Last night as I lay down on my bed, different questions swirled in my mind. Was it just a test for him to see if he could kiss future female targets after I confronted him about it Friday?

Was I just some human lab rat for his experiments? But if that were the case why didn’t he test it on anyone else? Hell, there were definitely enough girls for it.

As I walked down the halls, I spotted Lawrence and Kate speaking by my locker, and I approached them catching their current conversation.

“. . . yeah, so my dad says I gotta buy these damn flowers for my mom to prove that I quote “appreciate” her and crap.” Kate snickered, rolling her eyes before turning to me and smiling warmly.

“Wow, that sucks. But you should totally buy carnations, they’re subtly elegant and majestic. Even though some people think they lack class, they’re actually an exceptionally beautiful flower.” Lawrence spoke nonchalantly, with a shrug of the shoulder and a smirk on his face whilst Kate and I just gaped at him. Both in worry and in awe. We continued staring at him for a few seconds, frozen by his words.

“Lawrence . . .” Kate breathed, “you have never sounded so much like a girl than just now.” She choked, her jaw slack and her eyes wide, eyeing him worriedly. I could feel the laughter bubbling up in me, but hurting Lawrence’s feelings wasn’t something I wanted to do. However, that was
before
he’d spoken.

“Yeah, you can put your vagina away now, Lawrence,” I snickered and gave in to the laughter, doubling over with giggles as Kate and I imitated the sincerity in his words.

Lawrence’s smirk disolved and was replaced by a frowning grimace.

“Screw you,” he muttered, dropping his head slightly and shoving his hands in his pockets, only causing us to laugh even harder.

“Oh crap,” Kate panted, one hand over her stomach “I can’t . . . breathe.”

I continued giggling uncontrollably, but the look on Lawrence’s face was becoming more and more sombre, so I tried to control my laughter by taking calming breaths. The same however, couldn’t be said for Kate.

“Why couldn’t you just say ‘Dude, get these’ rather than getting all pansy on me?” she snickered, wiping the tears from her eyes. She finally took a deep breath and straightened up with an evil smirk on her face. “Don’t worry,” she said, patting him on the shoulder, still smirking, “we won’t tell anyone.”

“Tell anyone what?”

My body stilled automatically as his gentle voice rang in my ears, shimmering in my mind and tingling in every nerve of my body. Knowing there was only one person who had this effect on me, I let out a small sigh as his scent engulfed me. I opened my mouth to speak but was stopped short by Lawrence.

“Nothing dude, don’t listen to ’em,” he said, giving Kate and me pointed glares that quite obviously said, “if you say anything I will kill you.”

I smiled at him before chancing a peek at Kane, looking up at him through my lashes to find him smiling crookedly down at me, giving me a small wink that made my heart literally stop before running a sprint in my chest. Flashbacks of his lips molded to mine began attacking my mind, and I silently chided myself to get a grip.

 I smiled back, but taking a closer look at his face, I couldn’t help but frown. He had a crease in his forehead and dark shades under his eyes.

“You look tired,” I whispered, frowning up at his face. My fingers twitched to touch him but I kept them to myself with much effort.

He stopped smiling at me and his face took on a defensive edge. Narrowing his eyes, his lips parted to speak whilst his eyes flashed with something that was too quick for me to distinguish. I stared back at him questioningly with a hint of concern, and a slight chuckle escaped his glorious form.

“Yeah, well, someone,” he cocked an eyebrow at me meaningfully before he continued, “kept me up until three in the morning,” he mused mockingly with a smirk playing on the edges of his lips.

I blushed but smirked back, “Well, you don’t seem to be complaining,” I quipped, raising an eyebrow in return, earning a very sexy, very beautiful grin, which spread across his face, causing my breath to hitch. I bit my lip and watched, smugly, as his eyes flitted to my mouth and his warm, chocolate-brown eyes darkened slightly in color. A sudden clearing of the throat brought me back, and I realised that Kate and Lawrence were still present. I wasn’t sure, but it seemed that Kane had been just as distracted as he blinked and refocused on his surroundings.

I turned to find the irritating culprit who pulled me out of my Kane Richards-daze only to find both Kate and Lawrence peering between Kane and me suspiciously. I bit my lip again and blushed faintly at the attention, causing Kane to chuckle throatily again.

“Dude we should probably go man, coach is all over me saying that I’ve been slacking. I need my main man to help me out a bit,” Kane said, playfully punching Lawrence on the shoulder.

Lawrence merely nodded in reply, still glancing between us before shrugging and murmuring a quiet “catch you later” to Kate and me and heading off towards the gym.

I stared after him, and when I didn’t immediately see Kane retreating I snapped my head up, only to find him staring at me intensely. His face was twisted in confusion and something near frustration, all the while keeping his eyes locked on my lips. He snapped out of it when a tall girl with copper hair and large gold earrings strutted up to him and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“Hey, Kane,” she purred in a voice that I supposed was her trying to sound seductive. I however found her voice rather repulsive but couldn’t help the stab of jealousy that pierced through me. Then I remembered that it was me he was kissing for the first time since . . . God knows, and that it was my face he had cupped in his hands at two o’clock in the morning, and internally grinned at my smug thoughts.

I glared at her and wondered how Kane would blow her off. I ran through all the ways he could do it. Maybe just wince and push past her, or just give her a simple “Get lost.” I actually smiled at that one. That seemed like him.

Only a moment had passed, and this . . . girl was still whispering huskily in his ear. His eyes were still locked on mine and I smiled smugly as I anticipated his reaction.

In a second flat my anticipation completely dissolved and my jaw hung loosely as Kane didn’t push her away. He didn’t pretend she didn’t exist, and he definitely didn’t tell her to get lost.

No.

Kane Richards put his arm possessively around her, and gazed down at her face, giving her the same crooked smile he gave me, causing her to giggle. Then they sauntered off down the hall without so much as a goodbye.

I stared at their retreating forms; livid and completely uncaring that Kate was still standing there and had witnessed the whole thing. I slammed my locker door shut and all but ran down the hall, leaving a bewildered Kate calling after me loudly.

As the angry tears spilled down my cheeks, I desperately tried to keep at bay the sobs that were threatening to rip through my torso. No way was I going to cry over him just like plenty of other girls had. He wasn’t worthy of my tears, and yet, the image of him casually strolling down the hall away from me with his arm draped over someone else crushed my efforts; my walls fell down as I succumbed to the ebbing pain.

I was everything that Kate and Lawrence had told me not to become, and I had no one to blame but myself.