Just You (12 page)

People around the restaurant started staring, judging. Dad glared.

Justin pulled it out and answered, “Mom?”

“Really? Shit!”

“What the fuck?” He stood up as he talked, his napkin sliding to the floor. I put my cutlery down.

“Alright. I’m coming.” His voice was sharp and agitated, and his hand lifted to lie on top of his head, then fell.

“No. I’m coming.”

“Don’t worry.”

He ended the call. I stood, but he lifted his hand to say stay.

“It’s Jake, he’s got himself into trouble. He’s at the hospital. I’m sorry, Portia. I’ve got to go. Someone’s stabbed him.”

“Oh my God.” I didn’t know what to think.

Justin looked at Mom and Dad. “I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Hemming. Thanks for dinner, but I’ve got to go, it’s my kid brother. It was nice meeting you.” He turned away and my stupid parents didn’t say a word.

“Wait.” I dropped my napkin on the table. “I’ll come with you.”

Justin looked at me, his eyes focusing for the first time–with gratitude. “Thanks. I’ll go get our coats…”

He was walking away when I looked back at Mom and Dad. “Sorry. Thanks for dinner.”

I was going to turn away but Mom caught hold of my wrist. “Darling, you cannot really be serious about this boy…”

I took a breath and suddenly I knew. “I can be, and I am, Mom.” There was this huge ball of feeling all wrapped up inside me for Justin. I was serious about him–really serious–and I didn’t even feel afraid knowing it. I was in a fairytale again.

“Well don’t expect anything from me, if he’s after money”, Dad threw.

I looked at him. I didn’t feel sorry for myself anymore, I felt sorry for him, “He’s not, Dad. Not at all. You can think what you like but he’s not, and if you want to see me again, you’re going to have to accept I’m with Justin now. Goodnight.”

I didn’t wait to hear what else they had to say. I turned away, thinking about how warm and welcoming Justin’s mom and brothers were… And now Jake was hurt. It would hurt them all.

Chapter Ten

Justin didn’t really speak to me when we left the restaurant and walked to the subway. It was as if he didn’t even know I was there. But I knew he did know, and I knew he needed me. I touched his hand. It was shaking, but he didn’t grip mine, instead his hand lifted and his fingers ran over his hair about four times as he whispered. “Bullshit.”

I didn’t know what to say. There was nothing I could say to help. But last year, I’d walked out on a load of shit and tried to cope alone–he wouldn’t want to be alone.

I kept pace with him, hurrying as he walked fast.

“Fricking shit,” he breathed.

I didn’t answer.

On the subway train, when I sat down, he took the seat facing me and bent over, his hands gripping his head. There were only a few other people in the car but they weren’t near us. His fingers spread bracing his head as he looked at the floor.

What could I do? I didn’t want to intrude on his feelings, but he looked in agony. I wanted to touch him, to reassure him. To try and make it better; even though there was nothing I could do or say that would do that.

Jake had been stabbed and no words were going to change it…

Shit, the truth hit me in the face with a punch. Justin’s brother had been stabbed, he could be bleeding to death right now…

I got up and moved across the car to sit next to him. I put my hand on his back. It jolted. He was crying. “Justin…” His name came out on a breath. I held him. “I’m sorry.”

He sat up straight, suddenly, so I had to let go, but then his arm came about me, as his other hand wiped at his eyes, then his nose. “Sorry, Portia. This night was about you.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m just worried about you… and your brother.”

“Fuck, Jake was always the one. I knew he was the one… He was so quiet, but he talked to Robin, and I thought Robin… Shit. What the fuck was he doing?”

His frustration sliced through me. “Don’t go in there angry. You can’t undo anything, and I know how easy it is to get sucked into things, different things, but…”

He looked at me his brown eyes shining in the white light of the car. “I know that, Portia, I’ve fought like mad to keep them all out of it, but it’s hard walking that line, and for months now there’s been this feeling in my gut about Jake, but I didn’t do anything. I didn’t know what to do…” His hand gripped my shoulder and it was painful, but then he let go and bent over again, gripping his head in his hands. “Fuck. Why didn’t I do something?”

I rubbed his back in a pathetic attempt to give comfort, but I could hardly say it would be okay, I didn’t know. I didn’t even know how badly Jake was injured. I didn’t even know if Justin knew.

When we walked into the hospital, we were holding hands. He’d gripped mine the whole way from the subway station. He glanced at me as the glass doors of the reception slid open. “Thanks for coming with me?”

I smiled. “I’m right here.”

He let go of my hand as he walked up to reception, and took a deep breath before saying. “I’ve come to see Jake Preston, my family’s already here. He’s my brother. Where is he?”

The woman looked at her screen and typed Jake’s name in. She looked up. “Your family will be up in the waiting area. Turn right, take the elevator to the second, then go left through the double doors, it’s along the corridor, follow the signs for ICU, and it’s on the right.”

“You’re going to have to write that down,” I answered. “We’re both in shock.”

She immediately drew a little map on a piece of paper and gave it to me. “There you go. They’ll be a nurse up there to advise you.” She gave Justin a look as he turned away. She was black too, but I still felt like she was judging him, weighing up whether he was part of the gang or not.

I gave her a twisted smile.
Not.
But surely she could tell. Justin was still wearing his suit jacket, and he was a whole pile of caring. But I hadn’t known he was caring either, not until I’d got close. He could pretend to be what he was not just as good as I could.

Justin had already gone. “Thank you”, I said to the woman, then rushed after him. “Justin!”

I caught up with him after he’d pressed the elevator button. He looked back at me, his eyes full of agony. “I want to go and see him, but another part of me just wants to walk away and not deal with this… It’s my fault.”

I gripped his hand as he watched the lights flashing through the floor numbers showing the elevator’s descent.

“It’s not your fault… You can’t be everywhere at once…”

The elevator doors opened. We walked in and his hand slipped from mine so he could press the button.

He stood against the wall, away from me, resting his head back against the gleaming metal.

I felt for him, I didn’t have any brothers or sisters, I couldn’t be in his shoes, but I could imagine, and I knew what if felt like to lose love.

When the elevator stopped he came to life, moving suddenly. Then he almost ran the route through the warren of corridors, until we saw his brother, Robin.

He was sitting in a plastic chair, in an alcove set back in the corridor with his head in his hands. His white T-shirt was covered in blood. My stomach turned over, bile rising in my throat. Shit.

Robin sat up, and tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Robin. He’s not dead?” Anguish stole Justin’s voice.

Robin shook his head. He didn’t stand up, he looked too shaken. “He’s in surgery. Mom’s taken Dillon to get a drink. What the frick did I do, Justin?”

Justin sat next him and drew him into a harsh hug. “You did nothing. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have left it down to you.”

“I’ve asked him about gangs, and he never said a word…” There was a desperate plea in Robin’s eyes. I understood Justin’s relationship with his brothers then, he wasn’t only their big brother–he was like their dad.

“Seriously, it’s not your fault, it’s mine. I should’ve made him swear to me he hadn’t got caught up in anything.”

My hands slipped into my coat pockets. Love hung around them. It was thick in the air. Selfishly, I thought of my parents. They would never be this distressed if anything happened to me…

Robin’s head pressed into Justin’s shoulder as he started crying again. “It’s okay.” Justin laid his hand on his brother’s head. “It’s not your fault.”

I turned as the double doors into the corridor swung open. “Mrs. Preston.” Her skin had a grayish tone, and her eyes were full of pain. Dillon gripped her hand, but even as I noticed it, his hand pulled free.

“Justin!” The kid ran at his big brother as if Justin being here could put this whole mess right. Robin straightened wiping his eyes, as Justin turned to catch Dillon’s charge and pulled him up onto his bent leg. Dillon hugged him.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry,” Justin said in a low voice.

Robin looked at his Mom, guilt burning in his gaze.

I could see she didn’t think he was guilty. This family didn’t judge. My heart reached out. I wanted to hug her, but I’d only met her yesterday.

Dillon’s head was buried in Justin’s shoulder and he was crying as Robin had done.

Justin looked at his Mom, eyes wide and questioning. “How is he?”

“There was so much blood,” Robin whispered.

Justin’s hand slipped over Dillon’s ear, and his Mom said, “Robin!” Then she looked at Justin and shrugged. “They are looking for internal injuries before they stitch him up.”

“He was in the stairwell,” Robin said. “Just left there. He was late and I went looking for him. He was on the landing. Lying in all this blood. Unconscious. He must have called for help… No one… I… Oh shit, Justin…”

Justin looked at his Mom. “How long is he gonna be in surgery?”

“They didn’t say.”

What could Justin do?

But I could help them. I looked at Robin. “Robin, why don’t Dillon and I go out and get you some clean clothes. You don’t want to sit here like that.” He looked at me as if only now he realized he was covered in Jake’s blood. He must have held Jake when he found him. All these brothers were starting to claim pieces of my heart.

“What size are you?” I asked. “Small?”

“Yeah.”

“And jeans?”

“28” long.”

I turned to Justin, his eyes were wide. “Are you okay if I go? I mean, I think it would be good for Dillon too.”

“But on your own?”

“The Mall we passed was only ‘round the corner. I’m not going far, and it’s a busy street, we’ll be okay.”

Justin’s hand had slipped to Dillon’s shoulder. Dillon sat upright staring at me.

“Do you want to come with me, Dillon, maybe we can find a Mackie Ds and get you something to eat, yeah? I bet you didn’t eat dinner did you?” He shook his head. I held out my hand. “Come on then, let’s go get your brother some clean clothes.”

Dillon slipped off Justin’s leg, and his hand came up and gripped mine as I looked at Justin again. Gratitude weighted his gaze.

“Thanks.” He mouthed rather than said.

He needed the time alone with Robin and his Mom, so they could talk without frightening Dillon.

I nodded. “Come on then Dillon.”

~

Shopping with Dillon was fun. The kid was funny. He
was
hurting, but kids dealt with stuff in different ways to adults, and getting out of the hospital was the best thing for him. He shelved everything for an hour, and was just a kid–a kid who hadn’t looked a nightmare in the face a little while before.

He chose Robin a black shirt, and picked out Robin’s favorite style of Levis. Then when we walked past a sweet shop he happened to see his favorite watermelon sweets. I think my generous plastic card and I were getting taken for a ride, but I didn’t mind, I had the money.

At Mackie Ds, we stopped for cheese burgers, fries and shakes.

Then we were on our way back to the hospital.

Dillon went quiet from the moment we left the mall. He’d been constantly talking the rest of the time, always about his brothers, and mostly about Justin. Though he kept flying back to mentioning Jake, like he kept remembering Jake was in a room nearby being operated on…

When we came through the door into the corridor outside the ICU ward, I saw them all sitting together. His Mom was leaning back looking our way. Justin was leaning back too with his legs splayed. He’d taken his jacket off and loosened the tie, so the knot hung a couple of inches below his collar. He’d released the top button of his shirt too. Beside him, Robin was leaning forward, his fingers gripping either side of his head as his elbows rested on his thighs.

Dillon’s hand slipped from mine. He had the shopping bag, and he ran straight for Robin. “We got you a nice shirt, and Levis…”

Justin’s gaze caught mine and his eyebrows lifted.

I knew they never normally bought Levis. I just smiled.

“Thanks.” Robin half-heartedly took the bag.

I looked at him. “Robin, Dillon probably needs the bathroom, we had a burger and shake. Why don’t you take him and go change?” I’d worked these brothers out already, there was one thing they all had in common–they looked out for one another. Looking after Dillon would take Robin’s mind off himself.

His head came up, and he looked at me. His eyes full of sorrow and doubt, but I’d touched the right nerve.

“Thanks,” he said again as he stood up. “Come on Dillon.” His hand gripped Dillon’s shoulder and turned him. “Little bro.”

When they walked away, I took the seat next to Justin.

He gripped my hand, like he’d been longing to do it the whole time I’d been gone.

“How is he, do you know?”

“Not yet–”

“Jake is still in surgery,” his mom finished.

That long …  That was bad, surely.

“Do you know how it happened?”

~

Do you know how it happened?
Portia asked the question Robin, Mom and I, had been throwing around between us for the hour Portia had been gone. How? Why? The only one who knew was Jake, and Jake was in surgery fighting for his life. He couldn’t speak.

I slotted my fingers between Portia’s. “We don’t know anything.”

“Do you think it was those boys we walked through last night?”