Just Tricking! (20 page)

‘Keep going!'

I keep peeling the foil. It's a potato. Dark-grey. Mouldy. Stinking.

‘Now,' says Santa, ‘eat it!'

And he laughs and he laughs and that's when I wake up – with a horrible taste in my mouth – wishing I'd never played that stupid childish practical joke on Jen.

Christmas is now only five days away. I've had the rotten potato dream the last three nights in a row. I'm too scared to sleep. I've got to tell Jen what I've done.

I can hear her talking in the kitchen. I get out of bed. I've got to confess.

I open the kitchen door. Jen is yelling. She sees me and slams the telephone down.

‘What do you want, you little snoop!' she snaps. She's holding a card. There's a ripped envelope on the floor.

‘Nothing,' I say and go straight out. She's had another fight with another one of her friends. She'll probably be friendless for the rest of her life.

And it's all my fault.

It's the night before Christmas. There's a large box wrapped in gold paper underneath the Christmas tree. I hadn't noticed it until now. My name's on the card. And it's from Jen! I hold it up to my ear and shake it. No clues. I peel a bit of the sticky tape away from one end of the paper to try to get a glimpse of what it is.

‘Oh, hi,' says Jen. ‘I see you've found your present.'

Sprung bad. I drop the present and turn around.

‘Yes, I mean, no, I wasn't doing anything,' I stutter.

‘It's okay,' she says. ‘It's your present. Merry Christmas.'

‘Thanks, Jen.'

But instead of making me happy it makes me feel even more guilty.

I betrayed her trust.

I defaced her cards.

All her friends hate her – and it's all my fault.

It's now or never.

‘Urn – Jen – this is probably a really cool present and all, but I really don't deserve it . . . you see, I changed your cards . . . and I've been feeling really bad about it . . .'

‘So it
was
you!' she says. ‘I thought so!'

‘I know it was dumb,' I say. ‘But . . .'

‘Dumb? No way! It was brilliant!'

‘Huh?' I say, so surprised I almost fall over. ‘But over the last couple of weeks you've seemed really upset – I thought it was my fault.'

‘Oh that,' she laughs. ‘I broke up with Rob, but it's no big deal. We made up last night.'

‘So, you actually liked the cards?'

‘My friends loved them!' she says. ‘You've started a real craze. Come and see!'

She takes me to her bedroom.

This is a very special privilege. She once told me that if I ever came in here she would personally pull out each and every one of my teeth with a rusty pair of pliers – without anaesthetic.

She points to an enormous bunch of cards on her window sill.

I can't believe my eyes.

On each of the cards there is a different sort of Santa. A sneering punk Santa with a safety pin through his nose. A long-haired heavy metal Santa playing a guitar solo on his reindeer's antlers. There're grunge Santas, hip-hop Santas, hippy Santas, Frankenstein Santas – even a dreadlocked Reggae Santa smoking a huge white cigar. Wow! Who would've ever thought Jen's friends had a sense of humour?

‘Just promise me one thing,' says Jen. ‘Don't tell anybody you changed the cards. See, they all think it was my idea and I'd kind of like to keep it that way.'

‘Okay' I say, ‘as long as you promise me something.'

‘What's that?'

‘Don't breathe a word about this to Santa.'

Jen puts a finger up to her mouth. ‘My lips are sealed,' she says.

W
HAT PEOPLE SAID ABOUT
JUST TRICKING!
‘Mad, fun and way out there!'
D
ISNEY
A
DVENTURES

‘Entertaining tales of pranks and mischief will have the kids giggling with delight'
T
HE
A
GE

‘Just Tricking!
with its anarchic, irreverent style has few literary pretensions. It is a book to read for fun'
M
AGPIES

W
HAT PEOPLE SAID ABOUT
JUST ANNOYING!
‘Over the top tales from a born story-teller'
M
AGPIES

‘The stories are far-fetched and imaginative–every young trickster will love them'
A
USTRALIAN
B
OOKSELLER AND
P
UBLISHER

‘Original, funny and lots of fun'
S
UNDAY
M
AIL
(Brisbane)

‘This boy needs some discipline!'
S
UN
-H
ERALD
(Sydney)

‘Children aren't going to learn much of any benefit from this book–in fact, they may pick up a few tricks you wish they'd never learnt'
C
AIRNS
P
OST