Kade Loves Alex (5 page)

I
hear Nathan’s horn and giddily head to his truck.  He is always on
time.  If it were Kade I would have been waiting for a half an hour
minimum.  I would be fuming by the time he arrived but as soon as he
walked through my door saying sorry he was late, I would melt. 

Nathan
chose a nice restaurant.  It had large Mahogany doors and as he led me
inside I could see large balls of light hanging from the ceiling.  Crimson
walls give the restaurant a romantic aura.  Walking towards our table, it
is impossible to
miss
Kade’s
massive frame.  It is equally impossible to
miss
Evelyn.  She looks stunning tonight.  She is wearing a navy blue maxi
dress that matches her eyes, and her black hair hangs in waves down her
back. 

“Hey
guys,” Nathan greets them leaning down to give Evelyn a kiss on her cheek. Kade
stood up, and I almost choked. He looks gorgeous.  I realize in that
moment that it was stupid of me to have tried to hide or forget the feelings
that I had developed for the past few weeks. I had made a horrible mistake.
  I should have talked to him about it.

“Hi,”
I whisper. As he pulls me into his arms, I feel like a woman who has been
drowning all week and is finally coming up for air.  I hold on to him a
few seconds too long, sniffing the red shirt that he wore.  I smile when I
realize that he picked that shirt so that we would match. 
Something that we did often as a joke.
  He finally
pulls away and stares at me with slightly confused eyes.  I tiptoe and
give him a quick kiss on his cheek before Nathan thought anything funny.

I
am going to go to hell for this.  Catching
Kade’s
eyes as Nathan wraps his arms around me, I wonder if hell is really all that
bad. I bite my lip.

Kade

If
Alex continues looking at me like that biting her lip, I will die.  I
imagine pulling her on the table and having my bad, bad way with her.  I
feel Evelyn’s hands rubbing up and down my thighs and swallow hard.  I
signal for the waiter and order some food, wanting to get out of this night and
this double date as soon as possible.

I
had agreed to go on this date thinking that maybe after barely seeing Alex all
week, some of my feelings would have dissipated.  I was trying to take my
mother’s advice to take it slow, to think this thing through, before
I
singlehandedly messed up the best friendship of my life. I
also realized that I still had a good amount of time to figure everything
out.  Alex and I were going to college together.  We would be
roommates.  I had lots of time to think. And I needed to give Alex her
space to figure herself out.  I began spending more time with
Ev
,
she
really was a beautiful girl.  She was smart, sweet and we had genuine
chemistry.

“So,”
I hear Nathan say, ever the nice guy. “How have you guys been?”

“Great!”
Evelyn answers for the both of us.  I steal a glance at Alex.  She is
still biting her lips.
Shit. I can’t do this.

“I
can’t believe how quickly school is ending.” Evelyn continues. 

“I
know,” Nathan replies. “I feel like the year just started and all of a sudden
there’s only like three weeks left and then it will be graduation and prom…”

I
notice him running his hand up and down Alex’s arms.  If he wants to leave
this dinner with both hands, he had better stop doing that.  As if hearing
my angry thoughts I see Alex shifting slightly away from him and his hand falls
away from her shoulders.

I
feel Evelyn’s hand travelling behind my neck and I see Alex glaring at her
fingers.  Our eyes clash again and held before she quickly glances away.

“Where
are you planning to go after graduation?”  Evelyn asks Nathaniel.

“I
actually got accepted to St. June’s …” he trails off.  My ears perk
up. 
St. June’s?
That’s where
me
and Alex are going.

I
see Alex turning to Nathan.

“Really?”
she questions. “You didn’t tell me …”

“Yeah,”
he responds.  His head bent slightly. “I wanted to surprise you.”

We
were interrupted when the waiter brought our orders to the table.

I
was hoping the conversation would get dropped, but Nathan piped up again as
soon as the waiter left our table.

“I
was actually thinking…That maybe we could room together.” He says softly to
Alex.   I almost choke on my steak.

What?!

“What?!”
Alex exclaims, her brown eyes widening.

She
shakes her head as she speaks.

“Nathan,
Kade and I are rooming together.  You know that.”  Nathan looks
visibly upset but doesn’t say a word.

Evelyn
shifts uncomfortably beside me.  I hear her say, “I’m
gonna
need a stiff drink after this.”

“We’ll
talk about this later.” Alex whispers to Nathaniel.  Nathaniel looks up at
me. I hold his gaze unflinchingly and soon he looks away.  Needless to say
the rest of the meal went by without much talking.  Evelyn tries her best
to fill the awkward lengthy silences but soon Nathaniel excuses himself from
the table.   Alex quickly follows. 

When
they are gone for ten minutes and there is no sign of their return, I decide to
go and check on her, to make sure that Nathaniel is behaving himself.

I
walk through the large restaurant doors but don’t see them at the entrance, so
I round the corner and head to the parking lot where I see them arguing in
front of his truck.  I start to turn away not wanting to get in the middle
of that but my curiosity gets the better of me when I hear Nathan saying my
name and I hide in the shadows and listen.

“Alexandria,
listen,” Nathaniel is saying loudly. “How do you expect me to be your boyfriend
and at the same time watch you living with some guy?”

“He
is not just some guy, Nathaniel.  I have known him literally since the day
I was born.  We have always planned to go to college together – to be
roommates.  This has nothing to do with you!” Alex exclaims.

“Nothing
to do with me?!”
Nathan rakes his fingers through his
hair.  “It does have something to do with me.  You are supposed to be
my
girlfriend, Alex! Not His! I do not trust him.  Can’t you
see the way he looks at you?”

“He
does not look at me! What are you talking about?!” Alexandria’s eyes are
practically sizzling.

“He
does!” Nathan shouts.  “Every time I look at him, he is staring at
you.  I am a guy.  I know these things.  He has barely taken his
eyes off of you all night, even though Evelyn is right beside him. I know that
I told you that I would be more understanding, and I have really been trying,
but how much of this do you expect me to take?” he finishes solemnly.

Alex
looks up at him sadly.  “Nathan,” she says calmly.  “Kade and I are
best friends.  There will never ever be anything between us other than
friendship.  I could never see him as anything more than a friend.” 
My heart shatters.  If I wasn’t 17, I swear I would think that I was
having a heart attack. 

I
turn and walk away when I see her reach up to touch his cheek.  I couldn’t
bear to hear
anymore
of this conversation.
  Rejection swarms all over me as I drop some cash on the table and
lead Evelyn through the restaurant’s door.

“Where
are we going?” Evelyn questions as she jumps into my jeep.

“Let’s
go to my place.” I grumble.

“Good.
All this negative energy is messing up my night.” She replies.

We
drive to my place with my music turned up.  Evelyn never seems to mind my
silence.  When we get back to my place I crawl into my bed, taking Evelyn
with me. 

She
kisses my neck softly and I pull her on top of me massaging her hips and
grounding them into mine. 

Make
me forget
.   I beg her silently with my eyes. And
she does just that.  I hear my phone vibrating on my bedside table but I
ignore it.

She
slowly unbuttons my shirt and plants soft kisses all the way down to my navel
and back up again biting and nipping at my chest.

She
unbuckles my pants and I lift her dress up over her shoulders.  She likes
that I seem to want her urgently.  She sits on top of me completely naked
and reaches into my jeans.  That’s when I hear my bedroom door open and
Alex stands with her beautiful red lips wide open in the shape of a perfect O.

“Alex?”
I hear myself say. I sit there like an idiot, Evelyn’s bare ass straddling my
hips. 

“Oh
God,” Alex whispers and I see tears coming to her eyes. “I’m so s-sorry,” she
stutters.  She slams the door and I can hear her heels clicking rapidly
exiting my front door.

I
quickly shove Evelyn from on top of me, buckle my belt and run after her. 

“Alex!”
I shout reaching her car door as she is sliding into her tiny car.  I
stand out in the cold bare-chested.  She is gripping the steering wheel
her knuckles turning white.

“It’s
ok, Kade,” I hear her strained voice and I know that she wants to cry.

“What’s
the matter?” I ask her “Me and Evelyn were just…” I trail off not knowing what
to say, angry at myself for feeling guilty.

“I
think it’s pretty clear what you were doing.” Her words feel like knives
against my heart.

She
looks up at me her eyes filled with sadness and accusation.  Suddenly she
shakes her head.

“I’m
sorry…
me
and Nathan just had a fight and I wanted to
talk to you.  I will talk to you some other time. You are obviously
busy.”  She slams her car door and drives away.

Ok. 
I tell myself.  This doesn’t change anything.  As usual she was
coming to me to talk about Nathan, not to talk about us. I will not feel
guilty.  I feel myself harden as I walk back into my guest house and
finish what me and Evelyn had started.

Alex

After
arguing with Nathan for twenty minutes straight I went back into the restaurant
looking for Kade.  I had lied to Nathan, telling him what he wanted to
hear.  I knew that I would have to break up with him soon but I needed to
speak to Kade first.  I needed to see him - to touch him, to tell him
everything that I had been feeling. 

“Maybe
we should take some time apart,” I told Nathan before rushing into the
restaurant.

When
Kade wasn’t inside, I asked Nathan to drop me home and I quickly drove to
Kade’s
house adrenaline pouring through me as I convinced
myself that I was ready to lay myself out there.  Vulnerability was
something that I abhorred.  But for Kade I would do anything.  I
tried calling him on my way to his house, but he didn’t answer.  When I
burst into his room and saw Evelyn on top of him, I wanted to scream.  I
almost did.

It
took everything in me not to break down and cry.  Why was this so hard?
So impossible?
  I didn’t cry until I got into my
room.  I cried not out of sadness, but out of frustration. 

I
stared at the walls in my bedroom, and my eyes landed on the words that Kade
had jokingly written on them a few months back.  I had always intended to
paint over the words, but could never bring myself to do it.  I had gotten
into the habit of staring at his crooked words almost every night before I fell
asleep, and I always felt comforted as I drifted off to sleep.  Tonight
however the words taunted me.   I had to fight the urge to grab a
black marker and scratch it out.

I
fell asleep in tears and the following day I went determinedly to a supplies
store and bought lavender paint to cover his lies up.  When I got back
into my room however, I stared at his heart. I sat on my bed looking at it for
fifteen minutes before heading back downstairs and dumping my paint brush and
the small can of paint in the garbage. 

I
look over at my phone as it rings incessantly.  It is a sweet love song
that sings of being in love forever – it is Nathan’s ringtone.  He is
calling me.
Again.
  I still haven’t spoken to him
since the night at the restaurant, but I am beginning to reconsider my
decision.  Why should I sit around moping and pining away while Kade
spends every night with a different girl? 

I
feel guilty as I move to press ‘Answer’ on my cell, but images of Evelyn on top
of Kade pushes me to tap the green button.

“Hello?”

Kade

I
walk into my English class a few seconds before the buzzer sounds.  This
is my new tactic that I have devised so that I do not have to speak to
Alex.  We would usually meet at her locker and walk to our classes
together, but being near her was just too painful.  I always thought that
heartache was a metaphor.  But damn.  I now realize that heartache is
an actual physical thing.  My heart is literally in pain whenever I see
Alex.  It is much worse when we actually speak – her bright brown eyes
staring up at me.  Whenever I am near her, it hurt.  And so, I have
decided to be as far away from her as was possible under the
circumstances. 

For
the past few days, I used the excuse of being super busy with our final exams,
and Alex seems to understand.  She doesn’t appear to miss me all that
much, even though it feels like I am punishing myself every single second that
I am not speaking to her.  She is still spending all of her time with
Nathan and so far she has never brought up the night that she caught me with Evelyn. 

But
no matter what I do, I still can’t help myself from staring at her.  I
glance her way as she is chatting away with Kayla.  She is giggling
mischievously as Kayla whispers something in her ear.  Today she is
wearing very tight jeans and a tight bright yellow top.  She reminds me of
the sun.   I turn my eyes away quickly when she glances my way. 

I
steal another glance at her a few minutes before the end of class, and she is busily
taking down notes.  Sometimes I swear that I have even caught her staring
at me but maybe it is just my imagination.

Alex

I
am walking to my usual table for lunch when Evelyn steps up beside me.

“I
know that you have noticed that Kade has been avoiding you,” she began without
even saying hello.

I
am
not
in the mood for this, and I can feel my anger already
beginning to boil. “What are you talking about Evelyn?” I ask her as calmly as
I can muster.

I
continue walking, picking up my pace but she keeps up with me easily.  I
am in a miserable mood.  I had only seen brief glimpses of Kade all
week.  I was still trying my
darndest
to get
over him but not seeing him at all, was starting to get to me.  I hated
the emptiness that I was beginning to feel not being near him.  Having
Evelyn all up in my face was not helping my sour mood.

“I
want you to know,” she continues not answering my question. “That Kade is
mine.  You have been following him around for far too long.  You
don’t mean shit to him anymore.    So please move on.”

I
stop in my tracks and stare at her.

“You
know what you need to realize?” I question, my voice throwing acid. “
You
are the one who doesn’t mean shit.  You are just another notch in his bed
post.  You are disposable.”

She
gasps.

“Please
leave me alone, Evelyn.  I don’t need the drama.” I turn from her and
continue walking to my table. 

I
keep my head up, even though her words hurt.  Was it true? Was he really
avoiding me?  I really need to talk to him, but lately he seems to be
really busy with his school work which I have to admit is strange since he has
never had to study a day in his life, and his grades are always better than
mine.  I have barely seen him at school and our usual Friday movie night
has been cancelled… twice! This is starting to piss me off. 

After
lunch I march determinedly down the halls searching for Kade.   I see
him walking beside Jon and I practically hurl myself at him.

“What
is wrong with you Kade?!” I demand, shoving him in his chest. “You have been
acting different and distant for the past couple weeks!” 

“Calm
down, Alex.” He replies annoyingly calm and distant. “Everything is
fine.”  He is looking everywhere except at me.

“Bullshit.”
I reply. “Tell me the truth.” I feel my eyes getting teary.  He has never
been like this before.  He stares down at me, his eyes softening.  He
reaches out and touches my cheek.  Nathan picks that moment to come up
behind me and he holds me around my waist. I turn and look behind me to tell
him that I need a few minutes but by the time I turn back around, I can see
Kade disappearing around a corner.  My heart hurts and my eyes burn. 
Why is he doing this?

Kade

It
is Friday and I pull up into my driveway, grateful that it is the end of the
week.  I have successfully avoided Alex for the past two weeks.  It
is not that I am trying to be mean to her, but I just need time to myself to
reassess my feelings.  Graduation is coming up and then prom.  I am
forcing myself to focus my energy into other things.  Alex and I were
planning to go to the same college, but I also got accepted into many others,
and I am seriously considering these options … maybe it is time for me to man
up.  I will be able to speak to her after a year or so.  We will be
able to be best friends again.  I just needed time. 

I
feel my phone buzzing as I walk into my place.

Alex:
Hey… are we on for tonight?

Me:
No… I am not feeling well… maybe next week.  Have a good weekend.

I
dump my bags on my couch and walk into my bedroom, where I find Alex sitting cross
legged on my bed, looking at me accusingly.

Shit.

Her
phone buzzes, as my text message reaches her phone.  She reads the
message, slams her phone on my side table and walks towards me.

“I
want you to explain to me…” she says softly “… carefully, why you have been
lying to me and ignoring me.” Her eyes flash fire and I know that I am in deep,
deep shit.

“Alex…”
I reply reaching to touch her shoulders, but she moves away.  I have never
seen her look so angry.

“How
long have we been best friends?” she shouts the question at me. She doesn’t
wait for me to reply. “Let me tell you for how long. 
Since
the day that I was born!!”
She is shouting so loud.

“How
dare you ignore me without giving me a proper reason why
!!!
What is wrong with you?!?!” she shoves me hard in my chest and I grab her hand
and pull her into my arms.

She
is shaking with anger, her breathing labored.  I grab her face roughly
lifting her chin and staring into her eyes.  My lips crush down on hers. I
kiss her savagely my tongue working its way into her mouth.  And I almost
scream when she moans and grabs my face kissing me back just as angrily. 
I pick her up and slam her against the bedroom wall.  Her legs wrap
tightly around   my waist.  Her hands are everywhere – as are
mine.  She scrapes her nails over my shoulders and I hope that they leave
a mark. I reluctantly move my lips from hers and kiss her neck, grounding my
hips into her wide open legs.  She is gasping as I make my way towards my
bed.  She stares up at me with longing in her eyes, tracing my lips with
her fingers.  I stare down at
her,
not
understanding what was happening but not caring either. She brings my face down
to hers and this time our kiss is sweet and soft and lingering.  If I
would die at this moment I would die a happy man. She lifts my shirt from my
hips up over my shoulders biting her lips. I move to kiss her lips again when I
hear her phone ringing – it is a soft love song. And I feel her stiffen beneath
me.

“I
can’t do this.”  She pushes my chest and I move from on top of her. 
She grabs her phone and stares at the screen.  Nathan is calling
her. 

“Alex,
I’m sorry.” I hear myself say. She looks up at
me,
her
lips swollen form my rough kisses.

“I
need to tell you something.” Her eyes plead for me not to, but I proceed.

“I
have been in love with you for a very … very long time.  I didn’t want to
say anything because I didn’t want anything to come between us or to mess up
our relationship.  You are the most precious thing in my life. You know
that.  I have tried being patient – I know that you care for Nathan. 
But I want you to know that I’m… in love with you.  I want you to be
mine.” I conclude confidently, even though I am shaking inside.

“I
can’t do this.”  She repeats.  She gets up and practically runs out
of my room.  I
sag
down on my bed and I hear the
front door slamming.  The silence is deafening.