Kade (NSC Industries) (18 page)

“Bit quick to divert round to me, Ava. Do
you
love
him?”

She sucked air through her teeth and then locked my gaze
with a hard stare, “Yes, I do. He saved my life.” She watched for my reaction
but I didn’t let her see it although I was sure she could hear the thud my
heart made when she answered my question so openly. “But… The love I have for
Kade is very complex and convoluted. It’s stronger than a companionship but not
as soul consuming as a spirited love.”

Her eyes glazed as her attention focused out of the
window. “Things happened last year, things that none of us saw coming and I’m
not sure how much you know but…”

“I know he loves both you and Mason.”

She nodded and smiled sadly, “Kade is… he’s very deep and
his soul is utterly beautiful but he understood, when I didn’t at the time,
that our… relationship was going nowhere even though our love would always be a
constant. His choice to stay behind was completely warranted even though it
broke both him and me. But you have to understand Grace, Mason and I, our
relationship is one of those that, yes can be volatile but fuck; its pure, it’s
real and it’s staggering but it’s so damn… consuming that Kade knew he could
never bridge that enough to make the three of us real. Do you understand what
I’m saying?”

I shrugged, “A little.”

“What I’m saying is, although Kade loves me, it wasn’t
raw enough for him to take the risk and join us. Now, to me, you love someone
so intently, you’d climb over Hades and across the embers of hell for that
someone. I know because I did it for Mason. I would die for him but I wouldn’t
just give up my life, I would take whatever torture, whatever suffering and
whatever persecution it came with and I would laugh the whole course of it
because I would know that Mason would be okay. I would live through him and he
would continue with me because I’m inside him, I’m his soul as he is mine.”

I remained silent but she knew I understood because she
leaned further into me and secured my eyes, “But you already know that feeling
don’t you, because not only did you exchange your life for him, you took the
torture too.”

“No, it wasn’t like that.”

“Why are you denying this, Grace? Why not admit to
yourself what is happening here?”

“Because… because I’m going to die Ava. I won’t see the
end of our relationship so I won’t give it a beginning. I won’t put that on
Kade, he doesn’t deserve that.”

She rolled her lips and grasped my chin, pulling my face
close to hers, “Say the words, Grace.”

“No.”

“Say them. Let your ears hear them and let your heart
feel them.”

“No, Ava.”

Her grip tightened and I let her have her moment. She was
furious with me; her whole face was full of irritation and ire. “Grace, so help
me God, fucking say them! Make them real!”

My chest heaved as my anger with her erupted forcefully,
“Why Ava? Why do you need to hear them? To make you feel better for leaving him
behind? To make your abandonment less guilty? Well I’m sorry; I won’t give you
the absolution you want.”

We were both squaring up now, our voices loud and heated
but she lowered her hands from my face and pushed my chest causing me to
stumble backwards and slap against the wall. “It’s not me that has the guilt
Grace, we both know that.”

“Oh Ava, how you wish that were true. But I’m sorry to
burst your bubble; you hurt him more than you will ever know.”

“Yeah?” She scoffed and leaned closer, “And how the hell
would you know that, Grace? How would you even have a clue what he’s feeling?”

“Because I see it in him, Ava. I can read it in his eyes,
in the way he stares at things when he doesn’t know I’m watching him. The pain
flows from him; I can feel the rawness of it.”

“Oh bullshit, Grace. You haven’t a fucking clue!”

“Really, you really don’t seem to care that much to say
you told me you loved him. You have pushed him aside and then left him to rot.
You don’t deserve him; he deserves someone who would love him absolutely.
Someone who would take all the pain and hurt and absorb it from him. Someone
who would give their life for him, not someone who would expect him to save
theirs!”

“Right, Grace!” She laughed cruelly and God damn, I
wanted to kill the heartless bitch. “So giving your life for another’s proves
what?”

“It proves how fucking much you want them to be happy. How
much you want them to live their life. How you want them to carry on even
though you aren’t there with them. It proves to them how much you fucking love
them!”

She smiled slyly and tipped her head, “Yes, it does.”

I stared at her as I tried to swallow past the lump that
was restricting my airway and shook my head. “Ava, please. He must never know.”

The door opened and Grant stepped in but I didn’t focus
on him. My eyes wouldn’t move from the person stood behind him, “Kade? What the
hell?”

He squinted at me then rushed over, cupping my jaw and
tilting my head left and right so he could study me. “What the fuck happened to
you?”

“I’m okay.” I smiled at him, trying to hide the grimace
at the pain in my right cheekbone.

He growled and I blinked up at him but he turned and
flung himself at Grant. “You fucking bastard. What the hell have you done to
her?”

I rushed over and pulled him back, silently impressed
with his strength as he landed a hit to Grant’s face and scuttled him back into
the door. “Whoa, stop!”

Grant pulled himself upright and scowled at me, “Sort
your fucking boyfriend out before I do!”

“Kade, please” I pleaded with him as I tried to pull him
back but the pain in my right wrist forced a gasp from me and I pulled it to my
chest, holding it in my other hand to support it.

“Jesus Christ, Grace. Look at you! Why the hell did you
do this? And for me, for that matter?”

I frowned at him and then glared. “What the hell do you
mean by that?”

He took my hand gently and started to gently press along
my wrist and then ran his fingers tenderly up my arm, hissing every time he
came across a new graze or bruise. “Grace, sweetheart. I am not worth…
this!
”

“So you are saying that I offered my own life up for
nothing. I took on London’s toughest bitch to save your life but it was a waste
because you’re not worth fighting for.”

“Yes, that is exactly what I am saying.” He turned me
around when his hands came up to my shoulders before he proceeded to push
lightly on the groove of my spine and then around my waist and across to my
ribs. I flinched as he applied pressure to a few of them. “Fuck, you took some
fractures.”

I spun round and reared my hand back before I brought it
across his cheek in a harsh slap. He pressed his hand against the tender part
of his face and widened his eyes on me. “What the hell was that for?”

“Do you even realise what I went through for you? Does it
not even start to sink in that I would have died for you, but you just brush it
off like it was nothing, like
you
are nothing?”

His jaw dropped and he stared at me in astonishment but I
was too angry with him to stop. “I don’t care about a few cuts and bruises. I
don’t give a toss if I have a few broken ribs. They don’t bloody matter, they will
mend but you, you wouldn’t mend with a damn hole in your fucking skull.”

“Grace…” He looked pained and reached for me but I shook
him off.

“I’ve seen your soul Kade, and let me tell you it is
fucking beautiful. It’s pure and it’s strong. You showed your heart to me, you
showed me that my inner peace and my pleasure were important to you.”

“They are,” he argued but I shook my head angrily.

“Then you’ll know that my inner peace and my pleasure were
in giving myself to you, giving you the gift that you deserved. I…
me
Kade,
I
gave you…
me
!” I shook my head sadly and finally
swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I offered you all of me. Why would I do
that if I didn’t think you were worthy?”

“I…”

I pulled in a breath and clenched my fists, “Why wouldn’t
you accept that? Why won’t you accept me and what I was trying to give you? But
you know what; I’m obviously not something you want, so take
her!
” I
turned and pointed to Ava who was stood still in the corner watching us with a
melancholy silence. “Because I know I can never live up to what she can give
you, or what you want to take from
her
come to that.”

His eyes moved across the room and I heard the small gasp
in his breath as his gaze reached her. The sound of it broke me, completely. I
was right; I could never compete with Ava. She had Kade. She owned his soul as
well as his heart and as his eyes remained fixed on her; I moved past him and
left them alone. Left them to be what Kade had always wanted them to be.

Together.

Ava smiled softly at me but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t
even breathe as I analysed what my mind was screaming at me. My heart was being
pulled somewhere I wasn’t sure I wanted it to go and I just continued to stare
at her in silence.

“Hello, Kade.”

Her voice was soft and like a balm but I blinked as I
realised the ache was still there. It hadn’t waned or abated at the sight of
Ava. It didn’t give me any relief or even take me to a place I’d longed to go
for so long. It didn’t even sate the clench in my chest.

Holy Fuck!

“I have to go, Ava.”

I didn’t wait for her to answer as I shot out of the door
and went in search of the only thing I knew would dowse the fire within me.

Grace Beaumont.

***

Where the hell was she? I was receiving curious looks from
all of Baxter’s staff but I couldn’t care less, I needed to find her.

All of a sudden her raised voice hung in the air and I
tilted my head towards the sound to get a direction on it.

“Jesus Christ…. When will it ever end? Look at you, look
at you….”

She was angry with someone and when I opened the door to
a room at the back of the house I found the reason why.

A guy, I presumed to be her brother, was slumped in a
chair. His eyes were open but they weren’t seeing anything. He was pale and
thin, his cheekbones near piercing the thin skin on his face as his mouth hung
open. He was as high as a bloody kite and my heart clenched for Grace.

She leaned forward and slid her arms around him, then
hoisted him over her shoulder and turned. She frowned when she saw me, her face
showing her confusion as well as the agony her body was in but I shook my head
and took Marcus from her, lifting him over my own shoulder and freeing her of
the strain her already tortured body was in. She had gone pale and I cupped her
cheek, trying to tell her without voicing the words she needed to hear.

“Where’s Ava?”

I stared at her in confusion, “Uhh, back in Baxter’s
office I think, why?”

She shrugged but still expressed slight puzzlement, “No
reason.”

She gestured for me to follow as we took the stairs and
she led me into a bedroom where I lay Marcus down. “How long has he been an
addict?” I asked her softly.

“Since he was a teenager.”

“And it’s been left for you to sort him out?”

She scoffed and shook her head faintly. “There is no one
else, that’s why.”

I sighed and moved towards her. She didn’t retreat but
her body stiffened as I neared, “What about Will?”

Her eyes widened and I watched as all the blood drained
from her face. “What? What about Will, why would he be responsible for Marcus?”

I didn’t understand the reason for the tremor in her
voice and I gazed at her curiously, “Because he’s your older brother. Surely
that gives him entitlement to look after Marcus?”

“No!” She barked too quickly and too sternly.

“Grace?”

“No I said. Marcus is not Will’s concern or
responsibility. The only concern Will has is for Will.” She moved away and
fetched a bowl of cool water from the bathroom and then started to dab Marcus’s
face as I perched on the bed beside her.

“Talk to me, Grace.”

I watched her throat constrict as she bit lightly into
her lower lip but she turned to me with a false smile and a mocking happiness displayed
on her face. “What do you want to talk about?” Her tone was casual and
marginally irritating but I chose to ignore it as I tipped my head and studied
her.

God, she was fucking beautiful, not just
her
though.
She
was beautiful. Her inner allure was so bright and rich that if it
was physical it would be blinding but the sadness that poured from her sliced
through me harshly. Her inner turmoil and suffering was so intense it was
choking the air around us.

She sniffed and straightened her shoulders, her
expression expectant as she waited for my answer to her question but I just
leaned towards her, hovering my mouth over hers and triggering a slight intake
of air from her to break the severe silence.

“You, Grace Beaumont. I want to talk about you. I want to
know you. I want to feel you. But most of all, I want you to accept this. Allow
its need to be addressed and opened. You know it’s there, you feel it like I
do.”

Her heavy breaths were wisping across my mouth, the heat
she was generating was flooding my system and driving my body crazy with need
but her eyes, the chaos that they were portraying was bringing me to my knees.
I could see each of her thoughts, each one saying she wanted to accept this but
then every other was screaming at her that she couldn’t allow it.

“Let it go, Grace. Free it for once in your damn life.
Let me give it, please.”

“I can’t” she whispered painfully as her eyes closed
against me.

I lifted a hand to her cheek and held her as she leant
into it and took the comfort I was offering. “Yes, yes you can.”