Kaleidoscope Summer (Samantha's Story) (58 page)

“
According to your text
,
you’ve made some difficult decisions.”
She
raised her eyebrows and
took a sip of her tea.

I
briefly
closed my eyes and
willed
the darkness to bring comfort
. “I have. But if
t
hey’re the right
ones
, why do I feel
conflicted?”

“
I’m missing a few details. Tell me what’s happened since we talked.”

“Thanks to the
gossip
chain,
Audra learned about
her father
. E
veryone else involved seem
able to rise above the gossip
.
I’m not.
”
I
reflect
ed
on my words. “No.
That’s not true,
I
don’t have
a problem with the
nonsense being bantered about. I refuse
to live in the sam
e town where Daniel
will make frequent appearances to visit
h
is daughter—his real daughter—s
omething I will never be.
We
share the same
DNA, but it stops there
.
”
Anger
stormed inside me
.

“Is that G
od’s answer or is it yours
?” Dr. Ellie set her notebook aside.

“
We’re finally able to forge ahead with the school
.
It must be a sign that
God wants me there
.
”
I slid off the chaise
lounge
and walked around t
he deck.
As my
sandals flapped against
the heel
s of my fee
t,
I recalle
d the flip-flop
noise
they’d
made when I was young—was
the sound the same? Lif
e wasn’t.
The words
a future and a hope
bubbled within
.
I felt
they were
mocking me—showing me what I could
never have.
The scho
ol made an immense difference in
the lives of deaf children. How could I walk away?

What if—
I wanted to scream what if
what
? “Excuse me
,
Dr. Ellie. I need to leave.” I
called Goldie.
I paused with my hand on the doorknob.
“Dr. Ellie,
so you can complete
your notes—I don’t want to forgive Daniel Cunningham—not now—not ever.”

She plac
ed
her hand on my shoulder
. “
Y
ou’re at a crucial crossroad
s
right now
. Don’t do anything until you have a cle
ar
direction. I’m here for you
.
I’l
l be praying for you
.
”

“
I love
Serenity
Cove—but I can’t risk
running into Daniel each time he visits Audra.
And I can’t believe I’m even saying this, but I have insecurities about poss
ibly becoming a mother.”

She
led
me
away from the front door to
the sofa
. “You’ve worked with deaf children. If one of the girls asked you abo
ut growing up and becoming a mother
, what would you tell her?
”

“
A
mother being deaf doesn’t carry the sigma it once did.
I kn
ow the answers I’d give—
I’m having a problem applying them to myself
.
”
Please God—
can I st
omp my feet and throw a tantrum?
You’ve shown me where I belong.

“Do you thin
k others pity
you
?”

“
No, not at all.
My p
arents
hired a private t
utor and kept me home until my senior year. W
hen
I
return
ed
to school
,
my f
riends and teachers weren’t sure
what to expect. Once they fo
und I was
skilled at
lip-read
ing
and keep
ing
up with a conversation, others
stopped focusing on my deafness
.”

“So t
he
way we perceive ourselves does tend to in
fluence others
’
perception of us?
”

“You’re sayi
ng
t
he same reasoning can be used in other
areas?
”

“
Exactly
. Our
attitudes and perceptions greatly influence our lives.
In an earlier session
,
you
mentioned there were two remaining puzzle pieces you needed or wanted to find. Your birth father was one. And t
he other one
was to have your grandparents acc
ept you as their granddaughter.
You possess
both of those pieces. Tell me about the puzzle now.”

“I
can’t get the pieces to
connect—to
form the right picture.”

“What picture do you want
it to form?”

“I want the past to make sense.”

“
Sam
.” She clasped her hand
s
around min
e. “Are you attempting to remove imperfections of the past
? Correct what you feel are
mistakes made by
your grandparents, your
biological
parents
, and your adoptive parents
?”

I shrugged.
“
I
just
want all the
ugliness
, all the secrets, and all the lies
to go away.”

“I
’d like for you to do something
. Read the packet on forgiveness I gave you at our last session
. Forgiveness can be a huge stumbling
block in our lives.
”

I
covered my face
with my hands
. “I ca
n
’t forgive him—I
do
n’t have
it
in me
.
”

She gently lifted my chin
so I could see her
.
“Will you go home,
read the material
and
we
’
ll
meet
again
tomorrow?”

I nodded
—
words
unable
to
break through the clog in my throat.

Chapter
For
ty-nine

The gavel banged against the wooden block hard
er than I
had
intended,
but
it worked.
“Our goal here t
his evening is to discuss
ways to make your businesses safer. We want to stop the crime threatening our town. Most of you are acq
uainted with Detective
Zack
Johnston
, the newest member of the
Serenity
Cove Police Department.” As the
room
burst with applause, the
group
looked to be expecting
miracles from him. “
Zack
.
” I handed
him the
mic and
threw
him to the lio
ns.

He
laid out a five-point plan of action for the shop
owners to follow.
“Benefits to the
plan
I’ve outlined here tonight are great. Our combined efforts will deter criminal activity. Awareness reduces the risk of becoming a crime victim and in turn reduces the physical, financial
,
and psychological costs of crime.”
A
few
questions, as well as
objections
,
were voiced.

Jezzica Leigh
, t
he woman who
had
purch
ased the bookshop,
sat in
th
e front row with her hand raised
.
Zack
nodded
in her
direction.
She stood
.
“You’ve given the shop
own
ers a list. What about your plans for action? What
are you doing to
catch criminals—to
ensure
t
hey’re behind bars?”
Her dark brown
eyes
leveled a glare focused directly at
Zack
.

I moved next to him
and reached for the
mic
. “
Our goal is to make sure
Serenity
Cove remains a safe communit
y.
Adding Detective
Johnston
to our
department
is
one of the many steps we are taking to ensure the safety of ou
r citizens
.
We have also schedule
d
additional patrol hours.
The program Zack laid out works closely with law enforcement to inform and encourage business owners to be aware of crime. We will continue education and resource information.
”
My eyes
swept
across the room
.
“
Thank you for joining us this evening
.
Together
,
we can make a difference in our community.
Help yourselves to
co
ffee and refreshments.” I switched
the
mic
off and turned to Zack
. “Y
ou know her?”

“
Not me. N
o idea what pushed her buttons
.”

Jezzica
found her way to where
Zack
and I had grabbed
something to drink
. She exte
nded her hand to
Zack
. “Sorry
if I was rude
.”

He clasped his h
and around hers and
I thought he held on
long
er than necessary. “You only ask
ed
what many of the others were thinking
.
”

“When’s the bookshop due to reo
pen?” I picked up another cup
and offered it to her. “Coffee?”

“Thanks
.
” She accepted the offered drink.
“
I still have unfinished business to deal with in
April Springs
, but I expect to be ope
n
before
summer
.”

Sam
came over with Gold
ie glued to her side. “Hi
Jezz
.
I see you’ve met our heroes.”
Wh
at was with the smirk
?

“
Heroes? That remains to be seen
.” She
harrumphed
and
moved toward the exit.

Zack
watched
her as she left the high school gym
.
“She may be opinionated, but she’s one
gorgeous woman.” He
rais
ed the foam
cup to his lips
.

I put my arm over
Sam
’s shoulders. “I only have eye
s for one beauty.”

“Yeah, well this
beauty
needs to talk to you.”
Her pointed finger landed in the center of my chest.