Justifiable (12 page)

“Help? Like you helped in Detroit?”

Fuck. This. He had sources she didn’t and wouldn’t use if she did.

Without another word, he stood up and walked out. 

Chapter 13

Lucinda Myers parked her silver 560 SL Mercedes in the circular driveway between perfectly trimmed hedges dusted with snow. A charming neighborhood, but then most of the custom-built houses in neighborhoods on the northwest side of Philadelphia were pleasant and attractive. Zip codes with a mix of new and old money where social standing ruled.

But the address had nothing to do with why Lucinda lived here. She’d fallen in love with Stan, a man who worked hard for every penny he earned as a television executive and strived to give his family – her and Kelsey – the best.

Providing a home in a safe neighborhood meant more to Stan than social standing.

Unfortunately, all the money in the world wouldn’t fix her little girl’s problems. 

Clouds gathered densely overhead. Lucinda hoped the impending snow would entice a six-year-old into leaving the house to make snow angels or build a snowman.

Kelsey loved the snow, or had until recently.

Lucinda climbed out of the car and prayed she’d found a way to pull her child out of her depressed state. Everything in the tall shopping bags piled along the back seat was for Kelsey. Lucinda enjoyed perusing malls about as much as she’d like to give birth standing up.

But she and Stan desperately searched for anything that would turn Kelsey into the bright and cheerful child she’d once been. She loved Stan even more for trying everything the school counselor advised that might help Kelsey.

They were running out of options and had considered therapy, but that suggestion had scared Kelsey so badly she’d hidden from them for a whole day until they’d relented. That had caused Stan to be even more frustrated, but he refused to make Kelsey go to the therapist. Said he feared she would lapse into a deeper depression if they pushed her.

Lucinda gathered up the bags. Maybe the dresses and games she’d found would at least put a smile on her daughter’s face.

For a child who had always been outgoing, Kelsey became more withdrawn each day. Lucinda would not stop until she figured out what to do. She’d poured her heart out to the priest where they worshipped at the Cathedral of Saints Peter and Paul, who suggested spending more time with her. But she and Stan already included their daughter in everything they did.

In fact, Stan doted on Kelsey. He’d treated her as if she were his own flesh and blood from the moment their relationship turned serious and he’d asked Lucinda to marry him.

Stan had gotten more involved with the church in the last few months. He volunteered on the weekends that Kelsey attended programs there. Lucinda couldn’t want for a better father for her child. A guardian angel had sent her a man who’d fallen in love with her
and
Kelsey.

But Kelsey had stopped going near the computer, the one special thing she and Stan had shared.

Lucinda juggled the bags and headed for the front door and climbed the steps. The Colonial style, two-story brick house was ten times the size of the one-bedroom apartment she and Kelsey had called home when Kelsey’s father had died. Opening the front door, she stepped inside and deposited the bags on the marble floor of the entry.

She started to call out for Kelsey to come down when a high-pitched wail echoed from above.

Every mother knew her child’s cry. Lucinda rushed up the steps. “
Kelsey!
”

“No, Daddy, stop it!” screeched from way down the hall.

Lucinda reached the upper floor and raced toward the sobs.

“
Don’t! Daddy stop!
” 

A chilling fear gripped Lucinda’s heart at the shrill
cries of her child. When she burst into her daughter’s bedroom, Kelsey jerked away from her father and ran to hide in the space between her canopied princess bed and the wall.

“What’s wrong?”  Lucinda wanted to run to Kelsey, but stopped when she took in Stan’s tense eyes. He stood between her and Kelsey.

Surprise deepened the worry lines in his face.

His gray eyes had never looked that kind of frustrated before, but this was his first time at being a father and frustration came with parenting. He’d never had a flash temper, but something clearly bothered him now. She could see anger in the way his jaw muscles tightened.

The dark storm permeating his gaze didn’t give her the feeling of just a bad day at the office.

He swiped his hand over his face. “Nothing’s wrong. Kelsey tripped walking with that blanket she drags around. I tried to check to see if she had hurt herself and she freaked out.”  He turned his face to where their daughter hid. “Are you okay, Kelsey?”

Muffled sobs answered him.

He covered his eyes with the palm of his hand, muttering something through his clenched jaw.

Lucinda blurted out, “What are you doing home now? Where’s Janeen?”  She struggled to pull the scene together in her mind and come up with anything besides the first explanation for her child’s terror. As a single mom, her biggest fear had been dealing with so many babysitters and caregivers who might hurt her child. But she’d stopped worrying about that since marrying Stan.

She’d been paranoid for so long. Had she gotten too comfortable and let her guard down too soon? If so, that would mean...Stan had...

Not Stan
. He wouldn’t hurt her child. She was embarrassed at the direction her mind had gone. She lived in a constant state of anxiety with Kelsey, but even accidentally thinking that way about Stan was wrong.

Lucinda trusted Stan with her life.

With her daughter’s life.

Her question finally sank in because Stan was frowning at her now, looking at her like she had three heads.

“This is my home, Lucinda. It’s where I come to decompress…or try to. Thought you’d be glad I came by early.”  That last part had come out gritty and irritated.

She rephrased her question. “What I mean is that you have so much work to do I’m surprised...to see you this early.” She clamped her mouth shut to keep from rambling like an idiot. Stan had said many times about employees that he couldn’t tolerate idiots.

He dropped his hand from his eyes, stretching his fingers from where they’d fisted. “Why should we pay a babysitter to stay with Kelsey once I get home?”

Lucinda had no answer to that, but Stan had been the one to suggest a regular babysitter when she’d first married him so that they’d have a person Kelsey was comfortable with when they needed a night out. Now that she thought about it, he’d been popping in more often recently. Kelsey’s sniffling broke Lucinda’s heart and scared her.

“Why are you so angry, Stan?” she said with as calm a voice as she could muster. His face was actually red, and his hands had curled into fists again.

Stan took two steps toward her and Lucinda backed up a step then stopped.

She’d fought to keep her and Kelsey fed and clothed on her own before marrying him. Fighters didn’t back down.

But what was she fighting him about? The babysitter?

Stan’s voice went dead flat. “So now
you’re
afraid of me?”

The sadness in his voice broke her heart.

“No, honey, of course not.”  More than anything, Lucinda wanted to get to her child and comfort her. Arguing with Stan in front of Kelsey wasn’t helping her daughter.

Kelsey hid in the smallest places if she got upset. Lucinda had thought she’d lose her mind the last time she’d spent half a day hunting for her child. She’d almost called the police
before she’d found Kelsey inside a pantry cabinet.

Nobody in the media wanted that kind of attention, especially Stan, so she’d kept a closer eye on Kelsey since then. He didn’t need anything else to add to his stress and frustration right now.

Lucinda didn’t care if the babysitter went home early. This whole moment was spiraling out of control and it was her job to calm everyone down so she could get Kelsey in her arms and assure her baby that everything would be okay. Just as Lucinda had so many nights when she’d had no one else to turn to as a young widow. “I’m worried about both of you. I was just rattled hearing her cry out. I didn’t mean to annoy you further.” 

Stan let out a heavy breath, looked away then back at her with guilt-filled eyes. He raked a hand through his thick golden hair and kept his voice low. “Ah, hell. Look, I’m sorry, too. I’m not angry with you or Kelsey. I just wanted to hug her and she backed away.”

Her heart tripped at the pain in his voice and she wanted to hear what else he had to say, but first she had to see about Kelsey. “Can you give me a minute to check on her?”

When he just nodded glumly, she stepped around the bed to her daughter. “Come here, sweetheart.”

“Go away.”  The tears poured down her baby’s face.

Lucinda took a step forward.

“
Go! Away!
”  Kelsey rolled into a ball.

“Okay, it’s fine. You can stay there.”  Lucinda lifted her hands in surrender and backed up then she motioned for Stan to step out into the hallway. She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from crying herself.  Stan didn’t need a weepy woman on top of this at the moment.

He started in the minute they were clear of the bedroom. “I really am sorry. Just try to understand. It’s been a long week at work. The damn ratings are yo-yoing, we just lost one of our best salespeople to a competitor, and the anchor’s demanding too much money to re-up his contract. We may lose him.” 

When he paused, she kept silent, not sure what to say after witnessing his unusual outburst of anger.

Shaking his head at some inner thought, he said,  “Anyhow, I only came home to pick up some papers. After Father John said to spend more time with Kelsey I figured I could stay here until you got home from shopping and let the sitter go early. When I went into Kelsey’s room and tried to hug her, she backed up dragging that damn blanket and fell over the tail of it. So I picked her up by her arms. She started yelling at me and crying. I hate to see her afraid. I hate to hear her cry and that...on top of everything that happened today, I just lost it.”

She’d watched Stan handle the pressure from work over the three years she’d been married to him, but the past four months had been really rough due to the hammered economy.

Added to that was Kelsey’s problems that had started twelve weeks ago.

If she looked at it from his side, the man wasn’t getting any break at work
or
home.

Stan’s hand moved from his hair to his neck. “I told you about that lunatic woman I married the first time.”

“Only that you were married for like seven months and didn’t know she was on medication when you met her.”  She hoped he wasn’t comparing
her
to the crazy woman he’d been wedded to almost ten years ago. “What’s she got to do with this? Us?”  

He kept his voice low. “There was a lot more to it than I’ve ever shared. I’d come home back then and say one wrong word that would send her into hysterics. She’d cry and scream for days. It was awful. I didn’t know what to do for her.”

Just like he didn’t know what to do with a child who had developed emotional problems overnight.

As if hearing her thoughts, he added, “I don’t want to make a mistake with Kelsey and miss something that would help. She started crying today and I guess I just snapped. I shouldn’t have tried to deal with her like this after the day from hell.”

Now Lucinda felt like an inconsiderate wife for jumping to unkind conclusions. What was wrong with her? She’d have to confess to Father John that she’d taken such a wrong mental leap about her own husband. Lifting her hand to his cheek, she kissed him on the lips.

“I understand, sweetheart.”  She matched his soft tone. “I’m sorry I yelled, too.”

He cupped her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers then met her gaze with pain-filled eyes. “I kept trying to convince myself I could find a way to fix the problem with my first marriage. But she was psychotic and drove the car through the front wall of the house. Almost killed her and would have killed me and a neighbor’s child if I hadn’t just stepped outside a minute before to talk to him about mowing the yard.”

Lucinda was speechless. She had no idea why Stan would ever have married again. “I’m so sorry you went through that.”

“I just wished I had signed the papers to admit her to a mental health facility. Everyone tried to get me to do it. But, I couldn’t even bring myself to talk to our priest about it back then. I regret the one time I was indecisive.”

He’d told her his first wife had died when her car ran off the road into a deep lake during bad weather. But Lucinda now realized Stan thought the woman had probably committed suicide.

She didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t cause him more pain so she hugged him. Stan was a private man. His relationship with God might not be as open-door as hers, so he had nobody to talk to.

Lucinda told Father John everything that worried her. But now that she thought about it, could she really confess how quickly she’d jumped to an unfair assumption about her husband today? Especially to a priest she had to face outside the confessional booth?